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@a-bards-tales
I’ve set up a Patreon for my writings!!! I’m trying to become a professional writer so this is the start to that, this only tier currently is $5 and there will be free content there, as well as here. And for anyone who pledges to my tier in the next 14 days will receive a personalized postcard from me!
to the casual observer it may look like i'm trying to summon a demon but anyone who knows me will realize that i am simply calling my wife
The wife and the demon are the same person
The fact that these replies would mean wildly different thing had they been said on a different platform, such as Facebook, is absolutely hilarious
me before getting to the end of this post
Ao3 version that lets you open the 'director's cut' where I, the author, explain every detail in excruciating detail to you and what it is in reference to.
@bonsaibovine being absolutely correct in the tags
Legit. Ask me anything you want to know about my fics.
yall look at this shit ad*be is tryna pull now on ppl who have outdated software:
(note for context: i’m all for piracy, but in this case my copy of CS6 was downloaded years ago when they were giving it away to students. i got it totally legally.)
so here is what NOT to do if you’re a loyal fan of adobe who has the cash to shell out for a newer and shittier version of the product you already paid for.
1) DON’T use your search bar to find and open the Run app
2) DON’T type in services.msc
3) DON’T find Adobe Genuine Software Integrity Services and right-click to get a dropdown menu, and don’t select ‘properties’
4) if you happen to click properties, DON’T use the startup type dropdown to locate the option to disable the program. be sure you DON’T click apply to finalize that change.
5) DO NOT do the same thing in order to also disable Adobe Genuine Software Monitor
if you do all of these things, this WILL disable adobe’s ability to monitor the software, and you will be forced to continue using the same older software that you already paid for instead of having to sign up for a newer, shittier version and pay more for it. so if you have lots of cash to spare and are cool with putting it the pockets of racketeering capitalists, definitely don’t do any of these things.
however, you SHOULD reblog this to spread the word, as we certainly want to make sure lots of people know what NOT to do :)
I’M SORRY MA'AM. I KNOW YOU’RE UPSET.
Pretend to be upset.
OP how could you
I hope none of my friends who use Adobe programs find this, follow your detailed instructions, and spread the word. That would be devastating!
It would.
what is the difference between a witch and a wizard
wizards are mathematicians and physicists. witches are chemists and biologists
warlocks, sadly, are business majors
String identified: at t c t a tc a a a a a atatca a ct. tc a ct a gt ac, a, a a
Closest match: Logfia minima genome assembly, chromosome: 6 Common name: Small Cudweed
(image source)
i always knew my post was a beautiful cudweed
Sorcerers are nepobabies, magicians are performing arts majors, and mages are assholes, hope this clears things up😁
imagine you’re going on an adventure with the person you love most in the whole world. but every step you take to get closer to the end drains him and there’s nothing you can do to help, not really. you can’t take the weight off his shoulders. more than anything, you want to protect him, but even that becomes more difficult with each passing day. so instead you try to comfort him. you hold his hand through the day and him through the night. he wakes up in your arms and, for a moment, forgets everything else. also gollum is there
This is one of those posts that the last line just socked me between the eyes.
This is one of those
posts that the last line just socked
me between the eyes.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
I've just realized Hereditary is a film about a demon with gender dysphoria.
Patreon info
I post free stories once a week, I also post paid content once a week.
The paid content is $5 a month and are longer than the free content (fee content is between 3-5 paragraphs while paid is anywhere between 15 and 20)
My free content is typically original fables/fairy tales or fairytale rewrites.
The paid content is all going to be original myths following different gods I’ve made up and currently it’s all origin stories.
I plan on making another tier where once a week I’ll post a chapter to an actual story. This will most likely be between $10-$20
I also have a link on my Patreon to my twitch channel where I’ll be reading my stories as well as having writing workshops and “write with me” streams
Listen close, for tonight I tell a tale of the sea. You may think this is a story you know, but there is one key difference. A mermaid who loved a sailor, and a sailor who loved the sea.
Long ago, in a sea side kingdom, there was a sailor. He held no titles, and had no land. He worked in the day and into the night in order to afford his food. But his heart wept for nothing, as he had his love. The sea. Since he was a boy he held love for nothing but the sea and everything in it. He sails its waters every day without failing, always returning to his one true love.
And unbeknownst to the sailor, the sea felt the same. Under its water was a mermaid, a woman who’s beauty can only be described as ethereal. The ocean ran through her veins, and water filled her lungs. And each day, as the sailor came to the sea, and each day, as he confessed his love, and each day, as he sailed away knowing he’d return, the mermaid felt the same. Her heart belonged to him and nothing more.
So one day, when the sailor arrived to his special spot, the mermaid came from the water, calling to him. She offered him a gift, so that he may swim amongst the waves alongside her. The sailor, his heart filling to the brim, agreed immediately, diving in beside her. The pair swam through the ocean, each of them finally being with their love.
Sit children, for it is time again for a story. This one you might know, for it is older than anyone you’ve met. But, this story is not what you know, it is different and all because of one choice.
Long ago, there was a queen. She was seen as heartless and cold by her subjects, for after the passing of her husband, 3 nights after their wedding, she stripped her stepdaughter of her titles and made her the maid. But they do not know what happened behind the castle doors. They did not see the anxious woman grieving her husband. They did not see the master witch being manipulated by a mirror.
The queen stood before her mirror, draped in finery and sparkling with jewels. “Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all.” The words fell from her mouth, each syllable causing her throat to close up. The reflection shimmered until her face, covered in anxiety and worry, was replaced by a relaxed expression and an amused smile.
“Greetings my queen, mistress of magic and wonderful feats, a woman of beauty that life did treat. On to your question, you are fair it’s true. But today is the day, there’s one fairer than you.”
The queens chest felt sharp, her throat closed, and her breathing turned shaky. “Who… who is it?” She whispered, balling the folds of her gown in her hands.
“A betrayal like this you must set right, for the traitor in question is your own Snow White.”
She dropped her gown, a gasp coming from her mouth and she took a step back. “Snow White? But… she’s just a child! What can I do?” The mirror tilted its head in amusement.
“There is one way for you to reclaim your part, kill the girl and feast on her heart.”
The queens blood turned cold as she stared at the reflection. The mirror queens mouth was contorted in a mischievous smile and her eyes were filled with malice. The queen stared at her for what felt like ages, thoughts running through her mind. “Well, every queen needs an heir.” She finally said, looking at the mirror, whose smile dropped in surprise.
The queen turned, ignoring the shouts of the mirror as she retreated from the tower. She stopped at the bottom and turned to the guard. “Shatter the mirror. Its use has gone.” Before making her way outside. Snow White stood scrubbing at the well, her calloused hands working well into the stone. “Snow White.” The queen said, motioning the girl over. “I… I have treated you in ways unforgivable. I removed you from your position, took away all your father has given you, and I can never undo that. But I can start trying.” Snow Whites shocked expression pained the queen, but that soon went away as Snow pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, Grimhilde.”
“Please child, call me mother.”
Once again I ask you to sit, to listen to my words and follow my story. Tonight I speak of not a person, but a mighty tree. One that might still stand, but none can reach it to find out.
Many years ago, there stood a forest. A long expanse of trees and flowers and bushes further than anyone could picture. In the center stood a large oak, whose branches spread out across the grove, and leaves wove together like a net shielding from the sunlight. This tree had no magic, it grew no fruit, it’s roots were gnarled, and it’s branches crooked. Unlike the rest of the forest, it was home to no spirit of Nature, and survived all on its own.
One day, at the beginning of the kingdom, the Kings men marched on the forest, intent on leveling it for a village. The Faye and Dryads and Elves fled from their homes and ran as far as possible, but they were surrounded at the lone tree. As the men approached, the wind began to blow. The strong gust sent the crooked branches and misshapen acorns flying through the wind, hitting the unprepared men. After they recovered, the men began to march on the scared spirits, but they could not keep their footing on the gnarled roots that peeked through the ground. Many tripped, landing on their own weapons. Those that were left, understood that they could not progress and they turned back.
That night, under the full moons glow, the Forest Spirits surrounded the lone tree, their arms raised in praise as they sung to it. The branches swayed in the wind, acorns falling and bouncing off the gnarled roots. Each spirit took one acorn, planting them around the tree so that their forest might grow again. This time, each tree as crooked and bent as the lone tree, no longer alone.
Listen closely children, for some stories are not told often. This is not a story of battle, of glorious heroes. But a story of a child, and her mothers.
Magic is a fickle thing, that has always been true. But when magic mixes together. Long ago, a woman lived in a hut, far away from the village she was raised in. The villagers avoided the hut, unless they needed something from the fabled “Witch of the Wild”. The woman lived a lonely life, secluded from the home she knew and abandoned by the family she loved solely because she was born with a gift unlike all others. She could speak to nature itself, bend the will of earth and sky. She became a healer, trained under the forest itself.
But her life was lonely. The only time she spoke to other humans was when they needed a poultice or potion. She cried to the forest, to the trees and flowers, to the stones and winds, to the only ones who’d listen to her tears. Her cries were heard by everything in the forest, her pleas fell on the ears of all with ties to nature. The pleas were heard by so many, that even the worlds beyond knew of her feelings. And one day, they answered. She awoke that morning to the cries of a baby. A changeling sat in her home, eyes white, and skin pale, but as she soothed the fairy babe, color blossomed in its skin, and her eyes began to sparkle a radiant green.
Years went by. The Witch and the Fairy lived in peace with their lives. The Witch still worked as a healer, and the Fairy took up sewing and weaving. Her tapestries always came out brighter and more vibrant than anything a human could dream of creating. But the Witch’s heart still felt incomplete. Her bed lay empty, and her daughter had only a single parent. She told the forest of her feelings. Spoke of her regret for not being able to give her daughter more. And once again, her cries were heard. But instead of a fairy, she was approached by a woman dressed in leather, her shirt lined with a fur and a bow on her back. The Human had been hunting in the forest for years, watching the Witch as she tended her garden and as the Fairy grew older. She heard the Witch’s cry for companionship, and came to answer the plea.
Another 4 years passed. The Fairy grew into a beautiful young woman, her hair as red as Fire and eyes sparkling as emeralds. The Witch aged, her hair turning silver and her fingers curling with age. The Human became a guardian of the forest, a bridge between the Village and the Witch. The three were a family now, unconventional and strange, but they belonged together.
A Witch abandoned by her family for fear of the unknown, with a power that made sure she was always heard. A Changeling that is no copy, with a form all her own. A Human whose more animal than civilized, who walks the line between beast and man. 3 women, all different from what they should be, and all loved by each other more than anything in the world.
