Will Darkness

Don't give up in your goals, fight for them.

[jacklhasa]

[historyofchildhood]

The “Uprising of the 20,000″ in 1909 was a strike of shirtwaist factory workers who mostly consisted of teenage girls and young women, many were Jewish immigrants.  The strike was organized to improve working conditions including safety standards in the workplace as well as worker’s rights.  The young workers faced violence and harassment during the strike but ultimately would see all but a few shirtwaist companies agree to at least some of their demands. Unfortunately one of the few employers to resist their demands was the Triangle Shirtwaist Company where two years later 146 workers (still consisting largely of young women and girls) were killed in the Triangle Fire and even more injured.

[leitharstjarna]

— Laura Gilpin, The Hocus-Pocus of the Universe (1977)

[pol-ski]

"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less".

"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained".

"I am one of those who think like Nobel, that humanity will draw more good than evil from new discoveries".

"If I had not been taught chemical analysis by prof. Milicer and dr. Kossakowski in Warsaw, I would not have isolated radium".

"I am among those who think that science has great beauty. A scientist in his laboratory is not only a technician: he is also a child placed before natural phenomena which impress him like a fairy tale".

"Humanity also needs dreamers, for whom the disinterested development of an enterprise is so captivating that it becomes impossible for them to devote their care to their own material profit".

"You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end each of us must work for his own improvement, and at the same time share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful".

"I was taught that the way of progress was neither swift nor easy".

— Maria Skłodowska Curie

[trovadora-de-versos]

“Learn as if you will live forever, live like you will die tomorrow.” — Mahatma Gandhi

[trovadora-de-versos]

[poetry-siir]

“Please take a moment to genuinely compliment yourself.”

—

[trovadora-de-versos]

“I never dreamed about success. I worked for it.” —Estée Lauder

[loganofthenorth]

One of the most frustrating parts of being Autistic is that I am trapped between two communities that either know nothing about my experience, or think my experience was a good thing.

There's the Autism Awareness Community, trying to cure Autism, silencing Autistic Voices, has to be reminded that we are people too, etc.

Then there's the Autism acceptance community. Which at first I loved and was very active in because finally, at long last, people were saying the same things I've been saying since I was eight.

But the issue is most of the advocates in that community are people that went without the diagnosis for most of their lives. They're realizing they're Autistic, the things they went through, the battles going on, etc as teenagers/adults.

A lot of them tend to say that they wish they got their diagnosis sooner

That they wish they got the accommodations

If I told them that I had my diagnosis since I was four (because my mother fought for it) they'd call me lucky.

But...

Being diagnosed as Autistic meant authority figures that were supposed to keep me safe and accommodate for my needs felt that they had the right to control me, to reprogram me like a robot until I worked in a way that was convenient for them.

But I was stubborn and intelligent and had some control issues of my own

So they had to beat me down even more than other students, because using affection, special interests, and accommodations as a reward system wasn't working for me like it worked for the other kids.

So they took my rights. My right to feel safe, my right to education. They made me feel like a monster, someone less than Human, and unless I could learn to 'act human' (they never gave me clear instructions on how to do that) then I would be trapped in the Autism Program until I graduated. Then I'd either have no choice but to live with my parents forever or live in a group home, which would probably be the same thing from what little I saw on tv about them.

I started fighting because at eight years old they told me to wear blue and support Autism Speaks, a company that wants to spread awareness about Autism. I didn't know why it was important to do that, but I knew that if I wore blue I'd get my picture in the news. So, having always had dreams of being famous, I wore my favourite blue shirt.

But my Mom, who actually did research on the topic, respectfully asked if I was sure I'd like to wear blue. She suggested I wear rainbow unicorns or something instead, because rainbow was a better colour for Autism than blue.

But I wanted my picture in the news, so despite my Mom's hesitance, I wore blue. My Mom, one to respect my choices, allowed it.

I am lucky on that front. I was lucky to have a mother that respected me and my decisions and trusted me to be my own person.

And while I was naive, that didn't mean I had no questions. I told my teachers about what my Mom said and tried to figure out why she didn't want me to wear blue. They just told me that she was wrong, and blue was the colour for supporting Autism Awareness.

I didn't like that answer, so when I got home I asked my Mom about it. She gave me a link to a blog called Autism Speaks Does Not Speak For Me, and that's where I began my goal to become an advocate for Autistic Rights.

I thought I would be the first, because they never taught us about Autistic People with successful career paths. They didn't teach us much of anything. They were teaching us to be 'normal.' Which is funny because they kept us socially isolated so, like, we had a very small window of how 'normal' people our age actually acted.

So, to explain why I went into so much detail about this

At eight years old I learned that there was a company that wanted people like me to not exist.

In sixth Grade I would learn that the teachers in the Autism Program weren't supposed to grab my wrist, corner me, pin me to a chair, etc for 'bad behaviour.' I learned that I was supposed to be integrated into mainstream classes (they stopped integrating me in third grade but told my Mom I was still being integrated) and that I wasn't learning my full curriculum.

The teachers weren't supposed to threaten me, use education accommodations, or affection as rewards. (I got a hug at the end of the day if I behaved the entire day. If I tried to hug them not knowing I did something wrong they would stop me and say: No, you don't get a hug because you did (insert Autistic trait here)

I liked hugs as a child because they made me feel secure. Also physical touch was always one of my love languages. But now hugs are awkward and throw me off unless I expected them or they're part of my routine (I always hug my Mom every night before bed) because I think 'what did I do to deserve the hug'

I started doing research to teach myself.

They'd take us to the library and I'd get text books and learn from them.

I did research online and I practiced skills.

I analyzed fictional characters on tv in order to understand the way people interact with each other so that I could mimic being a 'normal person'

I worked incredibly hard to try to 'earn' my mainstream education and get out of the Autism Program.

I went into severe depression at thirteen because nothing I ever did was good enough. My teachers told me I was 'only getting worse' and I couldn't have a conversation with an authority figure without going into a survival response or just breaking down into tears that I couldn't stop.

The only reason I didn't...

The only reason I lived through it was because I couldn't think of how to die a painless death without asking someone how.

Then I'd have to explain myself and they'd think I was trying to get attention.

But then I had the thought one summer. What if I'm not broken? What if the world around me is broken?

After that I purposely went out of my way to be weird, to stand out. I showed off and was loud and forced everyone to acknowledge my presence. I wasn't afraid of 'looking for attention' like the Autism Program made me. I was fire and the world could burn for all I cared.

In eighth grade they finally allowed me to sit in on some mainstream classes, but I wasn't allowed to participate.

I participated anyways.

But I knew when I graduated they would just send me to the High School Autism Program. The only thing keeping me at that school were my friends, but they all left me for other friends or because I didn't like their boyfriends.

So I changed schools, and I was lucky to get a principal that actually gave a shit about his students.

Mr. McRae was the coolest principal and worked hard to make sure I had accommodations.

I had amazing teachers (some terrible ones too but the good ones made much more of an impact on my life)

And guess what?

I graduated on the fucking honour roll.

I was the smartest kid in that school and everyone knew it

I was the loudest kid in that school

I was the most talented kid in that school

...

But I was also very lonely

All I knew was the Autism Program. I came to the new school thinking I'd have to put up with the same bullshit, so I brought all my defence mechanisms with me.

By the time I realized that school was different, that one wrong move wouldn't send me back to the Autism Program, that everyone at that school was weird and their own person rather than a copy of each other, it was too late. I had already made my impression of a girl that pushed everyone away and was incredibly annoying on purpose.

So I spent most of my time role playing on the internet and had a variety of online friends. The stories I have to tell about that could fill a novel, and that's just outside of the role plays.

I'm now starting to suspect that I'm an OSDD 1B system

And I'm working on getting my first novel published.

In some ways I am lucky, but I often wonder if things would be better if I didn't have my Autism Diagnosis.

Sure I wouldn't know why I had so many difficulties, but people wouldn't think they were right to do what they did to me, and I wouldn't have to deal with the things I have to deal with when I tell people I'm Autistic. People wouldn't talk to me like a baby, and people wouldn't see spending time in my presence as an act of charity.

Besides, I had the diagnosis and knew about it my whole life and I still didn't know why I had so many difficulties. I couldn't fit in with Autsitic people either. I was weird as an Autistic Person. I have difficulty walking and keeping balance and I didn't know about having ADHD while growing up.

Now I'm no longer an advocate. I don't know what to fight for anymore, because society is so broken the only way to fix it is to burn it down and start a new one. But that would be complete anarchy and the same problems would start again anyways.

So I'm just trying to figure out how to live the life that's best for me. I'm living with my parents regardless of all my work because I don't want to go into dept by buying a house, and I can't get a job because I'll have to deal with the same bullshit I put up with at school which will put me into trauma responses. I'm hoping to get a career going as a writer, but that can be a gamble so we'll see how that goes.

Anywho, thanks for reading this if you did. I'm not sure what my point is, I just saw another post about how lucky people are if they got their diagnosis from the start and decided to vent here.

Peace

[cococookiedraws]

It’s interesting because I wonder what would have happened if I knew earlier. Would I be treated worse than I already was? Would it help me more? ABA therapy is something that exists, would I have had to gone though it? Who knows.

We need to spread more acceptance, so the next generation won’t have to go through either side of pain, not knowing, and knowing.

[kirain]

Um.

[evilkitten3]

i don't think "flex" is a strong enough word for whatever the last three minutes of my life was

[theclockworkjudas]

That was one of the most beautiful sequences I have ever seen.

[theforcekeepers]

DO NOT DO THIS.

This makes me so angry.

If you work in a movie theater and you do this I have no respect for you.

My younger brother is Type 1 Diabetic.

When we go to a movie theater, we always get him diet soda. If he were to get regular when we asked for diet, we would not give him the insulin he would need for it. If that happens, his blood sugar level could go so high he could go into a coma, go blind, or even die.

If somebody gave him regular soda instead of diet without telling us, that person could be responsible for a nine-year-old being killed or blinded.

Just thinking about that makes me so angry. I get scared every time we take him to a movie in case the people working there saw this picture and decide to do the same thing.

Please signal boost this so people know.

[wreckedupbarnes]

This also applies to baristas

[kimchicutie-deactivated20180618]

Fun story about the baristas doing this kind of shit. 

I am very sensitive to lactose, not Lactose intolerant but because of stomach ulcers that are still healing. A couple years ago I went to Starbucks right after my classes with some friends and asked for a green tea latte with soy milk. The barista, for some reason out of malice and/or hate for her life so she took it out on me, gave me whole milk in my latte.

5 minutes after my first sip of latte, my stomach cramped BAD. Not the “Oh! time to poop!” kind of cramp but it felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife and twisted it. Now I’ve had this happen before so I knew the cause of it. I went up to the barista clutching my gut screaming at her that she put dairy in my latte rather than soy LIKE I REQUESTED. She denied it and called me a “pretentious white girl for wanting soy”and so my friends got the manager. I had to explain that I had stomach ulcers that were still healing and if I were to go to the hospital for this incident, they would be responsible for it.

Manager flipped his shit and the barista was terrified out of her mind. Pretty sure both thought i was gonna sue. Manager actually fired her on the spot because of the negligence. My friends managed to get me home in one piece while I stayed home for 3 days in absolute agony and missed my midterm.

So remember kiddies, if someone is asking for Diet or “Skinny” or “soy” or anything that is not regular, give them what they requested because it may not be them being healthy, but a dietary need that can possibly be life or death

[housebuiltbyghosts-deactivated2]

also if they ARE trying to be healthy you should give it to them to!! Its not your decision to police or question others food choices!!! 

also im lactose intolerant AND ive had stomach infections/ulcers so i feel this. 

[cartoonkatelyn]

I have Celiac Disease, so I’m very gluten intolerant. When I go out to eat at restaurants a lot of people just assume that I asked for my food gluten free because of the gluten free diet fad (which is usually a bullshit diet btw). 

Last month I went out to dinner with a friend at an italian restaurant that had a small gluten free menu. I had been there once before and had their gluten free pasta and it was great! I think one of the managers had been there and was super helpful when taking my order to make sure that everything was gluten free for me. When I ordered the gluten free pasta again this time though, the waitress who took my order all but rolled her eyes at me. I didn’t think much of it at the time, because the restaurant was so accommodating before, I just assumed it would be the same this time.

But sure enough, they brought out my pasta, I ate it, and about an hour later I had extreme stomach pains and was throwing up (in a movie theater no less).

Barfing and agonizing pain aside, eating gluten when you have celiac causes a lot of internal damage that’s hard to notice. The biggest thing is that it damages your intestines, preventing your body from absorbing nutrients properly, which can take months to heal.

So PLEASE, if you work at a restaurant or anything with food and someone asks for something a certain way, please listen to them and don’t just disregard someone’s order. It’s not funny and it can have serious consequences.

[somethingnottooclever]

I will reblog this with every single story about someone getting sick because of an asshole giving them the opposite of what they ordered until it sinks in for everyone.

[sailornightfury]

Recently on the news a 16 year old boy with a dairy allergy had gone to eat at IHOP with his family. The specifically asked if they could make dairy free pancakes and they said yes. Not too long after he had a reaction and was rushed to the hospital. This kid died because the was dairy in his pancakes that they asked for no dairy. His epi pen that his mother had wasn’t enough to help him. I know working in fast food or any job that’s serves food and beverage sucks but not as much as causing someone to get sick over negligence.

[obstinate-nocturna]

My youngest cousin – who is now five, he just started kindergarten – has Celiac’s disease. You would not BELEIVE the amount of times I’ve heard my aunt say she’s ordered something gluten free, only to watch the waiter or waitress’s eyes go huge when she gives it to my cousin – my cousin with the medical id band on his tiny five year old wrist proclaiming I HAVE CELIACS and have to take it back. Shit like this could kill my cousin. Knock it the fuck off.

[iopele]

I cannot tolerate caffeine–it makes me have chest pain and a racing pulse, and also gives me horrible body pain, so I always ask for decaf if I order coffee when I’m out, and doublecheck with the waiter/ress when they bring it. but instead of saying “is this decaf like I asked for?” I always say “oh, did I remember to order decaf?” I shouldn’t have to act like I’m the forgetful one (because I know damn well I asked for decaf) but it seems to work better than implying that they screwed up when I take the blame on myself like that. and if there’s any hesitation when they answer, I tell them, “if there’s any doubt, please get another one, or just give me water–if this is regular, it’ll mess up my heart” and lots of times when I say that, they look alarmed and go change it or get another one. 

but I shouldn’t HAVE to share my personal medical history with strangers just to get my order right! no one should! how is it their business? it makes me really uncomfortable to have to do that. JUST GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY ORDER!

[minnigem]

I’ve reblogged this maaaany times before but there’s a few new stories on here so i’m doing it again.

cut this shit out

[willowfae82]

don’t be that kind of asshole.

[untapdtreasure]

As a diabetic, this would make me so beyond angry. Skinny doesn’t mean they don’t have a life threatening illness. Skinny doesn’t mean they can process sugar the way you do. People that do this are the worst kinds of people. DO NOT DO THIS!

[forgetsuperman]

Me and my family went to a restaurant a few years back and one of the dishes we ordered was made with wine vinegar, which I am allergic to, so we asked the waiter to skip it, and he said sure, no problem, that’s fine. So my food gets to the table, and I start eating and then my throat closes and I can’t breathe and then I start coughing and throwing up right there in the middle of the restaurant and it was very fortunate that I was with my family and they knew what was happening to me. I had to be rushed to the hospital, and admitted, and I came damn near close to having my throat cut open so I could breathe through a whole on my neck. Because they put wine vinegar in my food when I explicitly told them not to, because they were assholes, and I could have died. They probably didn’t mean to hurt me but they did. I missed class, and work, and, again, I COULD HAVE DIED.

[cowthropologist]

i have cyclic vomiting syndrome and can’t tolerate dairy or red meat. violating my dietary restrictions triggers an acute episode, and i have to be hospitalized and given iv saline, ativan, and anti-emetics to stop the (extremely painful and incapacitating) vomiting. if somebody put regular milk instead of soy milk in my latte and i didn’t notice the taste immediately, i could wind up in the er and then spend several days in bed recovering, eating nothing but saltines and dry toast and clear liquids until my body was able to tolerate food again, unable to work or go out or do anything besides rest. whenever i go to starbucks, i WATCH them make my drink. cvs episodes are horrible and i hate them, and i can prevent them if i do everything right, but that means my damn barista has to cooperate. if somebody decided i was a stuck up white girl and gave me whole milk instead of soy they could put me in the hospital and cost me days of income. give ppl the food they fuckin order. it’s not that hard.

[voltspice]

Reblogging because it’s so important. I’m “lucky” I don’t have any food allergies or intolerence, but it makes me mad when people take them not seriously, think you are picky or just following a “white girl diet fad”.

90% of people don’t take my cats and dog allergies seriously when I tell them I’m allergic and wondering if a cat or a dog is present at X place. They think it’s just watery eyes. Nope. Well yeah, watery and itchy eyes, but I start wo wheeze and have trouble breathing. They don’t give epi-pen for those (anyway you have to go to the hospital after) just inhaler. It’s no miracle, specially if I didn’t take other meds before.

When people tell you about their allergies or restriction, trust them!

[40yodater]

Reblogging for all the stories here because this is sooo important! 

I have a severe allergy to gluten and relate to MANY of the stories above. My daughter has a severe allergy to milk fat, and I have had to hold her hair many times while she vomits on the side of the road because we couldn’t even make it home from the “accidental” whole milk instead of skim. 

[greenteamoon]

I’m super lactose intolerant so accidental milk is always fun. Severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, bloating, and gas like you wouldn’t believe. Better than death you might say but, I have other medical conditions, so that diarrhea could lead to vomiting(it’s so bad the vomit comes out my mouth AND nose) and dehydration that in turn becomes low cortisol and adrenal crisis. A bitchy barista can land me in the hospital with an intramuscular shot and saline iv. Hun, it takes no time to listen and follow my order. It takes me at least 24 hours to get out of the hospital. Be nice.

[cleverclovers]

I’m allergic to pork. Legit allergic. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to ask it off my food only to receive it with bacon or ham or something on it.

Please respect peoples food requests. It costs 0.00$ to not be a dick.

[prismatic-bell]

I actually have customers who say they’ll only eat at my restaurant when I’m there, because they know I require all policy to be followed, as in “I will kick you the fuck off your shift if you skimp,” if someone says the words “I have an allergy.” I developed our allergy policies, for that matter, because what we had in place before was “I guess you shouldn’t change your gloves … . ?” On my shifts your gloves get changed, that line gets wiped down with a new cloth, paper under EVERY ITEM for the person with the allergy, bag their food separately to prevent contact. If there’s a risk of cross-contamination with an allergen, like tomatoes in the guac because stuff spills when you’re moving as fast as we do, I’ll open a new bag of food. I learned the ingredients in every item we serve so I could advise people on hidden allergens (e.g., there’s a small amount of wheat in our beef as a thickener; we fry with safflower oil). We have a grease pencil to mark special builds and I use it liberally on allergy orders. If all of this sounds like overkill, you’ve never watched a child suffer from anaphylaxis. I don’t play around.

Like, I bitch about my job a lot, but food allergies and special needs are not something I will ever bitch about. Even if you’re a complete asshole I won’t risk contaminating your food. (Although people with allergies seem to be way nicer than the general population, I gotta say.) Don’t do it. If someone’s a petty asshole to you, give them too much ice in their drink. Don’t play with their health.

[tired-philosopher]

DO NOT FUCKING SCROLL PAST THIS P L E A S E

[iambloggingthat]

Reblogging this again because it is important. Doing the right thing has no cost but doing the wrong thing can cost a person’s life. Don’t be a dick, give the person what they ordered

[blueberryymacadamia]

yes, finally this is on my dash

[toothyblowjob]

luckily i haven’t had many problems with this but if someone gives me an “accidentally” non-decaf drink after i’ve taken my meds I WILL OVERDOSE. don’t fuck with ppl’s orders.

[haunteddhowell]

i have severe allergies to gluten and dairy and large amounts of sugar make me really sick, and i cant imagine what would happen if someone did this to me. dont scroll past this.

[foolblue]

My partner is extremely gluten intolerant, and really badly sensitive to it. He’s very chill about the whole thing, but every time we go out to eat, a part of me is absolutely terrified - it wouldn’t kill him, but I can’t bear to see him in the pain that he goes through when he accidentally has gluten

[rainbowbutterfrosting]

Imma just… hit that reblog button.

[oki-joki]

Many in my family have severe gluten allergies and lactose intolerance. If there’s a lazy food handler, that could severely hurt them. Please don’t be lazy with food. It can kill and incapacitate people.

[aif0s-w]

Hey this is really important please read and reblog this post

[dovewithscales]

People who ignore dietary restrictions are assholes. There is no excuse.

[georgeboleyn-againstovertime]

Medical issues aside, this is also straight up body shamin. If you’re someone who calls folks “skinny bitches” you’re a cunt.

[labelleizzy]

My girlfriend has Celiacs. She went to the spaghetti factory, where they even have different SHAPED gluten free pasta. Thought she could trust this system. But she gets to the bottom of her bowl and finds a piece of regular pasta. Whole bowl was contaminated because someone couldn’t be bothered to fuckin’ wash a colander. She’s got 4 kids under 15 at this point, was in school for her teacher training, and had to spend four miserable days in bed.

Your clean restaurant kitchen makes you a hero. These little things make a HUGE DIFFERENCE.

[serotoninsuggestion]

an author i love just tweeted about how “big joy and small joy are the same” and how she was just as content the other night eating chocolate and cuddling her dog as she was on her Big Trip to new york and honestly. i think that’s it. this morning i was listening to an audiobook while baking shortbread in my joggers and i realised i really didn’t care what Big Things happened in my future as long as i could keep baking and reading at the weekend and maybe that is the kind of bar we have to set to guard ourselves against disappointment. just appreciate and cherish the mundane stuff and see everything else as a bonus.

[serotoninsuggestion]

found it - she was replying to this thread that starts “unpopular opinion: i don’t think your life has to have a purpose, or you a grand ambition; i think it’s okay to just wander through life finding interesting things until you die” and i for one think that’s fucking brilliant

[cococookiedraws]

Your life’s purpose? Do everything you can to make yourself happy. Find your passions. Or go on a long journey to find them. Savour your favourite foods. Snuggle in a blanket with a warm cup of your favourite drink. Spend time with your favourite people, the ones who give you good vibes. Build up the small happinesses. Each one will add to a castle of happy.

[serotoninsuggestion]

an author i love just tweeted about how “big joy and small joy are the same” and how she was just as content the other night eating chocolate and cuddling her dog as she was on her Big Trip to new york and honestly. i think that’s it. this morning i was listening to an audiobook while baking shortbread in my joggers and i realised i really didn’t care what Big Things happened in my future as long as i could keep baking and reading at the weekend and maybe that is the kind of bar we have to set to guard ourselves against disappointment. just appreciate and cherish the mundane stuff and see everything else as a bonus.

[serotoninsuggestion]

found it - she was replying to this thread that starts “unpopular opinion: i don’t think your life has to have a purpose, or you a grand ambition; i think it’s okay to just wander through life finding interesting things until you die” and i for one think that’s fucking brilliant

[cococookiedraws]

Your life’s purpose? Do everything you can to make yourself happy. Find your passions. Or go on a long journey to find them. Savour your favourite foods. Snuggle in a blanket with a warm cup of your favourite drink. Spend time with your favourite people, the ones who give you good vibes. Build up the small happinesses. Each one will add to a castle of happy.

[studentlifeproblems]

[stochastic-shieldmaiden]

Astronomy I-

[mysharona1987]

[slipping-into-madness]