Whole Lotta Random Stuff

25. They/Them. Queer.

[calamitylou-blog1]

Where has this been all my life?

[pankunchiii]

Jane living in 3047 while us suckers are living in 2018

[emthetreekid-blog]

“In the unlikely event it’s someone you do want to see”

[damianmcgintleman]

[darkampharos]

Wait weren’t they her shitty parents in Matilda?

[ficklesunfries]

Yep! It was right after filming it, actually.

What’s even better is that Maras mother LOVED the book Matilda. She loved it so much that she got her daughter the part, however she died before she got to see it. Or so Mara thought. Apparently just a few weeks before she died Danny Devito went in to the hospital with a rough first edit of the movie and got to let her watch it before she passed.

[cosmic-noir]

[cooloptimisticprincess-deactiva]

Awwwww

[typhlonectes]

The Giant Tadpole That Never Got Its Legs

By Katie L. Burke

A record-breaking, 10-inch-long whopper of a bullfrog tadpole was discovered by a crew of ecologists in a pond in Arizona.

The biggest tadpole ever found—at a whopping 10 inches long—was discovered by a crew of ecologists in a pond in the Chiricahua Mountains of  Arizona. Alina Downer, an intern at the American Museum of Natural History’s Southwestern Research Station, came across the monster bullfrog tadpole as her crew was draining a manmade pond as part of a habitat restoration project for the endangered Chiricahua leopard frog.

As the water level lowered,  Downer and her colleagues were assessing what organisms were left in the muddy shallows that she likened to “chocolate soup.” Downer says, “I  was fishing around with my hands while walking in the water, and I felt   something large, smooth, and wriggly—which was unexpected, since the only other fish in the pond were about an inch long.”

As  an avid naturalist, Downer’s first instinct was curiosity. “At first I thought it was a giant catfish,” she says, grinning at the uncanny memory. “Whatever it was, I knew I had to grab it.” She herded the  slippery creature into shallower water until she could capture it. To her surprise, it turned out to be “an enormous monster of a tadpole”—so big she had to hold it with two hands…

Read more: American Scientist

[tractorgoth]

Not to undervalue at all the coolness of this discovery but I feel like the above quote is a valuable supporting evidence of field biologists intrinsically possessing diminished survival instincts and higher numbers of cool scar stories.

‘Whatever it was, I had to grab it.’

Fucking superb, you funky little naturalist.

[gluten-free-pussy]

Lately I’ve been doing this thing where when men give me shit at my job, I choose to instead speak to their wives/girlfriends/female counterpart. I had a dude today try to yell at me and I ignored him and instead spoke in a very level voice to his wife instead. He literally stomped his feet like a fucking toddler and said “stop ignoring me! I’m talking!” And his wife said “George, please use a quieter voice. You’re embarrassing me.”

[afronerdism]

You are a genius and I’m using this

[gluten-free-pussy]

Lol I learned it from my mom. She does this all the time and eventually the guy either sulks off somewhere or adjusts his behaviour and THEN she’ll address him. I did this with my friends puppies when I was training them and it works the same tbh

[jamaicanblackcastoroil]

[ameliaglitter]

Whenever a married couple calls in escalated, I always address whichever one seems the most rational. 9/10 it’s the wife. Usually, the husband gets cut out of the conversation until we’re done.

Memorable quotes:

“She’s explaining it to me now and you were wrong.”

“Honey, stop talking so the nice lady can help us.”

“Why don’t you go have some coffee while Amelia and I figure this out? Hmmmm?”

“I understand it and I will explain it to you later. Let me get this taken care of.”

“I understand, sweetie, can you explain it to my husband real quick? [aside] Now, you listen to this lady and don’t interrupt!”

Calm wives in the face of their overemotional husbands are a customer service lifeline.

[franticchaos]

Reblog to save someone from unnecessary bullshit

[melethninn]

#NAILED ARMITAGE

[klvmstrakur]

I violently hit the reblog button everytime I see this on my dash.

[rise-above-the-grave]

NO ACTUALLY IN AN OLDER VERSION OF THE SILM, THE NAUGLAMIR WAS CALLED THE NAUGLAFRING.

SO THAT IS ACTUALLY IS REALLY OBSCURE. (like I didn’t even know this until just a couple of days ago when I was reading some excerpts from…Lost Tales I think?)

[thejabberwocki]

YEAH IT’S LOST TALES 2, right after the Fall of Gondolin

“But after a while silence fell, and folk murmured ‘Eärendel’, but others said ‘Nay – what of the Nauglafring, the Necklace of the Dwarves.’ ”

[10mb]

Friend: how do you say i love you in german

Me: ich liebe dich

Friend: i also love dick

[doujinshi]

das ist so traurig alexa spiel 99 luftballons

[ted]

Ella Dawson has genital herpes, and she wants to tell you about it. 

She’s not speaking up for the shock value — she’s telling you because she wants all of us to be able to talk about STIs without shame or stigma. When we make it okay to talk about, she says, people are more likely to get tested and less likely to be afraid to share their status. 

In her badass talk at TEDxConnecticut College, Ella tells the story of her diagnosis, how she overcame feeling like “human trash,” and why we need to end the stigma — now. It’s packed with information (and a shot of humor), and if you didn’t already agree with her, you will by the time she’s done.

Watch the full talk or read the transcript here.

(Full disclosure: Ella is TED’s social media manager. This post was written by her boss who is so incredibly proud of how fearlessly she speaks out.)

[tylerct]

OK What the fuck is wrong with this bitch. Getting herpes is most definitely a reflection on a bad decision!!! There is something in this world called condoms!! Oh yeah and they are free at Planned Parenthood so you can’t even use the fucking excuse that they are expensive or your broke so you couldn’t buy any.. Seriously what the fuck I am not saying you have to make it a big deal that you have herpes and have to tell the fucking world but you need/should tell your sexual partner..

[brosandprose]

Hi! That’s me. I’m that bitch. Nothing wrong with me except for an anxiety disorder and a runny nose today.

Here’s a fun fact you should probably know: condoms do not prevent the transmission of herpes. That’s because herpes is transmitted through skin contact, not fluids, and a condom does not cover all of the areas where genital herpes can express itself. Herpes is also often transmitted through oral sex, which most people do not use protection for. Using condoms and dental dams can greatly reduce your risk of getting herpes, but telling people to just use condoms is quite useless advice. I should know—I was a Planned Parenthood volunteer who used condoms religiously when I contracted genital herpes.

Many people do not tell their partners that they have herpes because they do not know they have herpes in the first place. That’s because many people can carry the virus without showing symptoms, and herpes is not tested for in most standard STI tests. But most people have herpes—in fact, according to the World Health Organization, 2 in 3 people in the world have HSV-1, which is the strain of herpes that I have. In all likelihood, you have herpes too. You may have even contracted it from a family member who kissed you on the mouth when you were little. 

I tell all of my partners that I have genital herpes before we have sex because I think they have the right to decide what they want to do with their bodies. I consider it part of obtaining informed consent. My partner who transmitted herpes to me did not give me the option to decide whether or not I wanted to take the risk of contracting the virus, and I think that was probably because he did not know he had the virus. I harbor no ill will towards him for transmitting to me. If he’d disclosed his status to me, I would have fucked him anyway.

Considering the fact that you know that condoms are available for free at Planned Parenthood—and that your tumblr is full of porn GIFs, no judgment!—I hope that you have been tested recently for herpes as well. It requires a blood draw, so if you’ve been peeing in a cup for your STI testing, you don’t know your herpes status. If you test positive for herpes, which you probably will, statistically speaking, I’ve written this guide on what to do after you’ve been diagnosed. I hope you will find it helpful!

Thank you for watching my TEDx talk, which you absolutely made sure to do before calling me a bitch, and have a wonderful evening!

[vaspider]

hot damn that was a beautiful takedown

[foxhounders-deactivated20160813]

ppl who dont even like shakespeare: WOW how DARE you alter the original text these are CLASSICS have you no RESPECT, going around DESECRATING these sacred texts in the name of POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!!!!!!!!!

people who love shakespeare: im going to stage a production of hamlet where all the actors are dogs

[thehero-groundzero]

it’s what he would have wanted 

[shesafunnyshoney]

Okay so the universal law of Shakespeare, as I’ve heard it, is that you can take things out, you can rearrange them, you just cannot add anything in that conflicts with the original texts. So while you cannot have a production of romeo and juliet where the houses get along and they get married, it’s perfectly acceptable to replace all the actors with dogs in hamlet because the characters are never outright stated to not be dogs.

[nerdyblogname]

“The characters are never outright stated not to be dogs”

“It was never a part of their journey” but better.

[pissvortex]

this fucking orc named Skakuga the Taunter has followed me throughout this entire game, literally jumping out of bushes to make fun of me and then running away after throwing a smoke bomb. i killed him and he came back with a peg leg as Skakuga the Unkillable. i hate this fucker

[pissvortex]

this is him and i guarantee you he’s not even dead

[pissvortex]

HE’S NOT DEAD

[pissvortex]

i cut off both of his arms and his leg again if he comes back im going to fucking scream

[pissvortex]

[pissvortex]

THE FINAL BATTLE

WE BOTH GOT BLOWN UP BY THE NAZGUL’S DRAGON

MAY HE REST IN PEACE

[pissvortex]

[orcoftheday]

This post is a Classic so Today’s Orc of the Day is: Stakuga the Taunter/the Unkillable

[animalbody]

depressed kids in the media: I don’t wanna go to therapy! I don’t need help! I’m not some specimen for you to dissect!

me, rollin up to my therapist’s office and collapsing in relief: what is UP my homeboy I fuckin missed you,, hope ur ready to hear some Bull Shit that fuckin happened to me this week

[gay-jesus-probably]

families of depressed kids in media: okay sweetie we’ve researched depression for ten hours straight and signed you up for therapy and re-arranged your school schedule to be less stressful

actual parents of depressed kids: look i get you’re sad but someones gotta do the goddamn dishes stop being lazy get up. why didn’t you go to school today, what’s wrong with you, you’re such a burden on this family.

[kremeroyale]

Therapists in the media: *understanding head tilt*

My real live therapist whom I adore: Natalie, that is the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard.

[nullannddvooiid]

Therapists in Media: Lets do some art therapy and be really quiet while we talk about your feelings :)))))) also I’m prescribing you 500 different medicines

My therapist Brian who I love to death: Jack, I think your first problem is you stay up too late looking at memes, so let’s try taking a nap

[exjwthings]

My real life therapist: Okay, before we start, I found this hilarious video I know you’d love.

[atheistjw]

Therapist in media: serious face the whole time

My therapist: *laughs awkwardly*

[skirris]

therapists in media: refined, cultured, poised, “I’m afraid I haven’t [heard of the nerdy thing their patient just referenced]”

my old therapist derek, from across the reception area, seeing me for the first time after the summer of 2015: HEY DID YOU SEE AGE OF ULTRON?? IT SUCKED, RIGHT???

my current therapist ian, in our very first appointment: do you like star wars? anxiety is like the force, it can consume you, or you can learn to keep it in balance… you’re my padawan now

[mmmm-gross]

Actual things my therapist has told me:

“You’re bassicly a glorified sad lizard.” (It makes sense with context)

“Damn girl you need to get your shit together.”

“Go home and cry. Stop drinking in bathtubs. Eat something that isn’t bleach or memes.”

I’ll add more tomorrow after I see her again.

[infinitebutthurt]

My therapists name is Karen and she has a little print out of that “we can’t all be neurotypical Karen” post on her desk.

Sometimes she prints out shitty memes with positive quotes on them and legitimately forces me to take at least two.

[nicopetty]

my old therapist: oh SHIT wait look at this, i got it off amazon! *reaches into her purse and whips out a fidget spinner* it GLOWS in the DARK.

[galactiicpunk-deactivated202211]

i told my therapist once that i played minecraft on peaceful mode to calm myself down and she told me “you need to try putting your brain on peaceful mode”

[angelwarm]

i hope that one day i will finally be ok….i’ll make a cherry pie when it is all over

[angelwarm]

today is the day

[joshpeck]

reblog the cherry pie to be ok

[verifiedofficial]

[taylortut]

y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen

[taylortut]

i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”

so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)

anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”

and then he said “oh, quick girl!”, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anything 

[patron-saint-of-smart-asses-dea]

You pleased a mad fae trickster

[closet-keys]

to me, one of the weirdest things about our economy right now is the credential inflation 

like my dad got a job as a mechanic when he graduated high school, and he was employed with a high school diploma to a full time job with a union, and had health insurance and benefits. 

at this point, I have graduated from high school, have a Bachelor’s degree, have a Master’s Degree, have two years of experience working in my field, and am a due paying member of multiple professional organizations. And that qualifies me to compete in a two-stage interview process for a part time job that offers no health care. 

[frankendykes-monster-deactivate]

This is what decades of stripping the working class of their rights looks like.

[unified-multiversal-theory]

^^^^^^!!!!!!!

[stained-glass-rose]

When I was in grad school for Library Science, they up and told us that earning the degree would not be enough to guarantee full time work in the field.

Getting a MASTERS DEGREE couldn’t guarantee we wouldn’t have to work out way up from part time positions or work two jobs to make ends meet.

What a load of shit.

[closet-keys]

This is exactly my circumstance and it makes me want to cry

[grandmistress-of-the-greyhunt-d]

I definitely wanted to go back to school to get my MLS but I knew from experience of working in libraries that fully qualified librarians were having to hold down 2+ jobs at different libraries (usually across town or in a completely different town) to make ends meet and these are librarians in their 40s and 50s.

I’m heartbroken bc I can’t pursue the career of my dreams bc I know it won’t land me a full time gig and that stops me from going back to school.

[brimalandro]

i think about this a lot

[dashaibo]

The guy got his life and career destroyed by his divorce, cut him some slack.

[ninja-pyro]

he was also sexually assaulted by a man who could destroy his career

[ima-fuckingt4ble]

protect him

[unlimited-shitpost-works-deacti]

reblog if the man on the right is just as beautiful as the man on the left

[konigstigerr]

people grow old? like, that’s a thing that happens? leave my guy alone.

[rikzpt-deactivated20191229]

This man deserves everything let him he happy

[rikzpt-deactivated20191229]

Ok… This is what happened to Fraser

-His wife ditched him and asked for 900k a year,

-He was sexually assaulted which he said kicked him into a deep depression

-He stated that the stunts from the 3rd Mummy movie completely destroyed his body and he was in and out of the hospital for 7 years even having to get surgery to repair his vocal cords.

-He apparently blamed himself for all this which only worsened his depression.

This man has literally been through hell this past decade so please lets cut him some slack and wish him the best

[black-nata]

Goodbye Christopher Robin (2017)

lmaooo son i choked when this scene came on……… she left the whole house bald…. no clapback like a nanny-who-cares-more-about-a-child-than-its-actual-parents clapback

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

when vampires fuck up they just pretend to be dead for a century and honestly, power move

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

waiter: enjoy your meal

me: you too!

me: …

me: *sleeps until everyone i know is dead*

[ravenlania-blog]

Okay but like I work as a waitress and this is actually a pleasant thing to hear, i’m eating eventually, thank you for wanting me to enjoy my meal too

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this changes everything

[caffeine-or-death]

When I’m at a restaurant I write weird or creepy things on napkins and leave them on the table. Today I wrote “be careful. They’re coming and they know who you are” and left it on the table.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

idk what that has to do with my post but i’m so grateful to you for sharing

[stevecarlsbergofficial]

I used to sell old books and put ridiculous dates on the inner cover with cryptic messages like

“1857~

see you in hell brother dearest

Unfortunately,

Marvin”

[loganisrelatable-blog]

This got real creepy real quick and I love it

[and-we-are-all-dead]

Tell me more, you creepy people.

[wonderlandmoonrose7]

I love writing ominous messages on a piece of paper, ripping it up, than scattering it in public. I don’t know if anyone has actually gotten the messages, but if they did, I hope they’re scared as all hell.

[ethrildragon]

You’re all secret trickster fae and I love you