Too Short Here Now Too Tall Over There

Syl 28 Bi and tired

[number1mongrel]

"You hear that? They're saying The Odyssey doesn't even have nobody!"

"They've got nobody in the Odyssey?"

"No I'm saying they don't got nobody."

"Nobody's there?"

"Nobody's not there!"

"So everyone's there?"

"Everybody but nobody!"

[mymoonandmyshane]

another incredibly tragic thing shane just drops casually happens when he and ilya do a house tour for gq or some shit. the interviewer asks something like “whats the biggest change in your living space since coming out and moving in together” and shane goes “honestly just being able to comfortably live with each other. for a long time we were erasing every tiny detail of ourselves so we wouldnt be caught. but now we can have our wedding pictures on the mantel :)” and everyone dies

[butch-king-frankenstein]

I think those fancomics where Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes is transgender are cute and fun but I also think it's a deep misunderstanding of Calvin's character to think he would transition into a heterosexual normie who goes to her high school reunion. That girl would have neopronouns and fang implants

[butch-king-frankenstein]

Adult Calvin is a tattoo artist named Panthera who is the bassist in a terrible metal band called Captain Napalm and Hobbes helps do faer E injections

[butch-king-frankenstein]

I know it's like 2 weeks too late to change it but I'm so mad I didn't realize that the band would obviously be called "Get Rid Of Slimy GirlS". I walk the road of shame

[parawyrm]

[parawyrm]

@madnessbrainworms pointing at you

[naramdil]

i cant believe there are really people with family group chats. like if your family has a group chat and yall legit talk regularly and send memes and stuff that’s a different genre of reality i cant conceptualize.. ur family might as well be from a teen tv show im sorry it just sounds like pure fiction

[academicblorbo]

Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again

Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net

Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go

[dragongirlbunny]

[shamesonlydaughter]

it doesn’t have to be good it just has to be done

[fiyero3305]

The phrase "They don't want it perfect, they want it Friday" does wonders for my productivity.

[blueindeed]

I tell this story all the time but I'll tell it again! When I taught kindergarten full time, we had a working bee one weekend where we did a bunch of gardening/landscaping in the outdoor area. One of the dads put up a bit of fencing, then stood back and had a look, kind of frowning like he wasn't sure. His wife then came along, and the following conversation ensued:

Wife: GETMO? Husband: (after a moment, with a sigh) Yeah, GETMO. Me: GETMO? Wife and husband, in perfect unison: Good Enough To Move On

Absolutely LIFE CHANGING acronym, friends and enemies.

[gaynehollander]

If there's one thing the Centaurs were not prepared for when Hollander joined their team, it's just how much of an asshole he is. Like, pretty early on Shane's first season with the Cens, Dillon misses a pass from him in practice and Shane immediately goes "did you leave your contacts at home?" in a perfectly bland, inoffensive tone and Dillon, genuinely confused, says, "I don't wear glasses..." and Shane immediately retorts with "well, you clearly need them so I'd schedule an eye test" and then just skates away with the puck while the rest of the Centaurs are left gaping behind him except for Ilya who is folded over with laughter

[themoonandmyman]

Ilya being Irina’s only friend and confidante at the ripe age of 8-12 is very juicy to me as someone who also experienced a parent relying on you and telling you things No Child Should Know at that age

[liberalsarecool]

Abolish the vestiges of slavery. One person, one vote. Abolish the Electoral College.

[jayhassomethingtosay]

I know heated rivalry has been discussed a million times already, but one thing that I appreciated about the show (that I haven’t seen many people talk about) is the fact that ilya is shown to be emotionally unavailable and distant at times but he’s written to be that way without the violence and internalized homophobia thats usually written for characters like that.

Like he’s from Russia, which is obviously anti-lgbtq and it’s shown in the show that he’s not accepted for who he truly is from his dad and brother, but he doesn’t take it out on Shane in the same way it’s shown in other shows of characters with similar traits.

The best example I could think of with characters who fit the description is Mickey from shameless or Lukas from eyewitness. They were often physically and emotionally abusive to their partners and ilya was not and I thought it was so interesting because thats not usually the norm.

[basmatifiedd-deactivated2026040]

i mean fuck i like dick, i like hockey, i like getting fucked, i like ginger ale, i like to puck

[graceebooks]

lowkey hudson better be one of you guys because i can’t live in a world where he sees what’s happening on threads and not this

[sncrlynwtms]

fandom etiquette as a whole died when people who didn’t grow up on fandoms became stans during lockdown, yes, but why am i seeing people openly mocking fics on twitter. why am i seeing screenshots of fics with captions like “bro what is this 😭.” why am i seeing people mock fic writers for not knowing how sports or theater or college or any other organization operates in the real world.

“college is absolutely nothing like this” “why are we writing four people on the team scoring a hat trick in one game” “so tech work is nothing like this, hope that helps!”

if you don’t like a fic, and if you can’t suspend your belief enough to enjoy a fic that exaggerates or ignores real-world orgs, you don’t have to read it. you don’t have to screenshot it and put it on blast for twitter. you don’t have to post a link to it in the replies. the back button is literally there on your phone. it’s not giving baby’s first fandom anymore, it’s giving entitled asshole and it isn’t as cute as you think it is.

[itskurwanumber5]

(book timeline, mind)

2014

Ilya: Have you ever thought of becoming a retail Schindler?

Scott: ???

Ilya: Citizenship process is really fucking slow, and I need a marriage to make it faster. Also in case I get outed.

Scott: You are gay??? Since when???

Ilya: Bi, catch up.

Scott: (flashbacks to Ilya's flirting that felt like chirps at the time) ...

...

Scott to the rescue, they also have fun from time to time, why not.

And then in 2017 Scott would have to explain to Kip why the fuck there is so much stuff belonging to other guy in his apartment? What do you mean you are green card married???

Ilya: ...

Kip: ...

Scott: ...

Ilya: If you guys fuck it up for me, I will be very upset. We have one year left. One year!

Scott: You are literally risking the whole thing with fucking Hollander on the regular you dumb fuck.

Kip: ...You can always say you are swingers though.

Ilya: Are you offering? ;)

Scott: Oh for god's sake.

...

Shane: Do you want to come to my cottage this summer? 🥰

Ilya: ...how about you maybe come to New York.

Shane: Why New York?

Ilya: It's a very long story.

...

Kyle: Babe, who exactly are you dating, I don't understand there are three hot dudes, not one, three, that's the greed they warn you about in the Bible

[writinginasnowglobe]

i think ilya would sometimes use the stupidest things to ragebait shane like one night ilya sees their cens hoodies that have their numbers hanging up in their closet and he says something about how 2 times 4 is 8 so those cancel out and then ilya still has a 1 which is why he's number 1 and that's why he's the best hockey player duh and shane gets unbelievably ragebaited by that. and then they fuck about it. obviously.

[redstonedust]

i understand (on paper) why companies are anti-piracy but its funny when random individuals are also strongly anti-piracy. like how does it negatively affect your life if someone you know downloads a cracked torrent of sims 4. you dont work for EA. EA isnt gonna pay you for this. you lose nothing. its fine. chill out.

[loony-wolf-bird]

Does a fic exist where it's that trope where the guy gets "auctioned off" for charity to like spend a day with a fan or whatever? And so Shane is the one up for auction (thanks mom) and Ilya comes along and just puts down a ridiculous amount of money (it's for charity after all!). And everyone thinks it's hilarious because they think Ilya would do it to annoy the shit out of Shane, but really he wants the opportunity to seduce him?

If it doesn't exist, can somebody please write it? Preferably either pre-hooking up or maybe post-Rose when they weren't talking? 🥺 Roles could be reversed, I just figured it was more believable that Ilya would bid for Shane in a public setting.