Katara Acted Like A.ang’s Babysitter For The Vast Majority Of The Show, There’s No Debate.
Okay, so apparently there’s discourse about whether Katara actually acted maternally/like a babysitter towards Aang. I saw this post a while back, and now I just saw another one where someone flat out denied that Katara was motherly. This is a little ridiculous to me because this just really isn’t something up for debate, it’s an undeniable fact.
So let’s just get this over with.
Two of the biggest distinguishing emotional factors between a caretaker-kid dynamic and a relationship of equals (platonic or romantic) are present within the Ka/taang dynamic, that is:
1. One person always confiding in the other person about their personal problems and the other person never doing the same.
2. One person always playing the role of “the bigger person” in conflicts in the relationship.
1. A.ang confides in Katara but Katara doesn’t confide in A.ang.
This is pretty clear and simple. A.ang has confided in Katara about his intimate personal problems more times than you can count but Katara from the start of the show all the way to the end, never once did this with A.ang.
Just so we’re clear, by “confide” I mean talking to him about her deeply personal issues purely for her own sake, not to sympathize or make him feel better. And we know that she can do this, cause she does it with her dad and then later with Zuko. She shares with Zuko and him only, her most personal and intimate story all without him even asking about it.
Katara: But we were too late. When we got there, the man was gone. [Voice begins breaking.] And so was she. Zuko: Your mother was a brave woman.
Of course all of this makes sense, younger kids depend on their caretaker (parent/teacher/babysitter) for stability and are less emotionally mature than they are, so it doesn’t make sense to dump your personal problems on them and even if you did they’re likely not going to be able to actually do anything about it.
2. Katara is always the bigger person
The times when Katara and A.ang had conflict, Katara always acted as the bigger person in the situation. She either remained patient and tolerated him, apologized first even when she did nothing wrong or she’d choose to just forget about what he did even if he doesn’t apologize.
Katara wasn’t allowed to just stay mad at A.ang and have him work to fix their relationship/conflict. Just to make my point, I’ll contrast it with her relationship with Zuko.
In the crystal catacombs, Katara is angry, frustrated and is not being nice to Zuko at all (rightfully so) and then when she starts to cry, Zuko chooses to ignore the fact that she was just yelling at him, prioritizes her feelings, sympathizes with her and extends an olive branch out to her. She didn’t have to be the bigger person in order for them to reach a resolution, she even tries to apologize for yelling at Zuko and he just tells her that it’s okay
Katara: [Enraged.] I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! [Sits down.] Me personally! [She sits down and touches her necklace, begins to cry.] The Fire Nation took my mother away from me. Zuko: [He turns around to face Katara.] I'm sorry. [Pauses. Katara is now sobbing.] That's something we have in common.
Katara: [Apologetic.] I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
Zuko: It’s Okay.
Then again in Book three, Katara is mad at Zuko and even gets to be a little petty too (again, rightfully so) and he remains patient with her for about four episodes, takes her anger in strides, listens to her and then actively works to make it up to her and fix their relationship. Once again, she got to just be mad and left the burden of reconciliation to Zuko as he was the offender in this situation.
With Aang, the burden of reconciliation is always on Katara, she’s the one who has to always resolve the conflicts in their relationship.
Here, Katara is busy taking care of all the stuff no one else wants to and A.ang suggests she abandons her responsibilities to come watch him goof off, then when she refuses to do that (because she’s not stupid), he accuses her of just being jealous.
Katara : [Resumed filling the pot with more vegetables.] Watching you show off for a bunch of girls does not sound like fun. Aang : [Disappointed.] Well, neither does carrying your basket. Katara: [Annoyed.] It's not my basket. These supplies are for our trip. I told you, we have to leave Kyoshi soon.
Despite the fact that she was not in the wrong here at all, she ends up being the one who takes the high road and goes to A.ang to apologize to him first.
Aang: Katara! You showed up! Katara: [Somewhat concerned.] I wanted to make sure you were safe. You really had me worried….I’m sorry. Aang: Me too…
Then of course, you have the occasions of Katara choosing to remain patient with Aang.
Aang : [Lashes out.] I'm sorry, okay! It's a desert cloud; I did all I could! What's anyone else doing?! [Pointing his staff at Katara.] What are you doing?! [She returns his attack with a shocked look on her face.] Katara : Trying to keep everyone together. Let's just get moving. We need to head this direction.
And then occasions of her choosing to just forget about his offenses without him having to apologize. For instance, the Ember Island Players kiss, after which she just forgets about it by the next episode, or A.ang yelling at her for something that was not her fault in the finale and her still forgetting about it without an apology by the end.
As the eldest daughter myself, it was quite easy for me to recognize what was going on here because I’ve displayed these exact behaviors myself. As a teenager, I never confided in my younger siblings about my personal problems and I tried to be the bigger person in conflicts cause I knew they weren’t emotionally mature enough to actually solve the problem.
I’m sure anyone who’s looked after kids before, especially when you were younger, can relate to what Katara was doing with A.ang and if someone doesn’t believe these behaviors are distinctly reflective of a caretaker-kid dynamic, then there’s one other relationship in which this behavior is displayed, a codependent relationship, where one party (Katara) believes this is the only way to sustain the relationship and feel needed. Take your pick, cause either way, it’s still a bad relationship to become romantic
Textual Evidence And Scene-Framing Implications
When I first watched the show as a twelve year old, I was sold that Katara was going to be playing a caretaker/babysitter role in A.ang’s life by the end of the fourth episode.
We all know what typical caretaker/babysitter/older sister behaviors look like but for some reason, whenever it comes to Ka/taang we pretend like we don’t.
Over the course of the show, I noticed those two factors I talked about above specifically and then multiple framing and writing choices only served to reinforce this interpretation.
You have the typical parent/older sister/babysitter doing domestic work while the kid tries to show them a cool new trick and the caretaker responds with “that’s nice, honey” without looking at them.
Aang: Hey Katara, check out this airbending trick! [Katara taking no notice and continues to sew.]
Katara: [Nonchalantly, still focusing on her task at hand.] That's great, Aang.
Aang: [Disappointed, stops performing the trick.] You didn't even look.
Katara: [Looks over to Aang and attempts to show enthusiasm.] That's great!
Aang: [Dismayed.] But I'm not doing it now.
You have Katara saying she uses positive reinforcement and only “gentle nudges in the right direction” on A.ang complete with her talking to Toph with the typical soft, nurturing and calm mummy tone like a mother talking to her son’s teacher.
Katara: [Trying to help Toph teach.] I've been training Aang for a while now. He really responds well to a positive teaching experience. Lots of encouragement and praise. Kind words. If he's doing something wrong, maybe a gentle nudge in the right direction.
Then of course you have the La Pieta (Mother Mary and Jesus Christ) framing, Katara feeling comfortable dressing up as A.ang’s mum, Katara tucking him into bed, fixing his clothes(can’t remember the episode this happened but I’m sure it did), this scene:
Katara: Stop rubbing your eye and speak clearly when you talk!
Aang and Sokka: Yes Ma’am!
and the list goes on and on.
You then have a whole episode dedicated to diving deeper into Katara’s parentification and motherliness with the characters explicitly stating that she does act motherly and according to Sokka, has been doing so since their mother was killed, which is almost seven years at that point.
(But sure…the kid who never knew a day of hardship or heavy responsibility in his life up until a few months ago is totally on her level, I call that an insult to Katara’s character)
You also have the fact that the show points out that Katara has been doing most of the domestic labor around camp since their mother died and Sokka didn’t because at that point he saw domestic chores as “women’s work” but hunted because he perceived that as being a more masculine activity.
Now, aside from the two distinguishing factors I talked about, if one or two of these framing and writing choices were done, I could’ve given them the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe it was just a mistake, coincidence or it means something else. But all of these things put together creates a context that paints a picture of the true nature of Katara and A.ang’s dynamic.
I saw it that way, so did my family, friends and apparently half of the ATLA fandom. And here’s the thing, a romantic pairing being described as having a babysitter-kid dynamic isn’t a common critique of ships, because this dynamic is quite distinct and easily discernible for most people.
Authorial Intent and Behind-The-Scenes Information
This interpretation of their relationship seemed solid and was quite easy for me to identify, so I assumed A.ang’s crush wouldn’t be taken too seriously and the writers would go the Dipper-Wendy and Princess Bubblegum-Finn route (which would’ve undoubtedly taught kids much better lessons than the ADULT characters telling A.ang and young boys watching to be persistent with girls and eventually they’ll have to come around to you)
So, when they started trying to insert romance into their dynamic (like in The Cave Of Two Lovers), It was like mental whiplash and I cringed so bad. It was so weird and uncomfortable and now I know a large part of that discomfort was cognitive dissonance.
The show made it clear that Katara acted like A.ang’s caretaker and now they were forcing them to kiss to get out of a cave??? Then proceeded to do both dynamics at once?? I don’t know about others, but my brain was incapable of reconciling those two dynamics into one.
When I later got online, I still just got more confirmation that this interpretation of their dynamic was deliberately and intentionally crafted by the writers and was very much their mindset/vision for the characters.
You have this interview by Mike and Bryan done after the show was already airing
Bryke saying in another interview that Katara’s protectiveness over A.ang was a motherly quality, in other words, she acts like a momma-bear towards him and they write it like this on purpose.
You have them saying Katara struggled to accept A.ang romantically because of maturity.
(And these are the guys who pushed for Ka/taang to be made canon and publicly mocked teenagers and kids for shipping Zutara btw)
It’s clear that Katara’s motherliness was a very deliberate and intentional aspect of her characterization.
Those framing choices combined with those two major factors and all the behind-the-scenes information on top of that, it paints a very clear picture of what this dynamic actually was and denying that is a little ignorant.
And I’d suggest that if you make all these arguments to someone and they still insist that Katara did not act motherly/like a babysitter towards A.ang, then just walk away cause you’re arguing with a wall.
Just like how we Zutara shippers are allowed to live in our happy little delusions that Katara and Zuko ended up together with beautiful steam babies, they’re also allowed to believe that Katara did not canonically mother and babysit her future husband.
