Alex @closetednonbinary-blog - Tumblr Blog

Posts

thisiswhymomworries

my parents: don’t worry sweetie you’ll understand when you move out and have a house of your own :)

me, in this economy: a what

thisiswhymomworries

my parents: don’t worry sweetie you’ll understand when you get married and have a husband :)

me, a known gay: a what

thisiswhymomworries

my parents: don’t worry sweetie you’ll understand when you start a family and have your first baby :)

me, an asexual: A WHAT

exomoon

my parents: our little girl is growing into a woman! me, a nonbinary: a what

you-looked-at-mysecrets-deactiv

my parents: our boy is growing into a strong man me, a nonbinary: a what

exoskyll

my parents: can you tell us the SI unit of power, equivalent to one joule per second, corresponding to the power in an electric circuit in which the potential difference is one volt and the current one ampere? me: a watt

cockyhorror

the large man who just obliterated my front door: you’re a wizard harry

me, just harry: a what

Blog 11

It's been a while.

I'm still being self destructive tbh, doing drugs on nights out, not eating for days. I've been working full time because I'm broke but it's really making me feel like utter shit. I barely sleep so im tired all the time.

I just need some fucking sleep, it's exhausting not being able to be myself.

Blog 10

Why do I deal with life in some destructive ways. During my night out I ended up booking with 3 people.... One of them was attempting to finger me and take me in to the toilets with him and then home with him. I told him no but felt like I had no reason to feel shit about it because I had kissed him. I walked away when he was in the toilet and he luckily didn't find me again. The other 2 people I hooked up with were girls who were actually nice and didn't try to do anything else. Really goes to show that straight cis men are disgusting and they just want sex (not all of them but my experience of them are all bad).

I have an exam in the morning and know nothing. I'm so fucked for it but can't concentrate on anything but I need it to go well so my grade goes up and I can graduate next year with a decent final grade.

I just feel like c r a p and can't wait for this uni year to be over.

Blog 9

I'm going out tonight but it's really warm so I can't really wear jeans or I'll overheat, especially in a club. I have nothing else apart from a skirt so I'm gonna have to wear that and I've had to shave my legs. So that's over a years worth of leg hair growing literally down the drain. It's safe to say my dysphoria is gonna go crazy tonight. It already is and I've only just shaved my legs. I hate being closeted but I'm a massive wimp and everytime I come close to telling people I back out.

Blog 8

My sensory overload caused me to have a panic attack today. In the middle of work. A customer was chewing gum way too fucking loudly and I couldnt handle it. I had to go to the toilets and calm myself down.

I have an exam on the 21st and haven't revised at all yet. My life's just going to shit in general and I can't handle it at all but honestly I don't give a single fuck anymore. I don't care about uni. I don't care about work and the only thing keeping me there is I need money and I like the people I work with.

My rooms a mess but I have no time to tidy it. I need to go to the doctor because of an ingrown toenail but again have no fucking time. I have no time for anything anymore.

Blog 7

I have no hope of ever being able to come out and it's fucking killing me. My dysphoria is through the fucking roof and I have no one to confide in. I don't know how to tell people. I just can't do it. I'm just living in constant emotional pain because I can't tell anyone. I just wanna hide in my room 24/7 so I don't have to face anyone. I'm an emotional mess and no one can help me because I'm a massive wimp who won't tell anyone about their gender.

#personal #gender #nonbinary

Blog 6-uni is ruining me

My last deadlines are coming up next week and I havent slept properly for 2 weeks. I'm so stressed, I have to decide what I'm gonna do for my dissertation in the next couple of months but I have no motivation to even try and think what I'm interested in. I don't wanna be alive I don't wanna have to make these decisions while I'm in this state.

I've also purposely been missing days taking my antidepressants because I don't deserve to be happy. I deserve to be my true depressed self I dont want to be happy anymore. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve life. I'm not even living I'm just existing and I don't wanna exist anymore. I'm always a last thought for everyone. All my housemates went to see avengers the other day and forgot to invite me until they were already on their way and suddenly realised I did exist. I have no one anymore. Absolutely no one. What's the point anymore if no one gives a fucking shit and doesn't even realise I fucking exist.

I'm so fucking depressed. Someone please fucking kill me.

#sad #depressed #tw #uni #stressed #unistress #university #lonely #i want to die

Blog 5- I am exhausted

I was suppose to work 29 hours this week. That turned into 36 hours because I stayed late on 2 shifts and came in early on one. I am mentally and physically drained. I slept for 11 hours last night after I passed out straight after work. Also have a very painful infection on my toe so being on my feet working for 12 hours fucking sucks but I went to the walk in doctor today and got antibiotics (after waiting there for 3 hours).

Emotionally, being at work can be great but also shit. It's great because the people there are amazing and I have good banter with them all. But it's also shit because people call me 'lady' way too fucking much, 'tell the lady what u want', 'tell the lady thank you'. IM NOT A FUCKING LADY. It makes me so unbelievably uncomfortable and I just wanna break down and cry every time. I can't even wear my binder at work to make this happen less because all my shifts are too long to wear it safely and it ends up hurting my back a lot.

On the plus side, I'm getting my second tattoo tomorrow and today was student loan day.

#im exhausted #and very sad #nonbinary #worksucks #trans #they/them #closetednonbinary #closetedtrans #closeted

charlesoberonn

Norwegian prisons are nicer than my apartment.

postmaritalsex-deactivated20210

holy shit dude

firebirdscratches

I was really shocked by this and dubious, so I decided to read further. There’s a great article about this here: http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-35813470 As it turns out, this is more like a halfway house. Prisoners usually begin their term in a prison more like one we’d typically recognize - bars on the windows, locked in their cells. But the emphasis there is on successful reintegration into society. As their sentence progresses, with good behavior, they can move into a facility more like this, where their freedoms are still restricted, but they can do things like network with people outside of prison, search for employment, cook and clean and look after themselves, and begin making plans for their reintegration into society. As a result, Norway has one of the lowest rates of recidisvism. 20% as opposed to America’s 76%. It seems like a shocking idea to us because of where and how we live, but apparently, Norwegians are addressing the real problem. When you take people who can’t function well in society, and then…help them do that?…they….do. Without the crime-ing.

daxlo-ren

Turns out treating people like human beings makes them more likely to act like human beings….

liquidsodanium

But won’t that incentivize some people to go back there since they get treated so well and get a nice room versus the streets?

kompanie-mutter-deactivated2021

If you read the post above, it says Norway’s recidivism rate - that is, the rate of released criminals who go on to be arrested again - is 20% versus 76% in the United States, so for the most part, no.

theyoungestwhateleydaughter-dea

Isn’t that white-lined black cross on a red field flag a Nazi flag? Are we going to talk about how wonderful it is a Nazi gets a nice halfway house?

charlesoberonn

closetednonbinary-blog

I do psychology and criminology at uni and when we learnt about international prison systems it was obvious that the American prison system is fucked with people being denied access to psychological services. Their version of rehabilitation is taking the prisoners out of their cells and putting them in individual cages. Us in the UK are taking ideas from the American prison system and not the Norwegian system but in Norway the main idea is rehabilitation. We need to look at the recidivism rates and take ideas from the place with a rate lower than 20% rather than that with 76%

Blog 4- I want 2 die

I. Am. So. Fucking. Depressed

What's the point in being alive when no one gives a fucking shit. I'm sick of having so many more bad days than good days.

I don't start therapy until June and meds don't seem to work for me. I've been on 3 different kinds, keep having the dose put up every fucking month and nothing works. It works for a few weeks then I just hit rock bottom again.

Why does nothing fucking work for me ever, now that I've taken 2 weeks sick off work because of all this shit they're suddenly being super nice to me. Telling me I can take a break if I need, telling me if I need less hours I can but when I wasn't happy with my hours before this they didn't give a single shit. I guess it takes a whole ass mental breakdown for people to take you fucking seriously.

I have so much uni work to do and I don't even wanna be at uni anymore. September is the beginning of my final year. Dissertation year. The most stressful year of my life probably and I have no one in my life to get me through it. I have a handful of friends but no one fucking wants to talk to just me. The only conversations I have are on group chats. No one gives a fuck.

#me #personal #depressed #suicidal #tw #help me

Blog 3

I'm losing my fucking mind. I'm going crazy not being able to talk to anyone about gender stuff. My mum mentioned me wearing a skirt on the phone and I basically had a panic attack.

I can't fucking handle this. I feel so fucking trapped.

I don't know what the fuck to do. I feel like I can't breathe.