Hello familiar you. It's good to see you once more.
Hi,
As you've read through these snippets' posts, you probably don't know me and only know what you've read.
Well... I am proud to tell you that the girl that is typing for this current post is a new me.
As of October 3rd, 2022. I can confidently say, I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire god damn life.
Let's recap
January 2022
It's always been New Year's new me attitude. The start of this year was different though because it started with celebrating New Year with my best friend. 2021 Thanksgiving and Christmas - I organized events for my online friends and me - because I care for and love them like family.
Thanksgiving and Christmas 2021 was huge success and everyone made it. I made a friend speech for Thanksgiving and told all my friends from the bottom of my heart how much they meant to me. As cringy and cheesy as that sounded, I meant it and teared up. Out of the darkest of 2021, they were my light. Here was my speech that I spent time writing and gaining the courage to read out loud.
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"First off, thank you <censored friend's name> for hosting and setting up this Friendsgiving. It's all so beautifully decorated and well done. I jelly. I wanted to let everyone here know I am thankful for the presence and that not only you guys are my best friends but you guys are also family to me.
I know we are all very busy with our daily activities and that there are not many occasions that we get to get together as a family, but
I am thankful that this is one of those occasions.
With that being said I hope that we all continue to put our best into making our friendship work and last.
To end my speech, I want to read a quote I found:
"Life isn't about having a thousand friends, it's about finding the very few right ones you need." — A.R. Asher
But yeah thank you <censored friend's name> of course for making this day what it is and thank everyone for being you!"
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Christmas was Christmas, it was enjoyable, and got to spend it with the same group of friends. I couldn't wait to count down for 2022. It was time for another new year, a new me... right?
But if I can remember correctly - no one could make it.. and I was left kinda just .. waiting. It wasn't a big deal or anything, but I didn't have anyone to count down the new year with me. I had my 7-year boyfriend at the house but.. that didn't matter .. he was just drunk.
My best friend was the only one that was able to join and logged into Animal Crossing New Horizon to count down the minutes and seconds till it was 2022. It meant so much and It touched my heart.
As the countdown ended and it was finally 2022, I reflected and saw myself from a third-person perspective. Is this going to be my life? Am I going to forever go to live my life online? I don't have any friends in person that I open up to.
From there, I stopped organizing any more events.
I tried to make the best of it and wanted to work harder at making a better me as soon as 2022 hit.
Of course that didn't last too long, the company I was working for suddenly wasn't able to get the funding we needed and the majority of us got let go - including me.
It was extremely hard especially when a year ago I lost my job as well.
February 2022
I went into sheer panic mode and applied to as many jobs as I could while handling a large amount of anxiety that was being built up. My boyfriend was there to help somewhat as being comfort.. somewhat. Back to back, day to day there was a job interview for me throughout my whole day.
The whole month of February was interesting. I felt my best friend and I got closer. I was still actively swarmed with interviews and he was there for support. .. Till eventually something had happen at work for him. In short, he had to decide to leave his job as well.
Seeing him so broken, and telling me he was miserable or he had nothing to live for just killed me.
March 2022
The whole month of March, I felt my worth and with all the offerings coming in for new jobs - I rejected all of them. It was looking very glum and discouraging. I also wasn't in the best mindset at home with my then-boyfriend being unsupportive and leaving me with all the responsibilities. Was really bad lots of fights with my ex-bf, and losing myself.
I ended up drinking so much and fighting more with my then-boyfriend. He was awful and very gaslighting.
My best friend was the only thing I had that knew what was going on and was whole-heartedly supportive of me
My best friend bought me a game so I wouldn't feel left out - driving was sort of a new pace and it became my goal to become good at the game.
Finally, I eventually found a job that I was able to start. I was super excited. It was a contract job - but it was something!
My best friend was considered dating. As I knew my feelings, deep down I just wanted him to be happy. I knew the time we've spent these last four years. He's looking for something that was never a goal, but I understand he was lonely...
I would, but I was stuck. It pains me, but I knew letting him go was the best option and has always been the option. I was never going to be good for him.
April 2022
I finally started my new job and it was very confusing and lost. Things were not very structured, but hey at least I wasn't jobless.
I continued to have my days with my best friend and tried to do life.
Then... April 20th, 2022.
Of course, another fight broke out and I just lost it. Not only did he keep indirectly calling me crazy - the constant gaslighting.
Then he kicked aside my baby ferret who went over and bit the shit out of his foot. Which was deserved. I told him I will call the cops on him - and he dared me.
At first, when I dialed, I hung up after 3 rings because all he did was look at me like I was in the insane one. I asked after hanging up, "Do you want to do this?" All he said was, "they're going to call back" with the smuggest egotistic look.
The police called back and I said fuck it and gave my information and the situation. My heart was racing and he fuckin just scuff like I was insane and proceed to call his father who was an ex-cop to tell him I called the cops on him.
I waited around and when the police arrived, I told them everything. Everything. I told him he didn't pay for anything, my name was under the house and no matter how much I told him to leave - he wouldn't.
I overheard him talking to the police with his father on the phone - the audacity of this father to tell the biggest lie that I was married to this gross individual. When the police told me, I told him I was no and that was a lie.
The police told him to leave the property and that he can gather his things later that day.
I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. Fear stress anxiety was consuming me. I called my best friend and told him everything. He was just waking up and stayed on the phone with me. I also called my mom. My mom told me to stay strong and had her whole salon help me and encourage me that what I am doing was amazing and powerful.
The police also called and told me he will be returning to take his items from the property. I had closed myself off in my office and stayed on the phone with my mom. Constantly scared and crying.
My mom dropped everything to drive to me. She helped me clean my disgusting home and took out at least 6 trash bags worth of stuff he had taunted my home with.
She helped me organize my pantry, my fridge, and my home. She stayed up until 4 am and did the unthinkable and I can never be more grateful for my best friend and my mother. I wouldn't know what I would've done.
May 2022
I remember crying so much. It felt so weird to be alone when I was with someone for 8 years. The house was quiet and he had taken the dog with him. To be fair, I didn't care for the dog because he had always pinned the responsibilities on me. But the quietness was bare and unsettling. My best friend stayed on the phone every night and every moment he could. He sang me to sleep one night. I loved it.
Honestly, it only lasted a good 2-4 days till I felt almost normal. There was still anger though and sometimes sadness. I was trying to regain who I was. It was hard.
The whole time my best friend was there for me as much as he could. He called me every morning and we sleep on call every night. It was soothing and reassuring.
He then decided it was time for us to meet after 4 years of knowing each other and he booked a ticket to visit me for 2 weeks!
June 23, 2022
The feeling was terrifying but exhilarating. I have dreamt of meeting him for the longest time. Hell, I think I was the one that had feelings for him in the first place... I had everything planned out. I wanted it to be perfect. I had the driveway white, and the car wash professionally cleaned outside and inside. The carpet was professionally cleaned, I bought a new dining table, and a new couch, restock all the food and pantries. The house was in the best shape I have ever put it since I bought it back in 2020 when my ex-boyfriend was with me.
You don't understand. The house was always in shambles. There was just this smell of defeat in the house and it was never up to what I wanted t be.
My heart was racing at just an alarming rate when the day finally arrive. I have never driven to the airport and honestly, I got lost picking him up. We couldn't find each other, but he had picked a spot somewhere on a curve outside of the airport and .. well I guess I found him. He walked up to the car, loaded his luggage and it was my first time seeing the love of my life. The two weeks we spent, felt unbelievable nature. As much as it was nerve-wracking the first few moments. It just felt.. like we've done this before. Like we've lived this life together. We watched movies, ate together, and just spent time cuddling. It was everything I dreamt of and much more. I have never felt happy in the longest time.
July 2022
After him leaving. He got a job offer and was finally able to start working. We finally both got jobs to save enough to get together. Dropping him off at the airport was the hardest thing for me. He was so close yet so far. It felt so normal and I felt like it was being taken from me. I was trying to be strong, but it just hurts.
Later that night I went ahead and booked a ticket to go spend my 2 weeks with him in August. I couldn't help it. I wanted to be with him.
August 5th, 2022
This was my first time going on the plane. As nervous as I was, I knew I shouldn't show the feeling of flight or look lost. I proceed through everything as if I have done this before. I finally made it, with a terrible overlay of 3 hours at some point, but I finally made it. When I got out of the airport, I saw him drive up. I . .was so happy. Being with him again was just perfect. The two weeks again just felt normal and it was like I've lived there for so long.
September 2022
By the time I had returned home, I felt the need again and went ahead and booked another ticket to be with him, but a little further this time. Decided to pick October 5th, 2022.
I feel like 2022 was meant to be the year for me of challenges because this was the month when I found out that my job had an end date due to the company I was working for that was being engulfed by a bigger company. So I had to find a new job.. it was stressful and I did everything I did before finding this job... Never give up. Do not take the light of small interviews.
I eventually took on a challenging interview with a heavy presentation process. Luckily after a week of interviews, the job that took the most stress off me, wanted me to work for them on Oct 3rd.
2 days before I had to fly out to be with the love of my life. 2022 is a challenge, no doubt.
Oct 16th, 2022
It is currently the 16th of October, I am in his office next to him. He is currently doing something on his computer while I am typing away on this Tumblr on my work computer. I have never felt so comfortable and at peace...
Why is life so difficult to keep us apart? In a couple of days, I will need to fly out and continue doing what I do... long distance relationship is very hard for me. I do not like it and I feel weak that it's something I can't do, but my mind wanders and there's already so much I can do to keep my mind busy. Granted being alone these past few months has taught me a lot. Taught me peace, happiness, and tranquility.
He said it may be till a year till we can finally be together and that he could probably only do a couple of days to visit my mother finally in December.
I would do it again and fly to him, but it puts a lot on me and my two boys (pets)
I sit here and often think. What the hell am I doing? What should I do? I want to be happy, but I know I have to be patient.. damn my heart needs a break.
2022 is a ride.
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE














