Unsolicited Advice from a Certified Crazy Cat Lady

Just your average crazy cat lady spoon feeding delicious unsolicited advice straight into your adorable little kibble bowl cranium's brain folds

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

It's hard to break the silence. I'm not sure what to write about. I could let you know that I'm growing and building a better life for myself, that I'm getting stronger, I'm creating more, I've planted a garden, I've adopted a puppy, I've built a couple of chicken coops and some fences to keep goats, I've crocheted a sweater and some other things to wear, I've cleaned off that blue couch that was piled with mountains of clothes I don't wear and made a cozy place to sit and drink my coffee and talk to my plants, I've bought more books on philosophy and read them a few times and highlighted some sections, I've stopped wearing makeup, my hair is back to its natural color, I've got more greys since the last time I saw you.

I don't want to see you again. It was hard to detach, it was hard to let go, it was hard to tell you to pack your things and leave.

Part of me wants to cry and yell at you that you broke my heart, you crushed my spirit with your lies. You hurt me.

I want to move on. I want to put you out of my mind. I want to stop thinking about you when I wake up from another nightmare. This tight feeling in my chest, this weight on my shoulders, I just want to let it go.

Slowly, it's starting to hurt less. At first, I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't shower for a week. I just laid there and stared at the ceiling, physically stopping myself from calling you and telling you that I forgive you and want you to come back home. I stopped myself because I knew that if I did take you back, I wouldn't be able to respect myself, I would be living a lie, I would be confirming to you that I am fine with the way you were treating me.

I had to set and keep the boundaries, even if you would never respect them. I asked myself, "If someone that I care about had a relationship like this, would I be happy for them, or would I be trying everything in my power to put an end to the cycle of abuse?"

And I had to realize that I am someone that I care about.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

"secret" society

Thinking about starting a secret society that is actually not a secret at all and is open to everyone, but we call it a secret society and have a cool clubhouse and secret handshakes and gestures for when we're in public and speak in code that's just silly nonsense.

It would be a community clothes closet, fridge and pantry, we'd have block parties where the only way you can gain admittance is to agree that this is totally a secret society and promise to tell at least one person that it's a secret society and tell them all about what we do and invite them to join.

We'd put ads out inviting people to come to our parties and join our secret society where it's just potlucks and trading or giving away things that members want to donate like clothes, books, furniture, baby items, old tools, extra tiles and lumber from that reno you overestimated materials for, etc.

There would be no leaders, just people who are good at organizing who want to help, and we would rotate and take shifts so nobody would be doing the same thing month to month.

There would be no dues or fees or treasury, just bring food and items to donate, and volunteer for setting up and cleaning up when you can. We'd have a community garden that was managed by volunteer members.

We'd have a time dedicated at each "meeting" (party) to discuss individual's needs like so-and-so needs help with a plumbing problem at their house, or so-and-so is offering free labor on car repairs, or this family in the community is looking for a pediatrician, or this elderly member needs help with yard work.

There would be no religious, political, or ideological prerequisites, just a community of people being kind to people.

If there were troublemakers, malcontents, or disrespectful people we would empathetically try to understand what their needs are that aren't being met and try to meet those needs, show them that there is a better way of resolving conflicts, and keep being kind, honest and respectful to them as an example of what community can be. We wouldn't just kick them out because we're stronger unified.

I don't believe this is an impossible idealistic fantasy. I've seen groups like this, I've been part of groups akin to this, and I've heard good accounts of communities getting through very difficult times by doing something similar.

The guiding principles would be: 1. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated. 2. Do what you can for our environment. 3. 1 & 2 are good enough.

Now we just need a cool name.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

Stay groovy, my friends.

There's a difference between being in a groove and being in a rut.

A groove is intentional and productive, like the grooves on a record producing soundwaves that are pleasant to the ear. A rut happens over time through carelessness, like playing the same song on a dusty record over and over with a dirty needle; the record gets scratched up and no longer has the same quality as it did when it was new.

Observing our patterns can be challenging when we're in the thick of it. Sometimes we think we're in a groove and later find out we were in a rut.

Paying attention to the values, beliefs, opinions, and perspectives that make up our worldview can foster an environment for personal growth and self-exploration.

Asking questions about what we think, feel, and desire is an important aspect of developing character.

It can be beneficial to ask ourselves, "For what reason do I think this?" "What is the purpose of this feeling?" "What do I want and what do I want it for?"

Pay attention and stay groovy, my friends.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

For every grey roof there is a story of a tired anybody who lost their American Dream and replaced it with the Taxpayer Nightmare we call “Middle Class America.” “Middle” of what, pray tell? Slavery is running rampant, just ask any employee who can’t take a sick day: “I can’t afford to die yet.”

Where do we go from here? This is a disaster. How can anyone prosper without hope for a brighter future? To expect a human being to continue to trudge a weary, downtrodden path endlessly without comfort, desire, duty, or promise is the utmost lunacy. One cannot withstand the abhorrence “possibility” has to offer without a fixed hope. There must be an ever-pervading force driving us toward some better future. Otherwise, this is only an absurdity to be ridiculed with the likes of pipe dreamers and fools not to be taken seriously.

It's not that it could get worse, or it might get worse, or it will get worse, it ONLY gets worse. That’s the nature of Earth’s entropy. Killing us from within and without.

If it’s not a humankind-killing asteroid, nuclear weapons, World War Three, mass famines, religious wars, global pollution, economic failure, societal collapse, moral degeneration within the home, political dissent and corruption, plagues, it would be something else.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

When all you've got is a hammer, everything's a nail.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

me to myself: "Put the scissors down. Do not cut our hair." myself to me: "Don't panic. It's fine. I got this." me to myself, more forcefully: "Put the damn scissors down!" myself to me, maintaining eye-contact in the mirror: "..." me to myself: "Don't!" myself to me, laughing maniacally: "It'll be fine!" me to myself, sobbing: "WHAT DID YOU DO?!! WHY???!!!" myself to me: "Shit."

Why do I do this? IDK, hormones, the weather, the stars; the fact that I have schizoaffective disorder and cutting my own hair while in distress is trichotemnomania (TT) which is a form of BFRB, or body-focused repetitive behavior, probably has nothing to do with it. That's why I keep doing it over and over even though I hate it and promise myself to stop it.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

enabling bribery and other high crimes and misdemeanors

enabled disinformation efforts and risked undermining U.S. policy

received millions of dollars from foreign nationals with questionable backgrounds

paid nonresident women who appear to be linked to a prostitution or human trafficking ring

threatened to withhold $1 billion in United States loan guarantees

serious counterintelligence and extortion concerns

work with Chinese nationals connected to the Communist regime illustrate the deep financial connections

I usually don't get invested in American politics, but this is fascinating to me.

The social psychology underpinning the latest developments on the elections front is intriguing and if it wasn't so disturbing, it might even be entertaining.

Did this really happen under everyone's noses? Or was it just ignored? Or is it one of those "we don't talk about Bruno" situations?

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

Hurt people hurt people

Do you know anyone in your sphere of existence who is consistently either playing the role of the victim or the victimizer? Either they are the victim of some tragic and unfair circumstance, or they are attacking someone for being "less than."

They've never done or said anything hurtful to anybody and are practically a saint. They make a grand show of how they've been treated badly, and everything is just going wrong for them because of someone else. They've never done or said anything wrong, you've only misunderstood them, and deliberately so because of how awful a person you are. They don't need to apologize for anything, because if they've hurt you, it was your own fault. They're the victim here. If they're behaving badly, it's because the world has made them this way, through no fault of their own, and they are entirely innocent because years ago someone did this thing and it made them upset and now, they do this thing and it's just simply not their fault that they're doing it.

They take the moral high ground and rant and rave at what an awful person the other guy is and how terrible the whole world is. They refuse to listen to anyone chastising their own behavior, but instead resort to shunning and mocking anyone who says they might be in the wrong. They will run a smear campaign if you dare to raise an eyebrow or an objection to their line of thinking. They love to name-call. "This person is a _" and "those people are all _." They paint with a wide brush and lump anyone who doesn't agree with their sense of entitlement into the category of "bad person." They hide among a flock of yes-men who wholeheartedly cheer them on and praise their over-inflated ego. There is no responsibility or accountability, no sense of self-empowerment, no changing their mind on the fact that the world owes them some kind of debt of gratitude for their presence.

Everyone on this whole planet has been hurt at some point by someone. Everyone has been emotionally wounded. There are no exceptions here. There is no justification for hurting someone else just because you have been hurt. To perpetuate the cycle of abuse is absolute madness.

When are we going to stop being victims and victimizers and start taking accountability and being responsible for our own actions? Not someone else's actions, values, beliefs, or opinions; our own. When are we going to stop trying to fix, manage and control everyone around us and just start accepting things for what they are and meeting people where they're at?

This is a self-reminder. I get so impatient with people who don't understand when they've done something hurtful, or don't feel the need to apologize and try to make it right. I go back into my three-year-old self and start believing that everyone knows what I know and understands what I understand and is able to see it the way I see it. I guess that makes me just as guilty of infringing on someone else's autonomy as the "other guy."

The point is this: don't hurt people just because you're hurting.

There is healing available. There is a chance to change. We're not stagnant and stuck in one mode of living life. It's hard, it sucks, it hurts, it's not easy, it's not fun, but growth is an option.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

DID controversy curiosity

This is going to be controversial and potentially triggering. Before anyone gets upset, please read carefully.

I was listening to a professor of psychology at Yale (I will not give their name) making the argument that Dissociative Identity Disorder is not an actual mental health condition. This confuses me, it's in the DSM-V, there seem to be documented cases of this, and many people say they are suffering from this condition.

This professor stated that DID is a phenomenon that has been blown out of proportion and is not a treatable condition. They went on to say that clinicians have over-diagnosed this condition and people claiming to have it have somehow been indoctrinated into the belief that they really have this condition through media or even through suggestion by the clinician.

The professor said that clinicians have persuaded patients through false memories of having prior traumas that they didn't actually experience, thus convincing clients of memory loss, identity confusion and dissociated states, and said this malpractice was a serious problem in the 1980s through the early 2000s.

This professor likened DID to the phenomenon of demonic possession, in that within certain cultural settings is it acceptable to make a claim that one has been possessed by demonic entities and people don't question the validity of that claim because demonic forces are an accepted belief within the culture.

With just a preliminary search of the topic, it seems to be a hotly debated issue in the psychiatric community.

There are several interesting things to think about on both sides of the argument. I don't have enough information to formulate my own opinion, yet, and I may never be able to formulate an opinion, but I'm very curious about what this professor doesn't agree with about the validity of this disorder and if those disagreements are in any way founded.

On the one side, belief does dictate experience to a degree, hence the acceptable nature of claims of demonic possession within certain cultures; but experience also dictates belief, so that needs to be reckoned with as well.

On the flip side, the condition has apparently been documented enough to be incorporated into the DSM-V and individual experience is not something to be dismissed or taken lightly; but false memories have been demonstrated to be simple to incorporate into an individual's belief system when they are already in an insecure and vulnerable state of mind, like in a therapeutic setting.

I'm going to do my own research and read as many studies, white papers and case notes that I can get access to. Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

This entire endeavor is potentially objectionable, I do understand; and I do empathize and know it can be very frustrating to see that even within the medical community itself, the validity of certain disorders is debated. Individuals have their own biases and shortcomings. Doctors are not all-knowing; they are still fallible human beings.

Again, I do not have an opinion one way or another, I do not have personal experience in this particular diagnosis, I'm not an expert, and I do not discredit anyone's personal experience. I'm just curious and this platform may or may not be a place to get some insight, so I'm just throwing it out there.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

rest relax recuperate recharge replenish renourish rejuvenate remedy recognize remember realize reacclimate realign reinvent reform reinstate restore recover reverberate

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

Personality belongs in the past

Personality is based on things done, said, believed, thought of; a combination of traits that lumped together consist of a character.

Are these things so unchanging that we are doomed to be one way forever? Do we not have free agency to think what we like, to do what we want to, to believe and feel and express ourselves in any which way we please? Must we be so rigid and conformed to one way of identifying?

"This is me, and I do not change." Look at a photograph of yourself from twenty years ago and say that again.

Do not be so eager to know exactly what and who you are that you accept the first thing that makes any sense and never deviate from it.

Where did you come from? Where are you going?

Can you change your mind?

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

It is a lie that in order to have purpose it must come from external factors, that to have value and worth, we must work hard to earn these things.

We are human beings with dignity, with intrinsic value and innate worth. We are not cosmic accidents. We are not the highest evolved lifeforms floating around untethered on a senseless planet in a cold and indifferent universe. We have purpose, though we will not understand the full scope of meaning in our existence.

This purpose, value and worth does not come from anything we do or haven't done, what we think, feel, believe, or the way our existence is received by others or ourselves. It's a gift of being human.

There is no hierarchy of humanity. We're all miserably short of divinity. No one is better than another, no one is worse. When stripped down to our bare essence, we are all alike. We come into this world naked, we leave naked, nothing is taken with us when we go.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

I'm going to make a prediction:

Within the next two decades, Machiavellianism is going to be a diagnosable disorder.

That way, people with Chronic Asshat Syndrome will be able to hide behind their latest PDF copy of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual and say, "The Devil made me do it!"

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

with all the stress over the recent days, let's just chill and take a minute to hug someone we care about.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

It takes exposure and experience to evolve and grow. New is different, intimidating, a little scary. Change is hard. Growth takes a lot of breaking down what you were to become something more. It doesn't have to be a lessening or a weakening. How do you let your exposures shape your experience? Do you continue to experience joy, bliss, ecstasy? Or do you let every new exposure and circumstance dictate your life's experience? Do you continue to be determined, steadfast and resolute to enjoy whatever this world throws at you to deal with?

CAN YOU ENJOY YOUR LIFE?

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

A clarion call to put an end to cosplaying diagnoses

First off, it's cheapening the experiences of people who have actually been diagnosed.

Secondly, it's promoting stigma and misinformation.

A diagnosis is not a shield to hide behind or a weapon to bash people with. It's a life-altering piece of news to a suffering individual.

It's not cute, it's not trendy, it's not a joke.

There are protections in place for people with diagnosed disabilities to foster environments that are accessible and open for all; not to give people internet clout, not for attention, not for distracting from the issues on the table.

Claiming a disability without going through the proper channels is, to me, a lot like stolen valor. If it's against the law to pretend to be a veteran to reap benefits not earned, the same principle ought to be applied to people claiming they have been diagnosed with an illness without a formal assessment.

I am not talking about people who suspect they have a health concern and haven't been able to get a formal diagnosis but plan to, I'm talking about people who have no intention of receiving a valid diagnosis but want to claim they have it.

Receiving a diagnosis is life changing. It can be devastating; it can be a relief. With a diagnosis comes a responsibility to take action based off of the information that has now been received. There is now an opportunity to seek therapeutic intervention and to get help, whereas before it was only suffering without knowing why or what to do about it.

It's a disgusting trend that people are claiming to have a diagnosis for attention or even to rationalize their behavior. It needs to stop.

Sincerely, A legitimately ill mo-fo who will kick your ass if you're falsely claiming a disorder thinking it will save you from the consequences of shitty behavior.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

To the tune of 'Killing Me Softly with His Song'

"Warming yourself in my aura, sipping on my psyche, until you're feasting on my soul, until you're feasting on my soul"