MOOD! Also, aw thatās a Cooperās Hawk!! Precious little vicious monsters.
When I was taught how to handle raptors, I was told that Owls would bite you, Red Tailed Hawks would get you with their claws, and Coops would just straight up fly at your face like maniacs.
Iām sorry that my brain doesnāt always cooperate with me. Iām sorry that sometimes I get depressed for no good reason, and I canāt shake it no matter how hard I try. Iām sorry that when that happens, I sometimes cry and I donāt know why. Iām sorry that my anxiety crops up out of nowhere, and often leads to me making split second, bad decisions. Iām sorry that Iām sorry, and Iām sorry that these moods often lead to guilt spirals. Iām sorry that I feel like a burden when my brain gets this way. Iām sorry that I isolate myself even though I know it doesnāt make anything better. Iām sorry that I allow it to kill my creativity, and trap me in a constant state of apathy. Iām sorry that it kills my appetite, and that it leads to be not eating enough. I know that worries you, and Iām sorry for making you worry.Ā
There are some things I know though. I know that one day I will have the proper strategies to not spiral into negative moods. I know that one day I will learn to curb the negative thoughts before they escalate. I know that you care about me deeply, and that even though I am ashamed of myself and feel like you should be too, you love me and are proud of me. I know that I am getting better, and that days like this are slowly becoming less frequent. I know all these things, but Iām sorry that itās easier for me to focus on the things Iām sorry about than the things that I know. Iām tryingā¦ Iāll get there.Ā
FUCKING HELL!! Ok so someone liked this older post of mine, and like damn... I was in a really bad place!! I wish I could see when I posted this originally, but Iām on mobile so yeah. Not helpful.
I have come so far since making this post! I went to therapy, I got on anti-depressants, and I basically started dealing with my depression and anxiety head on. My therapist specialized in cognitive behavioral therapy, and helped me challenge my negative thoughts. She gave me so many good, healthy coping mechanisms, and it saved my life.
I picked up pottery, and about a year into therapy I started rock climbing. It was huge for my confidence, body image, and social anxiety. :)
Iām still me. I still enjoy spending time alone, I am an introvert after all, but I also donāt go into anxiety spirals before social events or at random. Sure, sometimes I still get anxiety, but I recognize it now and am able to deal with it head on before it becomes an anxiety spiral! I donāt isolate myself out of depression or fear anymore, and I canāt remember the last time I randomly started crying.
Time heals all wounds. Time and hard work! Iāve come a long way, and my mental health is doing so much better now. I still have down days, but theyāre less frequent. Its less like Iām carrying a giant crushing boulder around, and more like I have a few pebbles in my pockets. :)
waitā¦.are any americans aware that the cia overthrew the democratically-elected premier of iran in 1953 because he wouldnāt concede to western oil demandsā¦.and how that coup was the reason for the shahās return to power, the iranian revolution, and the resulting fundamentalist dictatorshipā¦..like, america literally dissolved iranian democracy and no one knows about it???
The only thing weāre taught about any Middle Eastern country in school is that 1) the region exists 2) itās where The War is happening and 3) Muslim people live there. Thatās it. Maybe if youāre lucky youāll get into the Hammurabi Code and some early Babylonian stuff but American schools seem to think that if it happened outside Europe and before the colonial period, or makes America look bad and isnāt about A Very Watered Down Version of What Slavery Was, itās not important.
Info on this is almost notoriously hard to find. Itās not in any texts on American and Russian involvement in the Middle East during the Cold War that I can find. You have to specifically look for a book about the Shahās return to power, and even then youād be hard pressed to find a book like that at your local bookstore. Once you get into some higher level college courses you might know about it, but the people who can afford those are more likely to already be indoctrinated into a certain Way of Thinking (read: theyāre racist as shit) by the time they get there. And itās almost like you have to know about it beforehand if you want to find information on it.
The only reason I knew about it is because thereās a thirty second summary of the event in Persepolis. Those thirty seconds flipped my entire worldview.
I had to explain literally this to one of my co-workers, who is so fuckin racist against Middle Eastern people itās insane.
Sheās 60. She never heard of this.
As I was explaining this and how, during the Regan years, we funded Osama Bin Laden to fight against Russia, leading to the destruction of much of the infrastructure in the region, one of the plant workers came in to get his badge fixed.
He works in the quality control lab. He served 15 years active duty in the Army. Super smart guy, has a masters in chemistry and another masters in biology, raises saltwater fishĀ inĀ his spare time for sale, has the saltwater aquarium setup of the gods. Ā Raises rare corals too, some of which he donates to be used in re-seeding reefs around the world, but thatās a side tangent.
And he listened for a minute, then nodded and said āYeah. I was there during that. I helped train people to fight. They wanted us to help them build schools and hospitals, after, but we were only interested in them as cannon fodder. Left the whole area in ruins. I wasnāt surprised when they hated us for it later. Told people then it would happen. We let them know then that they were only valuable to America as expendable bodies. Why wouldnāt they resent us for that?ā
And she just looked floored.
āSoā¦ā She started, after a few minutes. āWhat do you think of Trump?ā
āI hate him. Heās a coward and heās going to get good people killed.ā He didnāt even blink. ā
She looked back and forth between us for a second, and then asked how I knew all this.
āI research things.ā I said. āGoogle is great.ā He nodded enthusiastically.
And she just sat there for a second and then said, really quietly, āI didnāt know.ā
She lived through it.
American schools donāt teach you any of this sort of thing.
Ok but there was this guy called Ea-nasir who was a total crook and would actually cheat people ought of good copper and sell them shit instead.
The amount of correspondences complaining to and about this guy are HILARIOUS.
And we havenāt even touched on the true hilarity of the situation yet. Consider two additional facts:
He wasnāt just into copper trading. There are letters complaining about Ea-nasirās business practices with respect to everything from kitchenwares to real estate speculation to second-hand clothing. The guy was everywhere.
The majority of the surviving correspondences regarding Ea-nasir were recovered from one particular room in a building that is believed to have been Ea-nasirās own house.
Like, these are clay tablets. Theyāre bulky, fragile, and difficult to store. They typically werenāt kept long-term unless they contained financial records or other vital information (which is why we have huge reams of financial data about ancient Babylon in spite of how little we know about the actual culture: most of the surviving tablets are commercial inventories, bills of sale, etc.).
But this guy, this Ea-nasir, he kept all of his angry letters - hundreds of them - and meticulously filed and preserved them in a dedicated room in his house. What kind of guy does that?
Oh hey Tumblr Fam! You know how sometimes people that you knew when you were little grow up to do really cool things?? Well this girl I grew up with, Bea, is making this webseries called The T and it looks AMAZING! Check it out!Ā
Hereās the official synopsis:Ā
ā Set across Chicago, the T follows Jo and Carter, a young trans woman and queer Black man, as they learn how to be best friends in the wake of their romantic relationship, and Joās transition.āĀ
I mean just look at these cuties!!Ā
Theyāre adorableĀ
This is some high quality shit!Ā
It looks like itās going to be really good, and Iām super excited. They have a kickstarter to raise funds for the editing and sound mixing etc. Check out the video on their page! If you feel like supporting some quality LGBTQ+ media, created by LGBT peeps, check it out! Spread the word!Ā
Oh hey Tumblr Fam! You know how sometimes people that you knew when you were little grow up to do really cool things?? Well this girl I grew up with, Bea, is making this webseries called The T and it looks AMAZING! Check it out!Ā
Hereās the official synopsis:Ā
ā Set across Chicago, the T follows Jo and Carter, a young trans woman and queer Black man, as they learn how to be best friends in the wake of their romantic relationship, and Jo's transition.āĀ
I mean just look at these cuties!!Ā
Theyāre adorableĀ
This is some high quality shit!Ā
It looks like itās going to be really good, and Iām super excited. They have a kickstarter to raise funds for the editing and sound mixing etc. Check out the video on their page! If you feel like supporting some quality LGBTQ+ media, created by LGBT peeps, check it out! Spread the word!Ā
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist or a psychological professional AT ALL. This is just me sharing the things that I have learned in therapy on how to cope with my social anxiety.
A couple of years ago after a really bad panic attack at a concert, I finally started seeing a therapist who specialized in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I still get anxious sometimes (happened today), but now I have a mental toolbox to deal with it when it comes up. I thought I would share some of the coping methods Iāve learned in case it helps someone else.Ā
When you feel yourself starting to spiral into a panic attack, it can be hard to calm down enough to deal with the anxiety-causing thoughts. The first thing to do is to force your body to slow down its fight or flight response. What works best for me is the 4-7-8 breath. You breathe in for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, and breathe out for a count of 8 - preferably through your mouth. Do that for as long as you need to until you start to feel calm again. Alternatively, you can start with your toes and gradually work your way up your body tensing and releasing each muscle group as you go. By the time you get to your face you should be feeling a lot better!Ā
2. Challenge those asshole thoughtsĀ
Alright, now that youāre hopefully able to think more clearly itās time to get to the bottom of that anxiety/panic! What works best for me is to make a list. You can do it in your head, but I have better results if I write it out on a piece of paper.
First, list out all of those negative shitty thoughts that keep spiraling in your head. List them all out in one column on the left side of your paper. Now take a good look at that list. How many of those thoughts are actually valid or logical? Going off of my own experiences, my bet is that none of them are actually valid worries.Ā
Draw a line for a new column! Now come up with aĀ āneutralā thought to challenge each of your negative ones.Ā
Ex:Ā āIām going to fail this test and have to drop out of school!ā becomesĀ āIām going to study my best and go in and take this test. Realistically I probably wonāt fail, but even if I do poorly I can probably get extra credit, or find another way to make up the score. Even if I canāt bring it up later, a fail in this class will not ruin my life.ā OR even more neutral/curiousĀ āI canāt possibly know how this test is going to go, but Iām going to go in and do my best and see what happens. Maybe Iāll do poorly, but maybe Iāll do well!āĀ
āIf I go to this event I might have a panic attack and completely embarrass myself in front of everyone!ā becomesĀ āIāll go for an hour or two and see how it goes. I might be uncomfortable, or I might find ways to have fun. Either way, if I start feeling anxious I can excuse myself and go to the bathroom to do some breathing exercises and reassess. If all else fails I can just leave.āĀ
Personally, I have found that curiosity is the best antidote for anxiety.
3. You should be feeling better, but if you arenāt there are other resources you can useĀ
If youāre still not feeling better itās ok. Find a way to get yourself out of the situation and congratulate yourself for at least trying! Just showing up is half the battle. I am partial to the SAM app (Self-help for Anxiety Management). It has some useful little tools to help you out when youāre dealing with a panic attack. Other people have posted apps and websites that they have found helpful! Also the Calm app is a great meditation app. It has some good guided meditation programs for sleep and bedtime stories too.Ā
In the end, know youāre not alone and know that itās ok to ask for help! Look for a therapist who specializes in CBT! It works wonders :)Ā
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