Spicy Autistic

Autistic ace | she/her

[veeaziel]

every day i am percieved™️

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

There is a reason for this though!

The original tweet summarizes it pretty well. Fanfic tends to be popular among certain types of neurodivergent people (aka people most likely to read excessively as a child, and have burnout as an adult) for the same reasons that we tend to hyperfixate–neurochemical signaling (I hope I’m using that phrase correctly). What I mean is, for people who are really dependent on changes in dopamine/serotonin/neurotransmitter levels, who have low levels or wonky neural reward systems (perhaps the most common types of neurodivergence)…people like us rely on dependable external sources of those neurochemicals. In order to function, we spend a lot of our free time trying to level out our brain chemistry using things that can reliably bring us a steady stream of joyful moments (rewards) without costing too much of the mental effort that is already in short supply. 

significantly: the investment of reading has to be balanced with a steady “return on investment”–and this return has to start fairly quickly. because again, we don’t have a lot of attention/energy to invest on tiring things. we have perpetual “low batteries” in that regard.

that doesn’t mean these stories are “simple,” or that they lack complexity or value–only that the reward has to come in short regular intervals, and it has to have a low “upfront cost.” these stories are only “easy” to read in the sense that the effort we put into them is rewarded in a timely manner. which is why fanfic stories are so perfectly formulated for neurodivergent readers–they are often beautifully written, but skip a lot of the upfront costs (of introducing new characters, of world-building, of getting the audience emotionally connected to the story elements).

the nature of fanfiction is that the reader has a pre-existing relationship with this world and these characters. that–combined with the shorter average length of fics–means that fan fics very quickly start rewarding the reader in a way that traditional fiction struggles to. that’s not a bad thing! and maybe it’s something more traditionally published writers should be paying attention to.

Fanfic, as a genre, has been uniquely helpful and accessible to many neurodivergent readers who would otherwise struggle to immerse themselves in stories. I’m glad so many of you have found a way to love and enjoy reading again! The important thing is that you are spending time inside stories you love–the way those stories are published or presented to the world is just one detail. The fact that you find joy in the process of reading (or listening!) to stories–that is what matters.

[attackofjak]

I feel understood 🥰

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

a bunch of people have reblogged this with the default “i feel called out” reaction….and i know when we say that we mean it tongue-in-cheek….but this comment sorta blew my mind & shifted my perspective up and to the left a little thank you♥

[zadabug98]

The Serotonin is stored in the Ao3

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

The Serotonin is stored in the Ao3

[kizo2703]

#this 100% happened to me#but i’m a middle aged writer and english teacher with an academic literature background#when i burned out got sick and had a breakdown i couldn’t read regular books anymore i could only read fanfic#i saw on twitter where someone said literature is prescriptive. you read the kind of fiction that fits your personal need#we’re all overwhelmed right now and that’s why we like the tropey fiction whether fanfic or romance novels or superhero movies#we UNDERSTAND the rules of fiction and dont’ have to work to understand while the payoff comes quickly. kiss. hea. battle/victory

[depressedfandomfatty]

The important thing for me and why fanfic is so much easier is I can pick for my mood.

I can pick a hurt comfort or a slow burn or an angst with a happy ending.

I can remove the tags I don’t want to see, I can check word count,check if it’s finished and it’s so much easier than books

I know these characters and I see them in my mind so they can pull me on journey into a world I love, unless it’s au universes

Tagging fics and sorting them into a system I can deal with, oh yeah and it’s also free so there is that.

[nevereacheaven]

nothing could prepare you for the opening of the second paragraph (source)

[arbane235]

[ronia-the-robbers-daughter]

Me: okay I need to relax and go to bed early so I have energy for tomorrow

Also me: does 72 side quests and then goes to bed at 2 am

[stuckinapril]

“why are you tired? you haven’t done anything all day” the simple fact that i exist drains me. hope this helps

[maculategiraffe]

people laugh at me for always asking a baby's permission before picking them up but let me tell you when my nephew was seven months old I picked him up off the floor without checking first and he was absolutely outraged and reproached me with terrible wails. just because a person is very small doesn't mean it's not scary and upsetting to be scooped up out of nowhere by a much larger person. quite the contrary. obviously if a baby is in danger or the situation is otherwise pressing you can temporarily suspend the rules of polite behavior and just grab them up, much like you are allowed to violently shove a grownup if a speeding car is bearing down on them. but that doesn't mean you just go around shoving people as a matter of routine. show some consideration to our latest arrivals on this horrible planet. they are better at communicating than you think

[p-idgey]

Yes! But also, as someone who works with tinies and has a long running child development special interest, only ask permission if no is actually an answer you can accept and put into action. If you need to do something like changing their diaper, and not picking them up is not an option, best practice is to tell them "I'm going to pick you up for xyz". Before doing so. Otherwise, if you ask if you can pick them up, and they say no, but you need to do so anyway for whatever reason, their brain holds onto "if someone asks my consent for something, and I say no, they might just do it abyway" which is not a safe way to look at the world.

[brytning]

I saw a post the other day about how difficult mindfulness meditation can be, especially for people who are neurodivergent, and OP was frustrated that their therapist never recommended anything else. There are many opportunities to bring mindfulness, focus, and intention to activities you already like! Learning about flow state has been a real eye-opener for me.

[vaspider]

TFW you realize you've actually been doing ADHD meditation by baking or cleaning to make yourself feel better.

That makes an annoying amount of sense.

[anguishmacgyver]

ah yes. the classic "I can't sleep because it will be tomorrow in an instant and tomorrow requires things of me and I Simply Do Not Vibe With That". so I'll go through said tomorrow on 2 hours of sleep. very smart and once again no lessons will be learned

[1percentcharge]

hyperfixations are so embarrassing like nooo don’t look I have a crush. on this tv show

[solongavalon]

can you imagine what the dash would be like if they hadnt missed

[zombblehh]

Shout out to the autistic who’s abilities have regressed as they’ve gotten older.

“You didn’t used to be like this when you were a kid.” I know please don’t remind me

[theconcealedweapon]

"This never bothered you when you were a kid."

Yes it did. I just let it slide because I was taught that I'm "too sensitive" anytime something bothered me. But now I'm finally standing up for myself.

"You never struggled with this when you were a kid."

Yes I did. I just burned myself out in order to do it so I wouldn't be punished. But now I'm accepting myself enough to not force myself to do what I was never meant to do.

[body-of-ouches]

One thing that MASSIVELY pisses me off is how fainting is shown in media. It’s always the person sways a little, collapses in one movement, and then is unconscious for like… fucking ages??? They wake up hours later tucked under a blanket and it’s acted like that’s normal. It’s NOT. A person that’s fainted should be back with you pretty quickly, actually:

(From NHS website)

I had an experience in my last work place where I fainted, but because it looks so different to how it’s shown in film and TV my managers had no idea what had happened. Here’s a comparison of usual media vs my actual fainting that they were all confused by-

Films, TV shows, plays etc:

1) Person goes “oh goodness” or something similar whilst holding hand to chest

2) eyes roll back, gracefully falls to the floor

3) nearby people see the poor fainted person, pick them up, put them on a bed or sofa

4) person comes to hours or even days later with no idea what happened and everyone else is just like “oh good you’ve woken up 🙂”

My usual fainting experience:

1) Everything starts spinning. Incapable of making words as my sole focus is on trying to get myself to the ground ASAP

2) Stumble to floor/chair/ anything I can lean against

3) Quick violent slump as actual faint occurs. There is no dainty falling- the whole body has hit shut down. Usually smack my head on the floor if I haven’t managed to get myself somewhere soft

4) Aware of surroundings almost immediately, but takes a few seconds to fully come back round

5) Carefully sit back up and explain to everyone going “what the fuck happened” that I fainted, and no, I do not need smelling salts actually.

[sentientdessert]

This is like the heart attack discourse...  much needed.

[digitaldiscipline]

100% how fainting looks and feels, from both sides.

[lyricwritesprose]

My experience of fainting is that everything goes fzzmfpfosidfkssfdksljfjsjdf and then less than a second later I am like, “Oh.  A floor.”  The time this happened, I was already processing again (if only at the level of, “Oh.  A floor,” and “so where the fuck did my toothbrush go”) before other people could address questions like Why Was There A Loud Thump In The Bathroom and Are You All Right.

[fivepebble]

people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

[oaks-and-willows]

"Don't you feel satisfied that your windows are so clean now?" It sucked and it sucked and now I don't care. I just remember the sucking.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Hello, I have ADHD and I am also a licensed clinical therapist!

This part sucks. Not gonna lie to you. That said, our brains DO still get rewards, just not from "task completion" (something something, the combination of executive functioning whammy that is task initiation, task break down, task execution, and task transition following completion). Instead our rewards tend to come from one or more of a few areas:

Food. If you've ever seen the stat that ADHD folks are more likely to have "binge-eating" patterns related to sugar and carbohydrates, this is why! Simple sugars are an easy burst of energy, comfort, flavor, and sometimes even joy! For everyone, but for ADHD folks this may feel really significant because we so rarely have other reward responses

Drugs. People with unmanaged or undermanaged ADHD are more likely than non-ADHD peers to find themselves reliant on substances like alcohol, weed, cocaine, opioids, etc, due to the way these substances interact with our reward centers. And even once our disabling symptoms are well accommodated, reliance on substances to induce reward responses is still common, and can be essential to the "rest and decompress" process that our autonomic system (the sympathetic nervous system specifically) needs in order to reduce hyperactivity of motor movements, thoughts, or activation/reactivity responses.

Mentally/emotionally stimulating activities. This one is vague. But that's because they're going to be different for every person, and likely different even within one person's lifetime! For example, right now my "stimulation exposure" activities are to go outside on the deck with my dogs and tear bits of herbs off my garden growths to chew on (combining sunshine, watching my dogs play or playing with then, and fun variable tastes works well for me), or maybe putting on my noise cancelling headphones to my "caberet" or "southern gothic" playlists while I curl up in bed with some hot tea (the caffeine in the tea is regulated when I feel hyperactive, and the heat, steam, and flavor make for great mindfulness opportunities. Also, the music lets me shrink my world to a size that is tolerable for me at that moment), or diving into whatever my latest research project is (who doesn't love a research rabbit hole!)

Sometimes individuals have other things that can trigger rewards for them, and it's always worth making a note when you run across something like that!

I find that by popping off one of these options DURING or IMMEDIATELY AFTER a task that would otherwise be next to impossible to get thru without becoming a raging self hating asshole can make a big difference in how one experiences that task.

Examples: when I need to clean the house because my maintenance routine has fallen apart, I prep a vape with sativa delta or sativa THC, and shove it in my binder. I take a hit periodically throughout the task process to keep me functional and regulated. I also set pomodoro timers for 45 min each so I can alternate between "working" and "resting".

When I fall behind on notes, my wife buys me peanut M&Ms from the corner store and I pop a pair of M&Ms for every late note I submit for work.

When I'm having a low-function work day, I will prioritize taking my breaks outside with the dogs, and sometimes will splash water around from the hose on them and myself for a bit of a temperature change.

If I've overextended myself but still have essential tasks to complete, I will pause about every 15-30min to do a breathing exercise (5-6 count breath in through the nose, and 2-3 count breath out through the mouth - this is really good for short energy boosts and overcoming brainfog)

It's important to keep in mind, that these are not "incentives" in the traditional sense, where if you don't do the task, you don't get the reward. ANY use of your executive functioning would be rewarded in the brain to some extent for regulated neurotypicals, and just because our reward systems aren't great at self-activating as expected, doesn't mean we should have to live without the positive reinforcement that EVERYONE is supposed to get. So if you made an attempt at the thing, you get to trigger your reward response.

Overtime, myself and clients I work with have all noticed a shift in how we perceive tasks once this becomes common practice. Because we now have history and memories of tasks feeling positive to do (even when they are demanding or difficult for us), it becomes easier to interact with that task overall. You start to better notice the changes in approach that may make it even easier. You stop dreading the knowledge that the task needs to be done. It's easier to hop back into maintenance routines even after they've fallen apart. Basically, when you manually trigger what your brain NEEDS and can't self-create, a lot of the distressing aspects of executive function become WAY more manageable.

There's also a lot to be said about the experience of shifting self shaming and self blaming around what it means to "succeed" at a thing or "complete" a task, but that's sort of a different post. For now, suffice to say that being the kind and compassionate and understanding person you likely are for others, FOR YOURSELF, makes a big difference in how easy or hard the above strats will be to execute.

You probably know a few of the things that manually trigger that reward response for you. How can you make that ability work in your favor?

[lastoneout]

So if your brain won't give you a reward for completeing a task...store bought is fine?

[fannish-jam]

I am only three episodes into season eight and I have already adopted the autistic Alex Blake headcanon.

Let me explain:

Firstly, her first moment in the show is her explaining the etymology of the term 'nice'. it is established that she is a linguistics professor, but nobody who is neurotypical begins with that.

her general demeanour is quite monotonous. I don't think I have seen any of the team's replacements have a very limited arsenal of facial expressions- even Prentiss, who replaced Greenaway, has a wider range of expressions than Alex Blake.

in s08e03, when Reid is explaining the different criteria between Asperger's (*gag*) and "classical autism" Blake leans back and asks him, "Well, how about you?" to me, this implies that she can tell that Reid is autistic (which at this point isn't even subtext it just plain ole text!) or that she has been assessed before (that is just my theory.)

same episode, after she apologises to reid for insulting him, Blake tells him how she prefers people being straightforward instead of sensitive and skirting around the situation, to which Reid agrees by saying how he is the same way.

this is just my interpretation and I will expand upon it the more I watch this season. so far, I really like dr Blake!

[everythingfox]

Sound on for purring noises

[thememedaddy]

[disgruntled-foreign-patriarch]

Hence the invention of the Porch

[pillarofawesome]

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

like there comes a point where you think something is fundamentally wrong with you. and then it turns out it’s just Friday and you haven’t washed your hair in three days and maybe you’re also just a little lonely and the combination of all three of those things is whittling a hole into your chest every time you breathe. but also the sun’s up. and you’ve survived everything so far, so you’ll survive this too, even if it hurts, even if you have to survive it many times.

[permdaydreamer]

This is for the people who didn’t party in their teens and twenties. For the people who didn’t have that “coming of age” movie experience with shenanigans and revelations. This is for the people who mostly keep to themselves. Who maybe prefer things to be quieter and gentler. This is for the people who don’t feel like they belong in a culture that values loud parties and flashing lights. I see you. And you are valid.