do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare
if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.

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shark vs the universe
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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@butterm1lf
do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare
if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.
Prince whose noblest knight keeps insisting that he would throw himself upon his own blade to bleed himself dry of sin should his liege request it has to reassure concerned citizens, "I've never asked him to do that."
"But you could, my liege!" the knight follows immediately.
the internet is a place for reading wikipedia articles and watching every movie for free. social media is an invasive species. never forget this
I love how NYC has done everything under the sun to deal with the rat problem and now they’re circled back and are like “Ok. We’ll legalize bodega cats. We need cats manning the food stores.” ancient problems require ancient solutions.
Conspiracy theorist discovers basic geometry
citing wikipedia is harsh but citing khan academy is going for the fucking jugular
Some of you are using pov (point of view) when you mean to say mfw (my face when). Get the word out
hot take but i think cars should be required to have communication radios just like big semi trucks. we should all be able to talk to each other on the road. not bc this would help in any way but because i want it to sound like a counterstrike lobby every time i drive somewgere
Sometimes someone will talk about an acquaintance who is an "undiagnosed narcissist with obvious borderline personality disorder traits" and I'm like... We used to just say "a bitch", and I know all the reasons why that was bad, but I'm not sure this is better.
REMEMBER:
if you don't understand the post at a glance it's because op wrote it wrong and needs your help
if the post doesn't contain all the contextualising information you need to understand it, op is gaslighting you
if you haven't experienced the phenomenon the post describes, op is making it up for clout
if you haven't encountered the type of person the post describes, they're a strawman that doesn't exist
if the post doesn't address a topic you'd prefer to talk about, it's a distraction, missing the point, and talking over you
if the post makes a good point, it is your duty to contribute to human enlightenment by nitpicking it to be more correct
and most importantly:
every online conversation is a competition and you must win
Hey gang for those of you waiting for my return just letting you know that running the muppet joker account has put a very real strain on my real life marriage and I have decided to step away from the blog for the foreseeable future.
I have been talking to her and everone else in my personal life "in character" as the muppet joker so that my blog would be as true to life as possible. I have been wearing Joker makeup around the house, which at first she found funny, but now she can't even look at me. I started compulsively fantasizing about the muppets and it's ruining our sex life. I accidentally called her Kermit in the bedroom and she made me sleep on the couch for a week.
Our son turned one year old this year on July 5th, on the day of Dashcon 2. My wife begged and pleaded with me to stay home and celebrate his birthday, but I was stupid and selfish and had become completely taken over by the muppet joker persona at that point. I went. I returned home to an ultimatum. Its my family, or it's the muppet joker. I chose my family.
Sorry tumblr. I have failed you. I have failed my wife. I have failed my son. I have to go now, to be with them, and to watch my child grow up.
Goodbye, Homosapiens
Fun fact: you can avoid midlife crisis by literally simply just skipping it. Straight-up just skip being middle-aged. Once I turned 30 and aged out of the "young adult" bracket, I skipped straight into being a weird little old man. Record youngest bizarre old geezer in generations. Now if I'm lucky and play my cards right, I've got like 80 or 90 years of being a weird lttle old man left in me. If I manage to do a hundred, I'm going to start telling people that the secret to living to 130 is that I ate an entire pine cone every single day.
That, or that I can't die because heaven isn't taking me and the devil owes me money so he's avoiding me.
Just in case any of you are wondering why I seem to have become so much more hostile, aggressive and unlikeable lately, we just got a functioning AC unit in our apartment like a week ago. And since the temperature inside the apartment has gone down to habitable levels, I've actually been able to do things like eating food and sleeping properly, so I've got a lot more energy to be a huge cunt.
what are we even saying anymore
it is extremely important context that I am saying this as a clockfucker. what the fuck do you MEAN conventional
as a WHAT
OH NOW YOU CAN SPEAK ENGLISH
Achievement Unlocked:
Clocked In The Jaw
Say something so out of pocket that you force the alien to speak English.
have you lot heard about the tiktoker who’s taking on the actual government over a parking ticket? because she’s a hero
her name is Zoë Bread and she doesn’t show her face, and she’s a British artist whose videos are basically her fucking with people in harmless ways - like, asking retail workers if they want an “official” picture of King Charles that is in fact a cartoon and filming their bewilderment (the person is never in the video; she films the floor and her shoes while she’s doing this). she also calls up companies who have stuff like “call us to talk about [X]!” written on their products to see if they’ll really talk to her about [X] and if the person at the call centre doesn’t know (“full unedited silence” is a feature in most of her videos), she will dig and dig until she finds someone who can. or, until she gets bored, which. fair. can’t fault that.
I’m currently trying to get a member of the british peerage to give me £50 because we’re distant cousins. I appreciate her.
she travels around for these videos and one day she went to Manchester and parked on a road called Collier Street.
Collier Street has (or had, at the time) another car park at the end of it - the SIP car park. SIP is a private company that runs these. the signage on Collier Street indicated that the payment machine there was where you’re supposed to pay, so Zoë and a fuckload of other people assumed that that was where you got the tickets. Zoë put it on her car and went about fucking with whoever she decided to confuse today
she gets back to her car, has a parking ticket, and is confused
again - she paid for a ticket. she wasn’t trying to get out of paying.
because she’d bought a ticket from the machine that the SIP car park instead of the council run machine that is actually on a different road, she’d been ticketed. and, rightly so, she contests it and the person at the council says that the rules are the rules and there’s clear signage
Zoë: the signage is misleading
council: we don’t believe it is
Zoë: well, I was misled
council: we believe the signage is adequate
Zoë, being Zoë, doesn’t agree with this. she pulls up literal years’ worth of data on the history of that sign, the parking on the road, and the number of people who got ticketed. very early on, she says she’s not actually bothered about her own ticket, but she’s upset that people are being caught out and sees that it’s a money-making scheme for the council. she speaks to parking wardens, who mostly seem to agree that the signage is misleading. she has data. she calls them back. same response.
Zoë, being an artist, makes her own sign. which she puts up below the official one. and then she waits to see how long it is before it’s taken down.
[note: there was a side quest sometime during this - it went on for months - where she put cones in the parking spaces. the council moved them onto the pavement/sidewalk. this made it inaccessible for wheelchair users, people with prams, other people who can’t just move around them, which is illegal. so she called the council repeatedly to complain about the cones and monitored them until they were moved. this took ages - we are talking weeks.]
Zoë’s sign gets taken down.
the signpost it was attached to, with the misleading sign, becomes a point of pilgrimage for British people who appreciate a good bit of humour with the intent of bullying the local government. it is COVERED in stickers.
her sign is taken down. the sign is not changed. more people get tickets.
[there was a second side quest, where Zoë discovers that the SIP car park - the private one - doesn’t have planning permission. she doesn’t let this slide.]
not happy with this, Zoë calls in to the local radio station. which has a Q&A with Andy Burnham. the Mayor of Manchester. she calls in and asks him about this. Andy Burnham says he’s taking her concern into consideration and will look into it, and get back to her if she calls in next week.
she’s not put through next week.
she contacts his office.
no response.
she calls in again and brings it up.
[all this is happening while she’s repeatedly ringing the council to ask them about it]
she has gone from “harmless tiktok prankster” to “calling out government incompetence”. with a MASSIVE platform.
eventually, after her being interviewed by the BBC, Manchester City Council puts up a sign saying where the actual car park for Collier Street is (there is a running bit where a council worker misheard her and thought she said “Collyhurst Street”, which to my knowledge does not exist. Zoë now exclusively refers to it as that, including in her radio appearance and on her phone calls)
she isn’t done. she now has a petition to force the government to change vague signage. the government said no, all their signage is adequate. she’s now fighting with them. in one of her most recent videos, she was on the phone with the House of Commons enquiry department trying to figure out how to contest it. she’s brilliant.
anyway, this is why the art of Fucking About must never be lost. big up Zoë
The first rule of cable management is "out of sight, out of mind"
The second rule of cable management is that all true art is provocative. If zero people want to kill you over it, it's not good art.
S'ghetti Closet
Okay so I made these without the cinnamon and nutmeg and lemme just tell you:
THESE MUFFINS TASTE EXACTLY LIKE DOUGHNUTS.
I DUNNO WHAT KIND OF VOODOO I PULLED IN THE KITCHEN BUT SLAP MY NIPPLES AND CALL ME BETSY BECAUSE THEY TASTE LIKE DOUGHNUTS HALLELUJAH IN THE HIGHEST.
i made these today! they’re DELIGHTFUL! (i made them with the cinnamon and nutmeg, but now i’m planning on trying them without and maybe filling the middle with some kind of jelly???? we shall see.)
slap my nipples and call me betsy
OH HEY it’s the french breakfast puffs recipe I use as a base for the gf version I am trying to perfect.
welp, we’re gonna make these
YOOOOO… the recipe has spread. I’m conflicted about this, because I keep my copy semi-secret, because I use these to make friends. And then people can’t stop being friends with me if they ever want to eat them again (which is, I assure you, a compelling argument–they are delicious). Honestly, I bake a *lot*, and people always tell me these are their favorite thing that I’ve made. But yes: if you’ve ever eaten my doughnut muffins, this is the recipe I use! PERSONALLY I like to double the amount of nutmeg/cinnamon in them, throw in a shake or two of ground cloves, and about ½-1tsp vanilla extract.