tater thot

this is the prime of my life. i'm young, hot, and full of depression  ○  max   ○  18   ○  ♋  ○   fully believes she is the child of satan  ○  dumpster baby  ○   hey, inbox me if you have any commissions/requests  ○   uwu  

[richardmadens-archive]

[thechronicleofshe]

this hurled my wig into the rafters as a kid

[http-danvers-deactivated2021031]

[dykelliewilliams]

juni cortez ran so tony stark could crawl

[foundationaldecay]

juni cortez ran so tony stark could die

[ghost-cassette]

Juni Cortez killed Tony Stark

[omegaverse]

Wouldn’t it be sexy if games were affordable

[itsamepatches]

Something that’s equally sexy: affordable game systems

[dragoon811]

The sexiest: living wages, liveable rent cost, and decent work hours that would allow us to not only purchase game systems but afford us time to play games.

[banoakira]

[oppa-homeless-style]

man i had a dream that magic was discovered in the near future

but it was like. shitty unbalanced fantasy magic. like within a few weeks people had wikis and guides up on how to glitch in immortality potions and time spells. people are just tossing homemade black holes around. i looked on the news and saw some speedrunner made it to the edge of the universe

[oppa-homeless-style]

first of all how dare you assume im literate

[inkskinned]

me: hmm it is a nice day. as i am filled with hubris, i will go outside and sit :)

every bug in the universe at once: crawl?????? for to crawl???????

[jumpingjacktrash]

me who likes bugs a lot: darlings it’s ok to crawl but be careful of get squish

bugs who are very smart: between page of book, i will Homestead

me: i turn page now

bugs: o my folly!

[theinvisiblemonsters]

me who understands how nature works: this is communal space but please do not crawl onto skin i cannot see

bugs: there is sweat in yonder shoulderblades and i must be the one who licks it

me: and i must be the one who slaps the tickles

bugs: alas, i am laid low by the salt!

[yekkes]

Some of you. Very embarrassing. Unlike me who is sexy

[laughconfetti]

this is my favorite line in anything ever

[jaxblade]

Land Before Time motivates a proper diet 🍃🍃🍃

[talkingsoup]

everyone had a phase as a kid where they wanted to eat random leafs off of trees and land before time is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT responsible for this phenomenon

[cryoverkiltmilk]

Both of these responses radiate terrifying energy, but on different wavelengths.

[hetteh-spegetteh]

The kids, on filming IT: We all became best friends and it was the most amazing summer of our lives and we never wanted it to end

Bill Skarsgard, on filming IT: It was fuckin lonely as hell I sat in a tent by myself the whole time and all the crew members were scared of me

[justpennywise]

TFW you just want to have fun and mingle but you get banished to the Pennywise tent for being Pennywise.

[stylingryan]

This is the plot to Wreck it Ralph

[awed-frog]

when you’re trying to write and your last two functioning brain cells start yelling at each other

[lynati]

…I have literally NEVER been called out so hard.

[carnival-phantasm]

The shoulder

[carnival-phantasm]

the articulation of hubris

[carnival-phantasm]

God really went nuts, just said “go wild, you funky little monkeys!” and gave us a spheroid joint that can move in all directions and do  e v e r y t h i n g !~, except stay in its fucking place when hit by a light breeze

[carnival-phantasm]

A fucking mess:

“Looks complicated, how does it work?” It doesn’t

big fan of God, but this was a rookie mistake

[carnival-phantasm]

God: hmm…I’m not sure about this one human joint, can you review it?

Pre-callout Satan: looks great fam 👌

[carnival-phantasm]

buddy, if anyone misused something it was god misusing their power when they elaborated this hot mess of a joint

[navree]

me when i see my favorite male character:

[minipliny]

shoutout to the historical novel i once read set in the 1st century CE in britain about a celtic tribe where the author’s research section was that they crawled inside a barrow on winter solstice, slept in there, and the entire true account came to them in an ancestral dream

[hey-look-a-squirrel]

Can we have an ADHD character with the ability to freeze time because that would be literally the funniest and most epic thing like can you imagine??

“Need more time to finish my assignment? Not to worry!”*time freeze*

“oh no! I can’t find my car keys and I have to be at work in 2 minutes!” *Time freeze*

I mean like they would be unstoppable like I’m sorry ADHD who’s that?

Okay I’m done now resume scrolling 😂

[luseroftheyear]

oh my god but imagine forgetting you froze time asdklfjd

[viktorvektor-deactivated2022062]

or freezing time and the forgetting why

[luseroftheyear]

freezing time, forgetting why, unfreezing it, freezing it again because you thought you remembered, forgetting to unfreeze while you think about what you forgot,

[biirdcat]

Forgetting you have the ability to freeze time until after you miss your opportunity to freeze time

[fangirltothefullest]

I was JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS YOU GUYS

[sinriel]

@techtonicactivity I found it…my quirk….

[techtonicactivity]

OP was so hopeful for this scenario and then reality came crashing down just like the plate you forgot you paused time to catch

[trashboat]

i go absolutely ape shit buck wild when people ask me if i want to run errands with them like Let’s Fucking Go. and my mind absolutely maxes out of dopamine when they ask if i wanna stop for coffee. and if someone took me to the park id go bonkers in funcking yonkers

[trashboat]

i got so high last night that i started ghostwriting for a golden retriever apparently

[penny-anna]

Legolas pretty quickly gets in the habit of venting about his travelling companions in Elvish, so long as Gandalf & Aragorn aren’t in earshot they’ll never know right?

Then about a week into their journey like

Legolas: *in Elvish, for approximately the 20th time* ugh fucking hobbits, so annoying

Frodo: *also in Elvish, deadpan* yeah we’re the worst

Legolas:

[penny-anna]

~*~earlier~*~

Legolas: ugh fucking hobbits

Merry: Frodo what’d he say

Frodo: I’m not sure he speaks a weird dialect but I think he’s insulting us. I should tell him I can understand Elvish

Merry: I mean you could do that but consider

Merry: you can only tell him ONCE

Frodo: Merry. You’re absolutely right. I’ll wait.

[penny-anna]

#legolas’ hick accent vs #frodo’s ‘i learned it out of a book’ accent #FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Legolas: umm well your accent is horrible

Aragorn: *hollering from a distance* HIS ACCENT IS BETTER THAN YOURS LEGOLAS YOU SILVAN HICK

Frodo: :)

[storywonker]

Frodo: Hello. My name is Frodo. I am a Hobbit. How are you?

Legolas: y’alld’ve’ff’ve

Frodo, crying: please I can’t understand what you’r saying

[ramshacklefey]

Ok, but Frodo didn’t just learn out of a book. He learned like… Chaucerian Elvish. So actually:

Frodo: Good morrow to thee, frend. I hope we twain shalle bee moste excellente companions.

Legolas: Wots that mate? ‘Ere, you avin’ a giggle? Fookin’ ‘obbits, I sware.

Aragorn: *laughing too hard to walk*

[reformedkingsmanagent]

@ghostriderofthearagon

[cryptidscrypticcrosswordclub]

dYinGggGggg…

[whetstonefires]

i mean, honestly it’s amazing the Elves had as many languages and dialects as they did, considering Galadriel (for example) is over seven thousand years old.

english would probably have changed less since Chaucer’s time, if a lot of our cultural leaders from the thirteenth century were still alive and running things.

they’ve had like. seven generations since the sun happened, max. frodo’s books are old to him, but outside any very old poetry copied down exactly, the dialect represented in them isn’t likely to be older than the Second Age, wherein Aragorn’s foster-father Elrond started out as a very young adult and grew into himself, and Legolas’ father was born.

so like, three to six thousand years old, maybe, which is probably a drop in the bucket of Elvish history judging by all the ethnic differentiation that had time to develop before Ungoliant came along, even if we can’t really tell because there weren’t years to count, before the Trees were destroyed.

plus a lot of Bilbo’s materials were probably directly from Elrond, whose library dates largely from the Third Age, probably, because he didn’t establish Imladris until after the Last Alliance. and Elrond isn’t the type to intentionally help Bilbo learn the wrong dialect and sound sillier than can be helped, even if everyone was humoring him more than a little.

so Frodo might sound hilariously formal for conversational use (though considering how most Elves use Westron he’s probably safe there) and kind of old-fashioned, but he’s not in any danger of being incomprehensible, because elves live on such a ridiculous timescale.

[whetstonefires]

to over-analyse this awesome and hilarious post even more, legolas’ grandfather was from linguistically stubborn Doriath and their family is actually from a somewhat different, higher-status ethnic background than their subjects.

so depending on how much of a role Thranduil took in his upbringing (and Oropher in his), Legolas may have some weird stilted old-fashioned speaking tics in his Sindarin that reflect a more purely Doriathrin dialect rather than the Doriathrin-influenced Western Sindarin that became the most widely spoken Sindarin long before he was born, or he might have a School Voice from having been taught how to Speak Proper and then lapse into really obscure colloquial Avari dialect when he’s being casual. or both!

considering legolas’ moderately complicated political position, i expect he can code-switch.

…it’s also fairly likely considering the linguistic politics involved that Legolas is reasonably articulate in Sindarin, though with some level of accent, but knows approximately zero Quenya outside of loanwords into Sindarin, and even those he mostly didn’t learn as a kid.

which would be extra hilarious when he and gimli fetch up in Valinor in his little homemade skiff, if the first elves he meets have never been to Middle Earth and they’re just standing there on the beach reduced to miming about what is the short beard person, and who are you, and why.

this is elvish dialects and tolkien, okay. there’s a lot of canon material! he actually initially developed the history of middle-earth specifically to ground the linguistic development of the various Elvish languages!

[bowditch]

Legolas: Alas, verily would I have dispatched thine enemy posthaste, but y’all’d’ve pitched a feckin’ fit.

Aragorn: *eyelid twitching*

[linguisticparadox]

Frodo: *frantically scribbling* Hang on which language are you even speaking right now

Pippin, confused: Is he not speaking Elvish?

Frodo, sarcastically: I dunno, are you speaking Hobbit?

Boromir, who has been lowkey pissed-off at the Hobbits’ weird dialect this whole time: That’s what it sounds like to me.

Merry, who actually knows some shit about Hobbit background: We are actually speaking multiple variants of the Shire dialect of Westron, you ignorant fuck.

Sam, a mere working-class country boy: Honestly y'all could be talkin Dwarvish half the time for all I know.

[sainamoonshine]

Pippin, entering Gondor and speaking to the castle steward: hey yo my man

Boromir, from beyond the grave: j e s u s

[esser-z]

Tolkien would be SO PROUD of this post

[runiaimperii]

It got better

[qirli]

[bulbasaur-propaganda]

Babies!