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EXPECTATIONS
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@catastrophicallife
jerking off is gay because you’re the same gender as yourself
red mackerel tabby with moderate white spotting
red mackerel GAMER with moderate white PWNING
Real mackerel GAMER now going for only 200g!
DO NOT DOWNLOAD TUMBLR it will install a virus on your device called tumblr
i do think theres something sad about how largely only the literature that's considered especially good or important is intentionally preserved. i want to read stuff that ancient people thought sucked enormous balls
Time to take this post entirely too seriously:
I often wonder if this is why you so commonly see the sentiment that we are in an era of uniquely bad literature, or at least that the fact that most books don't have artistic aspirations and are not aiming to be anything other than mindless entertainment is new. In fact what's new is the idea that everything is worth preserving (and also the internet making it easier to preserve it). The dumb artistically unambitious trash books of the past have survived only sporadically, because people thought of them as literally disposable.
When I was in college I had a professor who was an expert on detective fiction. He had a longstanding beef with the idea that "Murders in the Rue Morgue" was the first detective story. He thought that it seemed way too polished to be inventing a new genre, and also that the whole orangutan business had the vibe of someone subverting preexisting audience expectations and maybe engaging in a bit of stealth parody. With the help of some student volunteers, he went trawling through old magazines and newspapers and found hundreds of detective stories from the early 1800s that just hadn't garnered enough individual attention to be remembered. This was because most of them sucked balls. He created an online archive of them, so you too can read these mostly terrible stories.
I've spent a ridiculous amount of time on Project Gutenberg sifting through forgotten old fiction and lemme tell ya. a lot of that stuff sucks ass.
Tremendously comforting, really.
me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤
the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup
Heterosexual relationship culture is so alien to me and I don’t know if it’s the fact I’m not cishet or the fact I’m autistic but I hear so many things that make me go “Am I insane or are they?”
There’s a lot of hate on widowers and I saw a woman say “You cannot compete with a dead woman.” which is perhaps a reasonable statement to say if he’s constantly comparing you to his dead partner but that wasn’t what the post was about. And I realized “Oh my God, these people genuinely feel like they’re constantly in competition with their spouse’s exes and the ex being dead makes them feel insecure that they cannot best her.”
There’s also been an uptick in the ‘men and women cannot be ‘just’ friends’ rhetoric which I feel like is extremely dangerous and reflects the rise of fascism and sexism. Some of these stories of women feeling threatened by their husband’s female best friend have some merit and others are like “I feel angry that my husband still talks to the girl he grew up next door to and she and her wife are invited to family gatherings and included in family photos sometimes. Am I right to be suspicious?” No. No you’re not. I cannot imagine being you and living with that high level of stress and paranoia and constant torment and jealousy about your husband having a positive relationship with anyone who isn’t you.
okay look i know this isn't relevant to this post past the second paragraph but. here's the thing. the facts of the case are as follows:
1) I am widowed. my Beloved Wife of Blessed Memory(tm) died in 2019
2) I got together with my current partner about 18 months later
3) when I am committing acts of Foolishness my current partner loves to gesture at the sky to my dead wife, like "do you see this shit, my liege" and regularly says to me things like "[wife's name] was right about this" when my Foolishness inevitably comes back to bite me in the ass
4) this happens. all the time
more importantly:
5) my current partner is on tumblr
6) they love to incessantly send me posts
WHICH MEANS:
7) they just sent me this post with this commentary:
8) they really, really are ganging up on me with her. god help us if there's an afterlife and those two ever actually meet. "eternal rest" my ass, i will never know peace again
Orcas are known to be smart and ruthless hunters. They've been observed hunting a variety of prey, with some species, such as whales, larger
I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is Jackass
That's absolutely insane.
Nature red in tooth and claw ain't seen nothing yet
In case anyone was bothered by the idea of them torturing the fish, it was already dead.
Also when it did die it probably didn’t feel very much pain. Sunfish have a super thick outer layer. The protective outer layer has very few pain receptors. It’s basically a suit of armor.
Like a sea lion can take a bite out of one and the fish won’t be bothered because they just bit into the armor.
This fish is fine.
The seal is getting nothing but tough skin and rubbery tissue (the armor)
The Sunfish’s survival strategy is to save energy and tank damage. Predators can’t get through the hard outside.
All of the actual fish meat parts of the fish, the muscles and organs are in a tiny compact circle deep inside the protective layer that make up most of the absolutely giant fish.
Nothing can get to its vulnerable vital organs- except these orca have figured out how. By exploding it the armor is destroyed and they can pick through the debris for the actual meat.
It’s brilliant.
Or maybe they’re just doing that for fun.
the "came back wrong" trope except like... they didnt. like this mad scientists wife died, and so he studied necromancy, brought her back, and she came back and it all worked. like she came back exactly the same as she was before with literally no difference. but the scientist guy is like "oh no... what have i done.... shes Different now!!!! she came back Wrong!!!!" and shes just like. chilling. reading a book. cooking dinner. shes just so so normal but in the guys mind hes like "oh shes soooo weird" but shes just normal
Peer reviewed tags from @somanyofthekids
NO its a JOKE and YOU DONT GET IT. ITS NOT THAT DEEP
While she was dead he put his memory of her on such a high pedestal that she could never live up to it alive
alternatively‚ she came back perfectly fine but he thinks she came back wrong‚ because the tragic reality is that he never actually knew his wife
im going INSANE thats MY POST.
It's your post but the journey to posting it changed it to such a degree that even its closest intimacies are now foreign to you. Sorry dude.
La Fundación Rewilding Argentina commemorated the 19th anniversary of the giant anteater reintroduction program in the Iberá Wetlands. The s
599.314
anteaters
The problem with tumblr
i am being pursued by a mysterious sphinx
… wat
im being followed by a huge flying sphinx constantly
They sting. I got ouched by one a couple days ago. The vest is for your protection.
my family has had some pretty interesting encounters with psychics/mediums that seem genuine in the past, but nothing will ever be funnier to me than the last guy my mom talked to who was so definitely bullshitting, because she said "I was hoping to hear from my husband" and the guy went "he said....it's okay to Move On" and like. every single person my mom has recounted this too has been like "He Would Not Fucking Say That". as if this was an ooc fanfic about my father. it's just so fucking funny. fake psychic dude take your shitty headcanons about my ghost dad and LEAVE!!!
like, my parents were legitimately insane about each other. I cannot stress how much he wouldn't say that. I have to assume his ghost was standing right next to this fake psychic yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" when he told my mom to move on lmfao
actually. funnier to imagine he was a Real Psychic who was just trying to put a move on my mom and didn't think the ghost would do anything about it and now is now dealing with a violently angry haunting for the rest of his days lmfao
this psychic for the rest of his life all because he tried to hit on some dead guy's wife in an elevator
Ghost Dad: WE LITERALLY CHANGED OUR VOWS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T LIKE "TILL DEATH DO US PART"
Psychic: he says you need a real man. a tangible one. a man visible to the average eye.
Psychic: I also choose this guy’s still-alive wife.
Fuck moon’s taking poison damage
i remember july like it was yesterday