It's not gay if it's for ghosts

//all the cool kids call me Sparrow// mothras mom//Real dimetrodon hours//she/he/they/whatever makes the joke land

[tf2heritageposts]

doing research into my penis options and this is such a funny stock image to use here

[t00thpasteface]

me before i get my paycheck: i'm so excited to spend this on essentials and save the rest wisely

me as soon as that direct deposit hits: you know i've always wanted to learn the theremin

[bells-lettres]

local matchmaker losing it over yet another unrealistic demand from the clientele 🤣🤣

Translation by me. :))

[elodieunderglass]

“Even a slightly increased possibility of summoning rain is still an ability to summon rain” is such a good point

[pinterestinfluencer]

not enough scenes in books where characters kill someone and throw up afterwards. like something has to be done

[boxheadpaint]

And like who the fuck is this guy [gestures to reflection in mirror alone in bathroom

[guerrillatech]

[lemoncat101]

[pointless-letters]

One of the best letters I’ve ever seen just popped up on my Facebook memories. Still makes me laugh.

[pointless-letters]

As today is the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, it’s a great time to revisit Dinah from Devon’s memory of this historic event. And yes, still makes me laugh.

[pointless-letters]

Today is the 54th anniversary of the moon landing, but Dinah’s diary entry is still absolutely magnificent.

[pointless-letters]

57th anniversary of the moon landing and the best diary entry in the history of diary entries. Sit down Samuel Pepys, it’s over. UGH.

[targetedknowledge]

[muffinlance]

Calico out there putting tuxedo on the mats

[do-you-have-a-flag]

[kilosink]

They are asking (respectfully) to see your coin collection (no intentions of taking to add to their horde)

[moreleafedclovers]

@slightlydraconic

[endiness]

[lantruong]

Warm.

[beaft]

common advice for social anxiety is to tell yourself "people aren't going to think less of you just because you said something a bit daft" but the thing is. sometimes they will. and you just have to learn to be cool with that and to treat it as a dnd random encounter rather than letting it ruin your whole day

[beaft]

recent example. lady at my careers appointment had a post-it with her name on it stuck to the monitor, so i introduced myself by saying cheerfully "hello, i'm eliot! you must be [name], it's nice to meet you!" and she stared at me as if i was the stupidest person alive and said icily, "yeah, i'm [name]. congratulations, you can read."

in bygone times this would have reduced me to a sort of quivering blancmange. thankfully i am now in a place where i was able to pull back, calmly evaluate this interaction, and say to myself "this woman should probably not be working in a customer-facing job"

[mchi22]

i fuckin hate games where u furnish/decorate a house because it reminds me i truly have no fucking idea what youre supposed to have in a room

[mchi22]

[cursed-40k-thoughts]

[baddywronglegs]

What other animals would benefit from a hammerhead variety?

[pansyfemme]

sometimes i struggle to use the word ‘bootlicker’ in a negative sense because of sexual desires i will not disclose here

[bagofcoldnoodles]

Is it licking boots?

[pansyfemme]

because of sexual desires i will not disclose here.

[kaijuyuri]

i like how all cats regardless of species can either look rlly badass and cool or just incredibly silly stupid

[kaijuyuri]

my proof

[magicratfingers]

me in my brain me in my selfies