WaitingToRespawn

[autumn-is-coming]

If mania came in a pill I would so be addicted.

[supersexygamergirl]

[devactivated]

[kelloggii-remade-blog-deactivat]

Some of the worst analogies written by high school students.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT NUMBER 4 IS GREAT.

[bewbin]

These are genius

[bianca-the-huntress]

I lost it at number 10

[processintegrated]

“the worst analogies” are the ones you use to write comedy pieces with. They work like a charm if you do them right.

[beingfacetious]

#you say ‘worst analogies’ i say ‘heirs of douglas adams’

[floozys-deactivated20180908]

i hate the customer service stage of friendships, that exhausting stage where you have to pretend to be constantly enthusiastic and your answer to everything is “i don’t mind! :)” ..they’re the customer and i’m trying to sell my friendship and my fear of being disliked is my asshole manager

[lightlybow]

Them: Oh you don’t want this cat. He’s wild and he bites everyone and he’ll never just sit nicely in your lap. He’s a project cat. 

 Me: That’s okay, I’m a project person. 

 Two weeks later:

He won’t leave.

[gokuma]

@donskoi

[matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll]

Tell us your secret oh great kitty whisperer.

[lightlybow]

Step one: let him hide or shy away from you if he wants to. He wouldn’t let me touch him for a couple days after we got back from the shelter. His comfort was more important than me getting to touch him.

Step two: make yourself nonthreatening. In my case this meant being very quiet, bringing food and lying down on the ground within his eyesight as an invitation to investigate.

Step three: watch his body language and don’t do things that make him uncomfortable. Turns out my cat often bit when he was overstimulated so I made sure not to overwhelm him.

Step four: draw lines, but not with brute force. Even though his biting wasn’t meant to hurt, I wanted to make sure he wouldn’t injure anyone in the future. So I decided when he bit me, I’d yelp “ow!” And then withdraw all physical contact for a few minutes, sometimes leaving the room. Now he never bites, but sometimes he puts his teeth on my hand and then thinks better of it.

Step five: provide a good outlet for destructive behaviors. Aka PLAY WITH HIM, SEVERAL TIMES A DAY.

Step six: be patient.

Step seven: get lucky and somehow pick up the best cat in the entire shelter. I don’t know how it happened but he’s a godsend. He’s literally cuddled me out of a panic attack. We both really needed each other.

[roachranch]

So my boyfriend came out as trans last night and I realized something… back when we first started dating we identified as lesbians, then I came out as trans and consequently realized I’m bisexual, and now I’m in a gay relationship. So what I’m trying to say is that I have actually been LGBT as a singular person. Every single acronym. I have ascended and reached gay nirvana

[lapisbitch]

[warandpeas]

The Escort

Remake of an old comic of ours :) 

[erraticgh0st-moved]

Excuse Me May I Have Everyone’s Attention Please

I would like to inform everyone that my bird is the cutest bird in the world

that is all

[mochachocolatteyaya]

[ficcyshit]

Oh my god. If I wasn’t gay before, this would have finished the job.

[executed-deactivated20161004]

[earthdad]

this makes me want to fall in love

[cherry-muffins-deactivated20181]

highschool and up…

[cc-videos]

Person 1: [judgmental tone] Are you drinking pepsi for breakfast?

Person 2: Yeah, what’d you have for breakfast?

Person 1: [pause] Nothing

Person 2: I’m doing better than you then

[straightgirl-deactivated2013102]

i love medieval art it’s like

first there’s a bull just shittin on this guy

gremlin dude shooting arrows into a mermaids ass ok

someone fuckin boneless dancing to this hot violin song what

my favorite one a bunch of amputees beating the shit outta each other with crutches

idk why they call it the dark ages when they’re obviously so fun

[creatureprofessor]

indeed

[chunkecheeks]

My personal favorite is the nun harvesting dicks

[1stfrom92]

“One dollar to save a child”

[sultryxfay]

Where is this from

[1stfrom92]

Key and Peele on Comedy Central 😭

[vagaybond]

[

PEEL: Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to save the children?

KEY: I’m - I’m sorry man, I’m running late and I just don’t have time to chat right now so-

PEEL: I understand, I understand that. It’s just that every minute another child dies unnecessarily, a child that could live a fruitful life with the help of just one small donation.

KEY: Yeah I, I don’t have the time. I’m sorry.

PEEL: I understand that, I understand that. It’s just all it takes is just one dollar to save a child.

KEY: *sighs, puts down bags* Alright. You know what? Uh, you’re right. Uh-huh, yep. Who doesn’t want to help a child? *pulls out a bill* Let’s save five children.

PEEL: {shouted into the distance suddenly in a gruffer, less-customer-service-y type voice} TOMMY!

tire skidding noises, engine as white van draws nearer. when it stops, dramatic music plays

PEEL, to the children in the van: Alright, c’mon, c’mon. 

sound effects of children’s voices clamoring to get out

PEEL, counting children: One, two, three, four, five… not so fast, just five.

PEEL, to KEY, in customer service voice: Thanks a lot sir!

KEY is speechless for a moment processing wtf he just saw. Silently mouths a ‘wh-’ to himself

KEY: Oh my god I have another dollar. I have another dollar - {calling out} Sir! I have another dolla- 

video ends ]

[houshou]

why do things aimed at “gamers” look like that

[french-boat-deactivated20181217]

look like what?

[houshou]

[suppyguppy]

[captainthundernuts]

you fucking leave reaper out of this

[suppyguppy]

[casualgabrielreyes]

[princess-stabbity]

so i’m at the doctor’s again and i see a notecard on the reception desk that asks in bright red ink, Do you want to live forever? 

finally, i think, finally i’m at the start of a vampire novel. i don’t actually want to live forever, but i’m not about to turn down a call to adventure like that. i try to flip the card over as inconspicuously as possible. 

the other side contains a bible verse about keeping jesus in your heart. 

i hate living in the south.

[tahthetrickster]

ah yes the age-old struggle of “is this vampires or jesus”

[welele]

[wiselwisel]

[sunscorchx-blog]

[chronic-cat-lady]

sunscorchx:

Somebody tried to stump this squid by putting it in front of a background that its camouflage mechanisms could never hope to imitate…

So it turned itself transparent.

stick it to the man, Squid.