It doesn't matter if you've faced your fear or overcome it in a specific instance. I am afraid of heights. At age 16 I attended a high-adventure camp. Activities included white water rafting, white water canoeing, spelunking...and a ropes course.
For the most of the ropes course, I did not enjoy. The zip line was fun, and to this day, I enjoy the activity. But the climbing course, the two cable crossing*, the log bridge, I did not like. My limbs quaked unless I pressed down firmly on them. Saliva ceased production, balls turned to ice, nausea, the works. I willed my way through this experience because if I ever had to evacuate a burning building or something, then being able to practice these skills in safety harnesses under the watchful eyes of professionals who were very serious about safety seemed like a good idea at the time.
The rapelling, though was something on a different level. We had to approach the edge of a wooden platform, and turn to put our back to the void. Next we had to lower ourselves ass first as though sinking into an invisible chair. Once my body was 90 degrees to the face of the tower (feet flat on the vertical surface, back to the ground, facing the sky), I was instructed to jump backwards.
I made it to the ground safely. I didn't pass out or involuntary eject bodily fluids. But I hated every single second of it. It wasn't painful or emotionally traumatic (or at least I do not consider it traumatic when compared to ending an abusive marriage). My recollection is that I had achieved the opposite of fun in the most terrifying way possible. I do not ever want to do anything like that unless it was a life or death circumstance.
The next year, I went on a different high adventure camp backpacking in the Rockies. There was another rappelling activity. I looked at the guide supervising the activity and told them flat out "I've done rappelling before and I absolutely hated and I do not want to do this." Lucky for me, the people that ran this program were not sadistic and actually cared that I enjoy the program more than "completing every achievement." I was punished or even teased about expressing my fear and discomfort.
And still. I am afraid of heights.
I am proud of myself and proud of facing my fears. Doesn't make the fear go away.
I was literally given patches/awards for my achievement in the face of irrational fears. They are still there.
Phobias are not a weakness.
If you love someone with a phobia, do not belittle their fears or discount them.
*2 cable crossing: I really tried to find a picture, but I don't seem to know the proper phrase for it. The obstacle was 2 steel cables connecting 2 platforms 50 feet off the ground and about 50 across from each other. One cable went from platform to platform. The other was 7 or eight feet above that. The higher cable was for your hands and the lover for your feet. Then you crossed by kind of sliding your feet and hands along the rope until you had crossed. I wouldn't choose to do it for fun, but I'd pick it over repelling.
