The Hamburgler

Not to be petty but I'm Spotify Premium and you're still fucking with the basic account.

[shavingryansprivates-deactivate]

[dopenmind]

Reblogging this once more because my mom and I legitimately laughed to tears.

[idiotlibra]

this is my favorite video on the internet

[hashtagloveloses]

mental health tip: save this video. watch it when you’re sad. it’s the best goddamn thing on the internet

[memescomedy]

[orzesc]

[cannon-fannon]

THIS SPEAKS TO ME ON A MOLECULAR LEVEL RIGHT NOW.

[tjspider]

You are witnessing a broken human being

[mauridianhallow]

This is actually me like constantly now

[sidevilde]

The older I get the more I identify with this when I come across it

[there-is-still-some-liquor-left]

when welcome to night vale said: “Sleep heavily and know that I am here with you. The past is gone, and cannot harm you anymore. And while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first, and settles in as the gentle present. This now, this us, we can cope with that. We can do this together you and I.”

[hydro-homies]

It’s different

[notbecauseofvictories]

look, hamilton is great and everything but I’m pretty sure lin manuel miranda’s crowning achievement and most hashtag relatable content is that one vine where he’s lying in the grass going “come on brain, think of things, come on brain, be so smart”

[hamiltonthemusical]

Agreed.

[william-snekspeare]

I’m here, I’m queer, and my joint pain is moderate to severe

[buttonpoetry]

“I am just carbon and bad timing.”

— Neil Hilborn, "A Series of Short Poems"

[imnotnoura-deactivated20190728]

tumblr is like a group therapy with no therapist.

[bigstupiduglyogre]

a group

[hashtagloveloses]

breaking bad, fight club, rick and morty, clockwork orange, and the catcher in the rye are all arguably good things - but if a man says they are his FAVORITE book/movie/tv show? RUN.

[arthicat]

Can someone explain this to me?

[thescotchinthenorth-deactivated]

They’re all works that are examinations of compelling but deeply flawed (usually narcissistic and violent) men. People rightly like all these works because they are good, but the implication of the original post is that if a guy says they are his favorite work, he is probably misunderstanding the point of the work and instead idolizing the male protagonist and is unable to recognize their flaws.

[weedle-testaburger]

Basically, ask why they like it. If they like it because they think it’s well-written and made, you’re probably good. But if they want to be like Walter White, or Tyler Durden, or Rick Sanchez, or Alex DeLarge, or Holden Caulfield: yeah, RUN.

[callsigndreadfrost]

Finally I can reblog this post.

[lord-kitschener]

This also goes for Mad Men, run like hell from any guy who identifies with/idolizes Don Draper

[aphony-cree]

“It’s a satire. Many don’t get that… My daughter had a friend named Max. She told me ‘Fight Club’ is his favorite movie, I told her never to talk to Max again.” David Fincher, director of Fight Club 

[sounddesignerjeans-deactivated2]

Visit Original Link

[hoshiinokirby-deactivated202304]

I WAS EXPECTING INSTRUMENTAL INBETWEEN THE YOUNG MEN BUT THIS IS INFINITELY BETTER IM CRYING

[croaker131]

WHAT IS THIS I’M SCREAMING

[athenastudying-deactivated20220]

US things that I only know from the internet/tv and that i won’t believe until i’ve seen them with my own two eyes: 

girl scouts selling cookies

garbage disposals

regular school assemblies 

PSAs

coupons

[athenastudying-deactivated20220]

can’t believe i forgot 

cheerleaders

serious school sports teams

spirit week (still not convinced this isn’t a myth)

[winterbirb]

I can’t believe, in an industry ripe with falsehoods, you managed to list everything that actually exists

[taviacw]

I had to spend $300 on a new car key because I left them in an Uber and the driver refuses to return them for some reason. I’m going back to Lyft. It’s more expensive in the moment, but the $3 more I would’ve spent on a Lyft was $296 less than what I ended up spending on the uber that still won’t return my property.

[blvckgeezus]

So they holding your keys hostage? What kind of shit is that

[xoxochristina75-deactivated2025]

You should be able to contact uber directly not just the driver…but the driver shouldn’t just be holding your stuff…

That’s super fucked up

[taviacw]

@blvckgeezus essentially, yes

@christinaleannaruth I reached out to uber. They know he has my keys but there apparently isn’t anything they can do about him refusing to return them 🤷🏾‍♀️

[thatssoliyahhh]

Is the Uber driver giving an explanation for why he won’t return them?

[taviacw]

When I called him, he yelled at me that he was driving and hung up right after. Uber told me to give it 24 hours to see if he reaches back out.

[taviacw]

@momo-mania I reached back out to uber because the driver is ignoring my calls. They sent him a message. Guess I have to wait another 24 hours.

[taviacw]

Update: I just need to give it another 24 hours.

And Uber doesn’t have a fucking call line, so I guess he gets to keep my motherfucking keys

[taviacw]

[citedsilence]

What kinda fuckery is this?

[youthoughtiwasasleepdidntyou]

This may be a stupid question but; have you considered contacting the police? Refusing to return your property is as good as theft, surely?

[taviacw]

Nopes. Police only recover keys if its an industrial building. I called non emergency today and they said it would be useless to file a police report. I’ve exhausted every measure. Social media, uber support, the police, all of it. And none of it worked. 😭😭😭

[thelastexhaledangel]

dude won’t even mail them?

[taviacw]

UPDATE 3/16/18

Uber blocked my access to the “help” and “previous trips” tabs in the app. I can no longer reach out to them through the app and - if I hadn’t already screenshotted his info - I’d have no access to my uber drivers name and license plate.

PLEASE switch over to Lyft guys. Uber has made it ridiculously clear that they do not care about the safety and well-being of their riders

[sorry-not-so-sorry]

An Uber driver stole my phone. I got in contact with him a day or two after it happened and he just said “you can get it but only if you come by yourself”. I tried contacting Uber again and again and even reported him…but the nigga still has my old phone. It’s cool though, karma will get him.

[taviacw]

I went in to try and report him and uber had blocked me soooooo 🤷🏾‍♀️ I guess they rock w him. I’ve tried to explain that this man has access to my house and car so many times and I guess they were like “we sure are tired of this bitch…… blocked”

[kanyeshrugtae]

Aw hell nah! that’s some bullshit. I would call Al Sharpton, Help Me Howard, Iyanla Fix My Life, TMZ, shit someone to make this publicly known 🤷🏿‍♀️

[wildlyunlikelybabe]

I had an uber driver openly solicited me for sex, after I made a clear refusal. So yeah uber drivers are usually trash

[taviacw]

I dmed the CEO. Wish me luck on a reply y’all.

[taviacw]

Oh hey, my keys are being dropped off at a hub. And all I had to do was reach out for a week straight, contact uber support via social media, have several friends blast them across all of social media, file complaints with the BBB and the AG, dm the CEO, and call their critical emergency number. Thanks for your impeccable customer support, Uber. I will never use your shit service again.

[taviacw]

This post blew up over the last week with questions and several horrifying stories of Ubers y’all have taken, so I wanted to update just in case I hadn’t.

Couple things: One, yes, I did get my keys back. After about two weeks of messaging back and forth, trying to find new avenues to reach Uber’s support and having plates ran, i got my keys. The car key doesn’t start my car anymore, just grinds the engine, so I’m inclined to believe sometime during my separation from them, they were deactivated or something. I know that I SHOULD change the locks. But I don’t have another $300 to go to a locksmith to do that.

Two, y’all have posted some downright horrifying stories and it really made me think about how hard I had to search to get an actual phone number. But y’all listen: Uber has a secret phone number. Its a “critical emergency” line and they definitely hung up on me when I called it, but I had a location for my keys about 30 minutes after.

I tussled with sharing it, because it’s supposed to be the 911 of Uber, but then, after reading all the stories and realizing y’all have been in perilous situations and that the drivers that put you in them are still earning money by putting people in danger, I realized Uber doesn’t give a shit. If it’s supposed to be Ubers 911, everyone should know it. I can’t guarantee if you’ve lost something this will work, but if your driver is/was erratic, or threatened you, or harmed you, their number is 800-353-UBER. It’s 24 hours. They may or may not hang up on you. But it’s what I did, and - I know just not uber/lyfting isn’t an option for most of us - I’d suggest it for y’all too.

800-353-UBER

800-353-UBER

800-353-UBER

800-353-UBER

[avpd-chekov]

don’t you just love how mental disorders are basically buy one get seven free

[cestnepasuneblog]

I didn’t even really want the first one my mum made me buy it

[dorky-lesbian]

Mine’s a family heirloom, passed down through generations

[showerthoughtsofficial]

People often say they hope their deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels in doggy heaven… what did all of those squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of torment?

[doggy-puppy-indulgence]

Dog heaven is also squirrel hell it’s a very efficient system.

[ubercharge]

i can’t stop fucking laughing at the thought of squirrels sinning so much in the mortal plane that they have to be sent to squirrel hell to atone

[sapphireswimming]

They know that the bird feeder isn’t meant for them

[textonly]

[tripnipalex-deactivated20210125]

As a former catholic I can tell you the accuracy of these statements is spot fucking on

[anxietyproblem]