Names are Kat, Zuka, or Thavas | 33 | She/it, genderless entity | Very Confused | Grade-A Certified Robot Fucker | VERY Disabled | Memory Issues due to brain damage, please be gentle | Schizophrenic [18+ only pls] US-Moon Guard's only Attendant RPer
sometimes I think about like what TV shows and movies I'd keep on VCR or some shit to watch in the post-apocalypse after a long day of decontaminating mutant salmon
Sometimes having an OC is like "this character is an outlet for my insecurity and trauma" and sometimes it's like "this character is an outlet for my love of vampires :)". Sometimes it's both
Sometimes you think it's "this character is an outlet for my love and nothing more :)" and then you look it over later like "shit. product of the deepest depths of my soul again"
People should not have to share their immensely personal and deeply rooted trauma to justify their interests in fiction, they should just be able to like what they like
I've been meaning to make a post talking about my stroke because y'all got bits and pieces of the recovery but I never actually told the story of HOW it went down and the thing is the type of stroke I had is usually the type young people have and since having mine i've now heard multiple stories of people under 40 having very similar strokes and the scary thing is, is that they didn't get help right away. Because you're young and healthy and sure you feel weird but it'll pass right? but it doesn't, and it gets worse, and by the time you get to the hospital (some people literally take days to go) the deficits are worse and recovery is harder.
so here's a super long post about strokes in general, and mine in particular/what I went through.
So for strokes the signs are abbreviated BE FAST. Balance loss, Eyesight changes, Face drooping, Arm weakness, Speech difficulty, -> Time to call 911.
Had I known those MAYBE I would have figured it out but my symptoms were a little mixed. I was reading (fanfic!) in bed because it was a sunday morning and i had nothing pressing to do and suddenly got dizzy. I put my laptop aside because my eyes were blurring (Eyesight changes - symptom #1), and laid down, thinking it would pass, it didn't, it's a little vague how it progressed because I'd been having headaches and neckpain for about 3 weeks leading up to it so I was like 'idk is this a migraine?' (headaches can be a stroke symptom so symptom #2) but i got nauseous and eventually got up and to my utmost surprise I immediately fell over as if I was the drunkest of frat bros. The room literally spun before my eyes as I fell to the floor (Balance loss - symptom #3). I have had some Nights and I had never been that unsteady before. I crawled my way to the bathroom, threw up (nausea - not a common stroke symptom) , took 800mg of ibuprofen, and crawled back to bed.
if you know anything about ibuprofen you might know it's a mild blood thinner and that's a high dose. I may have inadvertently helped myself with that one. I was just feeling like shit and thinking 'idk this might help'
At this point I still thought we were still in Normal Land. Sure, it was a weird morning, but Surely There Was A Reason. (Yes There Was) Anyway, as I'm lying there willing my body to stop suffering I realize my arm is going numb (stroke symptom #4) and I switch positions, because weird, but it doesn't go away, and I gave it a good little while. I'm on a medication that can make my limbs tingle but it usually just does it to my fingers and it dissipates quickly but this wasn't dissipating, and then I realized one of my legs was also going numb. Then one side of my face is going numb.
(at the time I did not look in the mirror but I had a drooping eyelid - symptom #5)
Those all seem bad. I grab my computer and google 'when to go to the hospital for dizzyness' as that felt like the worst of my problems. and indeed the list I found highlighted that if you are also experiencing loss of balance, blurred vision, nausea, and limb numbness, you should see a doctor. That seems like far too many symptoms to be having all to be listed. I grab my phone (thankfully plugged in and by my bed), and start layering on more clothing because it's about 10 degrees out and i'm in a pajama dress. The very nice man at 911 talks with me and sends an ambulance, I tell him I don't think I can get out the front door of my building on my own and he asks if I can get to MY apartment door to which I say yes and he assures me that's fine they will have keys to my building.
(I have been since informed they love to chop down doors but no, I could get that far)
I wait by my door laying down on the ground and they arrive pretty quickly. They see to me in the hallway, which is more of a lobby in my building and the only place with room for me to lie down (I cannot stand unassisted at this point) they ask me a bunch of questions, take vitals, and ask me where I would like to be taken. Me, having never had to go to the fucking hospital in an emergency before, simply go 'wherever is close' because I again, I am having a stroke and do not have the wherewithal to think through these things.
A big firefighter helps me down the stairs (it's only a half flight and I still almost did not make it) and we get underway.
At the hospital they wheel me into triage and I mostly lie there gratefully and answer some questions and respond to some tests (grip strength, following a pen with my eyes, that sort of thing) and then I hear what is great when you've been at urgent care for two hours but what is Very Bad when you just arrived in an ambulance and that's 'She's next'. I jumped the line for a CT scan and an MRI. I was there less than ten minutes before I was actively being scanned. honestly closer to five.
my active symptoms seem to have been worse than some of the stories I've heard, not being able to walk AT ALL in particular, although some other are pretty equal (Footless Jo on youtube had a stroke around the same time I did of the same type and has discussed hers, she delayed going in despite the severity for a variety of reasons and it sounds like her recovery has been difficult) My recovery was pretty easy because i was actively being cared for and on blood thinners right away. I was pretty out of it in the beginning, but I was only in the hospital for 6 days and then in a rehab for another 4 to relearn how to walk and balance, then i was released unto the world and just spent time going to physical therapy and recovering for awhile. I was out of work for about 8 weeks total. I basically had the best outcome for a stroke. I recovered almost fully back to 100% (I'm about 2% less sure footed than I used to be, but it's rarely noticeable), my face still feels a little weird but has markedly improved so I live in hope it will eventually get back to normal. It massively sucked. But strokes can fuck you up for life and I came out a weird medical story to tell and have to take some extra medication now/precautions to take (i cannot do certain types of yoga, no weightlifting, no push ups, no going on rollercoasters.... things that could strain my neck essentially) but overall I escaped very lucky.
For anyone who has ever had covid before, please be sure you are aware of stroke symptoms. Each successive infection raises the risk in a pretty major way, and a lot of people are dying young due to not knowing these signs or being afraid to act on them. Please take care of yourselves.
having chronic pain is just like. ur sitting perfectly still doing nothing meanwhile the space above your head keeps flashing -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp
I still find it such a fascinating thing that the Attendants have such a reverence for each others' voices, to the point where they call the voices of those who have fallen Echoes. The Korthians have shrines to former Grand Archivists where you can still hear their Echoes, and based on both the shrines contents and the daily quest Pelagos occasionally has where he asks you to recover soul Echoes of fallen Attendants, it seems that the final few moments of existence are "imprinted" and able to be recovered and archived themselves.
It's not entirely clear just how much information is stored in an Echo, but from what I've gathered, there's a personality imprint along with those final few moments. Pelagos comments on the Echoes when you bring them to him, and he has a few different lines he can say after each completion.
The most recent one I did, he made a comment that the particular Echo I brought him was of someone who was frustrated that they couldn't figure out their place in the Purpose, that we cannot always see the bigger picture.
Hello! Do you want ace representation? (You said aro but same difference, right?) We have
Asexuality 101: They're the token ace in The Sex Show and they say "I've never had sex before and I don't think I want to, am I... broken?" And then they learn about asexuality. Their entire character arc revolves around not having sex in The Sex Show. Completely unrelatable if you're anything other than sex-repulsed and alloromantic.
Asexual Book: it feels like reading a wikipedia article and will stop resonating once you're over the accepting-yourself-stage and start discovering yourself beyond the standard asexual experience.
Token Ace: they're the asexual character in the current big queer cartoon and she has significantly less screentime than the other characters. Confirmed asexual on social media.
Cartoon Animal: the creator didn't wanna think about them having sex because that's a cartoon animal. You'd be surprised how much porn people draw of this character.
The Dark And Mysterious Nerd: don't get your hopes up, he's also a tumblr sexyman and nothing in the source material indicates his asexuality.
Todd Chavez.
Twink Of The Month: he currently has swarms of people going "asexuals can still have sex" but they're not really interested in exploring sexual relationships from an asexual perspective, they just don't want him to be asexual. The other half of the debate is working tirelessly to alienate sex-favorable people from the asexual community.
Ace Coded: they're the most asexual character of all time but it's not stated in the source material or confirmed by the author so you have to write a thesis in hopes that someone might consider that they could be asexual. You might get called homophobic if you do.
Alien Robot: their lack of interest in sex is directly tied to them not being human. The fanbase has a massive collective boner for them though.
Murderer: Yeah... Collective boner also applies here.
Actually Good Representation: she's from a piece of media that has a fandom smaller than the population of a small village and does not suit your taste whatsoever
Your Own Fucking OC: at this point, just do it yourself.
i like viddy games @colonel-zuka - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
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