shark vs the universe
JVL
h
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Love Begins
ellievsbear
almost home
pixel skylines
AnasAbdin
Show & Tell
ojovivo
Kaledo Art
roma★
Stranger Things
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Keni
noise dept.
Origami Around
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
seen from Singapore
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@zyfylyxi
life can be different than what you once planned or hoped, but even better than you imagined in other ways. it can hold disappointments and regrets, but still be so beautiful and full of goodness. you carry grief and sadness with you about certain things, but still experience so much joy
yes this is an exploration of guilt and culpability but it could also be a sex thing if you just give me a minute
children are so fucking funny man. i just overheard a kid go “i just learned a new way to pinch, wanna see it? it hurts a lot more!” followed by a loud, notably pained scream
I looove when food is in a bowl. Frequently plates are being brought out and I'm thinking this could've been a bowl meal but nobody gets it
Me stepping out of the optometry office after slamming four lokos with the doctor and immediately meeting the love of my life (but I have social anxiety)
As an aplatonic person, one of the most frustrating aspects of amatonormativity for me is that there is a normalized, consent-based social script for navigating the commitment and intensity of a romantic relationship, and there is no equivalent for platonic relationships.
For romantic relationships we have:
Casual dating, where you're expected to be getting to know one another and it's understood that the relationship could end at any time.
Formal dating/"Going steady", where you've acknowledge that you have a bond that you are interested in pursuing and you want to spend significant time with one another.
Engagement, where you're actively working to enmesh your lives completely, and are expected to be interested in one another as people and supportive to one another through serious difficulties.
Marriage/partnering, where you have formally intertwined your lives and have an expectation that this will be a permanent, continuous relationship based on mutual interest and mutual caretaking.
And every time you want to "go up a level" in a romantic relationship, the expectation is that you actively ask the other person, and get their consent. There is (ideally) no confusion about what the other person expects from you in terms of commitment and intensity of your relationship.
Friendships don't have that.
Which means that instead of a consent-based checkpoint for going up "levels" of friendship, you just have to try to figure out where you stand based on vibes. And there's no way to tell if there's a mismatch of expectation until someone makes a mis-step.
And there's no socially appropriate/expected way to navigate friendship rejection either.
It's totally normal in a romantic relationship to say "I'm not interested in/ready for that kind of commitment" but when you have to handle a friendship the same way, the person being rejected is often scandalized because they had no clue you had a mismatch, and they have no socially appropriate way of expressing the grief of a friendship rejection.
I hate that romantic relationships are put on this pedastal and socially regarded as worth formalizing with consent, whereas everything about friendship has to be based on vibes and intuition.
sometimes people experiencing psychosis and/or mania will come up to you on the street and talk in confusing or upsetting ways. your job is to either have a regular human-to-human conversation with that person or politely leave. your job is not to call 911. do not call 911. you might kill that person if you call 911.
I don't even have the energy to screenshot and respond to your tags- what the actual fuck is wrong with you? "the cops are scared and rightfully so" "mental health calls are the scariest for cops" OH so this isn't about the safety of psychotic & manic people this is about piggy feelings?
and no, actually, this is not USA specific and no, actually, people from other countries should not ignore this post. police violence and sanism weren't invented in the US and they are certainly not unique to here. if you (or anyone) thinks that this bullshit doesn't happen elsewhere then you are not listening.
cops r Some Guy with a Gun
do we want Some Guy with a Gun in this situation? answer is usually "NO"
This is legitimately useful reframing. A while ago I started replacing the word "cop" in my vocabulary with "a man with a gun." It really puts things into perspective.
This homeless person is making me uncomfortable. Should I call [a man with a gun]?
My neighbor is having a loud party. Should I get [a man with a gun] involved?
There are some teenagers skateboarding. Do you think [a man with a gun] would get rid of them for me?
It makes it very clear what you're saying. I can call a man with a gun to threaten or hurt someone mildly inconveniencing me. You're not calling the cops, you're calling A MAN WITH A GUN into a situation that does not warrant a firearm handled by a volatile lunatic who will not be held accountable for his actions.
^ ^ ^
If you are in the US, call the non-emergency line instead (211) if you feel you must call somebody else to the scene. They can connect you to the County Crisis Line.
County Crisis will usually send a social worker (or therapist-in-training) to the scene. Those folks are very good at what they do, in general, and they are not going to be armed. They will try to get the person in question connected with support services, housing, and may be able to get them home if they seem lost.
Some counties may still need to send cops to the scene alongside the social worker, but you can usually ask about policies like that.
Surely THIS time when I get reassurance it will fix me and I will never need validation again!
Peer-reviewing tags by @dickwitch
Theres currently some crows nesting on the building opposite us, and they still remember that we used to put out bird food years ago (had to stop because of too many neighbour complaints of loud jackdaws in the garden), and have managed to work out that they need a sneaky way to get food without alerting all the other birds.
This has had the consequence of me having to inform my flatmate that if he hears a polite knock at the kitchen window he needs to feed the crows or they WILL start trying to steal our cookbooks.
I wonder who could have done this. Surely not an innocent lil fella like this one
No magical chosen hero’s quest until you turn 18!!
When I was training to be a battered women’s advocate, my supervisor said something that really blew my mind:
“You can always assume one thing about your clients; and that is that they are doing their best. Always assume everyone is doing their best. And if they’re having a day where their best just isn’t that great, or their best doesn’t look like your best, you have to be okay with that.”
Any now whenever anyone in my life, either a friend or a client, frustrates me, disappoints me, or pisses me off, I just tell myself They are doing their best. Their best isn’t that great today, but I have days where my best isn’t that great either.
Op I’d like to thank you for sharing this. Ever since the first time I’ve read it I’ve held it in my mind and it really has helped me to be kinder to others and to myself.
There’s a pretty famous Tweet that goes around from someone’s therapist, who told her “You can’t do your best all the time. If you did, it would be your normal.”
That…yeah. Rewired me a little.
I needed to see this today.
There are some people who see pain and immediately feel responsible for it.
Not because anyone asked them to.
Not because it is actually their job.
But because something inside them cannot stand the thought of someone hurting.
So they listen.
They stay up late having difficult conversations. They search for the right words. They try to understand every side of every situation. They carry people's worries home with them. They think about conversations days later, wondering if there was something better they could have said.
And after a while, helping stops feeling like something they do.
It starts feeling like something they have to do.
Someone is sad? You need to fix it.
Someone is lonely? You need to help.
Someone is struggling? You need to stay.
Someone is hurting? You need to find the right words.
Because maybe if you care enough, try hard enough, stay long enough, you can somehow make the pain smaller.
But what makes this so exhausting is that human beings are not problems to solve.
Some hurts cannot be fixed overnight.
Some wounds belong to journeys that are not yours to walk for someone else.
And some people need support, not rescue.
I think people who become hyperfocused on fixing everyone else's pain often have incredibly soft hearts.
They notice things others miss.
They remember small details.
They genuinely care.
But sometimes they care so much that they start carrying responsibilities that were never meant to belong to them.
They start feeling guilty when someone they love is unhappy.
They start measuring their worth by how useful they can be.
They start believing that if they cannot make things better, they have somehow failed.
And that is such a heavy thing for one person to carry.
So if this sounds like you, I hope you hear this gently:
You are allowed to care without curing.
You are allowed to love people without saving them.
You are allowed to sit beside someone's pain without fixing it.
Your kindness is not measured by how many people you rescue.
Your value is not determined by how useful you are during someone else's crisis.
And somebody else's suffering is not proof that you have not done enough.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can offer is simply your presence.
A message.
A conversation.
A reminder that they are not alone.
The rest does not belong entirely on your shoulders.
You deserve rest too.
You deserve days where you are not carrying everyone else's emotions.
You deserve friendships where support flows both ways.
You deserve to exist as a person, not as an emergency service for everyone you love.
And I hope, little by little, you learn that caring deeply and carrying everything are not the same thing.
Because your heart was never meant to hold the weight of the whole world.
"ohhh wahhh the problem with building out america's rail network is that nobody wants to live next to train tracks-" I DO BITCH!!!!!!!! #I<3INDUSTRIALNOISES #SEXWITHATRAIN
laurie 😔
