Itâs been over three months
since I wrote this poem,
and Iâve been debating,
whether these words,
to show âem.
But this probably needs
to be communicated
even though I know
that youâre gonna hate it.
So without further ado,
*raises glass*
This oneâs for you:
Youâve always liked it when I write,
but this oneâs not about your plight
Iâm writing to express my feelings
about all our prior dealings.
Iâve thought about you intermittently,
but nothing thatâs really consistently,
Though, with time, I imagine
that this will not really change.
I hear you still think about me,
possibly even want to date me,
But I donât want to be around you,
and somehow thatâs strange.
My feelings fluctuate
from sympathy to hate
(neither of which,
to quote Sean,
âencapsulatesâ me
to a totality)
And most all the time it seems
like there wonât be a way
For us to ever
get back together
Because I have no desire
To walk through that mire;
The cost was too dire
To be worth the benefits.
You continued to invade
My personal space
Despite my requests
And continued behests
And so now Iâm writing
âCause Iâm truly done fighting
For something that only
Left me feeling hole-y.
I wish you the best,
And I hope you are blessed
By the One who provides
And wipes tears from your eyes.
And so now Iâll say
Good bye on this day
And hope if we meet
That we will still greet
Each other and stay
on at least amiable terms.
I saw a quote from Dear Abby back in February that encapsulated what I was feeling toward you at the time. It comes from someone who had to deal with an invasive mother:
âThe negative effect [that her continued intrusions] has had on our relationship is profound. I have tried repeatedly to explain it to her, but she has never âgotten it,â so I have created barriers in order to maintain boundaries.â
âI have created barriers to maintain boundaries.â
Iâve addressed your entitlement before, what with slamming doors and whatnot. When I asked for a boundary, you crossed it. When I set up a barrier, still you felt that you deserved to skirt my defenses.
Did you really think you could come barging into my psychic room (Iron John p. 148) and still be considered a welcome guest? That I would love you for it?
Are you still genuinely surprised that you provoked my inner warriors to rise and I slammed a door (my own door) in your face regarding our friendship?
Do you understand why I honored your boundaries so much, even when I disagreed with them? (Hint: I was respecting the personal sovereignty you had over your psychic house.)
And for you to cross mine was somehow okay???
I know you donât like being called âimmature,â but thatâs what it was -- immature.
Iâm not sorry to say it, but I was simply pushed too far -- and taken advantage of too many times -- to want to go back to being friends.
I hope things can be cordial should we cross paths again (because weâve had too much overlap to not cross paths at some point).
Itâs kind of ironic, though, because this is closer to the type of separation that you wanted to begin with: no overlap or communication, and not really any interacting in public. Itâs unfortunate that what you wanted came by my hand and that you didnât have a say in it.
I understand that youâve never had to be strong enough to say goodbye to someone you loved before. I get that -- I really do.
(And I hope that, if you are not already at that point, that you become so one day.)
However, I have had to lay down close personal relationships before, and so I also understand now that this had to have come from my hand.
I wasnât strong enough to do so (again) until she came along. You see, she wasnât âan easy out,â she was the hand that strengthened mine to wield the sword (Iron John p. 4, Matthew 10:34).
Thereâs no putting this Humpty-Dumpty back together again.
But I wish you well in all your endeavors,
Sam
