I'd kill for a good coma right now

lizzy. 28. been here since 2008 (yikes).

[bezoarr]

Name change for the first time in a decade

selfrescuingprincess —> bezoarr

[r-girl]

[leolaroot]

a kitty is like a stuffed animal that is so heavy and it bite you and she loves you so much and you're best friends

[paulfrankjuliusthemonkey]

anyway. onto better things

[sburbling]

onto better things thursday

[bigandtired-deactivated20250405]

[dragongirlsnout]

i enter the shower. hours pass. i emerge from the shower, having mixed all of my soaps and scrubs and lotions and conditioners and shampoos and body washes together in the tub in precise alchemical quantities. i smell like 314 different herbs and spices. my hair will not need washing for the next 500 days. my skin has developed protective chitinous scales. i step out of the tub and immediately slip and fall on a stray puddle of mane 'n tail and sprain my pussy

[alchemistdoctor]

Howl Pendragon

[fucxingcuties]

[nat-20s]

gotta be honest I think a REAL juicy dynamic is when someone has a True Love and a Soulmate and they are two different people

[nat-20s]

see this person is the love of my life I would follow them anywhere every day is brighter for having them in it. and THIS bastard shares a soul with me we'll find each other in every universe and understand each other in ways no other living being could. neither of us are particularly thrilled about this

[mousemilf]

next time you encounter something confusing, try using your fan fiction reading device to access websites like "wikipedia" or "miriam webster" to break down those pesky difficult topics. its sorta like a "enemies to lovers" situation, where the scary new knowledge can become your friend - and then you won't look so unflattering when you comment

[godlessondheimite]

A YA romantasy writer filed suit against another writer for copyright infringement, and as is always the case with these things, she padded her claims with delusionally spurious examples. The judge issued a 160-page ruling against the plaintiff where you can tell from the start how resentful they (or whatever clerk actually did the work) are to have been forced by duty to have read the works in question.

[headspace-hotel]

"Alaska is a place known to the public, so setting a novel in a Alaska is not copyrightable."

[dragongirlsweetie]

boss makes a spider i make a slime. that's why i . thas why, tthats why i uhhh. t. thawhy

[dragongirlsweetie]

t.gats why i can't think up an end to the rhyme

[evilwizard]

GET BACK TO WORK

[anthraxofeffervescence]

The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in

[anthraxofeffervescence]

Also the 90-year old hobo that your grandpa beat in a rap battle for possession of the bracelet while hiding from the Romanian secret police really loved the bracelet because it was coated in small amounts of LSD and tried to hunt and kill your grandpa to get it back. He was then apprehended by the FBI and instantly gave them your grandpa’s address. Seal Team Six is about to break down your door and shoot you, says your local congressman who can also do cool magic tricks

[bloodyraven1001]

There's a guy in NY who MIGHT be capable of destroying the codes but won't coz he simply wants to spend time with his wife. So it's up to your grandpa's old friend in rural Ohio to get you the friends capable of finishing the task.

[ariaste]

And we must not, at any point, remember the existence of aircraft and ask aloud why we can't just fly to Arizona

[i-am-a-fish]

don't be mean to yourself that's you

[i-am-a-fish]

you live there

[mundycorps]

Epic Bird

[parkchanwoohoo]

Killed this ant that came in the kitchen and the next day it came right back but it was holding a needle. Killed it again and it came back the next day wearing a cape and then I noticed I had a giant HP bar labeled KITCHEN BEHEMOTH and I was like man cmon dont call me that

[nyxfaei]

Imagine a fluffy unicorn that’s bred for its wool like a sheep- once or twice a year it has to get shorn and the shearer just has to awkwardly flop and position the unicorn around without getting stabbed. Perhaps they cover the horn with a protective pool noodle

[nyxfaei]

Do you see my vision???

[danataxit]

@wizardpotions

[elodieunderglass]

I see the vision

[spirulin4]

there is a pain inside me so stupid that i'm not going to communicate it to anyone

[cryptotheism]

My stupid court eunuchs won't even scheme with me. All they do is smoke and make shitty EDM in their tower.

[akiweas-deactivated20240216]

but...milord....you said my loops were sick :(

[cryptotheism]

My treacherous sisters are literally plotting my demise and all you can think about is the beat.