always looking up

wonder whose looking back

[sin-aestheticx]

back in my day tumblr crashed like every six hours but at least you could post hole n pole

[romanceyourdemons]

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

[romanceyourdemons]

#ow

[romanceyourdemons]

#stuck

[guiltfactory]

"why does this monster keep coming back to terrorize me?" because you fed it when it was small!!!

[wheeloffortune-design]

my publisher: Good morning! Huh did you advertise for the pre-sale yesterday? Because we launched twelve hours ago and we already made sales!

me: yeah, i posted on tumblr

publisher: .........tumblr?

me: that's where the gays are.

(link to Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a sapphic western)

[wheeloffortune-design]

update

publisher: And what is your marketing strategy on... tumblr?

me: idk, i shitpost at 2am?

publisher: .....and it works?

me: depends on what the gays find funny at that point in time.

publisher: Could I have a link to your tumblr?

me: .......absolutely not.

(link to Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a sapphic western where 50 year old women kiss and murder)

[wheeloffortune-design]

update!

publisher: I've been looking into tumblr, have you thought of using Blaze to promote your book?

me: NO

publisher: But it seems like an efficient way to get this in front of more eyes-

me: people on tumblr hate Blaze.

publisher: There is no algorithm and you can't pay to promote a post? I don't understand how anyone advertises anything on tumblr.

me: That's the best part. They don't. They can't.

(trying to make him understand that we do not control the attention. We just have to show something shiny and gay enough and if people are interested, they'll reblog.)

(Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a deconstruction of the colonialist cowboy mythos dressed up as a sapphic romance.)

[waitafrikk]

i hate when a book describes a pause as pregnant. get your dick out of the pause

[lunyselene]

terry pratchett is the only person who actually knew how to use a pregnant pause

[sewercentipede]

reading the wiki for the american psycho movie every single thing it’s saying about christian bale has me in tears …….. he literally wanted the role so bad he got that buff in two weeks, rejected every other offer for 9 months while the producers tried to get dicaprio to be patrick bateman bc bale knew dicaprio would chicken out, went to dinner with the director and the guy who wrote the novel IN CHARACTER apparently scaring the shit out of the novelist, took the role for $50k, and then made all his costars think he was a giant freak bc he never fucking broke character, and APARENTLY LITERALLY HAS CONTROL OVER HIS SWEAT GLANDS AND USED THIS IN THE BUSINESS CARD SCENE

[sewercentipede]

ok thanks for the info wiki

[fuckboysecurityllc]

Hey Paul!

[vevader3]

It brings me comfort that, for a brief moment, Jared Leto genuinely believed Christian Bale was going to kill him with an axe

[kedreeva]

I offered to come check on my friend's animals while she's away for the long weekend

She thinks I'm joking

But I'm ready

[eunyisadoran]

Wait. Are there 200, but to be numbered 1-250? Did I read those tags right? 😲

[kedreeva]

Yes there are actually 202 of them, the company sent 2 extra in the package, and I will be numbering them on the bottom with sharpie marker 1-250. This will ensure even if she manages to find all 202, she will never truly stop feeling like there might be a tiny duck somewhere unknown in the house. Lurking. Waiting to appear at the strangest time.

[talesfromtreatment]

#sometimes you must be gently evil to your friends#so they know you love them enough

very very important

[ifririt]

hey op i don't think those are frogs like you said

[armayes]

they're right those arent frogs op.

[kedreeva]

I meant to prank my friend by hiding hundreds of small ducks after saying I would hide small frogs, but it turns out due to some quirk of only 3 people on the entire Internet knowing what a prank is, it seems I have pranked hundreds of other people by saying I would put 100 small frogs in my friends house, when in fact the prank was that it was 202 small ducks.

[kedreeva]

an update. it has been over 4 months and they are still finding ducks

[kedreeva]

1 year and 7 months later:

[kedreeva]

#imagine the dread she felt when she found the first duck and realized op wasn't joking (via @robyn-goodfellowe)

The key to a good prank, imo, is that the person you're pranking should not feel bad. They should feel delight. My friend has 2 kids. She walked in the door from her vacation, and instead of having two cranky children to deal with as soon as she got home on top of everything else, she got two children excited to run around finding small ducks. My friend knows me well enough to know that when I say weird things there's always a chance I'm not joking, and she would have said no (and been respected) if she didn't want this. The prank was never that I was hiding the toys, just which toys they were, and how many would be hidden.

[dontbelasagnax]

Mentioned to my mom I'm asexual a couple months ago and today.... we got into the car and she hit me with, "So you use they/them pronouns now?"

I went, "What. no. she/her."

"How does that work? With she/her/hers and they/them?"

I stared at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Well you came out as-" and I said, "I'm asexual."

She replied, "Like an amoeba, I know."

"Oh. My god. No. Mom. It doesn't- it's not the asexual you learned about in biology. I didn't come out as a single celled organism."

With heavy relief, she said "Oh, it has a different meaning?"

"Yes, mom."

[savetheworldkissaplushie]

[free-and-to-none-accountable]

The President of the United States of America, everybody

[free-and-to-none-accountable]

Nothing bad can happen.

It can only good happen.

[free-and-to-none-accountable]

#thoughtthis was a poem at first and was trying to figure out what it meant

It's actually there's not an alternative to that and as you know, other of the medicines are absolutely proven bad.

[error-404-fuck-not-found]

used to think it terribly silly (and kinda funny) when fantasy or sci-fi stories would have people refer to major recent historical events as The Flood or The Incident or The Revolution, and im sure historians fucking hate that because it's not helpful or descriptive, but we sure do be calling it The Pandemic

[catasters]

[grimark]

did you see they made jane prentiss from the magnus archives real

this is the correct way to feel about having a wasp's nest in your house.

[grimark]

oh fuck you were not kidding

[goldensunset]

i’m really sorry about my behavior. you see, growing up, my family- *remembers blaming all my problems on other people is really annoying and unhealthy* i mean. i am responsible for all the evils of this world and i bear sins like the sky bears the stars

[phantomrose96]

When you meet Edward Elric he gives off the impression that he's the short-tempered hot-headed "violence is the answer to all life's questions" kind of protagonist, and it's in fact incredible character craft that he's actually the character who ends the series with a negative-3 kill count.

[phantomrose96]

people killed: 0

direct orders of "you really really need to kill this guy" ignored: 1

ongoing murders being committed by Ed's own friends/colleagues that Ed got in the way of to specifically stop that murder from happening: 2

[phantomrose96]

God's worst soldier Edward Elric. Showed up as the youngest member of the Amestrian army, took millions of dollars from them, never followed a single order, helped dismantle their fascist regime, left with a lower kill count than he arrived with, then fucked off to go be a house-husband. Character of all time.

[aka-blaa]

You know, when you said "negative-3 kill count," I, who haven't seen the anime, thought, "He resurrected 3 people?????" But I'm seeing here on the wiki that apparently resurrection in this anime is a terrible idea.

[phantomrose96]

Official addition to this post.

[daughterofstories]

I mean, he did sort of resurrect both himself and Al, depending on how you define things, so...

[homunculus-argument]

Literally no reason for a guy to be over 5'7". That's just wasteful use of biomass. You had enough material to make four dudes and instead you made three. That thing is blocking an entire isle in the grocery store.

[homunculus-argument]

I know it's pronounced ayol but you're not making me make a third guess about how you're supposed to spell that shit.

[materassassino]

An isle is an island.

An aisle is a walkway between seats or shelves in a church, shop or on a mode of transport.

They're pronounced the same but spelt differently, meaning they're homophones.

[homunculus-argument]

[tench]

What if I suggest a kitchen island as a compromise?

[prokopetz]

The reason you can't be the next J R R Tolkien isn't because you don't have the talent, but because you're not the right kind of unwell. Tolkien wasn't bent for fantasy worldbuilding; he was bent for constructed languages, and got into fantasy worldbuilding in order to provide a material context in which to ground the notional evolution of the languages he invented. If you want to be the next Tolkien, you can't start with the worldbuilding; you've gotta find something extremely specific to fixate on, and develop it in such depth that inventing a world to contain it is genuinely the most logical next step.

[prokopetz]

#the best route is clearly to get really into a specific kink scenario and invent a world to justify it (via @salix03)

That's not even a joke. Developing a kink scenario so elaborate and so excruciatingly particular that it can only properly be contemplated in the frame of a world created specifically to contain it is genuinely closer to Tolkien's actual creative process than 99% of the stuff that plays at being heir to his legacy.

[psilocervidae]

Green + yellow + orange is a highly underrated colour combo

[psilocervidae]

Look at her don't you love her