IYNX

art, magick, and channeling towards healing through the darkness. music tech & illustration student. bit.ly/m/iynx

[diviningiynx]

Through the Years

Distant screaming in my head, ancient years a faded red, tears that would fill the floodplains, through the darkness I remain.

[diviningiynx]

Primordial Mother

My human mother birthed us in order to give us to her cult and traffick us. I loved her deeply as a child and her indifference cut me just as deeply. She took my sibling out of the house during retaliatory events, like when my abuser-father tied me to the bed and beat and raped me for three days when I dared to claim that I was bisexual. She looked the other way my whole life, and often participated actively.

Having young children now, I see with stark clarity how little she cared. The wounded child in me turns to the Primordial Mother. It is Her presence I have felt for much of my life, who has held me in the worst of times, who got me through the darkest years.

[diviningiynx]

Notes on the Crossing

I've been feeling like crawling out of my skin the last couple days. Some trauma anniversaries closer to the surface. Strange to me now that this and worse is how I used to feel all the time, for most of my life. It was only two years ago that I stopped feeling in a constant state of fight-or-flight. I remember when it first eased up I was surprised it was possible to feel something different.

It's funny that in some ways things are at their worst—finances for example—but I am the most free I have ever been. I thought that working and money would be resources to keep my abusers from gaining control of me. However the cult was able to manipulate me through unscrupulous people at my work in leadership positions.

[diviningiynx]

Father of the Abyss (Hymn to Baal)

When searching for inspiration for a song over the course of several days, I repeatedly heard the words "hymn to Baal." This is the result.

Available for streaming on Soundcloud/Bandcamp. https://soundcloud.com/divining_iynx https://iynx.bandcamp.com/

[diviningiynx]

Impasse

I find myself at an interesting impasse. Even as I try to cut ties with certain beings, a part of me finds it difficult to be without them. One such has been heroized in bastardized mythologies wearing different faces, such as that of ancient Sumeria. I hate everything he stands for and has wrought, but I feel a certain twisted sense of acceptance in the "anything goes" attitude he tries to foster in people to trick them into following him. He is everywhere, even in activist circles where he has lured in followers with the promise of power. Yet he is also part of the forces intentionally effecting patriarchy, colonialism, racism, religious oppression, sexual assault, human misery, and more. I hate the sound of his voice, yet a part of me misses its absence. What's true is this. Real freedom does not come from this one. True self and liberty comes with the scary prospect of being responsible for oneself and a sort of loneliness that we human sheep are often unfamiliar with. He loves our fear and toys with it.

Sometimes I think true freedom might be like being lost in space. Nothing around, no one to help you, no one to even hear you. But there are some spirits who are interested in helping humans. And even if not, is it worth it to trade your soul for false security? I have met spirits closer to the liberated self that I long for, and I desire to be like them.

[diviningiynx]

A Reminder

I have not written much about the recent manifestations of historical oppression and atrocities that have recently worsened—namely the genocide in Gaza—or that have been in the media in the past few years. I feel like there are better articulated responses and other voices to be heard. At the same time, for any who read this, this is a reminder not to forget. It has been almost a year.

As I grapple with my own traumatic past and better understand the wrongs of ancient history that have influenced the course of human history, I come to better understand that the roots of patriarchy and colonialism spring from the same multifarious sources and interests in the spirit world. These forces have worked actively for aeons, sometimes in tandem, sometimes in other ways, to serve their self-interests. One thing we can do on a daily basis is to stop feeding those, stop believing their lies.

[diviningiynx]

Dream Spaces

Prompt: draw a childhood hideaway in your silhouette. Dream spaces, my subconscious, other worlds, those were the places I hid as a child.

[diviningiynx]

Bit of an update...

Some changes afoot. I started back at school this summer. This is something I was working on for my pen & ink drawing class. The assignment was to do a portrait. I'm studying music tech and illustration, so I decided to draw a musician I admire. Plus I hear she's playing a show in the area soon.

[diviningiynx]

Seeking the Truth of Circe

I recently read Circe cover to cover. The writing was engaging and made it easy to finish in a day or two.

I had high hopes after reading that this was a feminist take on her story. Ultimately, I think it fell short. It didn't stray far from the patriarchal myths that it drew from. It still stank of hero worship, including of gods and men who have been champions of patriarchy throughout history. In some parts, it read to me how I imagine a romance novel would—so needy, so desperate. Where it tried to give her depth and perspective, it overhumanized Circe in the interest of putting a "feminist" spin on the stories, but lost the true strength of this Goddess in the course of it.

I'd like to read a channeled telling of Circe's story, something that is not based in the twisted mythology written by the patriarchy. If that doesn't exist, I may try to channel some more information about her in the future.

[diviningiynx]

Know Thyselves (Part 2 of 2)

Continued from my previous post, this is a list of parts of self and spirit relations that a person may need to discern while sorting through the different types of voices and interactions one can experience.

Other external sources that can be internalized

Introjects - External people or ways of thinking that have been internalized, often in a personified form. Can be someone the person knows (e.g., parent, abuser) or someone the person knows of (e.g., famous figure). Can be internalized as an alter's personality in some cases (e.g., persecutor alter that has traits of an abuser).

Fictives - Introjects based on fictional sources, such as a character from a movie or book. Can be internalized as an alter's personality in some cases.

Programming - Executable steps, behaviors, thoughts, or actions that are intentionally placed as a program in a person to control them and that can be triggered to run. May be formed in a sequence, or layered with other programs. Can be triggered by certain conditions or actions, by an alter if particular criteria are met, or external stimuli like auditory tones, code words/phrases, or particular types of touch. Often placed by abusers whether as part of an organized cult or not. May be placed by baneful magick to run as part of a hex, or can be programmed by nonhuman beings or spirits. Can take visual or other energetic forms, such as a mass, entity, or implant.

Conditioning - Similar to programming, but introduced through repeated behavior or exposure to form neural pathways and reactions. Can create acceptance, tolerance, and even desire for a state of emotion/being or way of thinking. Can work in complementary ways with programming. Not always done in as intentional and specific a manner as implanted programming. For example, may involve being conditioned to seek out and tolerate abusive behaviors or relationships due to the environment in which a person grew up, but without abusers specifically and intentionally programming the person to do that. On the other hand, can be done with a degree of intention as part of an array of abuse methods, such as lovebombing, gaslighting, or grooming.

External spirit relations

Ancestral spirits - Ancestors can come from this or past lifetimes. Blood or spiritual connections facilitate greater access to communicate and interact with a person. May have useful information or aid with magickal or energetic workings. Depending on the spirit's perspectives and spiritual development, may or may not align with a person's current best interests.

Tulpas - Existing spirits or manifested forms that have been invited to be in some sort of relationship to the person (e.g., friend, romantic partner). May take on or match characteristics projected by the person as desired. May or may not be beneficial.

Intrusive thoughts/voices - Uninvited and often unwelcome thoughts or voices. Distinct from internalized ways of thinking or personal thoughts. May mask as a person's inner thoughts, pose as another known and trusted spirit, seem to come from an external object like a mirror, or be obviously foreign. Can include insults, threats, encouraging self-harm or violence, uncharacteristic racist or sexist thoughts. Can include dictating instructions or overwhelming influence to behave in certain manners (e.g., impulsive sexual acts). May come from harassing or malevolent spirits, or from beings that manipulate the simulated world and have greater access to intrude on people's thoughts. Caution may be required to distinguish these from auditory hallucinations or mental health conditions.

Guiding or channeled thoughts/voices - Communications that may or may not be intentionally channeled from guides or that may take place with other spirits with whom a person intentionally undertakes to communicate. Can take various forms—more formal or casual, depending on a spirit's and the person's preferences and relationship. May take place with spirit guides before or after an overt invitation to work together. Connection can be deepened and strengthened through initiatory work. Often recommended to be done with protection and boundaries in place to ensure the interchange is in line with a person's highest will and good.

Other spirit communications - Communications that may be overheard or be more incidental in nature, such as encounters with ghosts or spirits passing through.

Spirit connections - Connections from current or past lifetimes with spirits that can facilitate access to and influence over a person. May result in the spirit being able to easier locate a person, connect with them in the current lifetime, take from or exchange energy with the person, or have synchronistic interactions with them (e.g., be someone in the person's life if incarnated). May or may not be beneficial. Includes spirit guides, ancestral spirits, others with whom a person has had working or other relationships. Can also include bound spirits that have not been internalized, spirits with whom a person has made deals, spirits that believe the person owes them a debt, spirits who want to use the person for a particular purpose, or spirits with whom there was a strong emotional or sexual connection. If the spirit has harassed the person in the past, may include nonconsensual magick or entry points used to influence and access the person.

Summoned spirits - Spirits whose presence has been called through summoning techniques to exert control over the spirit, sometimes in a slave/master relationship. Often done to invoke a spirit to empower a ritual without freely consensual collaboration. May involve making a deal or committing to some payment with the spirit. Caution or avoidance is recommended, especially with spirits that use this type of interaction to form connections that may be manipulated or to exploit loopholes in the agreement/exchange.

Dream or spirit sex - Direct sexual interactions with spirits in dream states or waking life. May be used to facilitate a boundaried, mutually consensual energy exchange with a trusted spirit or energy (e.g., the Source) for some purpose that is in the person's best interest—and only if the spirit consents to operate in that way and can do so in a balanced manner. Often can be used by individual spirits for energy feeding, forming unhealthy connections, or implanting programming. In waking life, can be experienced through unseen stimuli or take place via masturbation or a sexual encounter with another person. Sometimes these interactions can feel violating if they are not in a person's best interests. However, in either dream or waking states, malevolent spirits often pose as benevolent or ambiguous figures to take advantage of this type of interaction. Sexual practices can be energetically potent, which means a spirit intending harm can draw a lot of energy this way and have larger effects on a person. Caution is advised.

Energetic downloads - Packets of information that may be transferred to a person by spirit guides or other helping spirits without direct communication. May cause the recipient to feel sleepy, enter trance, or need to meditate to better receive the transmission. Often requires some work afterwards to process and integrate the information, such as creating a painting or a piece of writing that seems to flow from this new information source.

Other external relations

Energy exchange and/or feeding - Can happen with humans, other living beings, or spirits, consensually or not. Can take the form of different types of energy. Often consensually done for magick rituals to empower the carrying out of the desired result. May be done in boundaried manners with trusted spirits or energies for revitalization or mutual empowerment. Can happen nonconsensually in "vampiric" or intrusive interactions with humans or nonhuman beings. Can also happen through giving away one's energy without replenishing or holding boundaries. May occur—intentionally or not—in low levels through giving energy or attention to something like a piece of art, daydreaming about a celebrity, or liking a social media post. If done in a way that is not balanced, can result in symptoms of low energy, feeling drained, or energy sickness.

Remote viewing - Can be used by humans to mentally surveil a person and retrieve information about them and what they are doing. Depending on the practitioner, person's protections, and other conditions, may vary in clarity and intensity. May cause the person being viewed to sense or see the remote viewer and their intrusion, especially if the person is sensitive and it was not consented to.

Astral projection, dream walking - Can be used by humans to project a part of their spirit into other spaces, including into a person's vicinity or space. Can include intruding into a person's dream space, especially if the person if not using protection, invites them in intentionally or inadvertently, has an existing connection with the projector, or exits their own dream space and meets outside of it. May happen with or without consent. May be used to gather information, affect a person's surroundings, or have interactions with the person. When this involves energy exchange/feeding or sexual relations, astral presence will make the connection stronger than it otherwise might be.

Hexes, evil eye, love spells, psychic attack - Done intentionally or unintentionally with harmful or controlling effects to a person by another human or spirit. In some cases, such as hexes, may involve ritual workings. Others, such as evil eye or psychic attack, may involve sending strong emotions/intentions and energy. These can result in using/creating connections, hearing or seeing the attacker when they send the intention, or similar experiences.

Distance healing/energy work - Best done with consent or structured in a way that is not intrusive. May involve receiving energy for healing or other purposes from an energy healer and forming a (usually temporary) connection. For example, when the energy is being sent, a person may think of the healer, if they are familiar with each other, or something related to the healer.

(Part 2 of 2)

See my previous post for the rest of the list, or you can reference the full list in the Resources section of the VSSL website:

Parts of Self and Spirit Relations A guide to parts of the self and spirit relations that one may need to discern in coming to "know thyself."

[diviningiynx]

Know Thyselves (Part 1 of 2)

The well-known oracular maxim asks one to "know thyself." But how does one do that when there seem to be millions of parts inside oneself along with all the external voices and spirits that pop up? As part of my healing journey, I have spent years sorting through the cacophony of internal and external voices, thoughts, and influences. I sat down to define some of these parts and relations that may need to be identified, that a person might encounter when trying to figure this all out.

This writing below is based on our accumulated experience, readings and research in psychology, mental health, spirituality, and spirit work, as well as directly channeled while writing. The first two terms, "emotional states" and "ego states," I am borrowing from psychotherapist Antonieta Contreras's article "How Dissociated 'Parts' Are Not the Same as 'Alters.'" Her acknowledgement that there are spiritual, or in her words "paranormal," aspects to the parts that people engage with encouraged me to finally write this list. Inspiration also comes from multiple research articles I've perused that have investigated in a respectful and curious manner the relationships between—and our perspectives on—dissociated identity disorder, schizophrenia, and intentional states of "possession" found in different cultures.

Internal parts of the self

Emotional states - Accumulated emotions that have formed a state that one can enter into under certain conditions and that can be engaged or conversed with.

Ego states - Parts that become frozen due to interrupted or unresolved emotional states that often correspond to a particular age or situation. This includes child parts that are not formed as alters.

Alters - Parts that are split off during extremely traumatic events to deal with the experience of, memory of, or resulting cognition about that event. Can apply to multiple and/or ongoing events. Often play different roles or have varying personalities, characteristics, and/or ages. May interact with the system in various ways, such as co-fronting, switching completely, amnesia, or dormancy. In systems created through ritual abuse especially, may have roles such as turning on particular programming, controlling information sensitive to the abusers, or resetting the system. In some cases there may be different versions of alters or levels, or further splitting.

Fragments - Parts that are not fully split like alters, but may belong to the system or to a particular alter. May be formed to aid in internal self talk or hold strong feelings. Can overlap with emotional states and ego states.

External parts of the self

Higher self - A self that transcends and provides continuity across individual lifetimes in this dimension, from which individual lifetimes emanate. May make decisions for the self in the in-between before a new lifetime is born. May present characteristics of the first or an early lifetime. Often serves as a guide for the person, which may require developing a relationship with the higher self or requesting guidance. Can have varying levels of involvement. Related to but distinct from the true self.

True self - A self that transcends dimensions from which higher selves emanate. Aggregates experiences and lessons across lifetimes and dimensions. Often less directly involved in individual lifetimes.

Past-life selves - Selves from past lifetimes, which may or may not be aligned with the person's current perspectives and values. Some are closer to the surface, such as if they had a large effect on the person's current characteristics or lifetime, or if they were more recent. Some may need to be intentionally called up to be connected with. Can still affect the current lifetime's karmic path and connections to spirits that have persisted across lifetimes. Information about these can be accessed through methods like past-life regression. Can be in various levels of spiritual development. May or may not be beneficial depending on how they align with the person's best interests and current lifetime.

Interdimensional selves - Selves that emanate from the true self and different higher selves in different dimensions. May or may not present as human. May be located further forward or back in relation to our timeline. May be closer to or further removed from the true self than our dimension. Contact with these selves is often rare. May or may not be beneficial to connect with.

Other versions/branches - Individuals that may or may not be within this dimension who have further split off from the main branches of the true and higher selves for various reasons. For example, may be created by the higher or true self with specific characteristics or for a particular purpose/experience.

Internal spirit relations

Embodied spirits - Spirits or deities that are consensually invited to enter and "possess" the body, often for a boundaried period of time. Can range from spirit presence to full body control. Often in the context of ritual for things like healing, communication, workings, or energy exchange. This is best done after initiation by experienced practitioners with well-trusted spirits, preferably with mentorship or training.

Dwelling spirits - Spirits or deities that are embedded in and consensually inhabit the body, parts of the body, and/or the person's inner world on a long-term basis. May have a range of influence. Often for a specific purpose like empowering the carrier to complete certain duties, or providing close long-term guidance while circumventing other interference. This is best done after initiation by experienced practitioners with well-trusted spirits. May require special ritual work to complete. This applies to walk-ins, which are sometimes present from birth.

Possession - Spirits that inhabit the body without consent and/or awareness. May feel like something foreign trying to "take over," distinct from switching with alters. May have a range of influence (e.g., "hand shaking" or involuntary movements, taking over momentarily, full body control, suppressing or ejecting body owner's spirit). May involve haunting or harassing activities. Can sometimes pose as beneficent while feeding or doing things that are not in the body owner's best interest, hence the need for caution when embodying spirits. Can be inadvertently invited in or exacerbated by incautious substance use, ritual work, or deal making. May have various motivations, including feeling that the owner owes them to such a degree.

Trapped spirits - Spirits that exist in the inner world of the person while captive, without the spirit's initial consent. Can have originated from a past life and persist over multiple lifetimes. May have resulted from nonconsensual magick use involving death or ghostly spirits. Includes bound spirits that have been internalized. Not always malevolent or in conflict, but may cause imbalances.

Visiting spirits - Spirits that are temporarily in the inner world of the person, with freedom to come and go, usually with mutual consent and invitation. May have direct access to the inner world. May or may not be beneficial.

(Part 1 of 2)

The rest of the list will be posted separately, or you can reference the full list in the Resources section of the VSSL website:

Parts of Self and Spirit Relations A guide to parts of the self and spirit relations that one may need to discern in coming to "know thyself."

[diviningiynx]

Elementals of the Forest

We greet and honor the Elementals of the Forest. ⚝

[diviningiynx]

Letting Go of Attachments

Strange week.

I found out a young child part of mine was still feeling attached to my father-abuser. It was a time in my life when there was a lot of horror behind the scenes, so I closed my mind to that as much as I could. I spent many nights out of body while abuse was happening from him and others. But that left me vulnerable to his manipulative playacting as the "nice guy." My child's mind hadn't yet understood the machinations that are used by abusers and their networks to cover up reality.

I had to recall and play back for that part of myself times when he showed his true face. The extreme hatred and coldness that he allowed to be revealed when he was raping me and thought I was completely dissociated. The many times and places he did it. The pieces I had put together about a young girl that we knew that had gone missing around that time, and the things I witnessed at that age that I hadn't understood then. Along with the various forms of abuse he inflicted on me and had others inflict on me on a regular basis or as retaliation throughout my childhood.

We did a ritual to release that attachment and process some of those feelings.

Then today I found out that a preteen part of me was still attached to an abusive deity-spirit that has tortured, manipulated, and attacked me throughout past lives and this life. I thought I had worked through those remaining connections after a particularly bad attack a little over a year ago. But the layers keep coming off.

I didn't know how to approach this problem at first. All I could get was that that part of me felt like "he owned me" and had based our identity around this attachment.

I had to take myself back to that time. The rapes were increasing and had reached a new level as I started puberty. There was a fallout with another father in the organization who had abused me since childhood. I had deluded myself into thinking he would take me away from all this, disregarding that he was very much tied into all of it. As the reality that there was no escape came crashing down on me, I felt alone and very, very tired. Daily sexual harassment and molestation at school was increasing and nobody cared. I tried to tell people about being sexually abused and trafficked and nobody cared. My mother-abuser and sibling were fighting constantly, and when my father-abuser was in town, he spent most days behind locked doors for many hours with my sibling. Even things that seemed small, that they had trained me to be used to, like being "forgotten" at school until well into the night, having to find my own way home, not being spoken to on my birthday... I felt like I was disappearing but couldn't actually disappear from the constant abuse.

It made sense that I was grasping for something to anchor to. And that was convenient for this particular abusive spirit.

I had to understand the state we were in at that time and talk to my preteen self. I got her to accept our system as the rightful owner of all parts of ourselves. And that we could anchor in that. This affirmation that our spirit guides shared with us and that we've been using for the past year was helpful:

I am mine and mine alone. I have no authority over me besides that which I consciously choose to willingly acknowledge and accept. I am mine in whole. No part of me belongs to any other than I.

We did another ritual to release this attachment and any desire related to it. Another layer.

[diviningiynx]

Strong Heart Be Mine

Loss occurs throughout our lives in many ways. Sometimes it runs deep. This set is designed as a series of sigils manifested through various symbols and imagery. Let these aid you in strengthening your heart to encompass the pain. Sigils work through sympathetic resonance with your subconscious, and these can help you on your path to healing.

* * *

As I continue to work through processing layers of trauma from this and past lifetimes, I have been feeling deep losses of self, time, and relationships. As my alters have revealed to me in working with them to piece together and make sense of my memories over the years, those I had thought were my "chosen family" in the bleak years of my adolescence actively helped demean me and deliver me to sex trafficking clients on behalf of my abusers. They reported on me to my abusers, resulting in getting institutionalized in what is called the "troubled teen industry," an experience that included abuse, gaslighting, and further harm. Throughout the years, I have put up with sexual harassment that I was conditioned to accept as a norm of daily life from most of the people around me. When I did find fleeting friendship, mostly in animals, they were poisoned or given away.

Recently I was reminded of a dog that I adopted at a pivotal time in my early 20s. I was living further away from my abusers, though still in contact with them and under their influence. I was able to hang on to him until he died of old age. He was one of the only earthly beings with whom I was able to be close in my entire life. He stayed by my side even when he became blind. Losing him was deeply painful, and I have had a hard time mourning him and letting him go. I created this series to help me hold the immense pain I feel from losing him and from the loneliness that I grew up with. These sigils help me feel stronger and calmer, and I can feel them working on my heart center. It is still a process to properly grieve my friend, but these have been helping me to move forward in that.

[diviningiynx]

The Dragon Cometh

"The dragon cometh."

Part of a pivotal channeled message I received four years ago from Hekate that continues to resonate. Now is the time for ancestral connection and healing.

Happy year of the Dragon.

[diviningiynx]

Innervision

These are a part of two series, "Innervision" and "From Within," that I channeled together in my exploration of multiplicity, past lives, and the shadow. Many of us have dark pasts and inner selves within us—pieces of us that hold pain, wisdom, and truth. In order to fully know ourselves and heal, we must hold space for these parts of ourselves.

[diviningiynx]

True Power

These are from a set that I channeled recently for my own journey and to help others. It is envisioned as a series of sigils embodied and digitally performed by the divine energy Yessinia. ♥︎

These are designed to aid you in connecting with your true power within.