you found this

|ESFP|

[mug-of-beans]

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.

[aqueerkettleofish]

Look, if the new magic didn't have a personality construct that kept trying to tell me which spells to use, maybe I wouldn't still be using the old magic.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Yes it had a deep blood cost, but at least it was a one time sacrifice and not this monthly bloodletting nonsense new age magic has

[wizard-archivist-official]

The old magic is robust enough to survive a decade of use and it's compatible with every wand, staff, scroll, and charm in our collection.

The new magic stops working after three days and every spell uses proprietary runes.

Our preferences, as an archiving institution, should be pretty clear.

[charlesoberonn]

You try to get guidance for the new magic and the king's sorcerers maybe will answer you in a few days with an unhelpful suggestion to buy the newest orb.

You need guidance for the old magic and a dozen retired middle-aged wizards will pop up to explain it to you rune by rune if necessary.

[kosmogrl]

[manwhorewednesdays]

This is actually such a crucial part of healing from neglect and abuse and I have to add to this.

Because indeed, people who like you will not roll their eyes and sigh at the idea of accommodating your needs, they will value your voice and be upset with you about injustice done to you, not at you for "being difficult". They will be happy when you find a way to live a better life, and help you to get there. If you are struggling, someone who loves you wants to see you smile, not tell you to smile because "you have it so good".

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

i do think a lot of implausible medieval plot devices make more sense when considering the fact that these people simply did not have glasses

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

like the king arthur problem of how were these people always accidentally sleeping with the wrong person? well 1) no glasses 2) no lights and candles are so expensive 3) royal couples didn’t even sleep in the same bed a lot of the time anyway 4) arranged marriage how much do you really know your spouse anyway? maybe not very well a lot of the time 5) people are drinking a lot idk. maybe not as absurd as one might think

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

this post is brought to you by the one time i woke up at a sleepover and realized that without my glasses i could not distinguish one friend from the other. haunting. all of arthurian literature was unlocked to me at that moment

[lais-noire-deactivated20260601]

[lais-noire-deactivated20260601]

bone broth. arugula. digestive enzymes. decluttering. donating clothes. diptyque candles. bubble baths w/ epsom salt. lavender candles. guilty pleasure trashy reality tv. collagen powders. collagen masks. skII essence. pigm400. skin flooding. dr bergs electrolytes. red nails. travertine bowls. redecorating. fire colors. ginger/dandelion tea. jujubes. goji berries. 50mg of iron daily. beeswax candles. plush rugs. deleting photos. space-clearing. frankincense resins. cedarwood smudging. curing. activating. resting.

[lost-carcosa]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[charlesoberonn]

“This is my favorite axe. I’ve been using it for forty years. Had to replace the handle ten times and the blade thrice.”

[shithowdy]

real adult™ tip from a real adult™ with executive dysfunction

do stuff while waiting for other stuff

like that sounds intuitive and vague but so much of the day is spent in a period of wait and if you struggle to motivate yourself to do things then this is the best time

waiting for your water to boil? bag up your garbage. waiting for your coffee to drip? wipe down your counters. roommate taking up the bathroom? scoop the cat box. waiting for your food to cook in the microwave? do however many dishes you can while it’s in there. 

waiting is the perfect time to do a limited amount of something for yourself where you would be otherwise just standing around doing fuck-all

[maddiebiscuits]

THIS IS REALLY HELPFUL!

[vaspider]

I actually turn this into a game!

“How many chores can I do while the water is boiling for my tea?”

“Can I put away the dishes and wipe the counters before my lunch finishes reheating?”

“Can I sweep the floor AND change the laundry while the dogs are out back?”

You can totally do this! If you make it like a game, also, you will get better at it, and you can be like ‘yes, now I put away the dishes AND wiped out the sink before my water boiled, I am a level 2 Adult!’

[the-haiku-bot]

“How many chores can

I do while the water is

boiling for my tea?”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[beardedmrbean]

[lesbianshepard]

99% of all murders committed by women in ancient greek plays are completely justified

[lesbianshepard]

[ikariyuiofficial]

[ottermatopoeia]

Clytemnestra: crack? Is it crack you smoke?

[woman-becomer]

tumblr users love reading. you literally stopped for this post just because it has words in it

[interpolationz]

this is one of my favorite bits about tumblr

the users seem to actually prefer text posts to anything else, and treat it as a chore to play a video especially with sound

[lazzarella]

[teaboot]

I feel like pirating media that isn’t sold or offered anywhere legally anymore shouldn’t be called piracy. Girl thats archaeology

[circusheart]

[new-nintendo-2ds-xl]

happy new year! reminder that as of January 1st, 2025, the 1929 animated Disney short "The Skeleton Dance" is now public domain!

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

this is prime proof that this ENTIRE WEBSITE is autistic because nowhere else would a no tags post that's just an informative list about slang get this much traction.

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

anyway more addittions

“30-50 wild hogs” for someone making ABSURD excuses for violence.

“what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament” for how do you know that without being a part of it.

“anyone in this thread smoke weed” for the shit you people are saying is so off topic this might as well be a general discussion forum

“dogs are boys and cats are girls” for ooh ur mindset did not grow past 4th grade, huh

“color theory in a childrens hospital” for bending over backwards to not agree that YEA, that thing Came Off Weird

“you are a tar pit” for someone finding any reason to respond with outrage.

“is the __ in the room with us right now?” for I Don’t Think That’s Real.

“bean soup? im allergic to beans!” for ik this doesn’t work for you, but that’s not a flaw. not everything can be for you.

“people irl: hey man hows it going” for this will Never Matter irl

[strongermonster]

perhaps some will disagree, but i think the world got worse when we changed the colour of the night

[strongermonster]

this is what i mean

[degenderates]

Via @bulbaderp

[itistimetodisappear]

To be clear, THIS is how nights of the future should be lit

This is bat friendly street lighting, which not only looks sick as fuck but allows bats to pass through without disturbance, as they cannot see red.

orange and especially white lights deter bats and prevent them from reaching feeding grounds at nighttime. Please if you can, write to your local council and encourage red street lights!!!!

[anarchistmemedistro]

ALSO! red light doesn’t fuck up human night vision much so you can go in and out of lit areas without readjusting

[anarchistmemedistro]

[makerio90]

red light gang rise up

[magnoliaalchemist]

[t-shrit]

for a satire news site they hit the nail on the head

[worldohworld-deactivated2019032]

Holy fuck

[indigipunk-deleted-deactivated2]

Something I learned in my brief experience with a journalism class is that The Onion is a prime example of truly successful satire.

All the times they “hit the nail on the head”, they are in fact achieving satire’s ultimate goal. To examine something free of bias, in a way that people are less likely to be sensitive toward a harsh reality.

Under the frame of a joke. Don’t discredit the work of the people behind The Onion just because they make you laugh. They know what they’re doing. And what they’re doing is important. They’re forcing people to rethink the way our system works without wasting the energy on big explanations, and it’s working.

[embarressment-erradicated]

good points about the onion, but uh. this is a fucking click hole article. notably distinct from the onion. you are talking about how great the onion is for hitting the nail on the head, in relation to this article;

on an article made by a completely different, but also satirical news network.

great post! but this isn’t the onion.

[piedude]