Ilya Rozanov lovebot

fanfic writer • they/them • 22 • ao3: catboy_mingi

[grabmyboner]

has anyone talked about hollanov doing that dirty polaroid thing delivered by a best friend….. perhaps shane gets convinced by rose thats its a great idea and then throughout the night of like their anniversary party or something rose and sveta secretly deliver dirtier and dirtier polariods to ilya and he’s like unable to function all night and ends up tricking shane into meeting him alone outside and they frott against a tree in the woods with shane’s big big hand holding their dicks together and ilya’s thumb in shane’s mouth while he’s talking about what a dirty slut shane is for him ……

[alex-victoires-version]

Something I wish more heated rivalry fans were aware of is pre season games. More importantly, that Ottawa and Montreal play each other for the pre season. Which means the first Ottawa vs Montreal game after Shane signs with the centaurs is a game that will have zero consequences and will not affect their playoff chances in the long run at all. Ilya Rozanov is spending that entire fucking game in the sin bin

[vesnuszki]

conversely to that image of ilya being asked what it’s like being married to a faggot (very awesome), shane is asked what it’s like to be married to a manwhore, to which he responds with a picture of ilya he’s taken on their honeymoon, hot pink drink with an umbrella in his hand, sun-kissed skin and fluffy hair, floral shirt unbuttoned, sweaty six pack peeking through, short short shorts riding up his massive thighs, and he’s sprawled on a sunbed not giving a single shit about anything except for the man taking the picture (what do you think? 😍👍)

[dylanobrienisbatman]

my hc for hollanov sharing clothes is that they’re the same height but the proportions are flipped. ilya’s hoodies are too big on shane cuz his shoulders are broader and his chest is bigger, and maybe his arms are a bit longer. ilya is experiencing peak cuteness aggression at shane all cozy and cuddled up. BUT. ilya in shane’s sweatpants? they’re barely staying up on him because shane has bigger thighs and wider hips! ilya is wearing them around the house and shane is fucking salivating at the way they are hanging so so low. flipped proportions makes clothes sharing sexier i dont make the rules.

[fuckyoucanada]

Hollanov Crack fic where while they’re soft launching their friendship, Shane mentions to Ilya that he’s basing how he interacts in public with Ilya on his friendship with Hayden. Would he carpool with Hayden? Yes, so they can do that, etc.

Except Shane likes being friendly with Ilya in public so much that he seriously considers how much better it would be if they held hands! So Shane does and it’s fantastic. He gets so high off the feeling of being with Ilya that his restrictive plan falls to the wayside and he’s touching Ilya constantly when they’re together, giving him little pecks on the cheek, so glad he forgot about the plan for once and just—went for it! They can just soft launching their friendship their actual relationship, not saying anything, and letting people realize on their own!

Only Shane never mentioned this to Ilya and he is still under the impression Shane is only doing things with Ilya that he would with Hayden and wtf do you mean Shane holds hands with Hayden??? He kisses him on the cheek???? This isn’t fucking okay hollader!

Ilya just seething with jealousy and in a horror movie in his head about what else Shane does with Hayden that he considers “just friends” things while Shane is living out a rom com

[isnt-that-wizardd]

it's 2014. everyone is doing the als ice bucket challenge. ilya rozanov is nominated for the ice bucket challenge. in true asshole fashion, once he completes his own video he nominates shane hollander to do the challenge next. shane hollander must complete the ice bucket challenge. he decides to film the challenge after practice, wearing a light gray compression shirt, shorts, and a backwards ball cap, with hayden and jj throwing the water on him. ilya rozanov watches the video, thinking it will be funny. he has never regretted his life choices more as he is forced to witness an already sweaty shane "jock" hollander become drenched in water, shirt clinging to his body even more, head shaking off the excess water with a grin, staring at the camera like he just knew ilya would be watching. it is like something out of ilya's - literally - wet dreams. he downloads the video to his phone. he makes another very large donation to the als association.

[tinylilhollander]

During the post-cottage era when Ilya's still playing for Boston, Shane sends Ilya a text one night that's just like "Are you alone?"

And Ilya is like "No I'm out for drinks with the guys. Did you not see that we won, Hollander?"

And Shane texts back like "Of course I saw, that's why I'm texting." Then a few seconds later: "Download this app right now. Be discreet." with an app store link. And Ilya texts back like '??? 🤨 Shane, have you been hacked?'

And Shane is like 'Just download the fucking app, asshole. This is your reward. Username is Jane2481. Fucking HURRY.'

And when Ilya follows the link and finds out that it's the app that controls a vibrating butt plug, he nearly blacks out at the table before disappearing for a suspiciously long smoke break.

[shanesloverboy]

Wyatt Hayes noticing that notorious ladies man Ilya Rozanov added a fancy ring to his necklace:

[raccoonspew]

I think in the early 2010s Ilya Rozanov showed a few transgender women a really good time. I think Ilya was absolutely banging dolls before it was cool. One time Marleau was like “dude…I’m pretty sure that chick last night was a guy,” and Ilya (not out as bisexual) just said something like “do not be close minded Marly,” and they never talk about it again.

He would fuck a trans guy as well but he never really encountered one

— trans male fan

[raelemond]

blood spray is just another kind of cumshot

[she-is-home]

theory that cliff figured out the whole hollanov thing YEARSSSS ago but just kept it to himself because ilya is His Boy™

ilya learns about this at the wedding and, while he’s touched that cliff kept the secret for him, he’s also a little pissed/baffled because what do you mean the #1 stupidest bitch in the nhl (affectionate) figured it out first???

[bitchass97]

I need everyone to STICK WITH ME ON THIS ONE

In an alternate universe:

Ilya Rozanov: Marley I have something really important to tell you. I have hidden a secret about myself for a long time. You are one of my closest friends, and I hope that knowing this doesn’t change anything…I’m bisexual

Cliff Marlow: (visibly confused) yeah…I know that???

Ilya: what? How did you know???

Marlow: Dude you don’t exactly hide it

Ilya: What are you talking about????

Marlow: yeah dude you speak Russian all the time. You have an accent. It’s not that crazy

Ilya:…

Marlow:…

Ilya:…

Marlow:…

Ilya: THAT IS BILINGUAL YOU IDIOT-

[hollar-off]

*after explaining to his Idiot bestie what bisexuality really is*

Marlow: ooohhh so that’s what that thing with Hollander is

Ilya: ??????!!??!??????!?!???

[butimaficwriter]

this tiktok saying lonely island's "it's not gay when it's in a three-way" song came out in 2013 when Ilya and Cliff were fuckboy'ing their way through clubs and omg xD the amount of times they for sure joked at each other and then went "jk.....unlesssss....👀"

and that's on how justin timberlake and andy samberg sponsored cliff marlow's first time touching dick and the subsequent crisis that ensued + ilya having to pretend yeah yeah for sure it was weird for me too marly no i had never sucked a dick before wild stuff while texting shane hollander begging for that asshole

[ilya-sweetheart]

#myilya loves to mow the lawn 🏃‍♂️

he has one of those big ridiculous things that he sits on and rides around and he fucking loves it

shane (his husband) is sitting on the deck, coffee in hand, tiny shorts on, wearing his glasses, while ilya is shirtless and mowing the lawn like the good husband he is. showing off and living his dream married life

[mina-logan]

When your bro is also your bunny it can be something so special.

[horsegirlhob]

I love reading my own fanfiction. This shit rules it's like someone wrote it exactly the way I wanted them to and somehow they share all my same kinks and opinions on characterization. Too bad it's unfinished oh well nothing I can do about that.

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

the first thing about rpf to understand is that it is ultimately fiction and we will never understand the true inner workings of the lives of celebrities because there is always going to be a veil of performance clouding the way we perceive them. the second thing about rpf to understand is that it’s always true + real and it happened exactly as i imagine it in my mind