scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 24 (masterpost here)
*Alfred setting dinner down for the kids*
Damian: thank you, Pennyworth. so will Father not be joining us?
Alfred: you father is working late at Wayne Enterprises tonight i’m afraid, he’s asked that Master Dick step in for him as Batman in the likely case that he not make it home in time for patrol.
Dick: if he’s not here then can we play Bat-Quotes?
Duke, instantly: YES. yes, yes, a thousand times yes,
Tim: also agreed, if B isn’t here then we have to.
*all the kids look to Jason expectantly*
Jason: …i shouldn’t have come up with that game.
Alfred, mild: oh dear, this isn’t a dangerous game, i hope? my dishware won’t be in danger?
Dick, snickering: no no, don’t worry Alfie. the game’s only dangerous to Jason.
Damian, smug: yes, meanwhile for us it is, in fact, a completely consequenceless endeavour.
Jason: …i really should not have come up with that game.
the batkids, chanting at Jason: Bat-Quotes, Bat-Quotes, Bat-Quotes, Bat-Quotes-
Jason: i- *wheeze* OK- ALRIGHT, we can play a round or two, oh my god, i hope you’re happy,
*cheering and clapping*
Alfred: *warily raises an eyebrow*
Jason, bringing out his phone and sighing theatrically: alright, alright, everybody welcome back to Bat-Quotes; a horrible game that puts my social life in danger on a regular basis. i hate that i came up with it, and i hate that you all like it, but here we are.
Alfred: and what is the nature of this game, if i may ask?
Dick, gleefully: Jason keeps a list of quotes that people associated with our bat-lives have said. he reads them out, we have to guess who it was that said it, and if we- *wheeze* if we get one right—*laughing* Jason tell him what happens if we get one right,
Jason, looking very begrudging: well, as you know, the Red Hood has become a big enough and regular enough ally of the Justice League that i’ve been added to the main JL group chat. so if- *wheeze* *regretfully* if somebody correctly labels the person who says a quote, then i have to say that quote as myself in the official Justice League group chat, with no explanation, and no matter the reaction i can never explain it.
Steph, grinning maniacally: to further explain to you the genius consequences of this game, Alfie, let me tell you the last time we played Bat-Quotes; where Duke got the best slam-dunk i have ever seen on the quote of- *laughs* what was it, Jason?
Jason, looking at his phone: uh- so last time we had the quote ‘i think i would fuck a plant if i had the free time, it’s just that i’ve always had an unnatural fear of stinging nettles stinging the inside of my ass somehow, so i think that i’d be a little bit paranoid about it at first.’
Dick: *wheezes, smacking the table-top*
Tim, also crying: GOD i forgot,
Jason: yeah—Duke came in with the guess of Harley Quinn, which was correct, so i had to- *wheeze* with no context,
Cass, shark-like: and you had a reaction, right?
Jason: yeah, so because of that i had Uncle Clark call me, because he thought that i was speaking in some kind of code to let them know i was in danger. and i had to fucking be like. ‘no i was just sharing my thoughts on the matter’ and he didn’t speak to me directly for like a week.
Duke: *cackles* BEST ACHIEVEMENT OF MY LIFE,
Jason: yeah- you’ll also all be happy to know that Bruce DM’ed me after that to say the simple sentence of ‘do you fucking know how hard i advocated for you to be on this team?’
Dick: *almost falls off his chair* *struggling to breathe* i love this game so much.
Jason, dryly: yeah i’m sure it’s real fuckin’ fun for you guys.
Alfred:
Alfred: dear lord.
Jason: yeah exactly Alfie, Dear Fucking Lord.
Steph: hush up and play the game with us, coward.
Jason: *sighs* alright, let me- let me pick one.
*waiting*
Jason: alright- fuck. alright. here we go. and- AND LET ME BE CLEAR. you cannot each give your own separate answer, that’s fucking unfair, you can’t have six whole chances of getting it right. you have to choose one.
Damian: just say the quote.
Jason: *sigh* ok, number one. ‘if i tell you that i don’t currently remember which colours you mix to make purple, are you gonna make fun of me?’
Alfred: *squints*
the rest of the batkids: *intense focus*
Steph: oh, see that’s a hard one.
Duke: my instinctual reaction is one of the rogues. they spout a lot of shit when they’re beaten half into the ground, you know? all delirious n’ shit?
Dick: Riddler…? maybe…?
Cass: sounds like somebody drugged.
Damian: Cain is right, if it’s a rogue then it’s more likely to be Scarecrow high on his own gas.
Tim: no, no, i don’t think it’s a rogue. i wanna say… Steph?
Steph: excuse me?!?! i did not-
Tim, defensive: YOU SAY A LOT OF WEIRD SHIT WHILE DRUNK! we have to be logical about this; Jason objectively spends more time laughing at things we say while hammered than he does sticking around after fights to listen to rogues rambling. and your favourite colour is purple!
*consideration*
Dick: ‘s got a point. this is about being right, Steph. we have to put pride aside.
Cass: agreed.
Steph: i would not say that shit!
Duke: i dunno, one time i watched you google how to boil an egg.
Steph:
Steph, begrudging: fine, whatever.
Jason: final answer?
Tim: Steph.
Jason: ok, well in that case that’s one of the biggest flops i’ve ever seen, because Tim that was you,
Steph: HA.
Tim: ?! WHAT?
Jason, smugly: you, about seven months back, high on cold medicine, when you were bed bound. and- and you actually said it to Steph, so that’s a double failure really.
Tim: FUCK.
Dick: please tell me you have more, that can’t be it.
Jason: i’ll give- ok, i’ll give you two more chances, and then i’m banning this game for the next month at LEAST for my own safety.
Cass: deal, give.
Jason: ok, ready? this one’s one of my favourites, actually.
Jason: ‘is it just me, or are Nightwing and Batman kinda gay for each other’.
Duke: *instant wheeze*
Steph and Tim: *loud cackles*
Dick, offended: HELLO?!?!
Jason, proudly: come on, what do you think?
Dick: WHAT THE FUCK, THAT’S MY DAD.
Damian, snickering: no, no, this is good. it narrows it down, it proves that the answer is somebody who doesn’t know our identities. it has to be a rogue.
Duke: i dunno if he’d repeat answers so soon but it does sound like something Harley would say, not gonna lie.
Steph, still laughing: you guys are talking like all of us wouldn’t yell this shit from the rooftops just to piss Dick off. i’d pin this on Babs taking the mick over comms.
Tim: no, Damian- *wheeze* Damian has a point. if it were Barbara over comms then she would have said Dick and Bruce, not Nightwing and Batman. i feel like this was said out in public, around other people.
Dick: surely i would remember if one of you had said it.
Tim: i dunno. i’m kinda worried it’s me again.
Damian: *wheeze* it’s all- it’s all just Drake.
Steph: is there a chance it could have been- like, the titans or something? this sounds like a joke Gar would make.
Tim: oh, maybe, that’s genius,
Duke: i don’t know the titans well enough to make that kind of call, so i’ll go with whatever you guys say.
Dick: …*intense squinting at the table*
Cass: what do you think?
Dick: …i’m just trying to remember- Selina’s made a few jokes about her third-wheeling us before, and i’m trying to remember if this could have been her.
Tim: i feel like Steph is right, i think it’s more likely to be a titan.
Damian: honestly, the most likely scenario is that it was Jason. is that an option?
*the kids all turn to stare at Jason*
Jason, shrugging: you can use your one guess for me if you want.
Steph, instantly: oh- fuck off, you can’t do that. you have to at least tell us if it’s possible that you’re the original quoter.
Jason, laughing: alright, alright—none of them are me.
Dick: then- ok yeah, i’m with Duke, you guys take this one. i don’t know.
Tim: ok, we’ll say Beast Boy then.
*a beat*
Jason: *incorrect buzzer sound*
Tim: DAMMIT.
Jason: that one was actually Antonio, one of my main subordinates in the alley.
Duke: FUCK OFF-
Steph: THAT’S SO CHEATING!
Jason: *cackles evily*
Dick: -SO unfair, how the fuck are we supposed to know the names of your men?!!
Jason: no no, this is fair, and for the record i would have accepted ‘a Red Hood goon’ as a correct answer, i’m not a monster. y’all are thinkin’ about people you know; gotta think about people i know.
Tim: -shut up and give us the final one.
Jason: ok touchy! well this one—this one i think is the worst one for me to put in the chat, so. i’m not really happy about this.
Cass: give it to us.
Jason: …’i saw a bird fly into the wing-mirror of the Batmobile, and ever since i’ve just been feeling kind of depressed. is anyone available for a hug?’
Dick: *noise of awe*
Tim: …shit i really want him to say this to the Justice League.
Duke: guys we need to lock in. we need to get this one. who would say this that spends time around the Batmobile?
Steph: and who would actively ask for physical comfort?
Cass: Dick likes hugs.
Dick, intensely thinking: ….it does kinda sound like me…
Tim: do you remember ever watching a bird fly into the window?!
Dick: no that’s what- i’m trying to think, i can’t remember!
Duke: Dami, do we think it could have been you?
Damian, flat: is that a genuine question.
Duke: no- i know, i know it doesn’t sound like you, but the bird thing tracks. and like- we’ve all been high on pain meds during various points in our lives. we get clingy, it happens!
Damian, shaking his head: if it was me i don’t remember it.
Tim: i don’t think Damian would ask for anybody to hug him. when he gets high he beelines for B, Dick and Jay. he’s specific about it. this is somebody who just likes physical comfort point blank.
Dick, considering: can i suggest… Bruce?
Steph: there is no fucking way we wouldn’t remember that. we’d have the recording. i keep going back to Dick, i feel like it’s him,
Dick: same but i also think i’d remember watching a bird hit the window-!
Damian, leaning back in his seat, tonguing his cheek: hmm.
Cass: Damian, you have an idea?
Damian, hesitant: hm.
Jason: i want a final answer.
*silence*
Damian: can i…?
*a beat*
Damian: Jon Kent…?
Tim: ooo,
*silence, all attention on Jason*
*waiting*
Alfred: *takes a sip of wine*
Jason, with feeling: ffffuck.
Damian: SERIOUSLY?
Jason, again: FUCK.
*instant uproar, batkids celebrating*
Jason: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME-
Damian: THERE’S NO WAY,
Steph: I’M SO HAPPY,
Jason: I DON’T WANNA- YOU GUYS DON’T UNDERSTAND-
Dick: DUDE- JASON- WONDER WOMAN IS IN THAT CHAT,
Duke: *falls off his chair*
Jason: I DON’T WANNA DO IT-!
Damian, deadly serious: you have to- i won fair and square, you have to.
Jason: *glances at his phone, pensive*
Tim: *wheezes* that’s such a bad one-!
Jason, dramatically throwing himself down in his seat: I DON’T WANNA DO IT.
Steph: *evil cackling*
Cass: i’ll do it for you if you want-
Jason, snatching his phone away from her: don’t you dare- THIS IS THE WORST FUCKING GAME WE HAVE EVER COME UP WITH!
Damian: you have to do it.
Jason, wailing: i KNOW,
Dick: *wheezes* this is the best day of my life,
Duke, incredibly happy: dude- you know Bruce is gonna see that in the chat, right? he’s gonna be so worried.
Dick, wheezing: and you can never explain-!
Jason, grumpy: god fucking- *angrily typing at phone*
Steph: Dick you’re in the chat too, right? check he actually does it.
Dick, pulling out his phone: he has- *wheeze* word for word, it’s there.
Jason: i’m so mad- Damian you weren’t even there when he said it.
Tim, wiping tears from his eyes: when the fuck did he say it?!
Jason, annoyed: he said it on the Watchtower while Clark was working really late and he was over-tired, and me, him, Kon, and Roy somehow ended up in the rec room with him watching fucking Marley and Me at three in the morning, and i guess he got sad!
Dick: oh my- aw, oh my god, he got a hug, right?
Jason: yeah actually- Kon opened up his arms and Jon walked right past him and into mine, and Roy laughed so hard he had to leave the room.
Steph: god that was- Damian that was SUCH a god-tier move.
Damian, dryly: my best friend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dick: *wheezes again*
Jason: i’m putting my phone on mute, fuck you guys. worst game ever.
Steph, wetly: best game ever.
~forty minutes later, as the kids clean up the kitchen from dinner~
Jason, walking back in from the bathroom: i hope you’re all happy, because i just got a text from Uncle Clark that says ‘i want you to know i’m always here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on’.
Dick: *wheezes, falls into Cass, who has to hold him up* oh my god, Uncle Clark is my favourite person on this fuckin’ planet,
Jason, holding up a finger, reading from his phone: wait for it, because the Flash has responded to me in the actual chat, and he has said, ‘i’m so sorry you’re feeling like that Hood, i know what it’s like.’ to which Diana put, ‘depression is a battle that we all struggle with at some point, it’s brave of you both to speak up.’ and then Barry put, ‘i mean yeah, but i meant i knew what it felt like to run into the Batmobile wing-mirror at full speed’.
the batkids: *burst out laughing*
Jason, bowing begrudgingly: you’re welcome, you all better be fucking satisfied.
Damian, hanging onto Tim for balance: victory tastes so sweet-!
Alfred, from the other end of the kitchen, face flat: i hope you all know that i will be the one that Master Bruce comes to for advice when he thinks his son is depressed.
Cass, who sees a video online of a dad letting his daughter give him a makeover, gets instantly intrigued. She quickly goes down a rabbit hole and quietly takes notes. Bruce, who discovers what caught her attention, gently offers to sit down and do makeovers with her. While Cass didn't grow up having normal childhood experiences, that doesn't mean they can't make up for lost time now. It doesn't even matter that she's already an adult. He's more than happy to indulge her.
Hours later, photos of Bruce Wayne and his daughter Cassandra Cain-Wayne are uploaded to his official account. Each picture shows off his full face of makeup, his hair styled with clips, and his newly painted nails. They practically break the internet, and #girldadbrucewayne immediately takes off.
Screw that anon! Give me your best auntie Di and uncle Clark hc please 🥺 or any other non batfam hc
Uncle Clark who always accidentally gets roped into doing something dangerous with the kids like letting Dick cannonball off roofs to be caught at the last second and be like, "but they said you said it was ok??"
Aunt Diana who is on their side no matter what. Bruce forgets to list Steph as part of the Robins? Jason kills a drug lord selling to kids and Bruce chews him out? Diana is on the phone, telling him to get his ass to where she is immediately because HOW DARE HE TREAT HER NEBLINGS LIKE THIS??
Uncle Clark who is very protective of the kids, very aware of how public their images are. Uncle Clark who appears like a cryptid to politely ask a gossip columnist writing slander against the older kids or a photographer after they took pictures of Damian outside of school.
Aunt Diana who will give the kids anything. ANYTHING. Unhealthy food? Check? Replacement Maserati? Check? Access to the Vatican archives? Check?
Aunt Diana who spars with them like a mama lion does with a cub, where it looks serious but she's literally just playing. Cue Bruce sweating bullets behind them.
Uncle Clark who is the softest target. He falls for every prank there is.
Robin cursing as he rushes to the scene of the crime where a young man talked down to Gotham PD. Demanding they find his stolen date before the mood get's killed.
Robin has no time to focus on the mans stupidity. He has an arch nemesis it o find because as much as he initially assumed the worst, he knows Quinn has changed for the better. This was the one time he was secretly relieved to be proven wrong, and the one time he doesn't want to be right.
What made that guy so important she had to force an audience? What was so secretive she couldn't turn to either the Sirens or the Bats?
Damian plans on getting to the bottom of it.
👻 👻 👻 👻 👻
Danny blinked wondering if he heard right, but yup. He heard some nepo baby talking on his phone about how he keeps forgetting to feed his puppy.
In his stupor the guy winked at him.
Danny smiled back at the guy. The kind of smile that would make even Sam take 3 steps back. Danny will have fun, but it would be at someone else's expense. Not that the guy knew about his smile.
He turned back towards the energy drinks, picking one up to read the label and setting it back. He repeats this two more times before someone coughs behind him.
The asshole is there. His shoulders hunch down as he scratches his cheek. Conveniently available to help Danny pick a drink like some 'nice guy'.
And just like a 'nice guy' he drools at Danny's obliviousness. His eyes turn downright predatory when Danny asks for a hotel recommendation. Danny blushes when the guy offers his penthouse but insists he would only feel comfortable visiting after a nice date.
They talk for a few more minutes before Danny leaves.
He may be new in town but he also has family.
Aunt Pammie who his mom hand't heard from a long time but was relieved to come into contact once more. Her wife scared him a bit with her sorta circus aesthetic, but they were both held hostages and brainwashed by clowns so it's just the left over trauma.
She becomes his fave when she offers to help with his plan. Make the guy take him out on a date, get 'kidnapped' by Harley, and then break into the guys apartment to steal his puppy.
Nothing could wrong until he comes face to face with a bat.
They must make for an interesting sight, him hand feeding the puppy bundled in his jacket while Harley rubs chili powder in the guys hanging clothes.
"Baby Bat! Oh uh, this isn't my room. I must have sleep walked." She hides the chili powder but the jig is up.
Robin crosses his arms as he glares at them from under his mask. The intense stare Danny feels can only be a glare. He can breath again when the mask turns to Harley.
"This is the one instance I would love to be proven wrong." He stays silent as he watches them. The katana on his hand is pointed down but could easily be pointed at them in any moment.
Danny moves to stand in front of her. He doesn't think he'll need to use his powers but he reaches behind to hold her hand. Just in case. His heart almost breaks when the puppy begins to while at the loss of food.
"I am sorry Mr. Robin sir. I asked my aunt to help me rescue this puppy."
Robin looks him over from head to toe.
He blushes knowing his current outfit reveals more than he usually does, but he need the guy to ogle him because his face would show what he really feels. It was only the thought of helping that puppy that made Danny cover up his anger when the wine came out on their 'date'.
"I heard the owner of this apartment boast about maybe feeding his puppy if he doesn't forget again since he locked 'it' in the guest bathroom to sleep. I couldn't let this sweet girl suffer so I asked my aunt to help me out but we were mad and shouldn't prank him so I am very sorry and won't do anymore than what we;ve alreadydonesopleaseletmyauntgohome!" He doesn't realize he closed his eyes until Harley starts laughing.
"Baby bat meet Danny, Danny meet Baby bat." She keeps hold of his hand as she waves with her other. "He's a good kid and he already has a puppy so maybe we should all split and catch up after the new baby has a chance to recover and take a bubble bath."
It's not a suggestion, but Robin just tsks as he sheathe ships katana.
"Fine, I assume you left no prints." He opens the door waiting for them to follow.
Harley scoffs. "What do you take me fore an armature? Of course we left no prints. Just rehomed some bathroom stuff to the kitchen and moved furniture a few inches."
They follow along as he inspects the kitchen. Robin sees what they saw. Alcohol and expired food. The scowl on his face makes him want to apologize before remembering this isn't his fridge.
Danny continues feeding the puppy as he watches the two work in tandem. "Should I help with anything?"
Robin's head snaps up. "No, we just finished."
He nods as he watches Robin unlock the front door.
His heart flutters at the almost blood thirsty grin on Robin's face as he leaves the door slightly open. He downright swoons when Robin carries him down the fire escape. Sure it was more the puppies sake than his, but he didn't say anything about the smell.
The odd trio walks a few blocks before going their separate ways.
Harley teases, "You two are so cute."
The blush he held back has breached containment. he can feel even his ears heat up as he tries to deny his attraction to the local hero.
"Let me see what he gave you and I'll even convince your auntie to let you date him. C'mon Danny boy, you need to give me something so I can prep Red for the new in laws."
He talks quietly because of the puppy in his arms. Poor girl finally slept with a full belly and some warmth. "There is nothing to be cute about. It's just a business card to a local 24 hour vet."
"Awww, is Danny boy disappointed?" She throws an arm around his elbow. Too short to comfortably reach his shoulder.
"Not really. Heroes connected to civilians always get in trouble so no thanks." Had he not been a teen hero, Danny would have said yes. Instead his experience has given him understanding.
He can see his answer disappoints his aunt.
"You're killing me smalls. Not even a kiss to thank your hero for carrying you down all those floors?"
"We can get him a fruit basket when he check in. Him being your parole officer and all." The tables are now turned. He can't enter the vets office look like a tomato.
She whisper shouts at him. "Hey! It was for a good cause and even he knew it."
They continue bickering as they walk towards the vets office. The good mood disappears as they find his aunt waiting for them in her pajamas.
"I am so happy to see you two bonding, but why did I have to hear about it from a little Birdy instead of you?" The plants rattle as she taps her foot. "Well?"
Harley was unable to talk them out of being grounded but she was allowing the puppy to stay as long as the hyenas got along. She was not allowing private meetings between him and the sprout.
Danny felt there was nothing to worry about until the sprout in question came to visit. In his civies with a pastry box in one hand and s gift basket full of toys and treats in the other.
He pointedly avoids looking at his aunts while exchanging numbers with Damian.
This whole trip was unexpected but he was happy to find more family, rescue a new friend he couldn't wait to introduce to Cujo, and maybe get a boyfriend out of it.
Now that I am awake I am seeing 1,300 wasn't enough and have begin to write it out. It's gonna be in progress for a while but here is how the fic version will start
Danny’s crops are flourishing, his skin is clear, and the GIW are gone. So why then does he sense danger?
He looks up and sees nothing. His sides reveal nobody else in the park. Just Sam and Tucker racing towards him. Oh, they are the danger.
He braces as Tucker throws himself at Danny. “Remember your words Sam! You tell us all the time!”
Sam stops abruptly, catching her breath as she begins looking for the words she wants to use. This does not bode well for Danny. It’s all but confirmed when Sam pulls out her ghost punching gloves.
“I am going to ask and you are going to be completely honest with me ok.” She calmly delivers with a zen that would make any monk jealous.
He meekly nods while tightening his grip on Tucker.
“What does the name Pamela Isely mean to you?” It must mean a lot since she is eerily still.
“Is it supposed to mean anything?” It’s so familiar he feels like it should.
Tucker sighs in relief. “Safe, I told you Sam. Danny wouldn’t keep you from your hero if he knew.”
Danny gently sets him down as he looks at Sam. “What hero?”
Any fight Sam had leaves her as she begins explaining some of the evidence they’ve been going through. Pamela Isely wrote a rebuttal to Madison Isely and Jack Fenton’s stance on ectoentities. Where his parents claimed them instinct driven with no higher thought processes, his aunt because that is who Pamela Isely is, found them to be sentient and deserving of rights.
Tucker dug deeper and found more scientific journals and rebuttals, but by that point Vlad got involved and censored Pamela Isely making his parents the leading experts in the very small field. She would leave the field and become the woman Sam adores, Poison Ivy.
He is related to Poison Ivy. Sense and Sensibility, his aunt is really cool!
Bruce Wayne has never been the sort of person to pull the 'do you know who I am card' (most of the time in doesn't even need to) but When Dick Grayson was in his peak chaos demon phase (about 9 years old) he used to scream that he was being kidnapped whenever Bruce tried to take him somewhere he didn't want to go. Like Bruce trying to take Dick to quickly stop off at the office after getting ice cream. Or Bruce insisting Dick go to the dentist.
And the people of Gotham take that stuff seriously. If a kid is screaming about being kidnapped, they're grabbing baseball bats and coming to that kid's aid. So Bruce was forced to start being like 'No, I'm Bruce Wayne. This is my ward. It was on the news. The courts said I could keep him and I stupidly thought that was a good idea'.
Ok, hear me out. An AU where Janet Drake is best friends with Lex Luthor, Bruce Wayne and Oliver Queen.
They met in school, and she's a high society girl, not expected or allowed to be much more than a pretty face, but there's this trio of smart idiots (they did all sorts of stupid stuff at school, but they are overall very, very smart), and they're in all sorts of cool classes and extracurriculars, and she wants to learn
So, she snakes her way into the group with well-timed looks and blushes. They eventually include her in all their activities, and so she learns all sort of stuff that she usually wouldn't be allowed to learn, because they help her keep it in the down low. No, she's not taking classes with them, she's being a proper lady and cheering her smart friends on through the oh-so-hard classes.
At some point or another, they all develop a crush on her, fleeting as it may be (they're hormonal teens and they're required to flirt, it was bound to happen)
They flirt publicly, as it keeps the media from pressuring them into relationships— or so they thought. It backfires when they're adults, the media is demanding Janet settle down and stops leading all three of them on. But there would be a scandal if she picked any of them, so she picks Jack, someone who doesn't love her or she loves, but someone desperate enough to climb the social ladder to care if he loves his wife.
When he's not allowed to flirt anymore, that's where Bruce realizes that he actually liked her.
When Tim comes along, and Janet has to go on trips, she leaves him with her trusted friends. So, Tim learns a lot from his Uncle Lex, learns to shoot a bow from his Uncle Ollie, and loves staying with his Uncle Bruce and his children. He figures him out far too easily and does become Robin when Jason figures he's ready to pass on the mantle to his little brother (because they're brothers. Tim spends a lot of time in their house)
Bruce adores Tim, he really does. It just kinda hurts, that he's Janet's kid, but not his.
Eventually, Janet divorces Jack, and she gets to spend a lot more time in Gotham. But by now Tim is as much Bruce's as he is Janet's, so they co-parent the gremlin that is her son, which leads to a lot of time with Bruce.
Bruce treats her better than Jack ever did, and she trusts him far more. They have the memories of years together. Eventually, Bruce tells her the truth— that he never truly moved on from his best friend.
When they marry, sure it's a media circus, but also not a surprise.
She's also a good mom, to Tim as much as to Dick or Jason.
When Jason finds out Catherine is not his mom, sure he gets curious, but he has a mom already, he's happy. He does want to meet his bio mom, but he agrees to do so safely, not go alone. Fine, B, you can come with.
Joker never happens. Jason is disappointed when he finds his mom is not at all what he expected, and he has a much better one at home.
Eventually, when Damian comes into the picture, he's snappy with Janet. "you will never be my mother, you harlot!" but Janet simply puts a hand on his shoulder and speaks calmly, yet sharp as the blade he threatens her with
"You will not speak to me like that, boy. No, I am not your mother. But I am married to your father, and I hold the authority as such, so you will go up to your room, you will cool down, and you will never threaten or insult me again, or you will be grounded."
"You can't do that!"
"She can. She has my full permission to discipline my kids, Damian. In this house, she holds as much authority as I do." Bruce interjects
Damian, begrudgingly, learns to respect Janet, and eventually he does see her as a second mom
The amount of times Oliver or Lex visit the Wayne-Drake household is absurd, but sue them, they like their friends. This leads to a lot of chaos, because every time Oliver visits so does Roy, and Roy hangs out with Dick and Jason, while Damian sticks to glaring at everyone.
Meanwhile, they dote on Tim, because they sure as hell have a favourite nephew, and it's the one they watched grow inside the belly of one of their best friends, the one they all changed the diapers of, the one they've taught a lot of skills to, the one they helped raise in a way they never helped raise any of the other Wayne boys. They don't even try to hide their preference. Now, of course they like all their nephews, but it's always hilarious because when Tim is around his uncle Lex, he's ten times the evil mastermind he generally is, and Oliver encourages it, simply for the chaos, and so does Janet, while Bruce is downright terrified of the idea of Tim as a villain (everyone is)
Adding to this, Oliver taught Tim to use a bow when he was tiny, think Merida of Brave? Kinda like that. Little baby was small and Ollie got him a tiny bow and taught him, so that was actually his first weapon. So, despite leaving the bow skills mainly in Star City and using more bo staff as Robin or Red Robin, his best weapon is in fact the bow, because he's got more experience with it (Bruce refused to teach him or acknowledge their vigilante personas until he was confronted directly) and is actually as or more skilled than Roy, seeing as he's had his whole life of experience, but he only uses the bow as a hobby, he enjoys it, but doesn't use it as primary weapon. That said, his upper body strength is insane, he does have an archer build.
Now, if he did stalk the bats, I don't think he'd do it without something to defend himself with, so he took a bow and some arrows. This happens only during the few nights he was left with a nanny he could fool, because Janet did not leave him alone and her friends weren't always available. It's mainly school nights, where he couldn't get to and from another city so easily and Bruce wasn't able to take him in (bc of patrol mainly). This is before either he found out their identities, or he got the guts to confront B.
So this kid ran around with a bow and a quiver, and when he ran into trouble and the bats couldn't help without him compromising his position (especially after he figures it out, he's not willing to be seen because he WILL be recognized), he shoots the threat. Now, this boy spends a LOT of time with Lex, and while Lex refrains from sharing his most evil plans with the kid (or Janet will stop trusting him with the kid, he doesn't want that, he loves his nephew), he does challenge morality. As a result, Tim has no qualms about killing.
So before Tim joined the Batfam, the Bats occasionally found arrows on corpses. Batman interrogates Green Arrow, because an arrow or two are very evidently his or at least his style (Tim did not mean to shoot those, he uses more generic arrows, but sometimes he's in a rush and they mix), and Ollie absolutely knows the moment he sees the arrows that it's Tim. He's no snitch, though, and Tim is not associated with Green Arrow, so "No, Batman, what would I be doing all the way over there? I have my own city". This starts before Roy joins him. Tim is far too young, and Oliver will have a talk with him, but hey, at least he's safe. He'll also train the kid harder, just in case.
Tim does try to aim for injuring and not killing upon Oliver's request, "try" being the key word. He still does kill, but not as much. He only really kills if he finds it necessary (if he's heavily outnumbered, for example)
Tim Drake is not a vigilante before Robin. He's a kid that defends himself with arrows. That's it. It's not his job (yet) to interfere with crimes, he only does it when it's too bad to stand by and watch. Only to keep his uncle Ollie happy, he whistles a warning before shooting, a chance for the criminals to stop and walk away. If they take it and stop, he doesn't shoot. If they keep going, he shoots. Again, he tries not to kill, only because Ollie will know and be disappointed. So word spreads quickly, that if you hear a particular tune whistled, you better stop and run.
Instances of him shooting are rare and far between, and those of him killing with the arrows even more so. Batman kinda stops looking for the shooter, because 1 he has no lead, and 2 he has much more pressing matters and worse criminals.
There's a window of time before Jason passes down Robin but after Tim confronts them about their identities, where they train him but naively believe he's going back to bed like a normal kid.
During this period, this is a kid with a bow and arrows, and training to be sneaky and stay in the shadows. He follows the Bats, like he's always done, with a black hoodie, cargo pants and combat boots. Occasionally, he still shoots, and hides in the shadows immediately after and changes position.
The Sparrow Ghost (named by those who heard the eerie whistle, a play on the bird vigilante theme and the arrows) becomes a myth amongst criminals. Some believe it, some do not. You cannot see the archer (hence, Ghost)
Once, Batman, Nightwing and Robin were outnumbered. A trap. Smart, well-executed, and coincidentally well-timed. Robin is injured, Nightwing has a bad case of the flu, Batman is a concerned parent. None is at 100%. But they did not take into consideration the kid watching from the rooftops.
A whistle echoes. Some goons drop their weapons. Some do not.
Thwump
An arrow flies, piercing the shoulder of the guy holding Robin.
Thwump
Another pierces the hand of the goon pointing a gun to Nightwing.
Now without his boys in immediate danger, Batman can act. The Sparrow Ghost turned the tides, the bats did the rest easily. Tim remains hidden, just in case they need him again. They don't.
After being offered Robin, Tim doesn't really stick to his bow and arrows. It's not the Bat way. Sparrow Ghost disappears— Mostly. Occasionally, when he shouldn't be patrolling (school nights, for example) but he's restless, he still takes his bow and quiver, puts on his hoodie, a mask now that he has one, and goes out.
Over a year and a half after this, but I bring yall a nice, LONG treat of this au, though it focuses on their childhoods way before Tim was born
@flwrkid14 @purpleruinsprincess @morita-san10969 @icereader12 @books-not-people (I think that's the correct tag list)
When Janet Drake was little, she was a lonely girl. Her parents never cared about her, just had an heir because it's what was expected of them, but they had wanted a boy, and had been beyond disappointed when she was not, in fact, male, and hence was 'unable to be a proper heir'. Old money was like that, they had their rules. Boys were taught to lead, to manage their respective businesses; girls were indoctrinated to be perfect trophy wives, arm candy. Dumb, easily manipulated, pretty. Seen, not heard. Their parents' property, up until they become their husband's.
Janet hated it.
She had a sharp mind, she was a little sponge for knowledge, not that her parents bothered to teach her anything but how to be a proper lady. Now, of course she went to school, but she lacked all the extra formation boys were provided. School taught basic things, even if it was a private, very expensive one. Why on earth all rich kids went to Gotham Academy of all places was beyond her, but hey, it worked in her favor. And if she cried 'I'm sorry, Mother, Father, they stole it, I couldn't defend myself, I'm just a girl, I was so scared!' in the rare instances her parents noticed whatever she had last given away to the sweet kids that had no choice but to try and steal from the rich to keep their bellies full, well, that was her parents' fault, really. If they were going to send her with expensive things in Gotham, they should've allowed her to learn to defend herself. They wouldn't, of course, because if her future husband wanted to get aggressive, she shouldn't be able to defend herself.
Now, Janet actually liked being a proper lady. Mostly. She liked the dresses, the makeup, the jewelry. She was good with heels, and being poised and proper felt natural. She knew many of her peers struggled with it, hated every part of it. Others fit right into the narrow role, liked not having to think too hard— good grades were expected of boys, not girls. But that's the part she loathed. She was only allowed to learn soft, pretty skills like music or dancing. She was not allowed extracurriculars that encouraged her intelligence, or even sports beyond cheerleading and ballet. How much she wished to join the debate team, or the science club, or even the damn chess club that stayed on an abandoned classroom every Tuesday. She was not allowed Robotics, or Law, let alone any self defense.
She was, however, allowed and encouraged to make friends. She wanted an intellectual challenge, she wanted to learn. And if Janet wanted something, she got it.
That's where Bruce Wayne, Oliver Queen and Alexander 'Lex' Luthor came into play.
All three boys were her age, and even though they each had a very different approach to school, and could sometimes make the most stupid decisions, she knew they were smart. Even Oliver, who really couldn't care less and did too good a job of hiding his intellect. Most importantly, none of them treated women like the mindless dolls they were forced to be. Queen despised the High Society expectations, Wayne was raised first by his very smart mother and now by his butler, who did not encourage such misogyny, and while Luthor was, like her, raised by a traditional Old Money family, he did not underestimate women all that much, and neither Wayne nor Queen were above knocking some sense into him. And most importantly, between the three of them, they took every class she wanted to take, had every skill she craved to learn.
She started planting the seeds of her plan when they were twelve.
She sat in front of the mirror for hours, learning just what thoughts made her flush until she could blush on command. She spent days watching all kinds of couples— even those her parents would steer her away from when they were around— learning just what having a crush looked like, until she could act every bit the shy, flustered little lady, and practiced it until she had the body language down pat.
And so her plan started. She was a patient girl, she could play the long game.
Whenever she had to interact with the trio, she made herself blush, acted like a shy, nervous girl developing her first crush. She left it to interpretation just which of the three held her supposed affection.
Oliver was clearly flattered. He picked up on it rather quickly, and started flirting back in the innocent ways kids do. She played right along, blushing every time, gravitating towards him. Lex and Bruce noticed her supposed crush, too. She purposely held Ollie at a perfect distance that she left them wondering if it truly was him her sights were set on, or his friends.
Bruce, observant as he was, noticed the way her parents never allowed her to buy anything but fancy, too-healthy food to keep her skinny and pretty. He noticed the longing looks she tried to hide when he shared homemade cookies with his friends. So, two months into her little act, he asked Alfred if he could possibly pack him a fourth cookie, for there was a girl who— He didn't get to finish his sentence before Alfred pat his head and gave him a soft "Of course, my boy. How nice of you, I'm sure she'll appreciate it."
During lunch, as the boys passed Janet, who sat in her usual little corner with direct view of the trio's table, Bruce paused, setting the cookie directly next to her hand. He offered the girl a shy smile, and for once, Janet didn't need to fake the red tint of her cheeks.
"I hope you like it, Janet."
"Oh. Thank you, Bruce."
Bruce nodded, walking away with his friends. He looked back at Janet a couple times, watching the way her blue eyes lit up when she finished her salad and was able to take a bite of the cookie. Of course she was too proper to not save it for last. She locked eyes with him, gave him a genuine smile that Bruce returned. He watched her enjoy the cookie, the treat she was never allowed to have. But her parents weren't there, and she's pretty sure they'd rather she accept it than have her make a bad impression on the Wayne heir.
Ollie snorted when he saw Bruce's eyes kept finding their way to the girl with a clear crush on one of them. He kicked Lex under the table, gesturing for him to look at Bruce, who had his eyes trained on Drake and a small smile on his face, the kind of soft, genuine smiles that were rare ever since his parents passed. Lex grinned, looking at his friend, then over to the girl, who was, for once, kicking her feet under the table, just in the tiniest, most discreet way, as she nibbled on the cookie, savoring it like it'd be her last. She probably thought it was.
"Drake is a solid choice." Lex nodded, his voice low so the girl in question wouldn't hear him. Bruce looked at him, though reluctant to look away from her.
"We're kids. I gave her a cookie, not a promise ring."
"Regardless. She's proper, elegant, Old Money; she's the kind of girl expected of us to socialize with. Besides, she seems to take school seriously, which is rare in High-class girls."
"And she's pretty!" Oliver added.
"I gave her a cookie, that's all. Have you not noticed the way she looks at us when we share Alfred's cookies?"
"Bud, I'm pretty sure she stares at us all the time."
"Ollie's right, she's got a crush on one of us for sure, Brucie. I'm just not sure who."
For the next two weeks, Bruce brought her one of Alfred's treats every day and walked away to sit in their usual table. But then, all of a sudden, he simply set a space for her at their table and waved her over.
"Hey, Jan! Come sit with us!" he called. He hadn't asked his friends about it beforehand, but they rolled with it, simply smiling and waving her over. Janet had to try, really hard, to keep her smirk off her face and instead put on a shy façade.
Janet sat with the boys, talked to them shyly, avoided eye contact. And so the second phase of her plan begun.
She played the naive girl, innocent and wide-eyed. Slowly but surely, she cemented her spot in their table. She studied what little she was allowed, always so much less than them. But she listened, she listened as they discussed science and their debate team, and their newest robotics project, or their upcoming sport matches. And by the end of the year, during final projects and tournaments, as they discussed them, she perked up, ready to begin phase three.
"Oh, you're having an important debate? Can I go watch? I'd love to cheer you on!"
The three boys looked at her, pausing their conversation. Then they looked at each other and nodded.
"Sure, Jan. Here, the details are in this flier." Ollie shrugged, handing her the paper. Janet made sure to keep her smile cheerful and controlled, instead of the satisfied smirk that wanted to come out.
She was there, perfectly lady-like and on time. Oliver grinned when he saw her, rushed over and threw an arm over her shoulder, while Bruce and Lex walked more calmly, composed.
"I knew you'd make it! You're gonna watch as we make them bite the dust, huh?"
"Of course! I'm sure you'll do great!"
"Hey, Jan. How are you?"
"I'm alright, thank you. How about you? Are you three nervous?"
"Nah, we've got this."
"I'm sure you do. I'm very exited to see you in action."
Janet really enjoyed watching the debate. She learned a lot about the subject debated, and really loved the way every boy on stage projected their voice and spoke calm and confidently. Oh, how she wished she was there, right beside the trio that had absorbed her into their friend group, learning, debating, allowed to be smart.
Janet attended every event they had, just like the cheerleader girlfriends of their older classmates, or the little siblings of some. She attended their science fair, their sport matches, their robotics tournament, and she cheered them on every step of the way. She was, after all, their friend. They may have started as her pawns, they may still be so, but she had developed a soft spot for those three.
As much as she had ensured she had them eating off the palm of her hand, and she knew she was gradually succeeding, she had not expected to have cemented her spot in their friend group enough yet, she had fully expected to resume her efforts after summer break, but apparently she had underestimated her influence. When the boys talked summer plans, the fact that she had been included flew right over her head. So imagine her surprise when, the first day of summer break, her father called her down.
Now, she grew up in a household were pijama days were impossible, where the rare 'relaxed days' meant only that she didn't need a full face of makeup, maybe just lipstick and mascara. A household where she was expected to be up and ready at 7am sharp, makeup on and dressed to impress. 'That way, when you marry, your husband will never see you improper, Janet.'
So even when she did not expect to go out that day at all, she was perfectly ready to go. She hid her surprise behind her confident façade as she walked down the stairs to find Bruce in her living room, conversing with her father.
"Do not worry, Mr. Drake, it's just me, Oliver and Lex, accompanied by my butler. I will have her home by sundown, not a scratch on her. You have my word." Bruce assured, posture relaxed and confident. As her father coaxed a few more details from the boy, her mother pulled her aside, making sure she had not a hair out of place.
"When were you going to tell me you had made friends with three influential boys, Janet? Good job. Now, be good, make good impressions, mind your manners, and if you keep it up I'm sure you'll secure a nice husband with one of them." she whispered, tilting Janet's face up to apply her favorite lip gloss over her pink matte lipstick.
"Yes, Mother." the girl nodded, even though her plans had nothing to do with marriage, and everything to do with knowledge.
"Good. Have fun, dear." she smiled, though the undertone was cleat: Don't mess this up.
"Of course, Mother."
Janet headed back to the living room, where Bruce was waiting for her. He gave a charming smile, not his genuine one, but the Gala smile kids like them could pull off in their sleep.
"Ready to go, Janet?" Bruce offered his arm, which she didn't hesitate to take. She caught a pointed look from her father, that she knew held the same warning to not mess up.
Bruce guided her out, a sleek black limo waiting for them. From the window waved enthusiastically Oliver, and she could see Lex more proper wave behind him. A man was waiting by the car, dressed in a full suit.
"Good morning, Miss Drake. My name is Alfred Pennyworth, I'm the Wayne butler, and the responsible adult of this outing."
"Good morning, Mr. Pennyworth. A pleasure to meet you." she smiled, bowing her head in courtesy "Thank you for taking the time to accompany us."
"Oh, what a polite young lady. The pleasure is mine. But please, call me Alfred."
"I will keep it in mind."
Bruce opened the door for Janet and offered his hand to help her into the car, all too aware or her parents watching from the window. She was graceful as she accepted his hand and slid into the car, in front of Lex and next to Oliver, with all the proper manners expected of a High Society Lady. Before Bruce got in after her and took his seat beside Lex, he caught the approving nod of his butler.
"Hey, Jan! Wow, you look fancy. I feel underdressed."
"Hello. I must be honest, I was not expecting today's outing. Where are we going?" she asked, keeping only a proper, polite curiosity in her voice.
"What do you mean? We planned it during lunch last week. You were there." Oliver interjects, his head tilted with confusion.
"Oh. I was under the impression that you were planning activities for the three of you. I didn't realize I was included in the plans, I must've zoned out, I'm sorry."
"Janet, you're one of us now. Of course you were included. In fact, today's activity was planned mainly for you." Bruce smiled, bumping his shoulder with her lightly.
"Oh? Where are we going?"
"Metropolis Museum of Technology." Lex answered "There's an interesting interactive exhibit on programming. We noticed you asked plenty of questions during out Robotics event, and we figured you would enjoy learning more."
Janet's heart stuttered. On one hand, it was improper for a lady of her status to show interest in something as intellectual as robotics, and she had been obvious enough that they noticed. She shouldn't have asked so many questions. It was too early in her plan to show such a crack in her persona. On the other hand, they had already noticed, and had taken the time to plan a visit to the museum, and they'd be taking a long drive to Metropolis. It would be worse for her image to show disinterest. And truth be told, this was a dream come true. She had loved the robotics event, and did want to learn much more. So, she allowed herself a controlled, exited smile.
"That sounds fascinating! Thank you."
The car ride was lively, with Oliver and Bruce talking animatedly. Lex, however, kept mostly quiet, his eyes sharp and curious, examining her. Her composure was unshakable, her posture relaxed, confident, and every bit as elegant as she was raised to be as she stared back. Lex leaned forward, resting his face on his interlocked fingers, his elbows on his knees. A posture usually taken on a desk, often used to intimidate in their world, a way to let the other know that you see they are hiding something, that you won't be fooled. So she remained relaxed, tilted her head slightly and maintained eye contact. "I've got nothing to hide", her posture said. A blatant lie. Lex raised a brow, tilted his head forward and to the side: "I'm not sure I believe you."
Neither preteen looked away during the ride. They examined each other, their body language, their expressions. They maintained eye contact, a long, silent conversation taking place with only the subtle shifts in their bodies doing the talking. He was raised to be a businessman, to know all these subtle signs, taught to him like a second language. But High Society women had their own language, their own codes, and they were not taught those of business. Yet, somehow, Janet knew them. Something didn't add up, with Janet Drake, and Lex was determined to figure it out.
"Are you two done flirting already?" Oliver groaned after his conversation with Bruce had ended and they'd noticed the intense looks between Drake and Luthor. Lex scowled, tilting his head to his friends, yet keeping his eyes trained on Janet.
"We are not flirting."
"You have stared at each other for half an hour already." Bruce disagreed.
"It is not flirting." She agreed with Lex, though neither looked away.
Lex leaned back, rested his left elbow on the window and crossed his legs. She tilted her head up, a quiet defiance. Lex narrowed his eyes slightly, closed his ring and pinky fingers, slipped his thumb under the index and middle, rubbing at where a wedding ring would go. She huffed, ever so slightly, as proper as she could be.
"No."
"No?" Lex eyed her up and down, taking in her too-put-together appearance, flawless makeup with pink, glossy lips and elegant jewelry. He smirked, thinking he'd figured it out. She chuckled softly.
"No. Don't flatter yourself."
And still, because she needed him to stray off her true intentions, she leaned towards Oliver, subtly but noticeably. Oliver rose to the bait easily, carefully wrapping an arm around her waist, blushing wildly. She made eye contact with Lex before resting her head on Ollie's shoulder, closing her eyes and leaning into the embrace, and made herself blush softly.
Oliver pulled her closer, shifting so her head would rest on his chest instead of his shoulder, more comfortable for the both of them. Janet had miscalculated. She had failed to account for the sheer safety she felt in the boy's arms, or for just how relaxing it'd be. Her perfect, proper demeanor shattered as she melted into the embrace. She didn't realize how exhausting it was until she slipped into slumber almost immediately, wrapped in the warm safety of affection.
The crack in her armor confused Lex more than anything else could. He liked her, trusted her, to an extent —otherwise, he would've refused to invite her—, but he was well aware that they were all pawns in a game of her. But what was it? Was she attempting to secure a beneficial marriage, even from such a young age? But why would she go for Oliver, who, of the three of them, is who her parents would approve of less. She did not seem the rebellious type. And she seemed rather amused when he brought it up. And, though she was perhaps a bit too dressed up, she did say she hadn't expected to go out with them today, which implied this was just her normal. That spoke of strict parents who valued their family image. Now, Lex loved his friends, but Ollie was not all that great for image. Unless she genuinely had a crush on him? And yet, plenty of signs pointed to a crush on him or Bruce instead, so did she have one at all? As Lex looked around, to the way Bruce's eyes softened when she looked at the girl, and the protective embrace Oliver held her in, he just hoped, for all their sakes, that her plans didn't hurt any of them.
Janet slept the rest of the way, comfortable in Oliver's arms. Ollie held her like the most precious thing, brushing her perfectly done hair out of her face, kept the rise and fall of his chest steady to not bother her, and as the car passed the cloudy Gotham and went into Metropolis' sunny territory, he covered her eyes from the brightness that filtered through the window, not touching her perfect makeup, just hovering his hand over her eyes. The sun illuminated her brown hair, made it look almost red, and he noticed for the first time that she was in fact a red head whose hair simply looked brown because of Gotham's shadows. Gothamites were so dark as a whole, that even the artificial lights were dimmed, as if they were allergic to light.
As the car came to a stop in front of the museum, Oliver shifted his hand to her hair, allowing the sun and his own fingers brushing her hair to wake her up.
"Oh." she sat up, delicately tapping the corners of her eyes instead of rubbing ('Do not rub, Janet, what a boyish action', echoed her mother's voice in her head) "Thank you. I apologize, I did not mean to fall asleep on you, Oliver."
"That's ok, I don't mind, truly."
"Still, I shouldn't have. How improper of me." Janet frowned. Her mother would have her head if she ever found out she'd fallen asleep in his arms.
"Jan, we're friends. You don't need to be proper all the time. We're not your parents, you're not being judged." He tried to reassure, but it only hurt. She gave a polite nod and smile, but Oliver caught that it had been the wrong thing to say. "Hey, I like your hair. I thought it was brown, but it looks red now in the sun."
"Oh. Thank you. Yes, it's red, but Gotham's lack of natural lighting makes it look brown." she smiled tightly, relieved with the change of conversation.
Bruce cleared his throat as he and Lex exited the car and he held out a hand to help Janet. She smiled, soft thanks met with a smile and a nod. Oliver got out after her, and Janet, discreet and natural as she could be, settled on the other side of Bruce, avoiding Oliver. He noticed, of course he did, and he knew he messed up, he saw it the moment the words left his mouth. It stung. He'd enjoyed having her in his arms, he'd loved it. He'd loved seeing her unguarded, if only for a few minutes. And he'd overstepped and messed it up.
Janet felt herself slip further into her mask. "No more missteps" whispered a part of her mind. All three boys noticed as the walls they'd been patiently picking at were hardened; her posture tense and perfect, her eyes guarded, her face frozen in a perpetual, polite, bimbo-like smile.
It went out the window when she walked into the museum. The sheer amount of knowledge she could gain there, the walls displaying facts and artifacts she never would've been able to see, the interactive displays just waiting for her trembling fingers, the puzzles waiting for her eager brain to decipher them.
When Danny left the vigilante life to become a paramedic in Gotham he didn't think he'd ever step back into that scene. Much less in this way, because now Danny has Robin riding along with him in the ambulance every shift he's on.
He didn't think Robin would even remember him after he had helped the kid take care of a hurt and sick kitten at the end of his shift. How wrong he was though because the next night Robin was suddenly in the ambulance saying that he would be shadowing Danny from this point forward. Danny's coworkers were also no help in getting the kid to not do this.
Robin called this an intern opportunity to learn more about medicine and how to treat people. Danny called it a HIPPA violation. What he thought doesn't seem to matter though as everyone is always just excited to talk to the kid. He ultimately decides to just let it go and be the unwilling mentor to the young vigilante.
It really isn't until Danny is being cornered after one of his shifts by Batman demanding to know what he's doing to Robin that he wished he had fought harder to convince Robin to not ride along.
There's no way Damian would show up to such a thing unprepared so imagine:
Danny's already running through the list of excuses reasons why he can't have Robin shadowing him. He's expecting some push back but he knows Robin will give up in the end. Robin does not in fact give up.
What actually happens is that Robin keeps throwing fully valid paperwork at each of his objections and refuting them like they're nothing. HIPAA violation? Robin pulls out a certificate that's several levels higher than what would be required for an actual intern. No medical training? Robin pulls out his recently earned credentials on different healing techniques (like CPR and EMT training and idk what else). He has more qualifications than people Danny has worked with before. Danny questions the validity, Robin has him check on the official (national? Gotham?) websites and he has in fact taken the trainings/tests required. There's even a log and videos so he couldn't have just hacked his way into the system.
Danny starts grasping at straws. He brings up child labor laws, Robin shows him a signed permission from Batman with all the requirements filled out perfectly. Danny says he's not comfortable with a minor seeing the level of gore they encounter in Gotham. Robin shows him a few pictures of the more gruesome cases he has participated in during his tenure. Danny talks about disturbed bedtimes and not wanting Robin's grades to drop, Robin shows him his full academic history (name redacted, of course) and his current schedule as a vigilante. Everything's official. Batman's signature is everywhere.
In a last ditch effort, Danny says there's no budget to pay Robin, Robin says that's why it's an unpaid internship and refuses to relent. By the time Danny's officially run out of excuses, Robin's looking at him like he's ready to learn from Danny specifically. His binder's still half full. Danny sighs. He knows when he's been beaten. (Of course he refuses to acknowledge that the actual last blow was when Robin offhandedly mentions his need to know everything he can on medical procedures while mobile just in case anyone in his family ever needs them while working on their more dangerous cases. Danny understands the need to protect family as much as possible. He would do anything to avoid a repeat on the nasty burger incident. He can't deny Robin the chance to get what could possibly help save his family at some point)
Weeks later, when Batman shows up to question Danny about his activities with Robin, Danny stares at him unblinkingly for long enough that Batman almost starts to fidget (Danny's exhausted, ok? He needed the time to even process what Batman was saying). Then he finally just gets up, opens a drawer, pulls out an overstuffed binder and shoves it at Batman. It has a log of all the things Robin has done since he started his internship. It has an index. It's a copy of the official one already filed with the company Danny works for. Robin might be thorough but Danny has experience with OSHA violations and he's not about to compromise safety by cutting corners.
Batman's reluctantly impressed. Neither mention the fact that he clearly didn't sign any of the paperwork Danny saw.
Do you know how hard it is to live with a cat that has the intelligence level of literally like a 3 year old but the pure chaos of a high ranking demon?
He’s learned to open the lazy Susan and won’t stop clawing open the flour and rolling in it like a little chinchilla
When you say "Shakespearean" you mean everybody dies at the end. When I say "Shakespearean" I mean interrupting the lead-in to the climactic scene to burn five solid minutes doing a 4/10 bit where two characters argue about the definition of a word.
Diana always has a soft spot for little Jason Todd because she's his favourite not Supes, which never bothered her really but it's nice to be a Robin's favourite JL member. She doesn't hear about or see him for a while, one look at Bruce tells her that it's something bad but she assumes like the previous little Robin, her Robin outgrew the Bat and went on to bigger and better things. She finds out a few years after the Red Hood reveal that he is indeed her Robin, her Jason and she's confused. Why is she find out on some random meeting when Hood takes off his helmet? Turns out the JL came together in an extraordinary emergency meeting without Bruce who is mourning or Diana, on how to handle the fall out. They decide to simply not tell her. Wonder Woman finds out what happened to Jason right then and there. He makes a joke about dying and Diana is like 'excuse me?'. Jason notes the tension around him, Big Blue looks likes he's about to sink through the ground and Queen's jaw is about to snap. Jason tells her what happened, with light hearted sardonic humour so unlike the playful boy he had been.
The Joker is sitting in Gotham plotting his latest crime when suddenly all the carousing and chaos around him dies off gradually and he looks up to see, fucking Wonder Woman standing over him like
when i was a kid my parents bought me an inflatable doll of the Scream by Edvard Munch (??) that was significantly taller than i was at the time and i used to slow-dance with it and pretend it was my boyfriend. It had its hands attached to its head obviously so it felt like he was always a bit horrified to be forced to dance with me
the consistent journey that pretty much every Robin/batkid goes on, starting from ‘holy fuck i can be a vigilante!!! i love Batman!! this is magic!! i can do flips off tall buildings and kick people in the face and continue the greatest legacy on this planet!!’ to ‘Bruce i am so fucking tired.’ is genuinely so funny to me. i know Bruce is sick of not being listened to. he tells these goddamn kids over and over again that it’s not fun, it’s a curse, your sleep schedule will be fucked and you’ll never be relaxed again, please don’t get the wrong idea; and every damn time these kids are like :DDD CAPES AND ACROBATICS AND COOL DETECTIVE STUFF!! and then a week later they’re on a stakeout in the rain and it’s 2AM and they’ve been beaten up every night that week and the kid will go ‘B this fucking sucks why the fuck did you let us do this we’re literally just children-‘ and Bruce will go fucking geriatric.
it should have been a thing when Damian brought up the idea of quitting Robin and he pulled Bruce aside like ‘look please don’t get mad i know you won’t be happy about this, but i just don’t think this is what i want for the rest of my life, again please don’t get mad, i am my own person and it’s my life so i need you to respect my wishes here Father.’ that Bruce just stared at him really indignant for a while and then incredulously started yelling like what do you MEAN don’t get mad. i didn’t give you Robin?!?! i specifically DIDN’T give you Robin?! and then you went behind my back to get Dick to give it to you?!?! what??
like it’s the equivalent of having a toddler with you in a restaurant and you tell them Do Not Fucking Try The Wasabi. it is Spicy. and then kid eats a lump of wasabi out of spite and starts crying and now you’re the bad guy because the kid is suffering and somehow it’s your fault. 'you're supposed to take the wasabi away from them, Bruce' YOU TRY TAKING STUFF AWAY FROM THESE KIDS. SEE WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS.
this poor man has been under the thumb of his many children for so long and i just know he’s so tired of it all.
Instead, he ends up paralyzed, with minimal, barely there, awareness of his surroundings, and needing a bunch of procedures just to not die.
He still gets thrown in the pit, becomes Red Hood, and resents the shit out of Bruce, this time because he left him to suffer and didn't pull the plug on him instead, knowing there was no way he would get better. (God forbid Bruce had human emotions and had trouble making the decision to end his son's life)
On the opposite side of this spectrum, Bruce makes the difficult choice of disconnecting his son off life support after he's told by the doctors he's unlikely to ever recover and even if he does, his quality of life will be very poor.
Jason still comes back through the pit, becomes Red Hood, and resents the shit out of Bruce, this time because he gave up on him without putting up a fight.
Can we add in Ra’s is an environmental protector before all else and re-inforce his belief his children and descendants all have their own will and paths to walk, so he actively encourages them to explore their interests?
Damian was interested in the funding of his grandfather’s work, and Ra’s (in earlier comics if i remember the recaps of silver and bronze ages right) only ran the League of Assassins as a means to generate money to fund endangered species sanctuaries he ran, including breeding programs and likely community outreach in areas under threat for animals they were helping protect… so Damian took to assassin work BY CHOICE in this and later decided vigilantism suited him better under his Father. Ra’s is just upset he sees his grandson less.
Danny was curious about the lazarus pitts and adores astronomy and engineering. Ra’s knows that Jack and Maddie Fenton, longtime family friends with Jack as a childhood friend of Talia here, and asked if they could have Danny be their apprentice as they learned more about ectoplasm and its potential as a green energy source to harvest and its drawbacks.
Danny legit enjoys his time with the Fentons as his host family and psuedo-cousins, and Jazz accepts the crazy in stride.
Dani/Ellie is also informed of the al Ghul side and often uses the family resources as a guide for travel, which Ra’s is fine with as ‘bonus grandkid, nice’ who enjoys learning about the world, people, and how everything interacts with one another and the beauty in it all.
Batfam’s attempts to ‘return Danny to Bruce’ keep failing as Danny is Not A Vigilante as a calling, but as a duty as the only one able to manage the ghosts without a chance of possession sticking for long. He would rather just help engineer green energy projects and drag his friends along to help (Sam and Tucker are the most terrifying protest organizers in the show, tell me Danny would not rather let them handle networking while he can be a gremlin in the lab and surface for human interaction on occasion). Danny also sees Green Energy as a way to help protect seeing the stars, and as a pet project is working on warm lighting and encouraging lamp projects that reduce light pollution that disrupts a both out ability to see the cosmos as our ancestors did, and disrupts animals’ sleep cycles.
Danny is an engineer doing an apprenticeship and has found 2 recruits to his green energy and technology campaign as his best friends, he has no inclination to leave them, move to Gotham or leave his responsibility with the portal AND his own goals as a green technology engineer.
Talia is proud of Danny for choosing his own path and carving his own niche into existence. She is also his legal guardian still, and possibly in a legal battle with Bruce over custody and his attempts to derail Danny’s apprenticeship/education.
Damian is firmly on Danny’s side—his brother found a way to combine all of his interests, make it a lifework that protects the environment and could solve numerous energy crises, AND found people to handle the Awkward social interactions for him that networking often requires. Leave his brother to pursue his dream Father.
Danny also supports Damian’s vigilantism preference, and compares tactic notes as Phantom (why hide it from his family? His host family sure but Al Ghuls? Never) and asks questions on tips for building rapport with rogues (Damian isnt the best at this… so they tend to add mother to these calls and Talia is always delighted they care for her opinion) or new ways to try using his ‘ever expanding list of powers’ in daily life so they are more natural to use in combat.
Hell, talia may see Danny more often as his host family isnt hostile to her (see Dick and Talia beef throughout the ages) and encourages her presence as Jazz’s godmother and childhood friend.
Feel free to add more of Ra’s kids to have an assortment of drop-ins on Danny that Damian can’t get due to Bruce’s beef with basically the entire al Ghul line for being okay with living on assassin money, being assassins, or supporting how Ra’s runs his groups. Ra can even see Bruce as a son-in-law that abandoned his wife for his war on gotham’s crime, and respect him as an idealist and detective, but be bitter toward him as a Father who watched his daughter live in the fallout and helped her raise the twins.
Danny to me doesn't like killing it more of a last resort but he genuinely loves helping his family find new sources of clean energy and helping the environment so he doesn't really hate ghost nor do the Fenton because they technically did punch a hole into another environment and so they aren't surprised when those people come through they acknowledge there are some bad ones who want to cause harm but most of them are just curious!
I think bruce would see the fentons research and try to claim Talia is putting him in danger and I think it would be pretty funny if they just show that danny isnt even in any danger
And then he claims that danny hasn't been living with his mother and danny is just like
"Im under a apprenticeship and me and my mother call each other everyday and she comes and visits me atleast three times a month"
And then the whole Lazarus pits is ectoplasm thing with jason I think the batfamily will bring it up that maybe thats why jason is so mad and everything and damian just stares at them in confusion because he has died before and been in the Lazarus pits and hes perfectly fine
Turns out when jason came back to life he became a reverent and once talia threw him in the pit it Kickstarted his core and he immediately flushed out the bad ectoplasm so the pits had nothing to do with it jason was just traumatized
Can we throw in Cujo as part of bruce’s ‘evidence’ only for both sons to be insulted?
Danny asks why Bruce is bullying his pet/familiar—it wasn’t his fault he’s an amalgamation of multiple puppies death in a mass killing! He was confused and he’s as trained as a dead puppy can be now!
Damian adds on Cujo is an excellent messenger dog and guard dog—he watches over Damian when he’s injured and helps with healing faster!
Judge just sighs and asks to see the ‘cujo’ in question.
Danny publicly summons a ghost puppy (i stand by pitty or bulldog for cujo) who is clearly excitable to see He Boy(s) and kisses them while whining for pets.
Damian explains he and his brother have an interest i magic and its potential applications but Danny had some talent for it while Damian can manage counterspells but not initial castings. Cujo is Danny’s familiar and helps him manage his magic.
Judge looks at the picture of a Tank Sized Ghost Dog and cujo in Danny’s arms.
“He gets that way when he’s protecting or searching. Cujo, big mode!”
Cujo did break the ceiling. And made wind with his rail wags.
“He is a very good protector,” Danny added while giving the dog scritichies on his flank.
The judge politely informs Bruce his request for full custody is denied, but he can have visitation if Danny, a teenager allowed to have a say, desires it.
Danny politely declines as ‘i refuse to see his eldest try to fight my mom in our second home, or hear any of them speak poorly about my family for a difference in extremes of methodology and beliefs around killing.”
Judge, migraine incoming. “Elaborate(?)”
“Bruce is against killing, no matter how extreme situations become. My grandfather was a medical doctor and learned to do combat to protect his later partners after his first wife died. He has killed to keep us safe, and taught us how to survive in combat. I stand by it as a weapon of last resort for myself, but if push comes to shove i know i can manage it and i have people to help me through the aftermath of being in that position.
“But Bruce made clear many times, according to Damian, that he sees the second Robin as someone who killed a man that fell out a window by not saving him. I don’t know the details beyond he was a diplomatically immune rapist that taunted a victim to suicide. He has condemned this now dead child, in front of my brother, many times for refusing to help someone that sought to actively harm women. I don’t trust that if I was in a position where my options were limited and I had to kill, he would be supportive or healthy for me.”
Damian interjected with “and father did abandon Mother not long after their wedding. He married mother by our country of origin’s standards and then left her before we were born. Danny has never been tolerant to slights when it comes to her.”
Judge looks to the ceiling. “Were they ever divorced?”
Talia, tartly. “No. We’ve been separated by [country name] standards. You can’t serve divorce papers to a man that makes being tracked near impossible.”
Judge nods along, very sympathetic to Danny’s decision of ‘i will visit on my terms, not yours’ and understood that he may be called as a witness to an international divorce case and possible fraud as Bruce has gone about as a Bachelor… when he’s been married and left his wife from the al Ghul’s POV and the son living with him sees this as ‘child support for Mother, plus rightful inheritance assurance’ while the other is neutral at best… damn it family law insane.
*not sure whatelse to add but al Ghuls as a family watching Talia get to out Bruce for leaving her AFTER marriage and admitting she only knew about the twins after he left them and she just couldn’t put her children through a ‘flighty parental figure’ that left her with little explanation after their honeymoon.
Bruce pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. He’s usually not one for such an open sign of distress, but he feels in this case it was warranted. And he was having such a peaceful morning, too.
“Did she just write ‘yeti doctor’?”
Bruce’s head snaps up at Steph’s voice, looking once again at the letter on the screen. “Dear Mister Wayne,” it reads, and that is where normalcy ends. “Thank you so much for taking in Danny, I was so worried when he had to escape our parents.” Which is already an extremely worrying sentence. Made even more worrisome with the fact that there is no Danny currently residing in his manor.
His family is in chaos. Tim has three screens in front of him, ranting about living firewalls to Barbara, while Dick leans over his shoulder.
Alfred has lifted a thick three-ring binder out of the care package that this Jasmine Nightingale has sent them, and is flipping through it. Apparently this binder contains all of the medical, psychological, and cultural information needed to make sure that Danny’s species can thrive. Because the missing teen that should be in his manor is not human, but some sort of human/ghost hybrid.
“Father, I think this warrants an emergency meeting with the Justice League.” His youngest says. “There is currently a government agency hunting Cujo and Daniel, citing laws that directly counter the Meta Human Protection Acts. This cannot stand.” Cujo, the green glowing, 10 foot ghostdog that delivered the package and letter this morning by density shifting into the dining room during breakfast. Damian was of course attached.
“Uh, Alfred?” Duke starts form where he and Jason have been emptying the care package, “there’s a huge first aid kit here, but most of it is glowing.” Jason, of course, is turning the high tech laser pistols over in his hands, getting a feel for the handling and grip.
Bruce let’s his eyes skim over the letter again, his eyes catching on words like “Ghost King”, “Infinite Realms”, and “vivisection”. “I know it takes Danny a while to open up,” the letter reads, “so I’m beyond grateful that he feels safe enough with you.” Except he doesn’t, because Danny is not here. Somewhere out on the streets of Gotham is a half dead teenager, hurt and alone. And Bruce didn’t know. Didn’t know any of it until his sister sent him a care package, because apparently this kid has lied to his sister that he’s safe, that he found somewhere to stay.
He doesn’t notice the sudden hush behind him until Jason breaks it. “Is that fucking Lazarus Water?!” Bruce lowers his head back into his hands.
“I will prepare a room for the young master.” Alfred sniffs as his footsteps go towards the elevator. “I’m finding this kid.” Jason answers, leaving towards the lockers
“Wait, Little Wing! I’m coming with!” Well, at least Dick can hopefully keep Jason in line. He prays to Rao this doesn’t mean he has to deal with a half-ghost, immensely powerful teen that struggles with Pit Rage.
A small hand lands on Bruce’s shoulder. He looks up into the sparkling eyes of his daughter. “New brother”, she grins.
From @augundy's tags: #this is very himbo of danny#I approve#though I feel like he probably made up this lie on the spot while on the phone with Jazz and feeling incredibly stressed out and/or in pain#and/or extremely tired#and then he might've forgot about it after
From @geekyrie in the notes: "Bruce's first order of business is finding the teen he's supposed to take care of. The second order of business is most likely to ground him for giving him a heart attack, probably."
---
All in all, Danny’s life is going pretty well. Sure, he’s homeless on the streets of Gotham, but he hasn’t seen a white van in a few weeks, he can phase into gyms to use the showers, and he just found a coupon for a free fro-yo! So, yeah, life is great!
Which is of course when weird things start happening to him. He should have known it wouldn’t last. He’s just enjoying his fro-yo – blueberry, hell yeah – when a car passes him, breaks with tires squealing, and drives onto the sidewalk, coming to a stop uncomfortably close. It’s a nice car though, very sleek. Danny wonders what kind of engine it has, and if someone would notice if he took a look under the hood.
He never gets that chance. Instead a tall man with broad shoulders steps out of the car. He looks mad, and he looks specifically at Danny. Whelp, better keep moving then! Danny focuses hard on the next bite, looking down, and starts power-walking out of there.
“Daniel Thomas Nightingale-Wayne!”
Wait, what? He looks back to the tall man in the suit, and yeah, he’s still looking at Danny. More people stopped at the commotion, aaaaaaand great, here come the phone cameras. Tall man is walking towards him and Danny really doesn’t want to cause a scene, right now. Also the man is familiar. Somewhere.
“Where have you been?” oh, the man is still talking to him, “We’ve been looking all over for you. You can’t just disappear for six days.”
Again, what? “I’m sorry?” He tries, “also, I think you ha-”
“I appreciate the apology, chum, but you’re still grounded.”
“Wha- Grounded?!”
The man, wait – Wayne? Bruce Wayne?! Why would billionaire and himbo Brucie Wayne think he’s one of his kids? Mister Wayne crouches down, not caring about the dirty sidewalk and places his hands on Danny’s shoulders. “Sweetheart,” he starts and Danny absolutely does not melt, nope, “your sisters have been worried sick. Jason is stress-baking, Tim hasn’t slept in three days, and Damian has been – well you know Damian doesn’t show it, but I know he’s been worried.”
Danny is so confused. And now confused and slightly guilty. He doesn’t even know these people! Does he?
“Now come on, get in the car. I think Alfred was making one of your favorites for dinner tonight, and you can call your sister when we get to the manor.” Wayne’s hand on his shoulder is gentle and warm as he guides him, nothing like Vlad’s bruising grip.
“You talked to Jazz?” He asks as he’s deposited into the passenger’s side.
“Oh yes,” Wayne says, with a weird twinkle in his eye, “she’s been waiting to talk to you.”
And oh, oh no, that does not sound good at all.
---
Meanwhile the Gothamites are having a blast. Brucie Wayne full-naming someone only happens when his kids really messed up. Like, Richard swinging from the not-enforced chandelier in Mrs. Plotnik’s mega yacht messed up. Also this kid is obviously homeless. Does Bruce really get empty nest syndrome so bad that he’s now picking up random kids off the streets? The Waynes are so weird.
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