The Musings of Chantal the Starfruit

Oh boy! Guests! Welcome! Welcome to my special place. Have a seat! Have a glass of juice, or maybe wine perhaps? Make yourselves comfortable and enjoy the experience of reading my imaginations and thoughts as they begin to unfold!

[chantalthestarfruit]

My 2nd Family

Last night, a lot of my friends from college tweeted a photo that says one favorite would equal to one college memory in a tweet. Sure enough, a lot of memories were recalled here and there, there was an air of melancholy and nostalgia in reminiscing college life. As I was too shy and embarrassed of posting the same picture (because I don’t have much friends on my twitter account), it paved way as a trigger for me to write this post instead, as this is what most of my college memories consist of.

This is my family,

and it has been a year since I last saw most of them.

As sappy as this post may get, I have never felt at home in school for the longest time, until I met them. My elementary and high school life had been very rocky, with most people having different opinions than I did. People who say that high school is the best time of their lives are a bunch of bullcrap. I never felt the bond between my classmates then, and there was just us willing to put up with each other. However, with these bunch of people, I felt at home. I was welcomed with open arms, and I feel like I’ve known them for the longest time.

I felt that we didn’t start right, that we were too divided in a way due to cultural differences, and interest preferences. We also fight over the pettiest things like Christmas party ideas, who handles the responsibility and pays for the photocopied readings, who gets to be in each group during group works, and a lot more. However, they are the “realest” people you could ever meet, friends who are not afraid to voice out their resolves for the sake of the whole class, the bunch who, together, are out of whack (in a good way), and the family that no matter how diverse it may be, you’d always want to come home to.

They are not perfect, no, but I could see determination sparkle in their eyes every single day we spent together. They have the fortitude to become the best they could be in life, despite how lost and tired they may tell us they’d be. We are embarking on different journeys in life now, and I am so proud of each and every one of them. They are my inspiration. They are home.

I miss them very, very, very much. If only I could turn back time, I’d do college over and over again just to have the chance spend time with them (please don’t bring up schoolwork, I am already getting sentimental here).

I never got the chance to be personal with them before graduation, and tell them what I wanted to tell every single person, but I wish them all the best in life, and pray that we may be reunited again in the future. And possibly argue about Christmas party ideas again. Haha!

I love them.

Happy Graduation Anniversary ASN1!

ASN1NIRVANA 4 lyf

[amargedom]

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a privilege is to be alive: to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations (via amargedom)

[chantalthestarfruit]

Hello!

I’m selling some of my Nintendo 3DS games for $20 / PHP1000 each and an unused brown game case for $10 / PHP500 (bought from my trip to Japan). Buy all the games and get the case for free!

Games list: • James Noir Hollywood Crimes • Dead or Alive: Dimensions • Pokemon: Omega Ruby • Pokemon: X • Pokemon: White

RFS: I made the hard decision to let them go because I don’t play them anymore. I’m leaning towards pc games nowadays.

Also, I am from the Philippines, so, for international buyers, you might have to spend a bit more for the shipping.

For interested buyers: please message me or email me at [email protected] so we could talk about payment and shipping methods. :)

Please give these lovely babies a new home!

[chantalthestarfruit]

I recently updated my vlog with a video that’s more recent. I still have a lot of vlogs that are still under editing, despite a lot of them being trial vids and would probably never see the light if the surface. I also plan to post my birthday vlog too, that is if I’d get the determination to finish it.

Anyway, here is a vlog of a casual day out with one of my friends. I haven’t seen them for awhile now. ACTUALLY, I haven’t seen ANYBODY for awhile now. I should really go out there and meet new people. LOL!

[chantalthestarfruit]

“I think every girl needs to love herself, regardless of anything. Like if you’re having a bad day, if you don’t like your hair, if you don’t have the best family situation, whatever, you have to love yourself and you can’t do anything until you love yourself first.”

This quote by Julianne Hough means so much because most of the time, I just can’t get to love myself.

I start to question: what does it take to love ones self? How DO you get to love yourself? And could you get away from the things hindering you to love yourself?

For a person like me, I understand that self-doubt and pointing fingers at my problems are just excuses for me not to make an effort to succeeding and loving, however, I believe that it is all a part of a process or a cycle of some sort, and I'm stuck with nowhere to go. I can’t get to this point without reaching this goal first, and I can’t reach that without first loving my self, but I can’t love my self if I am not even competent to reach any of my goals first. It’s a thought that no matter how much I try to erase, I can’t. And right now I don’t even know where to begin. I am aware of how I have been overthinking my goals, and at this point I’m so tired. I’m depressed and my problems have been keeping me from moving on, and at the same time I keep thinking, “Fuck it. Let life lead me somewhere great for once in my life!”

[chantalthestarfruit]

Homebody at 21

I turned 21 about a week ago, and it sucks. Why?

After college, I went back to living with my parents, and now, I have to help out in taking care of my grandmother and the house. Not that I don’t like taking care of the place where I grew up, but, it’s just that I’m so keen on finding a job that I would love, and finally moving out. Being back here makes me feel so lonely. I feel like I no longer belong here, and that I should be out there. Dreaming, hustling, grinding, living my life. Being here makes me so depressed and confused that I constantly have to remind myself that the person who came back here is no longer the same as the one who left four years ago. Also, being here makes me want to stay so much at home, putting so much effort in avoiding people I used to know, or used to be friends with, even though I really wanted to go on daily walks around the neighborhood and maybe even vlog or take photos without being seen. I could say that I care too much about my “image” around here, and I don’t want to be talked about being “that very weird girl who’s always with a camera thinking she’s so famous blah blah blah” (not that I’m denying I’m weird).

I’ve been reading articles about recent graduates who have been moving back to their parents after graduation. It makes me feel that I’m not alone in this situation, and that the right time for me to get a job would come soon enough. But how soon will it be? It’s been 5 months since graduation.

I’d like to think that time is only how we perceive it to be, and take it slow and enjoy my time here. But it’s not just my thing to be relaxing most of the time. I’m a person who’s usually wanting to do something productive on a daily basis until I get tired. I no longer want to go back to wishful thinking of independence the way I did during high school... the way I am starting to think now.

[princessofgenovia]

[musicofthewastes]

Visit Original Link

[chantalthestarfruit]

Frank Sinatra's songs keep me motivated despite the fact that my life in 2016 has been so down.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.

Daisaku Ikeda (via psych-facts)

[chantalthestarfruit]

The supermoon never was “super” from where I were at. It took me awhile experimenting shots, trying to see if flowers could be visible, or if there would be any passing clouds, but alas, it seems to be that it was only this lone moon, my camera, and me on the very empty streets of the neighborhood. Nobody bothered to check it out. Why would they? It appeared as bright and as small as it is on any other day. I’ve heard a lot of people wished on it while basking on its glow. Too focused on my shot, I lost the chance to pray for me and everyone else, and everything that has been going on. I'm pretty sure it went downhill from there, but I will be strong with or without that special prayer to the dear, beloved moon goddess.

[chantalthestarfruit]

I’m on a roll today! My second vlog is up! Now, this video is the first one shot out of all the trial projects I made. It’s still nonsense and it just contains some of our crazy antics. Hopefully, I could get better with this soon and provide real content. I’ll see you guys on my next blog! With Love, Chantal Starfruit (via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhFX4a-Mx-8)

[chantalthestarfruit]

My vlog is up! This is one of the first few trial vlog projects last October hence the very low quality and the lack of a story line. But I hope you guys still like it! With love, Chantal Starfruit (via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11DC3pMV0Ck)

[chantalthestarfruit]

Winter Holidays, Coming Up!

So! Halloween season has ended and the winter holidays is finally around the corner! I cannot wait to do some Christmas shopping done soon. I also look forward for the photoshoots I have in mind in the next two months, and I hope the mini backpacking trip my friends and I have in mind pushes through.

In the Philippines, the Christmas holiday countdown begins as soon as the first “ber” month (September) starts, and the whole duration of the countdown gives us (more than) enough time to prepare for the feast of the year!

Is it just me, or am I the only person who loves the cold of winter more than the heat of summer? I just love the winter holidays, and I always wish I could spend it in countries with snow. I actually have it on my bucket list to spend winter holidays in Germany and New York, because I think they are the most magical places to be during winter. Ah, do I long for the night markets, the beautiful lights, the happiness the snow brings, strolling around to see the beautiful crowd, to feel the cold, chilly air, to hear the mellifluous Christmas music heard everywhere you go. It’s something different from how I experience the holidays here in the Philippines, and as much as I love the holiday cheer here, but I would love to experience something different for a change.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

7 Self Improvement Tips

1. Start today 2. Choose small, short term goals 3. Put one step in front of the other 4. Go easy on yourself 5. Expect to encounter setbacks 6. Keep on going 7. Expect to succeed.

[chantalthestarfruit]

AWESOME-ness

Oh god, this used to be my favorite word during my high school senior year. It was how I associated my self. I still remember a mini game where we had to pick a letter from our name and pick a word starting with that letter that describes our selves. Of course, I had to shout out that A is my favorite and it means “Awesome”. I was that cool of a kid.

People still thought I was so cool during college, with most people telling me that I always smiled like I haven’t done a paper for the past 24 hours that was due that day, or as if I took an 8-hour sleep even with the examinations coming up. It was like I have no troubles in life, whatsoever.

But to be honest, I feel like I have lost my touch, personally. I have been ridden with too much anxiety to think of myself as an “awesome” person. Am I really as cool as they say I am? How is it that they can’t see beyond the smiles, I thought it was obvious that I am not feeling as cool as they think I am? Where has “that” person gone? Did college thesis take her away and made her very... rigid?

Gosh, as this moment, a second thought in my mind is even pressuring myself to become as awesome as before because I’m no longer “good enough” for people, and keep that facade up for people too see. That is so terrible of me to say to myself. But reality hurts, because, technically, I do not know how to frown. Or look angry. I just only know how to smile. And maybe passive, but not all the time. I can’t become an actress anymore, damn it all!

But kidding aside, I am wishing for my demons to shut the hell up, and let me be an “awesome”, positive, and happy person. Not a person who’s stuck blogging about the negativity she sees in everything.

Here’s to my anxiety having anxiety and shuts itself down for good!

[chantalthestarfruit]

The Shadow

I’m typing this out as fast as I could because I have no moment to lose.

I shouldn’t even be posting this, I want to let you know that you are in danger. Everyone is.

They’re coming.

Those demonic shadows are creeping nearby. They’re almost here. Almost breathing. Almost alive.

By the end of the sunset of All Hallows’ Eve unleashes the darkest shadows who you think have been comforting you during daylight, crawling by both bright and dim lights around your neighborhood. The brighter, the faster it is for them to take shape, and the dimmer the lights are, the darker their intent is going to be.

You have no escape, but one.

So if I were you, the next time you try to walk about, be wary of your shadow. Don’t acknowledge them. Don’t stare at them. Don’t even try to look at them at all, for once you’ve held their gaze, you’ll be hypnotized by their flash of bloody, red eyes, and fall into a loop of a pit of darkness, with your feet never touching the ground again.

Enjoy the darkness of the night while it lasts.

[chantalthestarfruit]

My little Negi is growing up! She's getting used to getting her photos taken. I love how she's so smart. How she already fit in with my mom's cats the night I found her beside a trash bin by the local church while strolling on a cold, rainy evening. How she knows how to communicate with me properly so that I could know what she needs or wants. How she loves the sunlight. I feel that we have been destined together. The stars, the moon, and basically the whole galaxy have aligned to make us meet.