WizardSimple @wizardsimple - Tumblr Blog

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

runby2

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

alonelybeemakingart

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:

"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

gay-jesus-probably

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

theprofessional-amateur-deactiv

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

meret118

I want this to be in a heist comedy movie!

agoddamn

I still want to write the fic where an outsider has all these preconceptions about what the Force is and then goes into a room with a bunch of Jedi who are tearing into each other like bitchy old academics.

“Ooh, look at Master Structuralist over here with his ever-so-deep ‘everything is attachment actually’ reading”

“I don’t want to hear that from someone who calls every new opinion ‘new depths of their relationship with the Force’”

“The Jedi Order is a social construct–”

“Could you stuff the po-mo and pick up a book once in a while? These aren’t new ideas! You are not a pioneer because you asked one question!”

“I think you could all benefit on more reflection on how our rooting in the Force is actually deeply sexual–”

“If I have to hear one more word about lightsabers being penis envy you are going to be one with the Force immediately.”

gershwyndl

#I’m 100% into this and want annual conferences about the force and what it means to be a jedi#everyone keep asking very passive-aggressive questions after every presentations#at one point a lecturer says ‘I know this because the Force told me so’ instead of listing their sources and the whole room groans#a scholar who isn’t force-sensitive shows up and half of the jedi are like ‘who even is this guy’#a LOT of rage is being released in the force at the same time#the only moment everyone in the room makes an appreciative noise is when the lunch break is announced#a huge debate blows up during the break because someone mentions it could be good to invite a nightsister next year#someone storms off mumbling about heresy and not taking part in this debacle @obiwanobi

yes please I need more jedi symposiums with knights who had different views than consulars who have different views than shadows. Temple-centered jedi versus those who lead frequent diplomatic or medical missions versus exploratory and research jedi who spend most of their time in uninhabited wild space and the outer rim.

There is absolutely no way an organization that large doesn’t have factions that understand the force differently–my 15-person philosophy class couldn’t agree on a single thing we read all term.

korben600

Anakin shows up once, pulls up his PowerPoint and it just says “I am the Chosen One.”

The room immediately turns into chaos.

maulusque

dear god why would you leave this in the tags

#Obi wan was pissed that his past presentation on Jedi/Mandalorian cultural parallelism was laughed out#so he put Anakin up to it just to send the room into a tailspin#Anakin LOVED it#he got to sword fight an eighty year old snake#and force chuck a dude into a wall#he officially never misses one of these anymore#every year he just goes up and says the most controversial thing he can to get the room to riot#the year after its ‘the more midichlorians you have the closer you are to the force’#he almost got stabbed by an old monk from the far side of dantooine#for that one#the council keeps letting him speak because it’s way less embarrassing to blame the fights on Skywalker#than admit everyone at an academic conference wants to murder each other#they did get a Nightsister to come to the conference btw#it was very enlightening and everyone liked her#the problem was that Anakin’s presentation that year was#‘master/student bonds are no different than lovers bonds in the force’#and#the Nightsister took REAL offense to that#Anakin is like 30% sure he got cursed#totally worth it for the look on Obi-Wan’s face tho#the Nightsister came back the next year#she brought friends!#they’re not sure if she did that because they were interested in the academics or if she wanted backup to beat the shit out of Anakin#but the council likes both cases#so they see this as an absolute win!

ellie-you-idiot

Yoda was banned and no one will talk about why

willowcrowned

It happened six hundred years ago so no one knows but theories range from “he ate all the snacks” to “he personally instigated a duel meant to settle whether channeling the force through combat meditation is more effective than through regular meditation but the duel got out of hand and everyone but him lost at least one limb”

the truth is that he was never actually banned, he’s just been saying it so he doesn’t have to go. he started all the rumors himself

theforceisstronginthegirl

After Mortis anakin’s presentation is just standing ahsoka on stage solid 5 minutes and then as she’s rolling her eyes and about to hop off Morai flies past a window and anakin clicks to the next slide and it just says “the bird is the light side and it’s stalking my padawan”

inkwell-attitude

all the tips I found for drawing a fantasy map are like :) “here’s a strategy to draw the land masses! here’s how to plot islands!” :) and that’s wonderful and I love them all but ??? how? do y'all decide where to put cities/mountains/forests/towns I have my map and my land but I’m throwing darts to decide where the Main Citadel where the Action Takes Place is

fatal-blow

okay so i know i said most of this in the replies but it might be easier to actually reblog and say stuff instead lmao

Cities - go near water! freshwater lakes and rivers (rivers especially) are the best places for cities because A) source of water and B) travel and trade is much easier cus you can put your boats like right there. Basically ever relevant city ever was built on a lake or a river.

for rivers in general - because gravity, rivers run from mountains (forming from melting snow and ice (this is why they get fat in spring–more stuff melting)) to lakes/ocean where they can empty out (and even lakes will have rivers leading out that eventually get to the ocean), which can help when mapping out where those start and end. rivers are also much thinner and faster in steeper elevations and very slow and wide when the land is flat

mountains - i like to think of what the tectonic plates look like because that’s what makes mountains! mountains are also never standalone they’re always in mountain ranges (archipelagos are really just underwater mountain ranges babey). a cool trick I like to do is occasionally separate mountain ranges across continents, because over time the tectonic plates shifted and literally split the range in half. These mountains are really old tho so they’ve eroded and therefore it makes them smaller and rounder (like the appalachians) as opposed to relatively young mountain ranges like the rocky mountains which have taller and sharper peaks

Another mountain trick: if your mountains run along the ocean, the ocean side of the mountains will get a LOT of rain while the other side will be very dry–almost desert-like, in fact. think of temperate rainforests in British Columbia vs the drier conditions in the canadian prairies

forests - depends on how warm the area might be. coniferous forests are found further north (before you hit the tree line, and then it’s only tundra onwards) but as you head south you get leafier trees, and the leaves tend to get larger too

If you think about general elevation too, you’ll have places that might be swampy (wet + lower). if your world has an ice age like we did, then glaciers may have carved the land, leaving piles of soil in the south that was left when the ice receded and places where the bedrock has been bared north of that (like the Canadian Shield in Canada–the reason we see that is because of the glaciers)

You might also have a land that’s dotted in a shitton of freshwater lakes as well because the meltwater filled the holes that the glaciers scraped out (this is why canada has so many goddamn lakes)

and if the ice age was more recent than it was in our world, then you might not even have the forest re-growth and it could be a lot of open plains

tl;dr i like to think of major climate events that might have also shaped the land on top of some basic rules

possiblypedanticrpgideas

The Artifexian has an entire series on building your world from literally the stars down and then the ground up.

All my worldbuilding videos

Though, for fantasy, you can make the world operate on entirely different principles:

With that done, the actual topic of city placement can be covered by videos like this:

Once you have your places, if you want help naming them in realistic ways, this video can help:

This one is on architecture, which is definitely a subset of cities:

But for a more relevant practical guide on making settlements realistic:

Here’s a quick guide for making demographics:

inkwell-attitude

holy shit?

grimeclown

Kinda fucked up and nasty how vampires drink blood, imo. Like. Pepsi costs a dollar seventy five

grimeclown

Hospital

grimeclown

Not me I’m paying a dollar seventy five. At the hospital

grimeclown

I feel like we’re getting off topic

bitegore

So is pepsi if you steal it?

grimeclown

Because it’s only a dollar seventy five

aromancy

Why in God's name would a vampire drink pepsi

midvvest-vampire

Why would anyone drink Pepsi?

grimeclown

Huh?

skywardkonahriks-deactivated202

That’s why I’m not a fan of the sexy vampire trope.

1. It’s overused and supports the current status quote of typical vampire supremacy:worshiping rich folk.

2. Vampires prey upon humans and therefore symbolize capitalists preying on the working class.

3. Werewolves are much sexier imo.

grimeclown

star-lara

am I having a stroke????

fiollaigean

you might want to go to the hospital then

sherlockfandomtandem

I hear the Pepsi is cheaper there

sock-ness-monster

Everybody shut the HECK up and look at this

S H O R K

vixxey

she looks pregnant!!!!

psyducked

sexhaver

this image is quite literally six years old now and that’s wild to me. there are actual real live human beings younger than this .jpg who are walking and talking unassisted. i feel so old. i feel death approaching. will i sleep? will i dream?

churchoftheshrike

Old 4chan memes are so incomprehensible now. Matthew and I were just talking about this last night, I was describing a Hot Topic in 2003. “It was a simpler, more ancient time,” I said, “When a meme had a real longetivity to it. Years and years. And when somebody understood the bizarre reference, it was actually really cool, like: Yeah! We’re both internet weirdos! High-five! Now I see something funny and I’m already immediately exhausted by it, because tomorrow it’ll be on the Ellen show and my grandma will share it on facebook, and next week you can buy it on t-shirts at Urban Outfitters, and six months from now it’s going to be in a bunch of parody movie trailers. By the time South Park gets it in their show six days later it’s stale. It won’t go quietly into the night like ‘I’ma chargin mah lazers’ — an honorable death, at the highest it could go. It just immediately is sold and consumed and fucking awful. Immediately. And then it’s dead, before it even happened.”

carry-on-my-wayward-butt

i cannot fucking believe capitalism and consumerism ruined memes. of all things. memes. it fucking baffles me how the world could come to this. god help us all.

954mm

clamchowdurr-deactivated2022040

That time of the year again

forever-slaying

“You threw a turkey at me” 😂😂

bantugal

I love white ppl😍

psychedelicfelon

White peoples live lifetime movies 😂😂😂

mxnrique

tag yourself i’m the one recording.

wheredoyougofromhere

My favorite holiday movie

livelifegoldennn

his screams in the background while his mom is crying and picking up the food is my favorite song

rainbowgazes-archive

fuck your gifvs and fuck your webps these are not real file formats they were made in a lab to piss me off

time-traveling-fetus

so i looked it up and apparently gifv literally isn’t a real file format

rainbowgazes-archive

dredsina

That was ME you BITCH you blocked ME from signing in with my OWN PASSWORD

dredsina

If this post gets a million notes I’ll turn into a court jester I guess

shiftythrifting

gallusrostromegalus

For those of you that are wondering, please have one of the fiest pieces of radio comedy ever:

jaynavajasso

the first time i watched this i laughed so hard i nearly puked

orwellsunderpants

THIRD BASE

lordkevington-deactivated-deact

Since I was 8 and found out about this for the first time my family has always followed up on someone saying “I don’t know,” with shouting “THIRD BASE”

j-sprrr

Quick lightning wizard concept character

cryptid-sighting

The big unanswered question: Why were so few law-enforcement agents at the Capitol when demonstrations like that are usually heavily policed?

This is going to turn into the biggest American political scandal since Watergate

cryptid-sighting

“The defeated president gives a speech to a group of supporters where he tells them he was robbed of the election, denounces his own administration’s members and party as traitors, and tells his supporters to storm the building where the voting is being held,” the NATO intelligence official said.

“The supporters, many dressed in military attire and waving revolutionary-style flags, then storm the building where the federal law-enforcement agencies controlled by the current president do not establish a security cordon, and the protesters quickly overwhelm the last line of police.

“The president then makes a public statement to the supporters attacking the Capitol that he loves them but doesn’t really tell them to stop,” the official said. “Today I am briefing my government that we believe with a reasonable level of certainty that Donald Trump attempted a coup that failed when the system did not buckle.

“I can’t believe this happened.”

pancakeke

For anyone not keeping up, Trump held a rally earlier today, told his supporters to storm the Capitol building with him, then went to hide in the White House.

Protestors tore through 4 layers of barricades and are fighting cops to get into the Capitol building. A possible bomb was spotted and the Madison and Cannon buildings have been evacuated while a bomb squad was called in. And just now the Capitol has gone into lockdown.

But also Pence issued a statement that he is not doing anything with the electors and McConnell denounced Republican senators’ efforts to stop counting the electoral votes.

And as I was writing this, the protesters breached the Capitol and Pence was pulled from the Senate chamber.

pancakeke

The Senate just recessed due to the Capitol being breached.

Cops are doing pretty much nothing to stop any of this from happening btw. Protesters are outside the Senate door.

pancakeke

OK everything got a lot crazier really fast.

Trump lashed out at Pence for not stopping the vote. He is not telling the protesters to leave but instructed them to “support the Capitol police and law enforcement”. Trump later told protesters to “remain peaceful” despite already storming the Capitol.

Ivanka tweeted out calling the protestors “patriots” but then deleted this tweet and replaced it with one saying violence is not patriotic. Meanwhile Rudy Giuliani’s messaging to protesters is to be peaceful and that they are on “the right side of history”. Neither acknowledges the violence.

The Department of Defense denied a request by DC officials to deploy the National Guard. Supposedly it was because they were beholden to Trump and only acted when he decided to deploy them about an hour later.

Guns were drawn by police on the Senate floor as protesters break through windows in an attempt to reach the room. One women was shot in the chest (GRAPHIC VIDEO). It appears she was with those trying to break into the Senate floor. Later reports state that that 5 people have been transported to the hospital, including at least member of police.

Police are making “attempts to deescalate”.

Ted Cruz is sending fundraising text messages to contest the vote despite the escalation of the riots. Screenshot of one here.

Mitt Romney called the riots an “insurrection”.

Emergency procedures were emailed to all Capitol staffers urging them to hide.

Mayor Bower issued a 6pm curfew.

Protestors are climbing all over police vehicles without cops stopping them. Maybe because they’re too busy taking selfies with the protesters.

The potential bomb has been detonated by bomb squad.

Trump is refusing to condemn the protester’s violence despite being urged to do so by staffers which is a stark contrast to his attitude toward BLM protesters. His aids can’t convince him to do anything and the White House briefing room is empty with no preparation to address the nation to be seen.

Only Pence is stepping up to call for an end to the violence and for protestors to vacate the Capitol.

President elect Biden is calling the protesters a “mob” and an “insurrection”.

Chris Christie has been attempting without success to contact Trump and convince him to tell his supporters to leave.

As I finished writing this Trump finally posted a video telling people to go home, but also repeated his false election claims. In it he also calls his supporters “very special” and his opponents “evil” ??

roxilalonde-deactivated20251105

i think andrew hussie is a master class case study in author anonymity

like, who even gives a shit about death of the author when the author barely exists metatextually anyway? his public friends are all people associated with or who worked at one point on homestuck, his social media reveals nothing about him personally, and the only pieces of personal information he discloses are pieces of disjointed, unrelated, or “is he joking?” type material. i know he’s a sagittarius but i don’t know if he has parents. i know he has a giant blue horse dildo somewhere in his home, but i don’t know which state he lives in.

nobody within the past 500-600 years of literature has managed to write something as big as homestuck and remain as secretive as he has. most authors are tempted by the fame offered to them via their work and immediately flood their audience with personal disclosure, try to make themselves celebrities. not hussie. hussie wrote one of the biggest pieces of internet literature in history and stayed completely off the map for all of it.

roxilalonde-deactivated20251105

update: apparently he’s not a sagittarius, he’s a virgo. great so the only thing i knew about him was that he owned a giant blue horse dick

fefairys

all i know is that he once sent shelby cragg none pizza with left beef

vriska

I heard you can only see him on foggy nights behind an olive garden after downing 5 faygos mixed with red bull and if you beat him in a fist fight, he reveals all the secrets of Homestuck

modernluigi-deactivated20200204

He pushed me into an open manhole after I sold a copy of Failure to Launch at the local Gamestop.

nihilistmagpie-deactivated20211

His dad died during development of Hiveswap. Also he and Ryan North have a constant one-uppance competition.

wheel-skellington

Dark tumblr, show me the wholesome then/now anime discourse

sir-argues-a-lot

noroithecurse2005-deactivated20

gorgonsach

justgfy

Unions are trash. Theyll Destroy a whole company for firing a shitty worker.

gorgonsach

unions are the reason you aren’t paid 2.50 an hour with steel beams about to bust ya head open shut up lol

explorerrowan

Unions are why you have 5 day, 40 hour full-time work weeks. Unions are why they have to pay you in actual dollars instead of “company credits” that you can only spend at the company-owned stores. Unions are why there are fucking fire exits at your place of work. Unions are why it’s not okay for your supermarket ground beef to be any percentage human.

You think your company pays you out of the goodness of their hearts? Or even out of “market pressure?” The “job market” is a myth perpetuated by the capitalists. Corporations would pay you nothing if they could get away with it. And you argue “oh, but if they paid me nothing I’d just go to another one.” Wrong. Because to maximize profits, they all want to pay you nothing. Corporations exist to maximize profits while reducing risk for investors. It’s part of their entire function to find ways to cut costs as much as possible, and that includes finding ways to pay you nothing.

Unions are your defense against that. You think all a union does is strike? If you pay union dues, a lot of that is spent on lobbyists in various governments reminding your lawmakers that you have rights as a living human being that a corporation should not be able to stomp all over. Unions hire lawyers so that if you’re fired for bullshit reasons, the union can stand up for you against your boss. They’re called unions because workers are uniting to pool resources so that they can stand up to these corporate overlords with more money than God. Unions exist because you might not have the words, resources, or time to fight workplace injustices all by yourself. That’s the whole fucking point.

And if a business shuts down because a union is striking, it’s because the business was abusing people and didn’t deserve to be in business anyway. Don’t make excuses for the corporations. They already have trillions of dollars and a couple million lawyers to do that for themselves. They don’t need your help.