Just A Place To Vent

Gonna try to start writing my own posts soon idk

[kittyswitching]

trans men absolutely are in sex work, the majority just present as women for work because it's much harder to make money if you don't. You don't see them because they're forced to detransition for work or you haven't even tried to look for the ones who are presenting masc. They're all over the sex work forums if you know what to look for and how they talk about it.

there is no "trans men aren't pushed into sex work" privilege. It is not a privilege to be forced into it AND have to detransition for it. This isn't a competition

[m4rklol]

I think a lot of "trans men aren't affected by this" stuff boils down to the trans men in question that ARE affected being deminished to not being men at all or being forced to detransition/pretend to be women

A lot of talk about boymoding and how hard it is but trans men do the exact same thing the other way around and a lot of times specifically because they are forced into sex work

The trans community in general would be way healthier if we realized we literally go through the same exact stuff

[bro-ur-literally-chips]

Attempting to put into words why being told to shut up and sit down hurts more than it should as a transmasc:

For those of us raised as girls, we were told to sit down, shut up, and look pretty. Even if someone wasn’t specifically told that, it was obvious that it was being pushed by the people, media, and social norms around us.

So when we as transmascs and trans men are told /that exact same thing/, to sit down and shut up because someone “more important” is talking, it reminds us of how we were treated when we were little girls or when we were seen as little girls.

And the “look pretty” part doesn’t get left out either. The ratio I’ve seen of “shut up and sit down” in the same sentence as something referring to our genitals (or the genitals they expect us to have) is nearly 1:1.

We have to walk on eggshells constantly. We are either seen as confused and stupid little girls or scary and privileged cis men. I’ve seen countless posts saying something along the lines of “take away the trans part from trans men and it all makes sense” which is ridiculous, obviously. We are trans.

When we step outside that perfect model of either the stereotypical 14 year old with fluffy hair and a high pitched voice or the stereotypical cis man with all the power in the world, we are critiqued at best and abused at worst. When we fit into those stereotypes, we are critiqued at best and abused at worst.

We are treated like dress up dolls that are just a bit broken. We can’t be good enough for everyone, let alone anyone. People put their own perceptions of us above our experiences and then stick their fingers in their ears when we try to tell them that maybe we’re worth listening to.

We are already told subconsciously to sit down, shut up, and look pretty by society and your typical transphobes. Being told this by your own community feels like a knife in the back.

[fizzywatercan]

"noo that's my comfort slur used by transmeds to bully nonbinary teens because they 'aren't trans enough' 🥺🥺🥺" "nooo that's my comfort acronym that puts nonbinary people into binary boxes and completely ignores the existence of intersex people 🥺🥺"

[aaronisntreal]

Hating trans men is transphobic even if you "hate all men". You wouldn't hate me if I wasnt trans, you wouldn't hate me if I was still a woman. My transition made you hate me. And that has a fucking name.

[phosphorusab]

People will see trans men in porn be solely degraded as inferior boygirl fleshlights that need to be impregnated and detransitioned, and then not wonder what that’s doing to trans men’s self esteem and safety irl, because apparently porn is only a trans woman issue (as if cuntboy statistically isn’t a very popular search term)

[generalbitchfest]

There's a post going around from 2014 about how transmisandry doesn't exist and people are now distraught that it's been 11 years and we're still having the same discourse

Except they're upset that we're still trying to prove transmascs and those perceived to be transmascs experience unique forms of oppression rather than being upset that it's been 11 years of people not listening to transmascs about their own experiences.

Someone even said that us switching to transandrophobia was to hide what transmisandry was actually about, rather than at least in part trying to find a term that will satisfy these transphobic assholes

[honeyed-katsu]

thing i've noticed: tumblr users will be like "ugh tumblr users can't take a joke!!" and then the joke is always "kill all [minority group]"….. call me woke, but i think, if you can't handle being told that your "joke" is fucked-up & bigoted, maybe don't tell fucked-up & bigoted "jokes"..?

[agentduckorico]

You know, I really hate jokes about "how fast Demi Lovato dropped they/them pronouns" because like. A) they didn't. Demi has they/she listed on her social media pages. They still use they/them, and B) the reason they added she/her back and the reason you think Demi "dropped they/them" is because people are transphobic and exorsexist and never used their pronouns in the first place! It's literally because people were exorsexist to them.

[boygorecorpse]

I think tumblr needed to see this since my dash is full of posts about this subject atm

[cloversighs]

Nonbinary and intersex people aren't obligated to tell you their ASAB, condition, or transition progress. They should not need to do that for you to take their struggles seriously. That information is PRIVATE unless they willingly share it from the get-go. Any pressuring to coerce them into sharing such information is wrong.

[transmasculinity101]

The Fetishization of Trans Men in the Community

I remember seeing a post from presumably a trans radical feminist talking about the poor representation of trans women in porn compared to “TME porn.” Of course, we all know what these people mean when they say TME. It’s a term designed to put trans men/nonbinary people into the category of cis people, people who have systemic power over us, while having plausible deniability because “it means cis people too! I could totally be talking about just cis people!” But I would like to talk about trans men in porn, and the sexualization of trans men and the fetishes forced onto us.

For starters, the vast majority of transmasculine representation in porn is of white, skinny, fem/androgynous trans men. They are often pre/non op top surgery, and are almost always pre/non op bottom surgery. The vast majority of porn featuring trans men involves trans men having their vaginas penetrated by a penis. Even in porn where a trans man tops, the strap on is never realistic (can’t be having people imagining a trans man with a dick, of course, otherwise they wouldn’t be good little sex objects) and there is always some sort of focus on the trans man’s vagina at some point in the shoot. Same with anal, there will typically also be vaginal penetration at some point.

If you are a trans man who isn’t white, who isn’t skinny, who is more masculine than androgynous hairless twink with a flat chest, post op top surgery and especially post op bottom surgery, or don’t have any interest in having your vagina touched, you will not be represented in the vast majority of porn featuring trans men. This is also true for T4T porn of trans men. It’s not exclusively when trans men are with cis men or cis women.

I post in transmasculine porn subreddits. I am an exhibitionist, it’s a major kink of mine (among other things). I am someone who also doesn’t draw any focus on my vagina in my posts, I am anal only, and I definitely don’t fit the beauty standard for trans men. I am a fat, hairy, bearded trans man who can’t be easily put into the category of “hairy tomboy,” especially given that there’s not that focus on my vagina. This is mainly in transmasculine porn subreddits. I’ve said on my other account on here, but I’ve very much enjoyed posting in gay bear porn subreddits. They have all been very respectful, and any time I’ve experienced any transphobia, it’s been removed, and the vast majority of interaction that I’ve gotten from the other bears there have been positive, because those subreddits are specifically for people who look like me: fat, hairy, bearded, masculine men. Most people don’t care about what I have downstairs, especially seeing as I don’t use it to begin with. When I said that I was getting bottom surgery, I was celebrated for it.

But the majority of interaction that trans men get in transmasculine porn subreddits is content surrounding vaginal penetration. And that’s just the non-kink focused subreddits. When you get into subreddits surrounding trans men with kinks, it’s a whole nother thing.

One of my biggest issues is with the detrans/misgendering kink. I don’t necessarily have an issue with trans men who either use the kink to get money because they are doing sex work (you obviously have to do what you have to do, and we’ll talk about trans men who have to do sex work in a minute) or even trans men who actually have those kinks. However, there is no way to have a conversation about the way that trans men are fetishized without mentioning how many people have the detrans/misgendering kink for trans men. When you look at transmasculine porn subreddits that center kink, the vast majority of interaction is on posts where trans men market that they have a detrans/misgendering kink. It’s not only cis people who partake in this kink. Even outside of reddit, I can’t look at a lot of transfem sT4T domme’s NSFW accounts because the majority of their posts about trans men are detrans/misgendering content. “Fakeboy” content is a big part of the tumblr transmasculine kink scene. I am someone who is a sT4T male sub with a femdom kink, and I can’t relate to most other trans people who post about that kind of deal because a lot of it focuses on detrans/misgendering trans men, and the ones that don’t focus on trans men who use their vaginas during sex. If you find something without that, it’s a trans man who’s a top/dom, and that’s great and is their right, but that’s not me either.

I often find social media NSFW profiles that center around wanting to find transmasculine sexting partners specifically to misgender and detransition them. It’s marketed as a kink, but at some point it’s hard not to at least think that a lot of the non-trans men who post about this kink so frequently just genuinely want to detransition and misgender trans men, and are just calling it a kink. Even other trans people. I don’t really trust any non-trans man who has a misgendering/detrans kink for trans men, even if they’re also trans. Even in the trans community, we are expected to conform to femininity to make other people more comfortable, so forgive me for being distrustful.

The forced impregnation kink is another thing. I have my own kinks, but it’s another thing when it’s forced onto trans men who have no interest in it. Breeding is hot, but we have to be sensitive to the group of people who are both disproportionally affected by forced impregnation in order to detransition them, and the group who specifically has very complicated feelings surrounding pregnancy. I’ve talked about forced impregnation before, and I’ve had several, at least 100 trans men express on a post that I made some time ago that if they ended up pregnant and couldn’t abort, they’d commit suicide. Trans men who want to get pregnant, are pregnant, or who have been pregnant are valid and deserve the space to talk about their experiences, but we can’t erase those of us whom pregnancy is one of the worst things that they can think of happening to them. I had an ex girlfriend try to babytrap me, and she stopped when I said I was sterilized, but it’s still very disturbing to think about. This was the ex girlfriend who repeatedly raped and tried to kill me. The cis man who correctively raped me wore a condom when he did it.

At one point, I got a private message from another trans woman. She was only 18, I’m not that upset with her for saying this because she was young, but I had just had a hysterectomy, and she said that it was “sad that [I] got a hysterectomy,” presumably because she wanted to get me pregnant. I don’t really feel any type of way about pregnancy as somebody who definitely can’t get pregnant on account of not having reproductive organs, and I did/do have a breeding kink, but that message really upset me, because who says something like that? That a trans person’s gender affirming surgery is “sad” because you wanted to fetishize them pre op? It’s one thing for cis people to say inappropriate, transphobic shit like this, but other trans people should know better. It’s so much worse coming from another trans person.

The primary issue with people pushing the forced pregnancy kink onto trans men (besides that a lot of trans men are uncomfortable with that) is that pregnancy is often used as a form of control. Pregnancy leaves you physically dependent on the people around you, and having a child leaves you financially dependent on the people around you. The person that you are often dependent on is the person who impregnated you in the first place. This is something that often happens to cis women in abusive relationships, but it has different implications for trans men. Trans men who are forcibly impregnated by someone who wants them to detransition, and are dependent on that person, often do have to detransition. Pregnancy is often a dysphoric nightmare for trans men, and having to detransition and be dependent on a transandrophobe who impregnated you is a fucking nightmare for all of us I’m sure. When you think about that, the forced impregnation kink with trans men is a lot darker than you might have thought. And trans men can absolutely have that kink and that is their right, but forcing it onto trans men, even just sharing your fantasy to a nonconsenting trans men, is sexual harassment and a threat.

Back on trans men forced into sex work, a lot of them are forced into marketing off the detrans/misgendering kink for money. I’ve seen an account from a transmasculine sex worker, whose bio was something to the extent of “he/they unless you’re paying me, then you can use she. It doesn’t matter if I’m dysphoric about it.” I’ve seen a trans man make a series of photos that I was really into, but he misgendered himself in it. The description was “don’t misgender me please, this was a photo series for work by a paying client.” I’m sure a lot of trans men in sex work market off the detrans/misgendering kink wouldn’t do so if they would get enough money otherwise. Beyond that, I’m sure a lot more of them would get top surgery, and some of them aren’t even on T because they can’t transition because they rely on their pre-medical transition body to get money. When we talk about survival sex work in the trans community, the discussion is very focused on trans women. Which makes sense, trans women disproportionally are made to do survival sex work due to the inherent transmisogyny in our society. But trans men are also forced into survival sex work on account of being trans men, and that does need to be talked about. And trans men also have to degrade and misgender themselves for money. Trans men also have to use slurs and derogatory terms for money. And it doesn’t get easier because they have a vagina.

I also think it’s important to mention the amount of transandrophobic TRFs who post things with the effort to silence trans men on our own struggles and oppression, and then turn around and post that they want to fuck a “tboy” or a “boypussy.” I remember seeing a post on tumblr from a very notable transandrophobic TRF trans woman, that was something to the extent of “idk why TMEs hate me so much, I’m trying to bridge the rift between us in bed.” It had several reblogs. I happened to see it from checking a “transfeminist” account for transandrophobia, which I obviously found. I was so disgusted and uncomfortable that I never screenshotted it, I didn’t even talk about it for at least a week to anybody, because it just left me with a sinking feeling. This particular trans woman is a VERY big name among transandrophobes and TRFs. She’s posted horrible things about trans men, and she obviously fetishizes trans men from the things that she’s said to me and my transmasculine friends. It’s one thing for somebody to fetishize trans men when they don’t have multiple social media accounts dedicated to talking about how much they hate trans men, but she does. A lot of people say that all TRFs/transandrophobic trans women are T4T lesbians, or lesbians in general. This is not true. Many transandrophobic trans women are open to dating trans men or even exclusively date trans men. This is predatory behavior. A trans person exclusively dating trans men isn’t inherently predatory, that’s just called being T4T, but it’s different when the person doing it hates trans men and views trans men as sex objects.

I saw a screenshot from instagram, from presumably a transandrophobic trans woman. The post was parodying “nonbinary people don’t owe you androgyny,” “trans men don’t owe you masculinity,” ect. The bit about trans men was “trans men owe the dolls dinner dates.” Again, posted by somebody who does not believe that trans men should have the language or even ability to talk about our own struggles and oppression, believes that trans men need to shut up and take TRFs on dates. I saw a post several months ago from a TRF saying that a trans man who makes porn is a “model trans man” because he doesn’t talk about trans men’s issues and just does porn. Essentially that he was “a good tboy who knows when to shut up and suck dick.” They went on to call trans men who were upset and uncomfortable with this blatant fetishization and objectification of trans men out on their “dry pussies”. TRFs and other trans people who seek to silence trans men and then fetishize us are a real problem in the trans community. Being T4T isn’t inherently safer than dating cis people for trans men, especially with the state of the trans community and the ideas that trans people have about trans men. I’m obviously T4T but I have experienced violence and other forms of harassment from some of the trans people that I’ve dated. I’ve experienced even more from trans people I’ve encountered on the internet and in IRL trans spaces.

I also think we need to have a discussion about the way that trans men who are tops/doms are treated by the people that they have sex with. Trans men who top/dom are essentially seen as pleasure dispensers. They are expected to make their partner cum and then not receive anything in return. I was sexually abused by both of my subs/bottoms before I stopped topping/domming, and while one of them was of course the cis man who correctively raped me, one was my cis girlfriend from college who wouldn’t take my “no” for an answer when she tried to make me do sexual activities with her when I didn’t want to. I was a highly dysphoric detransed lesbian who detransitioned because of the transandrophobia I had experienced since coming out, and she would make me dysphoric on purpose to “brat” with me. If I ever raised my voice after telling her “no” several times, she would get sad, and I’d have to comfort her, and then she’d do it again. She’s a teacher now. Trans men who bottom/sub are expected to just be holes for people to stick their dicks in. People, and women especially, in the queer/trans community refer to us as being like “cis men who can make women cum” and “if cis men had empathy,” then we are treated with none of the care/tenderness that we provide to the women in our lives. Trans men are expected by the trans/queer community to give up our bodies and our safety for other people’s pleasure. We are expected to be good sex dolls and “protect” the trans/queer community while not being protected when we need it, are abused by the people within our community, and actively being silenced when we talk about our needs from the community and the oppression that we face. We’re human meat shields, whipping boys, scapegoats. We are expected to bear the sins of cishet men by people who don’t have the systemic/social power to oppress/discriminate against cishet men, we are punished for things that disproportionally affect us as trans men, we are silenced when we speak up about this injustice, and then we are expected to be the “protectors” of the trans/queer community, while benefitting from none of the protection that we are forced to provide to others that could not care less if we live or die. If we say that we need to prioritize trans men, we are called misogynists and “tMRAs,” by people who totally aren’t TERFs because they only hate trans men, and being a transmasculine exclusionary radical feminist isn’t really trans exclusionary because we’re not trans in the way that trans women are. Trans men have the highest risk of sexual abuse in the trans community at around 50%, and there are probably even more that don’t disclose. We are sexually abused by the people we date/have sex with, and then they turn around and say that trans men are “very well represented” in porn because they think all trans men are skinny white fem/androgynous twinks who let people fuck our pussies. That’s all they see us as.

This is more of a rant than an actual thinkpiece. I am uncomfortable with the way that trans men are treated sexually by the trans community. We are sexually assaulted and harassed and then that abuse is denied because we “have male privilege” or “have AFAB privilege.” The people who fetishize our bodies say that we shouldn’t have a right to speak up for ourselves. The people who consume fetishized porn of trans men are saying that we have “such good representation” in porn for us. “Trans men are not invisible, our struggles are invisible.”

[this-is-trans-joy]

internalised misogyny (arguably) is the act of perpetuating or upholding the misogynistic and patriarchal systems against women and those perceived as women by someone who has also experienced those systems of oppression and is projecting the harm they have experienced onto others instead of unpacking said harm.

internalised misogyny is not:

being a trans man

being non-binary

just not being a woman

being masculine

enjoying yaoi

engaging in yaoi

dating men

liking men

being in any way associated with men

[this-is-trans-joy]

If you believe in any of the above bullet points, you are either a TERF or you are dangerously close to falling for TERF rhetoric, and no amount of psuedo-progressive language about “centering men” is gonna cover up the fact that you agree with JK Rowling on at least a few points in her crusade against trans people. And that is NOT a good look.

[shamebats]

[myirlnameiscloud]

B-but people with micropenises are my emotional support minority to bully!! 🥺🥺 B-but it's funny that their penises are small!! 🥺🥺 B-but I only make fun of BAD people by calling their penises small!! 🥺🥺 I have good reason to make fun of people with micropenises!! 🥺🥺 It's not intersexism if it's funny!! 🥺🥺 It's sooo funny because their penises are small!! 🥺🥺 Guys it's sooo funny come on!! 🥺🥺

[myirlnameiscloud]

Aaand here's some of the lovely comments under this post:

I think I hate tumblr.

Anyways BLOCKED!!!

[genderkoolaid]

There is no feminist way to participate in toxic masculinity, and mocking people for having fragile masculinity is toxic masculinity, point blank period. Its fundamentally patriarchal.

The idea that "having fragile masculinity" is inherently a personality defect or moral failing is patriarchal. So much of this kind of bullshit is people taking fundamentally patriarchal ideas of manhood (for example, that men being vulnerable is a defect or moral failing) and defining it around slightly more feminist values.

Like, the only thing that is different from bog standard patriarchy here is the inclusion of "macho." But like, the idea that there are "fragile" men who fail to be "real men" with unshakeable firm masculinity, and they also secretly have small penises and are biologically less manly compared to "real men" whose real manhood can be located in their large penises... babe that's just toxic masculinity. The same "macho" shit you hate those men for, you yourself engage in, just a little to the left.

Fragile masculinity is not a moral failing, and it doesn't intrinsically make someone a worse person. And tbh I think talking about "fragile masculinity" like this is kind of disgustingly individualistic, and doesn't do much to encourage conversation about how patriarchy constructs manhood and masculinity as tools of control and oppression (what some feminists might call misandry).

[genderkoolaid]

#in the 00s a friend of mine decided to rail again the micropenis thing#and just announced to people that he had a small dick#I have no idea how big his dick is but I assume average cos it was never a genuine topic#but his announcing having a small dick whenever it came up was so interesting#people's responses were very telling#there were ones who commiserated which like. at least you're kind but also it's not that bad a thing#and there were ones who kept making fun of him and had to handle the whole room turning on them#I thought it was a great power play#we were teens so dick size came up quite a bit lol

world's basedest person

[tboy-cock]

they updated the post now, but they fully deadnamed and misgendered missing person luca phoenix. i hope hes found. fuck transandrophobes

[cardentist]

it's really obvious that people have just been using trans men as an "acceptable" sponge for their bigotry, and since it's largely worked out for them they're pushing the limits on what Sorts of bigotry they can get away with repackaging

[cardentist]

with the scare quotes around "converted" and preamble about disabled trans men existing In Theory, the implication is that trans men are faking being disabled and faking being jewish for (presumably) minority points. to make people give them sympathy points they don't Really deserve because they're Not Actually disabled or jewish

and if you stretch it further, there's a Huge amount of people in anti-transmasculinity spaces that very much so insist that trans masc spaces are full of fakers who are only pretending to be trans for internet points and never Really suffer. and even further that trans men in general aren't REALLY oppressed the same way other trans people are.

the core of the idea is "these people are lying about the pain they experience, and it's our job to out them as fakers so they don't get support they don't deserve"

which is a common sentiment in queer spaces, but is USUALLY obscured by SOMETHING. but people have started saying the quiet part out loud when it comes to trans men

[st-dionysus]

T4T is never hetslop by the way, that's actually swaghet.

[bl0ated-corpse]

what abt c4t, under what conditions is that hetslop vs swaghet? as an expert urself

[st-dionysus]

C4T is typically hetslop and T4C is more likley to have swaghet elements, but this is not a guarentee.

In general outside of the x4y seeking format, trans/cis relationships exist on a large spectrum between hetslop and swaghet.

Elements of hetslop in a trans/cis relationship include: trans woman is expected to bottom, trans man is expected to be stone, cis partner doesn't do any chores, cis partner doesn't interact with queer community or activism, cis partner demands trans parter to be stealth around the cis partners friends/family, cis partner trys to intervene with transition goals or gender presentation of trans partner, cis male partner expects transfem partner to be housewife, cis female partner expects transmasc partner to be breadwinner and housewife.

Elements of swaghet in a trans/cis realationship include: trans partner is happy and supported in their transition, cis partner educates self without prompting, cis parter asks respectful and relevant questions about trans partner's experiences with gender, cis partner does their share of chores, cis partner is fine with others knowing they date a trans person but doesn't share that information without trans partner's consent, trans partner feels safe enough to make gender jokes without fear of being misconstrued by cis partner, couple has detailed discussions about what is comfortable for both of them during sex (if sex is something they have/want) without assumptions based in gender roles or current genital configuration.

[audiovisthewritingwhiz]

[Image ID: Jesus Christ of Nazareth holding a Bible. End ID]