[earthnation]

I want to fuck your throat

my thrussy!?!?

[ventrue]

[schakira]

sorry for being dramatic but this post did irreparable damage to the english language

[timebendinglunatic]

Horrible job, everyone! Thank you!

[earthnation]

my bad damn

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[mearchy]

disney may have inadvertently created the single funniest reverse advertisement scheme of all time. EVERY SINGLE ad break for The Beauty FX started with an advertisement for botox and was followed shortly by one of those ubiquitous advertisements for GLP-1s. my father and i were in hysterics. poob is forcing you to watch advertisements for the torment nexus in between segments of their new live action adaptation of classic sci fi comic Do Not Create the Torment Nexus. literally on my television a shot of someone who had just taken a fictional miracle drug to become beautiful screaming and writhing on the floor with their organs and teeth and blood spilling out, cutting directly to a real life advertisement for a drug that makes you beautiful. don’t worry body is per fect place for beautiful miracle drug. miracle drug has no problems ever in body. what the fuck is a metaphor. oh god i can’t breathe

[guerrillatech]

[esoomris]

Wow.... so you’re telling me you took an action that resulted in the death of one person...... to save the lives of many people.... who would have died if you did nothing??? that sounds so familiar

[longsightmyth]

Scientist on the ship: listen you laugh at the regulations but one time a woman DID try to tale a penguin home with her. I swear. She got it on the ship and was keeping it in her bathroom.

Me: that's WILD. These bathrooms aren't up to spec for penguins even overnight

Scientist: ...how would you know that

Me, realizing I'm about to get to tell my story about managing a hotel when there was an emergency stopover for penguin transport and we were the only place in the area with bathrooms that would work for the night:

[gay--dog]

and i find it kinda yummy. i find it kinda snacks

[kiunlo]

[555pixiee]

[thetableintheback]

[description:

1) a photograph taken outdoors at night. a road sign with yellow letters reads ‘i am here if you need me’.

2) a photograph of a blue cloudy sky. black text reads 'i am here if you want me’. /end description

[dragon-in-a-fez]

coming out of my cage and I am not doing very well at all actually

[cipheramnesia]

Yes, the tiger is out, but fucking hell, it hasn't been an easy go.

[the-reconciliation-of-all-things]

how terrifying metamorphosis must be for the caterpillar has no concept of what it is doing, or what a butterfly is, or what will happen to it as it spins itself the cocoon. we r more alike than different

[importantandunavoidable]

there are parts of your future self in you waiting emerge but you have to become unrecognizable slime first

[peanutworm]

These tags are poetry to me

[valtsv]

the funniest character headcanons are feral, homophobic and tax evader i dont accept constructive criticism and you cant change my mind

[shaggytwodope-deactivated202104]

hates the irish, fucks to survive, war criminal

[regbian-moved-to-lezbianz]

alignment chart

[wrexingdrew]

[spar-kie]

[identificat]

[pacmantrinity-deactivated202207]

she does not FUCK

[sabrinawinslow-deactivated20191]

[gay-jesus-probably]

can you believe this website is free

[fictionadventurer]

The very best thing about The Phantom of the Opera is that it shows us a possibly supernatural occurrence, then gives us a natural explanation that is infinitely crazier than the supernatural one would have been.

What if there was a ghost in the opera house that was killing people?

Requires you to accept the existence of ghosts, but otherwise is a straightforward story.

What if the chief contractor who built the opera house was a deformed circus freak who used his experience building palaces and torture chambers for sultans to keep building secret passageways and torture chambers in the basement when construction halted during the Franco-Prussian War, and then kept living down there working on an opera and killing and blackmailing people who crossed him and also training a pretty opera singer that he wants to marry?

There is nothing in the world that could have prepared me to expect even half of that.

[cat-dragoness]

@o-lei-o-lai-o-lord you are so right about this

[musicalhell]

Honestly, this explains so much about Christine's perspective too when you think about it.

My father sent me a guardian angel from Heaven to guide and comfort me in his absence: "Okay, not something that happens every day, but that is what guardian angels are supposed to do and Dad did indicate something like this would happen."

A hideously disfigured renaissance man, having all the natural skills and education to build himself a secret villain lair in a public building, extort enormous amounts of money from its management, and convince everyone he's a ghost, has developed a massive crush on me and has decided to express that through manipulation, kidnapping, and murder: "I cannot even begin to tell you how much this was not on my Bingo card."

[epilepticsaints]

[chloebangbang]

I don't know how I'm ever expected to be normal again after watching this. this video is already lodging itself deep within my vocabulary as I type

[javascript-official]

Hey it looks like you reblogged "No rush, The bear videogame" slowdown! there no rush here. This is a cigarette, take it. Watch it again before you reblog it again

[javascript-official]

You are mentally ill, and that's amazing

[il9vemyputer]

everyone on replies is terrified of this fact but i just think it's so sweet and heartwarming. she's holding our hand and leading us somewhere secret and we're both giggling like kids. i love her

[solowinged]

let’s travel through the vast unknown with mama

[omnybus]

Space chickens

[booksbabybooks]

Posts like this are why I'll never leave Tumblr

[wizardarchetypes]

went to my best friend’s house last night and saw a little plushie dog and plushie cat that had been sewn together down the middle into a two-headed chimera. I said, “did you do that?” she said, “yes, I saved them.”

turns out at her old job when the last two plushies hadn’t sold and became deadstock, her boss told her to cut them up and throw them out. so she cut them each in half, preserved their heads, and then rebuilt them together.

cannot stop thinking about the way these little plushies were approached with the instinct of a Vampire or some sort of ancient god. “Let me save you [turn you into a monster].”

[cipheramnesia]

The fact that the beheading was at the order of a superior, and the solution was to create some sort of monster of disobediance to the letter of the law instead of just lying and saving them adds a certain mythological resonance.

[my-dailydreams]

[tubulareric]

[gothiccharmschool]

brock-obama:

Owls confirmed to be the creepiest birds ever. LOOK AT THE FUCKING THINGS. If you fail to notice the one on the left fucking SWALLOWING a rat, then you have the dude singing some satanic chant or something next to him, and then you have those two other fucking psychos synchronized to make you feel creeped the fuck out with their soulless dance of FUCKING DOOM.

I have been meaning to reblog this FOREVER. One, I love that .gif, because it is somewhat hypnotic and unsettling. Two, the commentary is GOLDEN. 

I want this as my screensaver for work. I wonder if that can be done. 

[bigandlong]

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

[jae-felidae]

Oh hey! Haven’t seen this in forever! Didn’t reblog it when it came across me before, not gonna skip it this time, I need some good vibes.

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[do-you-have-a-flag]

one of THE scariest comedy videos i've ever seen about to hit a milestone