Too Curious, Too Jewish, Too Strange

Look folks, I know I’m still here but so are you

[kaity--did]

truly dads with new born babies v dads with children are two completely different people this man used to strap this child to his chest with a double chest wrap because he was terrified of giving her shaken baby syndrome and now he just kinda hucks her , I'll be sitting on the bed and all of a sudden my child just comes soaring towards me

[kaity--did]

Husband when child was newborn: you are my beautiful soft amazing little creature and I will be so gentle and lightly clean you softly and sing you sweet songs

Husband now that child is 4 years old: carries feral child upside down into the bathroom telling her she is a smelly little beast and she has to wash her butt while she sings him songs about spraying him with the shower head

[kaity--did]

Husband when child was newborn: "bath time and bed time is my special one on one time with my sweet baby angel where I tell her how special and soft and sweet she is and spend much needed time relaxing and getting her to relax and snuggling"

Husband now that child is 4 and "sturdy" (his words not mine): "bath time is my special time for hand to hand combat with my warrior princess where I teach her how to throw a punch and try to exhaust her enough that she passes out until tomorrow, and if that doesn't work I just start making deals like she's a mob boss and I am a desperate flunkie"

[kaity--did]

Husband when child was newborn: here is your hypoallergenic formula heated to the exact temperature that you need to have the thickening agent activate in a ulta double sterilized bottle my miracle NICU baby, it takes 25 -35 minutes to make but it is what we must do to keep you safe and healthy.

Husband now that child is 4: "I had to make her a breakfast snack of two eggs and toast before we go out to brunch because she was gnawing on the bars of her enclosure and I am frankly terrified of the small piranha she becomes when hangry."

[mysticorset]

Via @somanyofthekids

[kingcatnine]

reminding everyone to wear sunscreen because the sun is a deadly laser: 😁😊

having to spend 10 minutes slathering yourself in grease just to safely be outside in the sun for 20 minutes. because the sun is a deadly laser: 😐👎

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[error-404-fuck-not-found]

used to think it terribly silly (and kinda funny) when fantasy or sci-fi stories would have people refer to major recent historical events as The Flood or The Incident or The Revolution, and im sure historians fucking hate that because it's not helpful or descriptive, but we sure do be calling it The Pandemic

[lizardsfromspace]

[feminist-space]

[kingfucko]

i dont care if monday sucks... tuesday cost me sixty bucks... wednesday thursday give no fucks. it's friday im a duck

[nonaferatu]

This would have had me crucified on tumblr 10 years ago but maybe we are ready for this conversation now:

If you are a socially anxious person, you have to socialize. Your panic/anxiety attacks will only get worse and trigger more frequently if you constantly avoid contact with The Public. Not saying that you need to be a social butterfly- but there is a genuine problem with not being able to order your own meal at a restaurant. And it cannot be solved by always having someone else do it for you.

This is a PSA to about 3/4s of the Portland Youth populace

[nonaferatu]

everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.

[elisecairo]

[katherynefromphilly]

As someone who was alive when Bob Ross (and William Alexander before him — that’s where the approach is from) was on PBS, I can 100% testify that you can paint along with him.

You may need to learn how to set up your paints and such… but this is what people did, live, while the show aired. That’s what the show was for. I had family members create lovely works of art they enjoyed, which I still have on my walls, because William Alexander and Bob Ross both said:

SCREW METICULOUS CLASSICAL ART PRACTICES — JUST GRAB A PALETTE KNIFE AND BIG OLD BRUSH AND PAINT!

They freed a whole generation of people who were taught to paint detail and realism and exact representation of reality — people who largely gave up this kind of thing because it got tedious.

I watched the joy of family members as they rediscovered art as a messy fun spontaneous half hour activity.

Give it a try.

[w0nderland]

you NEED to pick a wedding theme and these are the only options what are you picking?

anteaters

corn maze

frankenstein

hello kitty

cargo pants

Voting ended onJun 26

[victusinveritas]

Like this sort of thing? Follow sluttyprimarysource on Threads and think about reading Consider the Fork by Bee Wilson.

[macleod]

Table manners - Wikipedia

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[asteroidtroglodyte]

It’s a Tree. There was a tree there. Folks cut down a tree, they usually don’t pull the roots, it’s like a Whalefall for fungus and burrowing invertebrates. They feast for decades.

It’s tree roots. I know that’s not cool and adventurous but I promise you it’s tree roots.

[wecanthavethat]

No, that's where they dumped the body of my good friend, Mr. Five by Five. We called him that because he was five feet tall and five feet wide. Perfectly spherical.

[babushkaat]

[hunter-rodrigez]

kitty perfect weight for picking up for cuddles! kitty very Soft and warm and will purr comfortably in your arms. Pick up kitty. no problems ever when picking up kitty because good weight and size for picking up after surgery.

[valtsv]

the worst thing about writing or any kind of craft is having an idea you're really excited to make a reality but then you sit down and realize how much work it's going to take to get to that point and suddenly you feel like those two little gay guys in the mountain in the lord of the rings

[valtsv]

do you remember how good it was in our head mr frodo

[shamebats]

I wish people were as scared of getting into a car accident as they are of being true crime'd. Maybe then they wouldn't be on their phones while driving.

[sundae-meringue]

True crime girlies will be like "wtf I would never go for a walk at night, what if the hash slinging slasher gets me" and then use their knees to merge with no turn signal in front of a semi while applying makeup with both hands

[thethirdromana]

The worst types of cookbook:

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

The why bother with a cookbook - to make beans on toast, gently heat a tin of beans and put on top of freshly buttered toast.

[mercurys-in-retrograde]

let the contemporary record show mr beast was pretty ignorable for his whole career if you were just like, busy.