you know how some parents do that toxic thing where they donāt notice or reward kids for improving their behavior, but every screw-up gets remarked upon and used to inflict shame? so youāre stuck in that awful cycle where there are no rewards, only the inevitability of eventual punishment?
and how that makes it extremely hard to judge your own actions or grow into a better person, because thereās no one to confirm that you actually are doing better, and are capable of improving, and are not doomed to forever be a terrible person incapable of growth?
ok so: I donāt know how to explain to you that weāve built a social media culture that treats people the same way. with the same abusive cycle.
That sounds like cancel culture
I donāt know what to call it anymore. people get heated about terms like āpurityā or ācancelā or ācall outā culture, or canāt seem to agree on a meaning. Iām not talking about like. no longer supporting rich and powerful celebrities when their abusive actions come to light. Iām not talking about holding people accountable, or warning people about active abusers. but I am seriously concerned about how we treat social media users once they get even a small amount of attention, even in small niche spaces.
I am concerned about this culture of combing through years of peopleās social media accounts, looking for āproblematicā shit theyāve done. I am concerned with the whole culture of using ācall outsā as a tool to harass and ostracize users large and small. I am concerned about the malice we spread behind peopleās backs, in screenshots and posts they arenāt able to see. I am concerned with this culture of demanding apologies for things said years ago, things already outgrown and regretted, and of ignoring those apologies even while pilling on more censure. Iām concerned about this whole culture of accusation and misinformation, where the most outrageous claims and holier-than-thou performances are rewarded with notes and views, even as facts are ignored and context removed. I am concerned about the lack of accountability, the way the accused is given no opportunity to defend themselves from the onslaught, the way their responses and explanations go ignored, the way any charge can be made at any time on any evidence, with no ability to appeal or exonerate. Iām concerned about the way this culture targets minority users and turns their own communities against them. Iām concerned about the actually harmful and predatory behavior that gets lost in the bog, and how we have lost the ability to distinguish between shades of gray with any level of sanity. And I am concerned by the sheer number of people who fail to realize they are perpetuating bullying and harassment.
I am enormously concerned with the way people who are ācalled outā are never forgiven, never allowed to make amends, never allowed to grow, how their efforts to learn and do better are ignored even while strangers callously repeat and reblog and retweet the same criticisms ad nauseam.
And I see this everywhere, happening to anyone. And yes, this applies to larger accounts and youtubers and āinfluencers,ā and a bunch of content creators who may or may not be making a decent living off of their work, but who are certainly not ārich and powerful celebrities.ā (Because apparently we spend so much time in online microcosms that yaāll canāt tell the difference???) Christ, my blog isnāt nearly as large as some people seem to think, itās obscure by most measures, and still Iāve been the target of mass harassment for years. Iāve seen bad and watched others go through worse, seen users with far larger and far smaller followings driven off of this and other platformsādriven off with a violence and bloodthirst that had nothing to do with making a community safer and everything to do with a toxic culture gone wrong. Fucking fix this already.
Abuse is still abuse when it happens online, when done by strangers, when done en masse, when sanctioned by a community, and when done with āgoodā intentions. Do BETTER.
oh, and to anyone who has reblogged this and similar posts Iāve written with the āHeartbreaking: The Worst Person You Know Just Made A Great Pointā meme? that is literally an example of the behavior this post is criticizing. you are literally just punishing good behavior instead of allowing people to grow and do better. Iāve been the subject of smear campaigns for years, and Iāve lost track of the number of times someone has added that meme to one of my most carefully worded, thought-out, sincere and earnest posts, posts on serious social and mental health issues. Itās exhausting, itās not helpful, and guess what? Itās just plain bullying. Do better, and allow others to do better too.Ā
receiving an uptick of kys comments in my notifs so time to reblog this again i guess
