Arson's

The Clown Prince of [Redacted] ♑ ⚧ he/him

[endivinity]

one of my favorite books as a kid was this one on speculative zoology/evolution that I loved so much I borrowed it to the point my school had to chase me up on returning it several times. it influenced my early creature art and design and pushed me to delve into my own specbio (on dragons. no surprises there). I loved the informatic entries, all their little lore bits and ecological adaptations; the wild color palettes, their weird little shapes. it was called The New Dinosaurs, by Dougal Dixon.

there were two more books in the series that my school didn’t have, which is either a blessing or a curse, because the third book in the set is called Man After Man.

which contains this.

[all-hail-the-kazoo]

[batshit-auspol]

Australian Federal Election 2001: Pranksters follow around Prime Ministerial contender Kim Beazley in an attempt to sneak fake microphones into news footage

Follow for more Batshit Moments in Australian Politics

[thesituation]

“your rent should be a third of your income” well wouldn’t that be nice. wouldn’t it. lower the rent pussy

[moniquill]

Casual observation from someone old enough to remember: in the year 2000 financial advice was that rent should be no more than 1/4 of your income.

[vergess]

Until the mid 80s, the advice was that if you must rent instead of owning, then that 20% of your monthly income (oh yes, only 20%) should include all your utilities too.

After all, rent costs more than a mortgage, so it should offer more too.

The housing market is a fucking travesty.

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

Hmm what happened in the mid eighties....

[commodorecliche]

[larvitarr]

[seite]

and then they proceeded to be the worst at their jobs for the next 20 years

[sindri42]

No no, you don’t get it. Jesse and James are the absolute best there is at their jobs, but they have no idea what their jobs are.

They think that they’re thieves, agents of an elite criminal group led by Giovanni, stealing rare pokemon and advanced technology and such. And there might have been a time this actually was their jobs. In the first season or two, they frequently get angry phone calls about how they’ve fucked everything up, or get their expense account cut off because they have literally never turned a profit on their criminal enterprises and constantly procure and then lose/destroy expensive and elaborate devices.

But then the world came within a hair’s breadth of being destroyed, several times, and Jesse, James, and their weird cat rescued everybody. As terrible as they’ve always been at criminal endeavors of any kind, when the apocalypse approaches and they’re forced to step up, they’re really fucking good at saving the day.

And Giovanni is over here like… if the planet is destroyed, or time/space becomes unrecognizable, or civilization collapses, there’s no way for me to run a profitable criminal enterprise anymore. I need this planet, because it’s where I keep all my stuff. And I don’t pretend to understand the why of it, but these couple of bumbling nutcases that I should have fired years ago seem to be an important component of that? Somehow? So you gotta stop thinking about them in terms of acquisitions and start considering them… loss prevention. As in, even if you waste a million dollars a month on giant cat-faced robots and a vast array of fancy ball gowns and they never turn a profit, they are preventing all of your assets from going away at the same time because of something you can’t do anything about.

And that’s the great secret behind Team Rocket. These guys aren’t thieves, they’re professional superheroes (sponsored by organized crime). Of course, nobody ever bothered to tell them that.

[edgar-allan-possum]

“To protect the world from devastation…”

[atopfourthwall]

Plus, as is frequently pointed out: Jesse and James are good at every other job EXCEPT Team Rocket. They’re actually smart businesspeople and run successful food and merchandise stands and are great salespeople. Hell, even in Team Rocket situations where they’re not chasing after Pikachu they’ve done better. It’s just their Achilles Heel is one damn OP rodent.

[computationalcalculator]

Pikachu Proximity Intelligence Chart

[silver-tongues-blog]

pretty sure giovanni keeps them on so he can commit insurance fraud by giving them tech insured for way more than what was paid for it so when it inevitably gets destroyed he gets a nice check.

[realm-sweet-realm]

I absolutely love this theory. And I especially love that Giovanni opposes the other villains because the world is where he keeps his things, and he likes things.

[obaewankenope]

Team Rocket contain multitudes

[bathroomcube]

back from the hospital

[bathroomcube]

only reason im telling you this is because on the wristband they gave me they had a pronouns section but instead of just putting down my pronouns there was a barcode you could scan

its just a very funny visual. probably real as fuck for some of you

[teaboot]

You know what's wild?

Your body- like, the one you're existing as? Your mind prison?- it's not a wholly independant entity. It's an ecosystem. You're a bog that's self-aware

[teaboot]

Imagine if a swamp could telepathically communicate a desire for Chicago style deep dish and then just. Have it

[teaboot]

No wonder my stomach hates me, the fish are confused as fuck

[mcworm]

JUST SAW A FED-EX DRIVER JUMP OUR OF HIS TRUCK AT A REDLIGHT AND RUN UP TO A SECOND FED-EX TRUCK (THREE CARS AHEAD) AND THE GUY LEANED OUT AND THEY JUST KISSED ON THE LIPS? HELLO?

[whichcouldmeannothing]

shipping

[segamascott]

[cegaycean]

[electronicmail]

honestly look at the bright side at least you’re not 14

I’M NOT FOURTEEN!!!!!!

[moveslikekeithrichards]

you know when you get Autism Mad. like something happens in a non-ideal way and in your brain you know it literally doesnt matter but in your other more autistic brain youre like screaming & scrying & shitting the bed etc. i think you should be able to go into settings and opt out of that. i have better things to get upset about than failing to put up a decoration on the optimal day or being too stubborn to solve a problem via simple communication

[gardenofdelete998]

buddhist furry calculating what sins to commit to get reincarnated as the animal they wish they were. like a darts player

[ostdrossel]

Oh my goodness, the woodpecker 😆 (other two are Oriole and female Grosbeak)

[lostinhistory]

@bbcwhereareyou

[ceekari]

[stevishabitat]

She is completely unphased by his shenanigans

[thememedaddy]

[badjokesbyjeff]

"When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat the vowels”

Friend: "Why?"

Me: "Sometimes."

[thestuffedalligator]

I drew this in a fugue state last night

[vitamaeternum]

This sounds like such a funny fairy tale. I would have loved that one as a kid.

[duchessduck]

also, a good concept for thos books that explains thing to children. Today the duck princess is going to learn please and thank you, she was a lil duck before. Can you help her learn be the best princess?

[cannibalchicken]

Woah , my garage dog has arrived ,

[songofsaraneth]

every time i ask people if they do any new years resolutions its all ooooo i dont like making them bc i fail or ohhhhh no i couldnt keep up wiht that and then when they ask me and i tell them about Pasta Quest (i am eating as many different pasta shapes as possible in the space of a year) or when i did Fruit Adventures (every time i saw a fruit i had never eaten before id get one and eat it and read the wikipedia article about it) theyre like hang on i forgot you can make Fun Ones i want a fun one

[songofsaraneth]

while i actually made this post back in May, since New Year’s is approaching here’s some of my fave suggestions from the tags if you’re looking for inspiration!

other favorites from the notes I didn’t get screenshots of at the time:

learn the names/species of local plants, bugs, and birds where you live (iNaturalist or Merlin the bird app help with this)

learn the rules to 10 new card games

steal the colored paint cards from hardware store paint aisles and use them to make art

try out every different apple variety you can find and rank them

similarly LOTS of people in the notes doing soup quests, and a few cheese quests also

similarly lots of people reading/watching certain amounts of media over the year, and tracking/rating it

track the number of cats/dogs/etc you see over the year

there’s plenty more in there too :)

[panpteryx]

this year I’m gonna grow things from SEED

Specifically tomatoes and maybe melons

[pronouncingitwang]

[ID: There are Tumblr tags interspersed through the post. They read

biigmiikey: coulle years ago my roommate besties new years res was to be cozier, she got a new bed and rearranged her room and i was like damn that is a great resolution

emmagoldmanfanclub: last year i did sneeze count., i sneezed 1072 times in 2022

digitalcockroach: fr mine for next year is gonna be to read the wikipedia for every currently existing country in alphabetical order

cephalopodink: i do eat more pickles every single year. never regretted it. love eating pickled things., rabble babble, queuettlefish

abysswarlock: only time I did something like this was a resolution to look at clouds and try to see pictures in them at least once a day

prosocialbehavior: last year mine was to unsubscribe from all marketing emails, maybe this year ill do a fun one

t4ttragedy: one year mine was just that every time i felt the impulse to compliment someone i would actually do it, and that was like 3 years ago and i just kind of kept doing that

eevee-williams: my 2018 one was so fun, i learned to make all the classic cocktails, i don’t do it a lot any more but i still do it sometimes, today i got home from work like ‘you know what would fix me? tequila sunrise’, and brother i was so right about that. it’s fixing me

beatnikfreakiswriting: yeah! the year i turned 21 i made my new year’s resolution ‘wear more red’. It was fun, i wore way more red. i like red., year after i did ‘wear more green’ and you know what? I did that!, i now wear both red and green frequently.

akinari-kashihara: Mine was to enter every free giveaway I could nothing btw, I’ve won nothing btw

attractivegkry: I’m going to spend more time in my hammock, once I’m done with school I’m going to visit people and LOOK AT BIRDS when I’m there

blueberrytruth: saw someone on tt whose resolution was to see every artwork from acnh in person, which is a very cool resolution if you have the means to travel

anawkwardblue: I think I’m gonna try weaving!, and making fairy houses for the woods

heylabodega: One year mine was to cook with more butter and the next it was to wink more.

moonspren: one year i asked for book recommendations on Facebook and read every single one, it was interesting but i recommend only doing this with people you trust, i read some shit books that year

hrududil: this year my goal was: 30 cat selfies (with different cats), and also: every time i get boba i get a diff flavour :)

kavat: this year my resolution was to wear more silly little outfits and i think im doing well

khezhatkhaleesi: a couple years ago my reso was to be slightly less of a lil bitch about eating chilli and i did it!!!, got a chilli in my dinner the other week that would have ruined my night in the past but i just barely even blinked

cikero: my most successful one was be nice to bugs, and I still do it :)

bastardclownbaby: yes!!, i am doing Wear All Of My Clothes which is not only fun but useful in helping me figure out what to actually get rid of

yu3s: txt, my new years resolution this year (last year?) was cat journal where i wrote a journal as a cat going on an adventure and saved cat photos, and every cat my friends sent to me or tagged me in i put in the adventure also! like as an apothecary owner cat or a baker cat etc!, got busy and stopped doing it but cat journal will be my resolution next year >:3c protagonist is wizard cat and it will explore the world!

nopeferatu: my new years resolution is to suck and fuck, just kidding i dont really want that, my new years resolution is to make myself like avocados :)

/end ID]