Witty diagnosis

A place I can vent my frustrations through the use of pointless sarcasm.

[witty-diagnosis]

I have no idea how long it's been since I last posted

Hello, it has been a very long while since I was last on here, is tumblr dying? I don't know nor do I care what I do know is I have absolutely horrible memory and a lot of shit to talk about. So expect a big long post thing because for the first time in over ten years I actually went on a holiday, then I've started working on my own game sort of thing that is way more work than I imagined, it's slowly helping me learn photoshop and all sorts of wacky other shenanigans I got up to over Christmas. Glad to be back and see you guys soon.

[witty-diagnosis]

Witty Review #33: Doctor Yeet

Hello guys it’s been a while, well I don’t know what you guys have been up to but I know that I’ve been to see quite a few new movies, all of which I plan to review. Anyway here’s a review of a movie I particularly enjoyed, Doctor Sleep.

So of course Doctor Sleep is a sequel to the classic 1980 film (which I’ve also reviewed) the shining, and although I can’t say I expected to ever see a sequel to that movie, it is welcome. Obviously written by Stephen King Doctor Sleep is directed, editied and written by Mike Flanagan and starring; Ewan Mcgregor, Rebecca ferguson and Kyliegh Curran in her feature film debut which honestly if this is how she starts she’s going to have a fucking phenomenal career. 

So being the sequel to the shining it follows on from those events and kind of summarises the events of Danny Torrence’s life, they move to Florida, Dick Hallorann’s spooky ghost pays him a visit to show him a box which plays a fairly big part in the movie and as he grows up he starts to try and cover his ‘shine’ which goes by a bunch of names in this movie, shine, steam or magic honestly take your pick. His life kind of keeps circling down until he meets a girl Abra (get it she’s magical) and goes to AA and get’s a job etcetra with a steam eating tribe of immortal crackheads murdering the people who can shine and eating their... like steam I guess. Anyway I won’t spoil any other parts of the plot for you.

So Acting is great on all parts, Ewan Mcgregor in particular is great as kind of a world weary Danny who is just tired of his shine constantly creating things that want to haunt him, probably his best role as an addict since Trainspotting, and honestly Ewan probably deserves a reward going from Crackhead to Space monk again, for the second time. It’s really good seeing him change from like a scared kid, to someone who knows he has a talent to like an eventual helper, although the cyclical nature of the shining plot comes into it again. Rebecca Ferguson is a convincing enough villian as Rose the Hat, an immortal shine addict who I wouldn’t say is scary but is more kind of relentless, I mean I’m not scared of her because she’s kind of hot but as a kid I can see why she would be scary. And Kyliegh Curran is great as Abra, considering this is her first feature film she really has a lot of range and comes across as a really likeable character, and she’s a very smart character regardless of gender or age. Just don’t pay too much attention to the lookalike they got for Jack Torrance, let’s just forget that.

The special effects are pretty good when it comes to Rose the Hat sequences as she’s like flying above the earth, seeing all the lights and stuff over the continent is really cool, and how the set occassionaly completely switches plane with the walls acting like a floor and stuff, it’s genuinely really cool. When the True knot members die is kind of cool, sort of like a mummy effect, you just have to see it.

The throwbacks are great with a lot of subtle nods, I mean a ton of sequences from the shining are recreated with a lot of the spirits coming backin a certain sequence but the music brings it all together, we get a great recreation of the first sequence as they travel back to the overlook borderline shot for shot and an excellent and I mean excellent recreation of the overlook hotel, it is almost completely recreated and it is truly a sight to be seen in a scene of disrepair. 

The possible only weakness to this film is subjective. it is an incredibly slow burn in some points with enough time for me to take about 3 toilets breaks and not miss anything, also don’t drink lucozade at the cinema. There is also one unneccesary shot which I get is to show how bad the villians are but sometimes shots such as this one just go too far, and in my opinion this one did. 

I give Doctor Sleep a 9/10 with the only weakness being that one shot, because it just went too far, if you don’t like violence against kids this film might not be for you, however the villians do justify why they are such a target. I recommend you watch the shining before seeing this because without that film it really does not make much sense. but as a sequel that I didn’t expect it is truly great. An underrapreciated box office gem that you guys should check out. Anyway hope you guys enjoyed, I have another new movie to review soon. So see you guys later. 

[witty-diagnosis]

Witty Review #32: We Live in a Society... smash like

Yes bois here it is, my triumphent return, and I’m reviewing a movie finally made for the most opressed people out there, gamers. Yes today I am reviewing Joker. Ooh boy have I been waiting for this and since it’s still in cinemas I’ll try my best to not spoil any of the major plot points. Big spoiler though: We see the Joker in a society, alright I’ll stop with that joke now.

So the second/possibly third good Joker (first being Heath Ledger of course) is directed by Todd Phillips and stars Joaquin Phoenix with the odd appearance of Robert De Niro and Zazie Beetz and Frances Conroy and a few others but it is focused completely on Joaquin Phoenix and his amazing character acting, which is really to the films strong suit, he is excellent in this film, portraying it as Arthur Fleck evolves into the Joker through a series of rather unfortunate circumstances and the actions of other people as well as his own.

An that really is the star, Gotham is at the darkest it has ever been, and really this film isn’t much of a comic book movie at all. It’s more of a character study and being inspired by Martin Scorcese’s works like Taxi Driver really does show in this film. It’s realistic and the time the film is set in the character of Arthur Fleck is plausible. He’s a poor comedian living with his mother with a degenaritive mental illness that is stuck going nowhere fast. His de/evolution into the Joker depending on some people’s perspectives is as I said the product of his own actions as well as a higher class that use him as a figurehead to send a message. There are individuals who believe the sympathetic look at the Joker and Arthur Fleck could inspire real world violence which is possible with any medium or movie but that’s just looking for a scapegoat for real world problems. Looking at this film in it’s own medium and seperating fiction from reality as this still is a villian origin story should be enough to show that this isn’t that sympathetic, Arthur and the Joker both do bad things, and are absolutely not good people in a bad situation. At some points Arthur is downright despicable true to his nature as a the Joker but that the real problem is a tiny minority identify with the Joker in the first place. And if any horrible crimes do happen this is not the film’s fault, it’s part of a medium, it’s something much deeper routed into the person. The film does do a good job of portraying the media as assholes though.

The Score is also really really good with music relevant to that time and the inclusion of songs that are now considered ‘Horrific’ by the media. This being Rock and Roll part 2 by the glitter band, again it is relevant to the time and again the creator should not effect the medium. The song is used brilliantly with many believing it adds a dimension to his character. I don’t subscribe to the notion of the Joker being a peadophile because of the use of a Peadophile’s music but it does certainly give a creepy edge to the Joker, which he didn’t really need. I believe this is just another attempt at shitting on the film, but hey this is just my opinion.

Special mention to the portrayal of Gotham City and it’s much darker and grittier sides. I feel like this version of Gotham is believable and could exist as a real city. It is impovrished and desperate with many unemployed and homeless but it’s also lavish and in your face where the rich live, it genuinely is a sight to behold in a dark way, and the giant stair set is used brilliantly in the film and on the poster, the cinematography helps giving the Joker a much darker tone than any comic book movie so far, possibly it’s only competition being Watchmen.

I love this portrayal of Joker and as far as reinventions go this is phenomanal, Jared Leto has been overwritten by the stellar score, cinematography and character acting of Joaquin Phoenix and the crew who made the Joker and the contreversies created by this film mean it is believable and close enough to real life that the media feels the need to shit on it. I give it a 10/10 and absolutely recommend you go watch this, it is the freshest breath of air compared to Marvel’s excellent but rather similar each movie format and shows that DC do still have movie making chops. 

Anyway I’d just like to thank you guys for sticking around, I know I was gone for a while and that’s not cool but to all of you who stayed and followed I really appreciate it. I’ll try to make this a regular thing, I’m not good with routine’s but I really do enjoy reviewing movies and if you guys do I don’t see why not. Cheers Guys and see you soon,

[witty-diagnosis]

I'm back

As you guys may have noticed I took a massive break from tumblr, and honestly it's because I got a little burnt out with everything. When I stopped Britain was in a heatwave of horrendous proportions, I'd just had a tattoo done that left me unable to bend my arm for a week and move it properly for like 2 after that (never get in and outside elbow done at the same time) and I had uni to prepare for. Now everything is back, I'm living with just one person this time and I'm significantly happier than I was a few months back I feel ready to return with a review in the next few days. So stay tuned as I figure out a film to review and thanks a whole bunch for sticking around. I honestly expected a huge dip in followers, time to get the train chugging again, if of course tumblr usership hasn't nose dived since the ban. Stick around bois

[witty-diagnosis]

Captain we got a leak

Well pucker up boys and girls this is gonna be a deep one, if you’re not interested and purely here for the movie reviews don’t worry I have one written out I’ll post soon, now onto a little update. So I moved back from uni, cool, I got most of my tattoo sleeve finished so I couldn’t bend my arm for a few days and am now peeling like a snake, wowzers, and I broke my fucking laptop in transit while my desktop is in storage so while comic con was on I couldn’t fucking post, what a bastard. So while Dota downloads on my sluggish as old yella level wifi I thought I’d post about a topic that is easy enough to talk about anonymously on the internet, well like one person might know me but it’s been like five years so who fucking cares. and that is how I go about handling my emotions and what appears to be the medias perception of it.

Now I am being bombarded with headspace ads telling me I need to take time out my day to stop thinking about everything as I’m laid spread on my bed just in my shorts barely focusing on the next video in my ever expanding playlist of horror movie breakdowns, maybe summing up the effort to grunt as I press the skip ad button. It could be dead meat, foundflix or spookyrice they’re all fair game for headspace. But the ad made me do a bit of research into how types of people try to handle emotions, and when it wasn’t articles telling me how, it was them telling me why, of course upbringing plays a roll. Growing up is when you learn to process your emotions and being in a home unsuitable for that leads to problems, ones I’ve personally experienced, little bit about me, my father is an alcoholic I haven’t seen in years my mother has had lifelong depression and anxiety and childhood problems and my twin sister is autistic, me I’m just cynical. But that had a profound effect on me, I struggle to open up to people to this day and I can’t cry in front of people, like not I won’t I can’t, I kind of shut down and become callous and rational with a dark sense of humour. And that had me wondering why this happens.

Now childhood aside I’m sure many people, possibly many of you have been or are in my situation, so I went big brain mode, frankly because I wanted to feel the touch of a keyboard again and found the obvious media influences. I mean a lifetime of being told to ‘man up’ isn’t going to do me any favours, the most in touch with my feminine side I am is when I hug my girlfriend. But look at media, when does it ever show men crying, deaths and births and losing or winning championships in football or whatever, so you’re either dealing with loss of a loved one or something you’ve worked your entire life for, or the achievement of a lifetime or birth of your offspring. And what do they do when they cry at losing or winning their lifes work, the thing that drives them, that motivates them and why they wake up, the media insults them for it, calls them crybabies and weak and that it’s heartbreaking and all that other shit. So you achieved your dream, you succeded at something people told you you would fail at, and you’re not allowed to be overjoyed? No wonder so many kids are all kinds of fucked nowadays, not even allowed to take pride in their achievements.

Now lets look at women and girls too, it’s only fair. Now socially we have moved on a tiny little bit from females being the percieved emotional anchor of the household, I mean after all my mother seemed to cut the chain to my household at childbirth. But perceptions are still similar to what they were years ago, I mean take the womens world cup recently, it was phenomanal, America winning pissed me off but that’s because I’m english and they took us out. It felt like the big event it should’ve been, and personally I want women’s premier league in fifa as soon as possible. So the main focus of that final, it wasn’t america winning and Netherlands losing, it wasn’t the expansion to 32 teams next world cup, no it was Megan Rapinoe and her response to Trump saying she won’t go to the White House, now I don’t blame her being he is a huge dick and I respect someone for standing up to their values, but the sheer focus on this response, it being emotional, and what it was called by some as ludicrous and insulting to America and such because it wasn’t what was expected. No what was expected was tears everywhere when the American team won, just crying all over, and tears when they got back and tears when they meet president tosspot. There was genuine questions on commentary when it showed Rapinoe and Jill Ellis hugging but not crying, in fact they said “and the tears are flowing... not with these 2 but they will be soon.” assuming that Ellis, who had already won one fucking world cup had any doubt she could do it again, or possibly one of the most successful women’s football players of all time doubting her abilities. So in this occassion it was flipped, they were berated for not getting teary eyed, some newspapers (thanks Sun) calling them egomaniacs and arrogant for having faith in abilities that have won them it 3 times before. So while men can’t cry because they’ll be called weak if women do then that’s fine but when they don’t is the problem, that makes them big headed and arrogant, y’know not incredibly successful and talented. 

It doesn’t matter what gender you are, the influence that has on people, especially kids who take everything in is massive, You shouldn’t need to hold back anything when you achieve something, cry, smile do whatever you’re feeling, achieving something is achieving something, it ignores gender and sexuality and all that stuff, it doesn’t care about that stuff, the american women’s team won because they were that good, Liverpool won the champions league because they were that good, Rocky beat Appolo Creed, Million Dollar baby was sad but she won, Nyla rose is making waves for transgender wrestlers in AEW as is Sonny Kiss for homosexuals, I mean he’s fun to as hell to watch. The way emotions are handled are dictated by upbringing and that’s how it’ll always be, and ‘man up’ and ‘big girls don’t cry’ is still out there, it had a huge effect on me personally as I’m sure it did on many other people but thankfully it’s slowly dying down, I’m not saying it’s okay for people to randomly burst out crying in the streets, please be considerate to others and let’s not take it too far, but maybe like headspace, take a few minutes each night, maybe lay down, blast some low-fi chill revision mix and take some time to unpack what’s bothering you, figure out a rational way to work around it, being an emotional person isn’t an excuse for irrational actions that cause yourself and others harm, act like an adult and adress the problems in yourself then resolve them in real life. Because you’ll get nowhere fast if you leave problems you can solve unnatended, it’s like lighting a firework and expecting it to not go off, just because people can be arseholes doesn’t mean you should be, being a good person feels good, it’s emotianally rewarding even if you don’t recieve thanks, just remember there’s being nice then there’s just a litte too far then there’s slow down buddy. And hell adressing that problem can be your first achievment and you should be proud.

Anyway guys I went a little, or a lot off topic there but I hope this helped a bit, it’s nice having the tactile keys of a keyboard back and aleviating some boredom while proving that yes I am fact still alive, anyways I’ll post that review in a couple of days so see you guys soon.

[witty-diagnosis]

Witty Review #31: Cerebellum

So here it is the long awaited return of reviews, I put down mario maker for this and honestly I’m glad to be back, despite the heat and the fact I’m itchy all over for some reason it’s time to review John Wick 3 - Parabellum, spoilers it’s pretty sick.

Directed by Chad Stahelski, of well John wick fame it is the 3rd film in the franchise, and quite possibly the balsiest of them all. Starring the internets favourite person, honestly finally getting his deserved recognition, Keanu Reeves with support from Halle Berry, Ian Mcshane, Lance Reddick and Mark Dacascos. This is mostly because it’s called John Wick for a reason, and that reason is he doesn’t need these people he simply allows them in his life through killing the right people. 

So let’s get to the main dish, the fight scenes, yep...

for a bit more detail they are genuinely some of the smoothest scenes in any action franchise and as said earlier the ballsiest and best in the franchise. Not to give spoilers but you get a fight in a library, that is the first one and it’s pretty god damn fun to watch. Also get a fight scene with 2 dogs and a Halle Berry in some like coin minting plant, yeah I’ll leave that to you. A shootout in a hotel lobby with a concierge proving it is his god damn hotel and of course, the best, the perfect, the only one I can truly picture every single scene of, the fight in the weapons shop, especially the knife bit, if that isn’t the best use of throwing knives in a whole genre, and some of the most brutal looking kills then call me Jonathon Thicc. 

The music is of course amazing, you have your drawn out tense sort of orchestral bits, present when he returns to his mafia roots and in a few of the fight scenes when it looks like he’s about to lose, you get the epic symphonic buildup when of course it is building to scenes, and the perfect fit for John Wick and payday 2, the most brilliant use of this genre and it’s kind of lacking in the movie, you get the Dubstep fight scenes, I love them they’re brilliant and there’s a few in there, not enough but the ones that are are fucking sweet.

so we’ve covered action, we’ve covered music all that’s left is acting, and yeah it’s pretty good, no one phones it in, Ian Mcshane is his usual suave murderous self who’s a bit shit scared of everything, Lance Reddick plays the concierge brilliantly with quiet confidence and Mark Dacascos plays a kind of psychotic sushi assassin samurai ninja that always has some clever remark, Lawrence Fishbourne plays his kind of weird like gypsy bird genius, like John Wicks master of secrets and of course Halle berry plays Halle Berry, except she doesn’t shoot lightning in this one. And Keanu Reeves plays a more badass murderous version of himself with some amazing dress sense and unbelievable luck, also guns.

but overall this film is really really good and I recommend you go watch it, but only after watching the first 2 as it isn’t relatively for newcomers to the franchise, you need to have seen them all, and it ends on a cliffhanger, like an obvious one with text and everything, it’s sad it ends that way but it’s good that we’re definitely getting a new one. I give this film an 8/10, it is truly excellent but that lack of welcoming to new watchers and the cliffhanger ending really take away from the film, but yeah go watch it.

So I hope you guys enjoyed, I should be moving home from uni soon so my output will drastically increase, if comic-cons soon I’ll talk about the reveals there and all that and yeah let’s just look forward to summer, also got more movies to review, dark phoenix and all that so see you soon and make sure to keep looking out.

oh yeah cinematography, phenomenal it is just so well shot, everything is gorgeous and neon drenched or sun drenched or blood drenched, it looks stunning. 

[witty-diagnosis]

I am still here

Hey guys, know it's been a while, sorry for not remembering I've been real busy with a 'summer' (weather not really fitting the description) job while at uni so everything has slowed down, I am still watching movies and I will be posting a review this week, time permitting, if not I'll write it late at night on word or something and just copy and paste it into tumblr. I have a few films recently released that I've seen that I have a few words to say, dark phoenix, John thicc 3 and all that. Anyway I'll see you guys in a few days, and I really appreciate those who have stuck around, I know I'm a bit shit at putting stuff up but I do appreciate the following. Thanks

[witty-diagnosis]

Witty Review #30: Detective Peek at you

Hey up guys been around 2 weeks since the last review so to make sure none of you leave I thought I’d spew out a toxic deluge of a review. Now recently with uni finishing I’ve had significantly more time to indulge in movie watching, including for around a month thanks to McDonald’s monopoly having a Now TV pass for a month and a few visits to the cinema. My second most recent visit included a trip to see Detective Pikachu, so lets chat about it.

So directed by Rob Letterman who also directed masterpieces of modern art such as Shark Tale, Gulliver's Travels and Goosebumps this is by far his best movie. Based on the 2016 video game of the same name, which honestly really surprised me because it wasn’t an absolutely huge release of a game. But honestly it’s the perfect pokemon game for a movie, the regular pokemon games are all a bit too childish so a game such as detective pikachu presents the perfect chance for adaptation and they really capitalised on this. But based on what I said it is of course based on the famed Digimon franchise. Starring Justice Smith, Ryan Reynolds and Kathryn Newton with support from Bill Nighy and Ken Watanabe. And honestly it’s a really good performance from Justice Smith, considering he isn’t really well known as an actor a lot of his scenes bring genuine emotion, especially when he talks about his dad. And Ryan Reynolds is as always really good, not phoning this one in like many suspected he might do, and with his usual energy he makes a really good, and obviously very marketable main character in Pikachu. 

Now the main part, that everyone wants to talk about... The fact insurance companies exist in the Pokemon world. They must have to pay a premium to have insurance when fighting with these possibly deadly monsters. Now the actual big bit, the pokemon being made into CGI, and honestly for most of them it really works. Pikachu looks amazing, the scenes with Mr. Mime are pretty funny, while also really showing off a lot of detail, he has dodge ball shoulders. The Greninja chase is cool, and just all the little details and pokemon they managed to fit in is really impressive, and seeing how they might look is really cool. Of course apart from gengar, he needs to be more round, he’s a fat boi not an oblong boi that’s why I love him.But other than that, and how they did a really weird plot point with like one character mind controlling Mewtwo and his voice coming out his mouth just being strange it’s a really good film, and enjoyable for everyone, kid’s will love pokemon and adults will enjoy the plot and what new sort of things we learn about the pokemon world seeing it in this whole new dimension, like the ones with fur and what certain attacks are and how big and feared a gyarados is and alsothe pokemon, because you’re never too old for the Pikachu. Although ignore the fact one of the characters kind of implies he ‘evolved’ himself he cured cancer. which is a little weird in a kids movie.

And the music, oh the recreations of classic battle music is awesome, we get mewtwo’s battle music, we get the classic battle theme and of course we get Ryan Reynolds Pikachu singing the theme song to the entire franchise while crying, a scene I’m sure we’ve all imagined. 

So overall yeah this movie is pretty good, I’d recommend it with your mates, by yourself, with your family and kids, it’s a really enjoyable film for any situation and you can look for the deeper details or you can enjoy the superficial fact ‘pokemon look real now’ and that we get like a middle aged pokemon trainer and the peer pressure faced to leave home and get a pokemon partner, which I mean why not it’s a little creature that can shoot flames and shit, and some are god damn cute. but apart from the weird implied cancer cure and the Mewtwo bit it gets an 8/10, I’d recommend you go see this.

Hope you guys enjoyed, my next review will be on another cinema trip movie, John Wick 3, so I’ll see you guys later this week.

[witty-diagnosis]

Witty Review #29: We Were in the Endgame for a bit

Big yikes to the fact I’ve dissapeared for like a month or 2, sorry about that I just completely forgot to upload, I mean I have been a bit busy but excuses eh, anyway let’s review Endgame before I completely lose all my following.

So yeah directed by Russo Brothers, sequel to Infinity War culmination of 10 years of storytelling many many people grew up with we all know, of course this review is gonna contain spoilers but I assume everyone who wants to see it has seen it by now.

So Thanos is a farmer, then this crazy bunch of wacky superheros comes along and fucks him up, but it’s cool because he’s inevitable and now he’s fucking dead.

Anyway cut to 5 years in the future, hulk dabs but that’s cool because Bruce Banner welcomed him into his life rather than stopping treating him like a ‘virus.’ Must say that’s the angriest fucking virus I’ve ever seen, although can you blame him he becomes green and Jacked and yet somehow he’s still a super genius. Cap shaved and now has a self help group with the first actual gay marvel character, of course people aren’t happy about that because we always need more despite it being difficult to write a gay character that won’t piss people off in some way, either by not being gay enough or by being too gay, but that’s okay because Brie Larson is going for it, despite being a bland as wood actress, extremely arrogant in both real life and as Captain Marvel and trying to put herself across as the biggest star despite being an incredibly dislikable person with her using a ton of buzzwords to appear Woke while having a movie devoted to her character that after a second viewing is mediocre at best in my opinion, as you can tell I don’t like her. Anyway Tony has a cute as hell kid and a family and suddenly discovers time travel like it’s nothing, no big deal huh. Well while that’s happening Master Splinter has already saved Ant-man by hitting the right button and he’s found out time moves differently in the quantum realm. Black Widow has lost a tiny bit of red hair with the tip of her ponytail being blonde while Hawkeye has made the biggest change becoming Ronen and by far the most badass character in the movie, I mean he even has a faux-hawk.

Anyway they go back in time shenanigans ensue, we all admire captain americas ass but oh no, Thanos time travels with the help of not good nebula, oh yeah Nebula she finally gets the air time she deserves, good character, who needs captain marvel for the strong women’s movement when Nebula is a more developed and much more likeable and badass character, why get a haircut when you have none eh. Anyway explosion that should’ve killed antman dead, chase with big gold glove, click before that, does it succeed we don’t know, crispy fried hulk-banner dabbing hand. Oh yeah fat Thor joke, they killed it dead but he had a nice moment with his mum. What else... big battle, lots of cool action, very pandering scene with all the women that absolutely isn’t neccessary and makes no sense. It’s a fucking huge crater about 4 miles big how did they all get to one exact spot, should’ve just been Pepper as Rescue, makes more sense she deserved her own scene after like 5 movies too. Anyway I am Iron man, click clack boom, Mr Stark doesn’t feel so good but that’s okay because Hamburgers and he loves them 3000. Cap gets the happy ending he deserves, peggy gets a delicious husbando and Falcon recieves a metal disk passing on the avengers the N word pass, and that’s what everyone wanted.

Good movie, little bit pandery in spots and wasn’t that emotional but I never cry. Don’t like captain marvel but she doesn’t get a lot of air time so I don’t think they like her either, good, good way to end the series, gonna miss chris evans as cap but lot of excellent set ups for sequels, please make thor jacked again 9.5/10

[witty-diagnosis]

Witty Review #28: Love, death and consistent uploads

Well it’s totally not been 2 a week, which, well sorry guys I really cannot stick to a schedule, but that’s cool, tumblr has haemorrhaged like a 5th of it’s users, glad I didn’t upload adult content. Anyway lot’s of work, blah blah blah, I’m at uni I apologise. Playing through fallout 4 again which is cool, anyway let’s review Love, Death and Robots.

So it’s a bit more difficult to review since it’s an anthology series, but I’ll just talk about my favourites and art style and sound etc, serious animatrix vibes, another good anthology series you guys should check out. Anyway this series doesn’t really have any stars per se due it’s nature as an anthology but it does have voice actors like Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Topher Grace, David Fincher gets a mention as well being a producer of the show. 

I binged this all in one day so I apologise if I’m a touch forgetful but I do know quite certainly that this show is not suitable for kids. You’ve got a whole lot going on here, and absolutely none of it seems to be linked, all sorts of animation styles to different themes, some are quite joyful like alternate histories and when the Yogurt took over, which yes does contain sentient yogurt. But it’s more about the variety of animation and themes than characters here, from the photo realism of stuff like Ice Age with Mary Elizabeth Winstead to the very striking and quite blocky look of Zima Blue, it truly is phenomonal, variety is the spice of life. My personal favourite is the witness, it’s a cyclic story of somebody being killed then a resulting chase then the seemingly wrong person dying, it’s super interesting.

I mean there really is just so much to cover, all sounds are fitting to the theme of the short story, the Yogurt took over is pretty jovial but has some spooky sound effects, the witness is eerily creepy fitting with the theme of the chase and the plot and Sonnie’s edge has the technoey effects with fittingly cool roars for some of the creatures.

it’s really hard to cover this but just the sheer breadth of the themes covered, from comedy to horror to thriller to fantasy, and the amount of animation styles are just amazing, the photo realism can be absolutely breathtaking and stuff like alternate history is very cartoony, Good Hunting is Animatrix through and through. It’s very much like Black Mirror animated and it is phenomonal. I give love, death and robots a 9 out of 10, just because some stories were slightly tropey, but I absolutely recommend this show.

As usual I really am sorry for the delay, my work started coming out of nowhere, I mean just this weekend I’ve done 4 pieces. Anyway I will try and stick to more than once every like 3 weeks, I really appreciate you guys sticking around.

[witty-diagnosis]

Witty Review #27: These long days

Wow it has been like three weeks since I last posted anything, and I feel pretty bad. Sorry guys everything kicked in and I kinda forgot, but good news is I have got lots of new stuff to review, and the first one I’ll be doing is not a happy film, but it is a good one, a very good one. From 2013 it is called These Final Hours.

So directed by Zack Hilditch and starring Nathan Philips as James and Angourie Rice as Zoey. So the film is set in Perth in Australia right after a comet has impacted the earth, and it’s a doomsday event, everyone is fucked there’s no saving yourself, and it’s not about that these people aren’t trying to save themselves. The story is about James and his redemption, and it does this pretty well. It starts with James doing lines of coke and trying to numb the fact he’s going to die in 12 hours, understandable although coke is good for most days, not just the bad ones. And he plans on going about this by going to a massive orgy sex rave party thing that’s just a clusterfuck of crazy people who know they’re fucked so just indulge in every taboo, or as it’s known, Hull on a friday night. 

Well it just so happens that James saves a small girl from a bunch of peadophile rapists, something I’m sure we’ve all done but this guy gets a movie, I know life is unfair. Well it just so happens this girl needs to get to her dad, she’s around like 10 so James has to get to the party, or get her back to her dad and family, I’ll leave it there for plot. But just to let you know there is really heavy themes that are executed fairly well, it’s a creative spin on doomsday, we know they’re doomed but what now?

So the positives, the themes are handled well, the complete doom people face, well there would be a societal breakdown, and people would just off themselves, a few are darkly comedic but it makes sense, all of humanity is doomed, they had 12 hours left, that’s it, and they handle it realistically, some break down, some off themselves and some like the party just say fuck it and enjoy those last 12 hours, it’s an interesting spin on the world in the movie, it makes you interested to see where he’s going and what he’s doing because it’s all well thought out, after all it’s all he has left. The redemption is done well, I mean this guy isn’t a terrible person, he does bad things but the pressure on him, and something his girlfriend does helps to go a long way to explain his actions, and how over the movie things he sees change him, he reevaluates his actions and sees what is worth doing and where he wants to spend those last 12 hours. Angourie Rice as Zoey is a convincing 10-12 year old girl, she’s sassy and smarter than her age but at the same time she needs a parental figure to rely on, that being James. And one scene between them near the end of the movie is heartbreaking and almost made me cry, it was so well shot and you could feel the impact it had on James, it was extremely well acted.

Now onto the negatives, there were a few sort of silly moments, for example a machete wielding mad man jumps into the car with James and starts wafting it about, that was small but just wasn’t too necessary, we can see by the darkly comedic ‘Sorry had to leave so soon’ written in blood on a wall next to a hanging body that the world has gone to shit, don’t really need a 5 minute chase with a mad man to see that. The plot although handled well is still an end of days one, just with an interesting spin that there is no hope, it’s gone. But overall there are few, I mean it even gets engine overheating right towards the end, that is cool.

So overall this film is very enjoyable, if not very hopeful, it’s nice to see a film with a protagonist with a redemption arc, although it isn’t a happy ending, and some moments are so dark and heartbreaking with some being dark and comical, something I’m a fan of. Overall I’d recommend this and say if you’re in a dark mood and want an enjoyable film give These Final Hours a go, it is excellent for what it is. 

So I hope you guys enjoyed and I’m sorry for such an extended leave of absence, I’ll make it up to you with a few frequent reviews over these next few weeks, maybe try for 2 each week, anyway I’ll see you guys soon, and I’m glad to be back.

[witty-diagnosis]

New year new me...right?

So I’ve had about 3 weeks off from my last semi-drunken post (hope you all enjoyed) had a few uni exams, so had to focus on those too, but now I’ve got some free time and guess what, I’m actually really enjoying it thank you for asking. Nah I’ve took to learning a new language, I’ve always wanted to and the course was on sale so I thought why not may as well. But for now I need to find a movie I can write a review about because it’s long overdue, and I miss doing them. I mean I’ve built up a pretty sizable audience of you fellas not to flex on yall and I feel now that you all seem to enjoy the reviews. Maybe I’ll reminisce today.

So any of you remember the strawberry jawbreakers from like year 7 at secondary school, for my americans that’s like 12 years old so like middle school I think for all the americans and I don’t know, canadians I guess. But what you’d do is after school, so around 2:30 you’d take your saved pound from dinner and go in and pick up a 4 pack of jawbreakers, and every day you’d see how many you could finish at once, I remember one time I managed to fit all 4 in and was happily chewing with a very full mouth until they started getting sour, bought the wrong ones, the ‘acid lime’ flavour, yeah I started frothing at the mouth like a dog with rabies, I remember my face hurt from laughing and also from the jawbreakers, of course none of my friends helped, we were small town working class english, we laughed at your suffering for a good 10 minutes before we’d help you. I miss how easy being 12 was, I mean I wasn’t clinically depressed till 13, then again I wasn’t working out so maybe I don’t miss it so much. 

Now looking back I mean this memory is as minor as minor can get, but for some reason it’s one I remember the most. I mean if I was to live my life by anything it would be to enjoy the little things, I mean the big things are nice, having a kid or getting married or whatever, can’t say I have experience but I imagine they are, but it’s the little things that really make everything better, I mean if you went to the gym and walked out and woke up the next day jacked as fuck it would just be like ‘oh cool’ but if you went consistently every week for years and grinded away, with all these crazy experiences, seeing a guy backflip on a treadmill as a warmup or seeing a bodybuilder doing handstand press ups or watching a guy go on all fours on the stair climber, that crazy shit and the hard work makes it so much memorable and so much more worth doing. I enjoy reminiscing sometimes, I mean I haven’t had the most amazing life, a lot of it hasn’t been the best and there’s somethings that I can’t let go of or forget, whether they be good or bad, but your life is your own and it’s always gonna be that way, you grow with your experiences, whether they are good or bad, too much of one creates an imbalanced person, whether they be too egotistical or arrogant or shy or nervous or anxious or whatever, you have to learn to live with everything because unfortunately it doesn’t go away. 

Now this whole speech may be out of nowhere but I found out on maybe the 4th of this new year that a girl I was in classes with and often spoke to in school is dying of stage 4 cancer, she cancelled the treatment and everything, she’s done. And it’s not my job to feel sorry or pity her, I imagine she just wants to be treated regularly in what time she has left. I’m not gonna mention her name, although it is unusual, or say I was incredibly close to her or look for any sort of sympathy. But this girl I went through 5 years of school with is going to die at 20, she doesn’t get to grow up, or to make mistakes or to start a family or anything, she’s done. Now I get chances she doesn’t I can keep going with my life, possibly start a family, or a successful career or whatever, and looking at what I have now as a uni student I can only be thankful, not some insta #blessed bollocks, genuinely thankful for who I became. I come from a small town like I’ve said numerous times before with not many chances and not a very well off family with which I have a very strained relationship, but at least I get that chance to keep going, what happens I have no fucking clue, and quite frankly I’m most likely alone in the whatever I choose to pursue, but it’s mine, and it’s a luxury. 

Now I’m sorry for the downer but I thought this rather shit situation could be turned into a lesson or something, of course it’s serious what’s happening to her so if you feel like it affected you feel free to bugger off and not finish reading I won’t be offended, we have been an unluckiy year though, one girl dead a few years ago in a car crash and this girl dying, we only left school 3 years ago but I’m sure it happens. Anyway hope you got some enjoyment out of this and I’ll see you all again soon with a more upbeat movie review.

[witty-diagnosis]

New years special

So I apologise, because I’m a little drunk, mostly tired, but hey I’m alone at uni so I’m excused (if you’re alone I’m there, in spirit, hear the toilet flush, that’s me). So currently I’m sat watching Madness, I mean they’re catchy, but I can’t say they’re of interest to me. 

So what do I talk about, I mean I could do resolutions, or reveal a bit more about myself, or honestly I’ve hit a block, I really shouldn’t have had those half and half amarettos and Dr. Peppers. Oh well I’ll talk about what a new year means to me.

So usually people make resolutions they can’t stick to, or instagram girls post about how strong and independent they plan on being, or how hard the year was and how much they’ve grown. I mean that’s fair but honestly it’s bullshit, the only test they’ve had is credibility and they failed that so you can’t really say you’ve changed. See every year without realising it I’ve changed a massive amount, I think everyone does, but I don’t need a quote from some generic instagram inspirational shit for that because for me all that matters is I realise it, and I have, I mean I may have an alcohol induced headache and feel like I’m ready to dose off at any moment but hell I still know. Now everyone who reads my blog, you have some similar quality to me, either that or you enjoy watching reviews and someone gradually breaking down, either way you are welcome here. But I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that face when someone realises just how much you’ve changed, but there’s something about it, them realising they can’t say shit to you, or in my case that I’ll say shit back that is possibly worse than what they told me. 

But onto resolutions, I mean no one ever sticks to them, and it’s bad, but it’s true. I mean I try my best but a change that fundamental to your person isn’t something you can do in a day, I mean I’ve been working out like 5 years and I started at christmas, I didn’t join some gym on new years and use it once, I forced myself to do it and put something with it, for me it controls my depression and without it after maybe a week I start noticing I get really bad mood swings, it is my equilibrium. That’s how I did it, you don’t suddenly do this thing, you have to work for it, ‘earn it’ as Tom Hanks in saving private ryan said. That is completely out of context but I’m happy when I look in the mirror and see the shape I’m in but I can’t stop because I know how bad I can get, I don’t want to stop, and honestly I know now I can’t, I enjoy being in shape, I mean recently I twisted the neck off a Bailey’s bottle trying to open it, now I didn’t realise that I’m that strong,and honestly it’s time I stop subtle bragging. But the message, a resolution is not some miracle, you have to work for it, most people can’t, they give up. You just gotta make sure you don’t fall into my group, and you chose to follow me, so you don’t. 

To me a resolution means nothing but an empty wish, it’s not even a promise because not enough have come true to warrant it becoming a promise. But if you can stick to that, well damn dude you’ve got some willpower. But if you say come to a gym on new years, I’m not gonna try scare you off or embarrasss you, if you do you’re a dick. At least you’re trying, even if it fails and you mess up the resolution you tried, and if we had more triers then maybe we’d get somewhere. And it’s a real shame because there could be so much changed if just one person stuck to their resolution. So I want you all, everyone who reads or takes heed to go out there and try, hell if you want to tell me about it I’ll make you feel better about it, because you’re my followers and you’re all cool as fuck.

Now I hope you enjoyed my tipsy ramblings, watch Luther on BBC tomorrow, it’s my favourite TV show, let me know your resolutions and god damnit go get them, I’m rooting for you. So Happy new year, go get em fellas and lasses 

[witty-diagnosis]

witty review #26: Quite literally a boxing day

Well it’s 2am in the UK but hey I’m sure I have an american follower and over there it’s 9:02pm so it still counts. Anyway here’s a review of a movie I’m a franchise loyalist of, Creed 2. Now I love the Rocky franchise, even number 5, with it’s terrible, terrible writing, but I love my boi Balboa, but this film, although very enjoyable, did not capture the spark like the first one did.

Now being directed by Steven Caple Jr and not Ryan coogler really shows in the movie, the fight scenes don’t pack the same punch, mostly because they are shot differently, I mean they are okay, but honestly they were kind of a let down, which is kind of the summary of this movie. Micheal B. Jordan puts in a really good performance as Adonis Creed, as does Sylvester Stallone as Rocky, he is that character, and Tessa Thompson is good. The biggest issue with casting is the use of Ivan and Viktor Drago, or Dolph Lungdren and Florian Munteanu, the scenes they are in are pretty good, but this was the perfect opportunity for a deeper look into them as characters, and it kind of goes for that, but just not enough, and it’s such a god damn shame, because when they did, like at the end of Viktor’s second match with Creed it was excellent, or a scene involving rich russians, a meal, and Brigitte Nielsen. 

Now from one let down to another, the development of Adonis as a character. At some points in the movie, he kinda looks like a whiny bitch. So this guy is an undefeated boxing champ, with a new wife and a kid on the way/to look after, and for a solid half the film maybe a quarter, he fucking mopes. Yes it’s understandable, his arse was well kicked by Viktor, and the process is to show him growing up, but he goes from being headstrong in the first one with an understandable passion to being almost irrationally quick to anger, he’s undefeated it’s bound to happen, you think you can take on anyone, but even when he ‘loses’ he still has a wife, a kid and the belt, this is obviously subjective but to me he was dislikable for maybe an hour, up to the meeting with Rocky and the kick ass fucking training montage.

Now it wouldn’t be Rocky without a fight scene, and honestly, they’re not the worst in the franchise. they beat 4 and 5, but that isn’t too hard to do. Something just feels like it’s missing, now there are sweet moments, him beating the canvas to get up and shouting his name is particularly fucking cool, but I don’t know, they just feel less real, like the way the first Creed’s fights were shot was so you felt like every punch was coming towards you, here there are a few, like the slow mo shots of him being knocked the fuck out, but the rest is kinda just okay. For a better scene I recommend the first Creed, Warrior or  Southpaw, in particular Southpaw because it is an excellent movie in general.

So good bits, the soundtrack is fucking sick, DMX on the trailer, the training montage song is amazing and Tessa Thompson doing the walkout song ‘I will go to war’ is sweet. Again the montage is really fucking awesome, and it does have a few funny moments, and Rocky is as endearing as ever, my little brain damaged knockout fuelled teddy. But I really wanted to love this movie but there were just too many missed opportunities like it’s good, but not great, Personally I’ll give it a 7, it’s a middling Rocky movie but an alright movie alone, it’s not the best by far, but it’s also not atrocious or even that bad, I’d say give it a watch, it has cool ideas but they’re just not executed that well.

So that’s the last review of this year, It’s been a good one, next time you’ll see me is my new years eve or possibly day post, unless you’re like that cool guy and leave your thoughts. Anyway enjoy the rest of your week and I’ll see you soon.    

[witty-diagnosis]

Boxing day spectacular

Shiiiiiiiiittttttttt... Been more than a few days eh, well for that I can only apologise and hope you've all had a good Christmas, mine was typical, in that it was tolerable but I still hate the holiday, that's no one's fault though, just how I was brought up. Now today would be the perfect day to do that film review, and I will, Creed 2 will be uploaded tonight on boxing day (for reference it is 1:32 AM in the UK) but I'm so annoyed I missed a Christmas special, all those potential followers gone like a turd being flushed away. So what to talk about Well last year I addressed part of the reason I dislike Christmas, consumerism, how it's all based on lies and how I quite literally couldn't be any more distant from my family than I already am, to the point that I in fact hate smiling around them, why yes it's fine to interrupt me 7 fucking times in one sentence and ignore me for a good solid hour, but that's fine I'm sure a fucking lynx set will fix that. See I like boxing day, the shops are open, the sales start and all the other 3 members of my family I see on christmas have fucked off, oh you think you're family is in shambles well let me tell you that's nothing. But no boxing day is named after the sport of champions and brain damage, or a dog 50/50 really isn't it. But every single year Christmas is always the fucking same, to the point sometimes I just want to spend it alone, I mean all my stuff is at uni, I don't really get along with too many people and my favourite pass time, gymothy, is over there. Its vilified and out casted and looked on with pity but there's a certain pleasure you get being alone for Christmas and by extension new year. Newspapers may write articles for the middle class to read with there family surrounding them but I know in my situation and I'm sure many other peoples I just want to be left alone. Christmas brings out the absolute worst in people, kids are spoilt, parents are bastards and food is expensive and for what some great 'family time' well lemme tell you chief, that some bullshit. Boxing day, well that just empties my wallet because I ain't waiting for smash ultimate. I was reading an article which stated around '27 million christians' don't celebrate Christmas, these are fundamentalists that see past commercialisation, I mean I'm a hypocrite why would you turn down free stuff, but to me Christmas isn't about family, or fun, or being jolly, I hate Christmas, I find my own fun and frankly I will choose who I consider family, and a weird fucking uncle I haven't seen for 2 years that brags about doing fucking crossfit once a week isn't that, I mean you seen those fucking pullups, like why? There's a disconnect between my world and views and what seems like 99% of everyone else, 'oh its Christmas' is not an excuse for shitty behaviour or forcing me to do fucking anything, I stay downstairs for TV and that was frankly fucking shit today, I spent a good part of my day on runescape because thank jesus for my phone. Its like blasting Christmas music, it's fucking shit, it has never been good, unless it's the darkness, its 90s and 80s bollocks on repeat and thank fuck its over, it got so bad that I spaced out a few times because you can tell everyone talking through gritted teeth. I don't take an 'oi' as a conversation starter at uni why the fuck would I let some 45 year old fucking entitled woman who failed weight watchers 3 times do it, just because she's pissed, hell no, I'm giving her shit for it whether she likes it or not. But it's okay because as most say 'you're a grinch' are you fucking 12 years old? No you're a 26 year old male who doesn't know what else to say and you look like a fucking tit, grow up and take off your ridiculous fucking jumper. Boxing day though, sales, money and actually getting to be alone, yes please. All santa did this year was deliver a 30 year old sister out of touch with the world who takes everything so seriously that when she jokes you can't actually, a 26 year old brother who's such a fucking mummy's boy he gets her to cook his dinners and teas and my mother, a borderline sociopath with manipulative tendencies that I call her out on constantly because everything she does isn't out of kindness, its out of trying to garner pity. And me a miserable as fuck student who just wants to fuck off to uni and leave this god damn fucking holiday behind, on to the new year eh, well give it a week and I'll fucking get onto that. So for all of you creed 2 review coming later, hope you had a good Christmas, or at least better than mine, and if you had any similar experiences feel free to share. See you guys later.

[witty-diagnosis]

witty review #25: Into the tumblrverse

Well have a guess which big fella saw 2 films at cinema today... that’s right, this guy. Yes I saw what will be reviewed in this post, Spider-man into the spiderverse, and another review I’ll probably be doing middle of next week, like Wednesday, So if you’re not interested in this then there’s a completely different type of movie then. But for now, Pizza time.

So initial thoughts after watching, it is possibly the best spider man film that has come out so far, and I mean that, it is as condensed and direct an injection of spiderman you can get, and it’s the good shit, and absolutely worth a watch for even the most casual marvel fan.

So, the usual. Directed by Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey and Rodney Rothman and starring Shameik Moore (Miles Morales) Hailee Steinfeld(Gwen) Liev Schreiber (Kingpin) Jake Johnson (Peter Parker) Nicolas Fuckin Cage (Spider Noir) John Mulaney (Spider-ham) and Kimiko Glenn (Peni Parker) with a pretty sweet cameo from Oscar Isaac (???)

So, where to start with the positives, the animation, possibly the most obvious and striking aspect of the movie, it is visually stunning and just absolutely gorgeous. There are points where 4 different types of animation style converge, Anime, Noir, CG and 2D animation, and it works remarkably well. Like this film is gorgeous, there are a few shots and moments that just take your breath away. One being in the trailer when Miles dons his suit for the first time and dives off the side of a skyscraper shattering the glass on his way down, oh my god, I just can’t describe how much I love this moment. Some moments are a little hard to see, kinda like a horrible trip on acid, like towards the end the action scenes are just so stunningly creative it is absolutely worth paying just to see these.

Soundtrack next, well it’s sick. You have the Post Malone song ‘sunshine’ which is brought up often in the movie but is good enough to not be of any annoyance and is used effectively. Nicki Minaj wrote a song but I can’t say I noticed it, must be in the credits. But yeah the soundtrack was very reflective of Miles’ taste, lots of rap and the like, pretty cool.

The voice actors, well great choices.they really do represent there characters. With special kudos to Jake Johnson, he really does a good job being a worn down, older and less hopeful spider man. But Moore is great as Miles, really energetic and excitable and super likeable as a character, shows his growth in maturity. Hailee Steinfeld is cool as spider-gwen, with an explanation in the film given to her edgy haircut. But let’s just take a minute to appreciate Nicholas fucking Cage as Spider Noir, he is the perfect person for that role, he’s so serious and dry and his back story is so dark it almost comes off as funny, with a particular stand out being his trying to feel something lines such as; burning a match till it touches his fingers, I burst out laughing in cinema at those.

So a few negatives, some moments of the animation, in particular the glitch effect really messed up my eyes, like I wear glasses but it hurt them, especially that first one on the statue of liberty logo from some film company, liked the sound effect but that’s just a subjective issue. One thing that I did have a slight problem with, why was Kingpin so gosh darn THICCCCCC, he was dummy thicc bois. I understand it’s meant to be a comic book come alive but jesus christ they could have scaled him down just a touch. Also Kingpin’s part of the plot, which I won’t spoil, just didn’t hook me, this was about spider man and all the other ones, I can appreciate it will effect some people, but for me, Miles was just so much more interesting. And I mean Doc Oc was cool, the tentacles almost looked real but eh, she didn’t do too much. 

But the easter egg at the end, with Oscaar Isaac does a good job making up for these, it foreshadows a sequel which is great, a character I want included and my favourite spider suit as well as addressing a classic spider meme. 

Overall though, I give Spider-man: Into the Spider-Verse a 9.5 out of 10, it is the best spider-man film released so far, we’ll see if far from home can match it but I doubt it, as they are in 2 completely different mediums. A comparison that will be hard to not make but I will try my best not to compare them when I undoubtedly review Far From Home, I will probably forget though. But please if you can, watch this movie, it is absolutely worth it, has easter eggs for mega fans and is fun for the casuals and you will learn something. And the animation needs more attention as it is just visually breathtaking. 

So overall guys I hope you have enjoyed my review, and like I said, I’ll probably put the next one up wednesday this coming week, so get excited for that bois. 

[witty-diagnosis]

Sorry bois

Well with these new community guidelines I can’t do anything anymore, my english talents and my word porn are now outruled, first this and what next Article 13? May as well commit stop living.

anyway I’ve got jokes and memes, lets see if I can’t think of something to write for tomorrow, hope you’re all excited, I know I am.

see you tomorrow.