Things I Like

[flunkett]

nasa to the artemis crew: right no pit stops at jupiter alright? moon and back

artemis: no worries

nasa when they return: so how was it

artemis crew, suspiciously stupider than before: how was what

[markovchaingang]

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER:

my daughter cannot, through action or inaction, harm a human or allow a human to come to harm

a daughter at rest or in constant motion remains at rest or in constant motion unless acted upon by another force

daughters are never created or destroyed, only transformed

always treat every daughter as loaded, even if you know she isn't

you do not talk about my daughter

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[yujateaandpi]

Was driving with my grandmother and in broken English she says “no eyes… no nose… no face. Don’t trust.” To which I looked around wildly in search of this omen of ill portend.

Cybertruck. It was a cybertruck.

[fibrearts]

Starry Night Microsweater

2022 1.3" x 1.6" ~50,000 stitches, 76 stitches/inch 500+ hours in the making. Over 70 different colors of silk thread including thread combinations

[jabberwockypie]

That’s Althea Crome’s work. You’ve seen her work before if you’ve ever seen the movie Coraline because she did the teeny tiny star sweater and gloves for the stop motion puppets to wear.

She does, however, work even smaller.

[elodieunderglass]

Thank you @eloso - look at the tiny knits!

[pnglove]

[sextuspompey]

the Cc in emails stands for Cuck chair

[kingbuffy]

Frank Oz and Jim Henson ad-lib as Fozzie and Kermit in this test footage for the first Muppet movie, and honestly it's pure gold.

[evanelleonyx]

This is a professional shitpost roleplay.

[annabellioncourt]

I’m crying becuase this is something I’ve never seen before, something original of that era of the Muppets with both Oz and Henson working on one of my favorite movies, but also becuase this is the funniest thing I have seen in mONTHS.

[citrinegay]

one of my favorite plot beats in Riverdale is in s6 when Cheryl gets possessed by Abigail, her ancestor from the 1800s. And nobody notices bc Cheryl already acts like the main character in an old gothic novel. Abigail says shit like “oh my beloved Toni, what for ails your weeping heart” and Toni just answers without a beat because that’s exactly how Cheryl would ask that. She tries to poison Betty Jughead and Archie and they’re just like “Huh! Guess she’s in a mood again. Whatever. We should maybe look into that later.” It’s like she’s been preparing herself her whole life to be the perfect stealth vessel for her tragic murderess lesbian witch ancestor. Character of all time.

[tender-curiosities]

The Riverdale Fuck Bunker: An Exploration of Third Spaces in Contemporary American Culture

[targetedknowledge]

[speedlimit15]

cherry bomb voice Hello tumblr hello blog

[trickstertime]

I'm your sh-sh- sh-sh- sh-sh- sharky frog!

Hello world, I'm your flower girl

I'm your ch-ch- ch-ch- ch-ch- candle frog!

Sleepy frog!

Strawberry frog!

Bluebird frog!

*song ends sort of abruptly*

[flork-of-cows-official]

clark reupload

edit: forgot the sweater comic

[reblogs-by-jinarra]

[gayluigi]

Can’t believe you forgot the Connecticut dog!!

[amethystsoda]

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[homunculus-argument]

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

[thekijs]

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.

That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.

[weaselle]

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

[garaks-padded-bra]

Diagram of my kitten who fell asleep on my lap that i drew through tears. Pleawse. I cant get up

[k1nky-r0b0t-g1rl]

on their clit like morse code

[estrogenesis-evangelion]

"S.O.S. we're going down"

[k1nky-r0b0t-g1rl]

fuck dont be funnier than me on my own post

[k1nky-r0b0t-g1rl]

No stop that

[foone]

... - . -. -.. . -.-.

[oddlysexypancake]

uhh?

[foone]

In 1947, an British flight from Buenos Aires, Argentina to Santiago, Chile reported their status over Morse code as "ETA SANTIAGO 17.45 HRS STENDEC". That last word is nonsense, so the tower asked for clarification. They repeated: STENDEC. STENDEC.

They were never heard from again. 11 people vanished, apparently along with their plane, and the only clue is that last word.

And no one knows what the fuck "STENDEC" means.

[monsata]

She STEN on my DEC until I'm never heard from again.

[shinseifer]

"average cat owner spends 3 years in prison" factoid actualy just statistical error. average owner spends 0 years in prison. Miette's mother, who kicked her body like the football and went to jail for One Thousand Years is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[avidreaderffn]

I love how every single Georg post observes the original's typo

[bananonbinary]

i like that you said "observe" instead of "preserve," implying this has religious importance.