actually not funny

Gonna post all the stuff you want to see, and some stuff you don't want to see.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[spearmint-milkshake]

i just saw a fb post where a man was arguing with a woman about the best way to make macarons and he kept insisting that she was wrong, and then eventually he was like “I’ve never personally made macarons, but if you think about it what I’m saying makes sense, i’m simply stating the obvious. i’m sure there are plenty of youtube tutorials that would show you the same thing.” and the woman replied by linking him to her instagram business page and she makes fuckin macaron towers for parties for a living and i’ve been laughing about it for a solid 5 minutes.

[cocksmasher69]

Men automatically assume they’re more of an expert on something than any woman on account of their dicks. I’ve never met such an ignorant and narcissistic creature as a male

[cheekless0nion]

I’ll never forget a time when a fb friend of mine posted that she’s on her way to hospital to give birth. Women commented with “good luck” and other encouraging messages. A man’s comment was advice on how to give birth. 

[celean0]

You have got to be kidding me

[wreathedinscales]

So I was talking about Jekyll & Hyde (the book) at a writer’s museum while we were looking at an Robert Louis Stevenson exhibit. I was giving my take on Jekyll, and my brother tried to counter it. I countered back easily, and then he said “well I’ve never read the book”

My dude………..stop

[coffeebuddha]

my ex, whose baking experience was pretty much limited to frying premade biscuit dough in boy scouts to make ‘donuts’, would constantly try to correct me or give me advice on baking

i’m a fucking pastry chef

[gotlostintheuniverse]

met a dude at a party who was talking about physics and asked if i’d ever listened to any online physics lectures bc he listened to all of this one series and they were so helpful and maybe i could learn some physics too

i have a degree in physics

and am a published coauthor in astrophysics

[sxpositive]

the best part is that the woman who invented the term ‘mansplaining’ (her name is Rebecca Solnit and i highly recommend her collection of essays) came up with it when she was at a party one night and a man tried to explain a book to her, and wouldn’t let her speak long enough for her to tell him that

she wrote the bloody book he was mansplaining to her

[saltiestsoprano]

You know I have plenty examples of this but that last one takes the cake so imma just let it be.

[cryptidquinn-deactivated2021071]

when im playing out a daydream scenario in my head and i catch myself trying to rush to The Good Part™:

[batmanisagatewaydrug-deactivate]

can’t wait for the final boss battle of duolingo when you fight the 50 foot owl armed with nothing but your wits, a sword, and your shaky grasp of verb conjugations

[batmanisagatewaydrug-deactivate]

oh my god… duel lingo

[worldsentwined]

Die Eule habe hat Hunger

True to form, I actually messed up the verb conjugation when I first put the words on this. XD

[batmanisagatewaydrug-deactivate]

holy crap

[parkchanwoohoo]

Someone’s impersonating the CEO and trying to get me to send him a thousand dollars’ worth of gift cards and I gotta say this is the most exciting thing to happen to me in months

[parkchanwoohoo]

He stopped responding after I requested that he fill out a funding request form with the proper client ID codes attached. Idk what he expected trying to scam a corporate office swimming in red tape

[neilnevins-deactivated20240617]

“Julia…I’m the penniless CEO…you have to pay me..you have to pay me in gift cards”

“I’m…not doing that”

“AND JUST LET HIM FUCKING DIE?”

[parkchanwoohoo]

[gokuma]

[parkchanwoohoo]

This is the funniest fucking addition and I dont know anything about this franchise

[ruinedspell]

The Signs as Random Texts

Aries:

Taurus:

Gemini:

Cancer:

Leo:

Virgo:

Libra:

Scorpio:

Sagittarius:

Capricorn:

Aquarius:

Pisces:

[iraffiruse]

How resourceful

[thescienceofjohnlock]

It doesn’t matter what you do it still looks like a cock.

That’s it for this week, goodnight.

[ibelieveinturtles]

If anyone’s needing a laugh, have a look at all these dick shaped cakes 😂

[jumex]

[ikchen]

wiggle wiggle (x)

[vitya-speaks]

oh…

oh my goodness…

[whitepeopletwitter]

[ap-kinda-lit]

Same energy

[castielsteenwolf]

one time i texted my fireman dad saying something was “lit” and he responded “please dont say that”

[must-be-mythtaken]

Hot take: Westley is way too dramatic and Extra ™ to not be bisexual.

[must-be-mythtaken]

[gen-is-gone]

He can fence with either hand, if you catch my drift

[digitaldiscipline]

By this logic, which is utterly impeccable, so is Inigo.

[bipolar-bubbeleh]

Of course he is. That was the most flirtatious sword fight in cinematic history. You could literally cut the sexual tension with 2 swords.

[out-there-on-the-maroon]

*slams the reblog button so hard* This, THIS is the kind of content I want to see!

I remind you he convinced a notoriously murdery pirate captain to keep him alive via a Scheherezade Gambit, the specifics of which we never do learn about. 

[ogredrew]

You could literally cut the sexual tension with 2 swords.

I mean, are we all forgetting the /other/ definition of a sword fight? 

[canuckianhawkbi]

a mlm story starring Inigo:

Brokeback Montoya

[frikiskrew]

[groovymum]

they’re going to be mcfreakin sorry now

[highfunctioningfool]

[foxhounders-deactivated20160813]

my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this

look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit

motherfucking australia

[kyla-hunt-blog]

if there was a post to describe australia, this is it

[soloontherocks-moving-refol-blog]

wait. 

you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?

that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?

fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?

[aryeastark]

wake up australia 

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

That’s what birds do

They fly around and fuck shit up

Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country

Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit

[crispybiscuitfinger]

It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.

[happyvegetable]

Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do

[cryforce]

yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes

[millshouse-deactivated20140425]

why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.

[sociopathicitaliangrandmas-deac]

My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.

[casey-jane-lewis]

no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange

[theacademyish-deactivated201708]

what the actual fuck australia 

[priscellie]

I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.

[seananmcguire]

Nope.

Went there.

Parrots tried to take our car.

Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.

[elidyce]

Interesting thing about magpies - they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard - as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile.

There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies - carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started. 

I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool. 

Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots. 

[angstriddentrashhuman]

Australia: the only country where it is necessary to sign a peace treaty with the birds in order to stay unmangled.

[grawly]

shut the fuck up

[gahdamnpunk]

ALL 👏🏾 OF 👏🏾 THEM 👏🏾

[knitmeapony]

This post goes harder than any post has ever gone before.

[thesaltofcarthage]

the sheer amount of Fucks Not Given in these photos is creating a Black Hole Of Ungiven Fucks, sucking in all the bullshit over the Fuck You event horizon and trapping it so the bullshit can’t escape. It’s gorgeous. 

[gaycism]

Lmao I’m screaming. This will be me if I ever have grandchildren.