u can take me anywhere yr sick mind wants to

31. they/he/it. bi, trans, white

[3000s]

sometimes older people get annoyed when i say "no problem" instead of "you're welcome" but the truth is it's literally not a problem

[3000s]

and sometimes you're not welcome

[straightboyfriend]

if it’s your birthday: happy birthday

if it’s not your birthday: reflect on why that is. 👆🏽

[catchymemes]

[ex0skeletal-undead]

Not sure how this works when shark skin is so incredibly smooth

[virtualgirladvance]

youre not gonna fucjing believe this

[the-phant0m-cat]

[kuttithevangu]

The thing about the moon is maybe you don’t need to write a poem about the moon. The moon’s been done, we’ve discussed it. It’s a coin a mirror an eye a lantern in the darkness. It’s a rock in space. It’s the dang moon we’ve all seen it! Is there something you can notice that’s is more surprising than the moon???

[creekfiend]

[damazcuz]

The instinct when seeing some shit to say "who the hell put this on my dash" and then scrolling up to see beloved mutual's name and icon. And looking the other way peacefully.

[queer-as-city-folk]

tumblr users are living in a world wholly their own which I can not help but envy

[johannestevans]

Also, consider. A magical version of the bends. Whenever someone from a non- or low-magical land has to go into a very magic rich forest or land or dimension, having to take breaks to let their bodies adjust to the new magic exposure or else their blood will boil in their veins or they'll Transform

[wormtoxin]

actually the bends only kicks in when you try to LEAVE the high pressure area. or in this case, magic rich area?

Getting deeper and deeper into feywilds and knowing that however deep you get, it’s gonna take twice as long to escape without magic tearing its way out of you

[draconym]

Getting a phone call about an assassination attempt hits a little bit different on the 1988 Spuds Mackenzie promotional telephone

[draconym]

My mom: So there was a shooter at the correspondents' dinner- Me: Excuse me what. What did you say. My mom, with deepest sorrow: But the president is alive and unharmed- Me: Go back did you say there was a shooter. You're on the dog. My mom: I'm on the dog???? Me: Yeah you're on the dog

[whatdidtimaeustestify]

[draconym]

No apology necessary. As a Homestuck who grew up with this dogphone in my house, I instinctively read the original chatlog in the aggrieved voice of my grandfather answering his office phone with "I better not be on the dog"

[waspsinyouryard]

admittedly i know little of the subject but one would think, at 45 years of age, he would be a ryan goose by now

[pansyfemme]

hits your cervix with my car

[ithinkihaveanaddictionproblem]

what

[pansyfemme]

beep beep

[cheaphalloweencostume]

not to be insensitive but some of the salem witch trials were so funny bitches like “i saw her at the devils sacrament!!!” girl... what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀

[cheaphalloweencostume]

happy birthday devils sacrament. i wish you were never born

[parkchanwoohoo]

[scoops-aboy86]

Younger writers. Please, just know that you could not skip to different songs on a cassette tape, that’s CDs. With tapes you pressed fast forward or rewind and prayed.

Also, VHS tapes did not have menu screens. Your only options were play, fast forward, rewind, pause, stop, or eject.

Y’all are making me feel like the crypt keeper here, I’m begging you 😭

[risingoflights]

reblog to instantly disintegrate some of your peers to dust

[longsightmyth]

People are so stupid about snakes. If there's a little black racer chilling outside just leave it alone, you don't have to kill it, it's probably dealing with all your pests for you, jesus christ

[headspace-hotel]

If you kill a non venomous snake that's just silly and cruel and betrays a disgusting worldview of blind hatred and fear of other beings,

and if you kill a venomous snake that's VERY STUPID because trying to kill a venomous snake is the best way to get bitten by a venomous snake.

[specsthespectraldragon]

the last coral snake fatality in florida that I could find was due to the person who died trying to kill it, as a note

[triquizzies]

specs stop throwing snakes

[specsthespectraldragon]

I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED NOT TO THROW HIM BUT I WAS IN A HURRY

[headspace-hotel]

Weirdest day of that copperhead's life

[heyftinally]

[bigfan1811]

[goldcrescent]

They tried to dome that man again and missed. AGAIN.