I'll spin you Valentine Evenings

Teresa 22, she/hers University of Maine, PhD student @ GSBSE

[damianwaynerocks]

ok but if bruce wayne somehow came upon zuko fresh out of banishment he would lose his mind.

black hair? check. bad parent(s)? check. trauma? double check.

bruce: how’d you get your scar?

zuko: my dad got mad at me for saying that killing people is wrong so he lit my face on fire and banished me.

bruce, vibrating with excitement, already pulling adoption papers from his utilility: that’s terrible. how do you feel about capes.

[explorerrowan]

Zuko: Do you mind if I wear this blue demon mask?

Bruce: *sniff, tear in his eye* Not at all.

[kitt-the-werefox]

*Zuko fighting the Joker*

J: "wan na kno w h ow i go t thes e sc ar s"

Z: *rips off mask* i don't give a fuck

[fefeman]

I’m still stuck at the “batman has adoption papers in his utility belt”.

“Quick, it’s time to use the Bat-adoption papers!”

[silverscreenx]

Bat-option papers

[phantoms-lair]

Okay, but you’re missing the best part of this.

Alfred and Iroh complimenting each other on tea while they discuss their overly dramatic children.

[damianwaynerocks]

iroh: once, i told zuko that he needs to work on his inter turmoil. he screamed at me that he had no such inner turmoil, and then proceeded to go to a cliff during a thunderstorm to scream at God to strike him with lightning

alfred: master bruce and i have that interaction at least three times per week.

[coffeebuddha]

@absentlyabbie​

[animate-mush]

I see your "Alfred and Iroh as tea bros" and raise you "Alfred and Iroh as tea rivals"

Consider

Iroh: you too must learn patience. Boiling the water ruins the delicate flavor of the white jade

Alfred: oh I'm dreadfully sorry - for some reason I expected this tea to have TEA in it

(later)

Alfred: *aggressively laying out full tea service with milk, lemon, sugar, and, just to drive his point in, jam*

Iroh: *dying inside*

[damianwaynerocks]

excellent addition

[whetstonefires]

hey bruce spent a lot of his bat-study abroad in the far east and has kind of a weeb weapon collection so proposal, what if Bruce appreciates Iroh’s tea

while Zuko is enthusiastic about cream and sugar

further fueling their dad-figures’ passive-aggressive rivalry?

[princesscolumbia]

You had me at Zuko vs. Joker, I was crying by the Eastern vs. Western tea service

[supreme-leader-stoat]

Wait a minute. Batman and Zuko have the same arch-nemesis.

Mark Hamill

[library-seraph]

Saw the last comment and my brain would not rest until it happened

[darrenpillowscriss]

[lichrelly]

this post has everything

[jumpingjacktrash]

this was an enjoyable ride. i liked the scenery very much. smooth suspension, nice height, several fascinating loops. 10/10 would go again.

[flowercrownbi]

I don’t want to date. I just want to magically end up in a long-term and emotionally-secure relationship with someone cute

[thebibliosphere]

Sometimes when I’m sad I like to imagine what would happen in a crossover universe between Discworld and Harry Potter, and what Granny Weatherwax would make of their style of magic.

But then I think about more important things, like what would have happened if Granny Weatherwax ever met Albus Dumbledore, and I can’t help but feel a whole lot of shit could have been avoided if he’d had a good clip round the ear and a strong talking to about the whole “my hands are tied” bullshit that enabled years of abuse and suffering at the hands of adults in a position of authority over young, vulnerable people.

Like oh, this spell requires the bond of blood to keep him safe, all right. So that just means we’re not going to hold these adults accountable for their torment and abuse? I think the entire fuck not, Albus.

Snape is a double agent who is actually working for the greater good. All right, but that doesn’t stop him from being an absolute fucking shit weasel who shouldn’t be around children until he learns to control himself and works out his issues in a safe and sane manner, what the fuck, Albus.

You have an entire school system that ascribes to ideas of inherent morality when in fact this is a thing that needs to be taught? Well no wonder there’s one house in particular that keeps going off the rails, you keep telling them they’re evil. Tell people something for long enough they’ll start to believe you. There’s nothing wrong with being selfish and cunning, sometimes that’s what it takes to survive. Teach them how to use those traits for good. As strength. My land, my home, my people (not my daughter, you bitch) how dare you try to hurt them. Teach them, Albus, you have to bloody teach them and realize that evil isn’t born. It’s made. In a thousand small deplorable ways. And it starts with treating people like things and I cannot be having with this.

Of course there’s also the other flipside to this thought process, which is imagining Gytha “Nanny” Ogg shouting “watcher Molly” as she thumps Bellatrix Lestrange on the back of the head with a cauldron, and drops her like a fucking stone. Later they’ll sit together and grieve, later there will be time to pick up the pieces and mourn. But for now there are things to fight for, people to keep alive. And people to keep from doing what they shouldn’t ever have to do, so you find a way to do it for them, by hook, crook or blunt force trauma.

And because my head wont let go of this thought:

“You always was a right little miss,” she said, taking a puff from her pipe and resettling her weight with a hefty bounce as the younger witch struggled to get out from under Nanny’s considerable girth. “Giving yourself airs and graces and such. Pretending you was too good to scrub a pot. Well, let me tell you something, Mistress Lestrange, you ain’t fit for nothing no more except maybe a noose. And if I had my way that might be the end of it. But we don’t do things like that no more, we don’t rule by blood.”

“Then you’re weak,” Lestrange shot back, still struggling to claw her way free. “A weak, old woman with nothing left but tricks up your fat sleeve.”

Nanny puffed in silence for a few more moments, then reached up her sleeve. “And your wand, dearie. Walnut is it? With a dragon heartstring core? Very nice, painting it black was a bit much, but you always were fond of your dramatics.”

She pulled out her own wand, holding it out under Bellatrix’s nose, whose face went cross eyed and then wide with panic.

“You know, I’ve only ever heard of Priori Incantatem,” she said, puffing on the end of her pipe until the pit glowed cherry red then white hot and she exhaled smoke like a dragon, “but I wasn’t about to risk it, not in front of all those kiddies. But I reckon now might be a good time…”

[thebibliosphere]

Also, for your consideration. Feegles.

“Haul yoo, aye yoo, the great big ugly gangly scunner wi-oot a nose. Can ye sew? Well stitch this.”

Harry watched in consternation as Voldemort staggered back, dropped to the ground like a ton of bricks and lay still.

“That’s it?” he demanded, lowering his wand. “That’s all you had to do?”

Rob Anybody, perched on his shoulder, looked up at the young wizard out the corner of the eye, which was to say he looked him in the nostrils.

“Weell,” he said, gesturing towards the chaos that had been unleashed as the full force of the Nac Mac Feegle was unleashed upon the band of Death Eaters, primarily by running up the inside of their trousers. “That’s the thing about the lads. Once they’ve decided tae dae something, they dae it good and hard.”

“But you just headbutted him!”

“Aye, weill,” Rob said, feeling as though the lad wasn’t quite grasping the practicality of the situation, “he might be a bloody great dark bigjob wizard, but he cannae cast a spell wi-oot a heid.”

[gallusrostromegalus]

Ok but the one I want to see is Dolores Umbridge vs Munstrum Ridcully, becuase that would be the Petty Academic Slapfight of doom. 

Because Ridcully, for all his faults, probably understands that the actual learning of magic relies on a certain degree of both freedom and madness and sometimes explosions. 

And Umbridge would crawl right up his skin with her concept of a “Defense Against The Dark Arts” Course, and in the middle of a lecture on recent runes, would go on a “tangent” on the history of various dark wizards and the means by which they were defeated and here Why Don’t We Have A Practical Outside, The Weather Is Nice (The weather is not nice. It’s Scotland. In Late November.)  But everyone is really curious to see the old man actually take his wand out for once, only to discover that that’s not a wand at all, that’s a Burleigh & Stronginthearm and they’re all going to pass it around and whoever shoots the weathervane off the top of Ravenclaw tower gets 50 points. Hannah Abbot puts a bolt through Umbridge’s window, taking out a kitten plate and gets 100 points.

Fred and George turn the third floor corridor into a Swamp and Umbridge is pleased to hear Ridcully bellowing at the Weasley boys about “BLOODY INSONSIDERATE, NEVER HAVE I EVER MET SUCH WRETCHEDLY-” but the second she’s around the corner it changes to “-brilliant young men, how much is this setup you have here? That potions-master could do with some aggravated moisturizing. Speaking of moisturizing, what would it take to get you two gentlemen to work on the faculty baths? Disgustingly substandard, nowhere to put your nail trimmings-”

Ridcully would like the students there too, I think.  Especially the Slytherins, because he’s perfectly aware how important being a cunning bastard and willing to get your hands dirty or bloody if needed is, especially in the world of Magical Academia.  They’re socially intelligent and disenchanted with the system, not Evil, Albus. The Malfoy boy would be a lot less trouble if he had something to do besides practicing subject’s he’s bored with.  Fratricide, perhaps. I’m kidding Albus! (he’s only sort of kidding.  Maybe not murder. Just turn him into a toad and keep him as a familair in a bowl on the mantlepiece.)

He’d be so mad about the Chamber of secrets though. Potter! A Basilisk!  Why didn’t you bring the head back up it’d be magnificent hanging over the great hall. Oh I see. Well why didn’t you go BACK?  Perfectly good potion ingredients going to waste, doesn’t that brooding mop of a potions master teach you anything about looti- er, collecting spell components?

[thebibliosphere]

I forgot I wrote this haha, and I’m glad @gallusrostromegalus made it better.

[splinteredstar]

Okay but feagles and house elves tho

Obeyin’ the hag is one thing, but any hag that’d that inna worth the title

(Dobby takes it up first, under his breath: “no lords and no masters”)

[gallusrostromegalus]

Havelock Vetenari is not a man to “Go Spare”, and certainly not without good cause but that shambling mountain of paperwork and prejudice they call “The Ministry Of Magic” is several thousand good reasons. He doesn’t even WANT to take over this disaster but he can’t rest so long as it continues to exist.

But. He’s better than that. Why waste time in pointless rage when there are things he can actually do to fix this?

“Mr. Lipvig.” He says, conversationally. “Did you know that the currency conversion rates haven’t changed since Gringotts was founded? Seventeen silver sickles to a gold galleon since the 1100’s”

He doesn’t really need to say anything else. Moist blinks a few times, then gradually begins to vibrate as every instinct he possess is called to the forefront.

“They’re just down the street if you wanted to see their facilities-”

Moist’s chair actually spins with the force of his rapid departure.“

[kyraneko]

Death, tho. Death and Voldemort. Death and Albus. Death and Minerva having a chess match over somebody’s life.

Voldemort telling Harry, in the graveyard at their duel, “Bow to Death, Harry,” and Harry looking around and responding, “Where it he?” (Or maybe he’s actually there, and Voldemort is treated to the sight of Harry turning and bowing off to three o’clock.

Molly Weasley giving Nanny Ogg such a scolding over her treatment of her daughters-in-law and implying she doesn’t deserve grandchildren if she treats their mothers like that. Nanny sulks hard enough to set things on fire for several days and then discreetly goes around asking her sons the names of the women they married. It’s clipped and resentful at first but she grows into it.

Vetinari looking over the magical system of government with the occasional raised eyebrow or bewildered blink, and deciding that this looks like an excellent challenge. “Minister Fudge, I think you should resign.” “Why, you—” *raised eyebrow* “that is—” *curious look* “I mean—” *silence* “What—” *tilted head* “I, yes, sir, I believe that to be the best course of action, thank you for the advice.” “Capital.”

Umbridge isn’t so easily gotten rid of, and Vetinari spends perhaps three minutes listening to her ideas of law and order, rules and punishment, virtue and government, and then “Madam, if you are not interested in assisting me in helping this government achieve my goals, by all means, depart through that door and you will never hear from me again.”

Umbridge has no genre-savviness whatsoever, and goes through the door without looking first. There is a whooshing sound, and a scream, and several unpleasant, wet-sounding noises from somewhere down a few floors.

THAT WAS UNPLEASANT

“I thought it fitting.”

SHE LIKED CATS

“Only the painted kind, in fact. I’m told she views the real thing as inconvenient and messy.”

… I RETRACT MY PREVIOUS CRITICISM

“Very good.”

[sylvester-malone]

Vimes tho.

Vimes: so you’re saying that you caught this man at the scene of the crime

Aurors: yeah

Vimes: you arrested him. He went willingly, didn’t put up any fight.

Aurors: yup

Vimes: you put him in your prison

Aurors: eyup

Vimes: the prison that is *checks notepad* guarded be creatures of preternatural darkness that feed on the happiness of people, that can drive you mad if you spend any period of time around them, and eat by sucking out souls

Aurors: yeah, what of it

Vimes: we’ll circle back to that. So you put him in your… *scratches out prison and replaces it with torture chamber* whatever, to await trial.

Aurors: there wasn’t a trial

Vimes, raising an eyebrow: … no trial

Aurors: nope

Vimes: why not?

Aurors: we knew he did it

Vimes: how’d you know? Did you see him do it

Aurors: no, but he was standing there. Laughing

Vimes, slowly gaining volume: anD IS LAUGHING A CRIME NOW? IS BEING AT A CRIME SCENE A CRIME? AND EVEN IF IT WAS, WHAT ON THE DISC DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH NOT GIVING HIM A TRIAL. WHAT KIND OF WATCHMEN ARE YOU PEOPLE. WHO DO YOU SERVE? THE LAW! YOU SERVE THE LAW, and the law says EVERY PRISONER GETS A FAIR. FUCKING. TRIAL.

[bob-and-larry]

Due to personal reasons it’s time for “Silly Songs with Larry”, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song

[vero-in-technicolor]

Which one is your favorite? Mine is coconut milk! 🥥

[scoutsmoocrew]

Ah yes, cashew milk is definitely cruelty free

[fumblebeefae]

Almond milk also kills a ton of bees. Over 50 million bees (that’s more than one-third of bee commercial colonies) have died in 2018-19 winter in the US due to pollinating almonds. The bees can’t keep up and the almond industry in the US would collapse without bees.

[bananas-andstuff]

Thank you for pointing this out! A lot of vegan food is actually more detrimental to the environment as a whole, disrupting food webs and harming the ecosystem.

(Source)

[rudescience]

Vegan food is NOT cruelty free. 

[atreefullofstars]

#I’m all for y'all choosing to eat how you like#just don’t go around telling me that your choices are more ~*ethical*~ than mine when you’re stealing food off Ecuadoran farmers’ tables

^This.

[doctorbluesmanreturns]

Awhile ago I read The Idiot’s Guide to The Lord of the Rings because I like having things explained to me like I’m five, and it was pretty good except for an argument that the author made that J.R.R. Tolkein is inherently sexist because at the end, he wrote that Eowyn renounced being a warrior and wanted to get married. And while you can definitely pose the “why not both?” question, you have to remember that Tolkein was a veteran who lost two of his best friends in WWI. He wasn’t saying that Eowyn was bad for having lived outside of traditional gender roles, he was using his own experiences to show what someone who just went through a horrific battle would actually do.

[rohans-daughter]

Love this point so much- a lot of fantasy that is partially inspired by Tolkien’s world has an edge of battle lust in it, a “your prowess as a warrior is the best thing, ergo battles all the time to show it off is the best thing, there’s no consequences ~fantasy~!”

And every. single. one. of Tolkien’s characters who are great warriors get hit with the reality of death- the death of their families, their friends, their PEOPLE. War is a means to an end, only to defend people that need protecting. It is always, always, always, too high a cost to pay.

[disgruntledturtle]

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

[equalistmako]

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

[seasonoftowers]

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

[people-are-garbage]

well you did ask

[defilerwyrm]

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

[mrtacomam]

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

[kariachi]

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

[pulltheotheroneithasbellson]

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

[blueandbluer]

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.

[boudiccababy]

if i lay here

if i just lay here

would you lie with me and marathon the extended edition lord of the rings trilogy

[bowsersex-deactivated20220424]

Hate those posts that are like, some allistic being like “my autistic brother did this and it’s so funny” “this autistic coworker of my mom’s who’s so quiet all the time said this, so funny!” Like... ok... why do you feel the need to mention they’re autistic to make your internet clout story funnier you weirdo.

[bowsersex-deactivated20220424]

If someone I knew referred to me as their “autistic brother/friend/coworker” and then went on the Internet to talk about how my autism is funny I would fucking get them.

[bowsersex-deactivated20220424]

I’ve seen this multiple times but like, posts like these

And then they go on to tell a funny story. There is no reason you neeeded to start out your funny story by loudly announcing you have an autistic family member. Like I genuinely hate when allistics do this where they say “I have an autistic family member and they did this. It was funny/strange/weird.” Mostly cause it makes me kinda paranoid how allistics in my life will refer to me behind my back.

[bowsersex-deactivated20220424]

Hey I’m really thankful that I wasn’t the only autistic person who was uncomfortable seeing this post specifically, I thought I was being over sensitive. The thing is the Christmas moose post was only like the most recent example I’ve seen of this.

I also hint at another popular post that went around. It says “my mom’s autistic coworker is usually very quiet but during a holiday rush he climbed over crowds of people just to go to up to my mom and say “I can’t take much more of this Karen.”” This post is meant to be funny but all I can think “wow not only did this man deal with sensory overload at work, but now a stranger is talking about how him expressing that it is funny.” In the case of the Christmas moose post nothing this kid does is related to him being autistic, so I’m assuming that’s just thrown in there for comedy sake. But as said before, this is really no different than autism mom posting about their autistic kids for attention without really including their kid.

[trezelle2]

Another thing that bugs me about those types of post is that, while generally fairly anonymous, it identifies someone as autistic. That should be up to the person to disclose and share, and it can be uncomfortable to some people I've talked to when someone else introduces them to people as "my autistic ___" because that shapes the relationship and the autistic individual didn't get to choose to do so

[robinsghost]

I have a problem with the whole idea of “ you don’t deserve praise for preforming basic decency” on one hand i think it’s right but on the other it’s like,,, that’s not how humans work if someone’s trying to improve themselves and be kinder and more aware about the suffering of others I think we should reward and encourage that,,, not like give a prize or anything but like a quiet “hey you did good” to let them know they’re in the right track

[sacrificethemtothesquid]

I think praising/thanking people for basic decency is actually the most important.

Husbandthing and I thank each other for everything. I think it probably got started when we first moved in together and my insecure ass was terrified of being needy, but it’s evolved into part of our everyday communication. As ridiculous as it can get sometimes, honestly I really like it.

Thanks for doing the dishes, thanks for mowing, thanks for making dinner - yeah, it’s mostly chores and other domestic obligations, but gratitude for the little things is practice for the big things. Thanks for folding laundry becomes thanks for taking notes when we’re with my psychiatrist. Thanks for washing the sheets makes it easier to say thanks for helping when my mom forgets how to buckle her seatbelt.

Both of us are choosing to be here, so it’s important to acknowledge the effort. Just because something is “basic” doesn’t mean it’s any less important.

[dancing-crow]

Just because it is a thankless task, doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t be thanked for it.

kindness and courtesy around every-day necessities and interactions makes life more pleasant for everyone

[thebibliosphere]

^^^^

ETD and I also thank each other for everything, and let me tell you, it was weird at first. It was weird to be thanked for doing dishes or making dinner. He on the other hand, thinks it’s weird how comfortable I am/was with having my time and energy taken for granted. Like sure, they are mundane and every day tasks, but that doesn’t mean you don’t show gratitude for them.

[alexseanchai]

my housemates have had a practice of thanking each other for everything since well before I arrived, and let me tell you, realizing this was the most bizarre thing

…weirdly enough, and let me point out how very contrast this is to when twenty-something me was living with my parents (or, you know, when I was living with my parents, full stop), it is also super obvious that the only person around here who resents when I do not do household tasks is me

because when I do do household tasks, it is noticed and appreciated

which weirdly enough makes me more inclined to throw spoons at household tasks than I was as a twenty-something living with my parents, even though for an assortment of disability-related reasons I have a lot fewer spoons these days than I did as a twenty-something living with my parents

funny how that works

[historical-nonfiction]

Bugs Bunny accidentally transformed the word nimrod into a synonym for idiot because nobody got a joke where he sarcastically compared Elmer Fudd to the Biblical figure Nimrod, a mighty hunter.

[omegajako]

Etymology is ridiculous and terrifying sometimes

[garbage-empress]

Bugs Bunny is more powerful than God

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

He also solidified the idea of rabbits loving carrots when carrots actually carry very little nutritional value for rabbits. The funniest part of that is that the original joke was a reference to a Clark Gable film where Gable munches on a carrot, it was never meant to imply that rabbits love carrots. The Clark Gable reference would’ve been obvious to audiences in the 40s but it has been pretty much lost to time.

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

Bugs Bunny has too much power and should be feared.

[fantasyrizzo]

Listen. Listen. No one is ever going to be a better Bob Cratchit than Kermit the Frog.

[birdingbasics]

no one is ever going to be a better Scrooge than Michael Caine, who treats the Muppets with all the respect they deserve as renowned veteran actors

[alexxphoenix42]

[michaelakuntzmann]

According to a blip in the IMDB trivia section, Michael Caine told Brian Henson that he was going to play this as if he were in the Royal Shakespeare company. He was going to be the ultimate “straight” man in the world of puppets, running gags and humor. 

“Before production began, Sir Michael Caine told Brian Henson, “I’m going to play this movie like I’m working with the Royal Shakespeare Company. I will never wink, I will never do anything Muppety. I am going to play Scrooge as if it is an utterly dramatic role, and there are no puppets around me.” Henson replied “Yes, bang on!“” IMDb.com Trivia section

[fantasyrizzo]

tis the season for this post to make the rounds again i guess

[gowns]

man the crazy thing about babies is that like, some people would think that reading a baby a book about farm animals is teaching them about farm animals, but really it’s teaching them about the concept of a book and how there’s new information on each page of a single object, but really, beyond that, it’s teaching them how language works, and beyond that it’s really actually teaching them about human interaction, and really really it’s them learning about existing in a three-dimensional space and how they can navigate that space, but actually, above all it is teaching them that mama loves them.

[athenastudying-deactivated20220]

US things that I only know from the internet/tv and that i won’t believe until i’ve seen them with my own two eyes: 

girl scouts selling cookies

garbage disposals

regular school assemblies 

PSAs

coupons

[athenastudying-deactivated20220]

can’t believe i forgot 

cheerleaders

serious school sports teams

spirit week (still not convinced this isn’t a myth)

[winterbirb]

I can’t believe, in an industry ripe with falsehoods, you managed to list everything that actually exists

[nuclearhearts]

when you’re 47 au’s deep into your maladaptive daydreaming and someone forces you back into this threshold of reality by engaging you in social interaction

[hxhomo]

hm so psa bc i didn’t know this, it’s not common knowledge, and flu season is around:

apparently you aren’t supposed to take dextromethorphan (a common cough suppressant. it’s in stuff like cough syrup, mucinex dm, tylenol severe cold) with sertraline (aka zoloft, the antidepressant) bc it has the risk of causing Serotonin Syndrome, which is not as fun as the name suggests. i’m not a doctor but like, avoid drug interactions bc they can be serious.

remember to read labels guys aaa

[trezelle2]

Talk to your pharmacist! Drug interactions can be confusing to figure out and they're trained to keep you safe & healthy (and may have recommendations for things you *can* take instead!)

[writing-prompt-s]

A friendship between a time traveler and an immortal. Wherever the time traveler ends up, the immortal is there to catch him up to speed.

[fjeldmouse]

#I WOULD READ THE SHIT OUT OF THIS (itsmeliiissa)

[heartedrivalry]

better yet, enemies to lovers