I laughed. I cried. I WTF'd. And then I reblogged. @eruwenn - Tumblr Blog

Signal boosting someone's plight

A longtime friend of mine is facing homelessness at the end of the month, and having that happen as winter (and Christmas!) is approaching just feels awful

💬 0 🔁 2 ❤️ 1 · Support magicalmillium · Hello friends, I recently lost my job of several years, which has been absolutely devastating for

If you've got anything to chip in, it'd be sorely appreciated!

colemckenzies

you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

ggiornojo

as well u can just add ‘ed’ to any object and it’s sounds like you were really drunk

example: i was absolutely coat hangered last night

colemckenzies

#i was gazeboed mate #i was absolutely baubled

animatedamerican

Meanwhile, “utter” works for the first (e.g., “you utter floorboard”) but somehow “utterly” doesn’t seem to work as well for the second (“I was utterly floorboarded”).

nentuaby

Utterly doesn’t work for drunk because it’s the affix for turning random objects into terms for *shocked*, obviously.

animatedamerican

… huh. I thought that might just be the similarity to “floored”, and yet “I was utterly coat hangered” does seem to convey something similar.

I have to tell you, I am utterly sandwiched at this discovery.

thepioden

Completely makes the phrase mean “super tired”.

“God, it’s been a long week, I am completely coat-hangered.”

derinthescarletpescatarian

Something is

Something is wrong with our language

rooksandravens

Is it a glitch or a feature?

cranberrybogmummy

Feature

s-peak-in-tongue-s

this neat feature is called collocative substitution, and it occurs when certain words are strongly linked to certain context and/or phrases. when you read/hear a pair of words that usually wouldn’t go together, your brain fills in the context with what would normally be inferred, given the originally phrased pairing. thus, finding out that there’s a term for this phenomenon may indeed leave you utterly sandwiched. lesser known or less strongly linked phrases and pairings may not be able to translate substituted words to appropriately fit the inferred context, so you were not utterly floorboarded at the club last night, but rather you were absolutely floorboarded, and as this explanation continues to drag on, you may by the end of it find yourself completely coathangered from read it all.

lizawithazed

I, like all linguists I have met or even heard of, have a deep intricate love-hate relationship with the English Language because of complete and total coathangering like this

ampervadasz

tonysaintborgi

that fucker's not using his turn signal

naamahdarling

Juvenile gazebo migrating to a new farmer's market.

delicious-dream-before-the-storm

When you are a classical musician and the public asks you to play Queen …

francesca-feasts

@hieronymus-bush … although I’m not sure what you’ll think of it 😆

hieronymus-bush

Holy hell. He has amazing technique AND he didn’t just transcribe the piece to piano, he essentially composed classical music (and honestly some neo-classical, lol) based on the melody. Plus, he kind of looks like Freddie.

muchymozzarella

People in the 1800s would've gone apeshit over this in the concert halls

emeraldbirdcollector

Reblogging to watch later...

hussyknee

I think this guy just invented shredding on a piano

blackratbighat

"Why is the song called that" "Oh, that's why"

missy832001

strangelittlestories

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”

fuzzyizmit

theoneofwhomisblue

cidthecoatrack-blog

Y'all, the world is sleeping on what NASA just pulled off with Voyager 1

The probe has been sending gibberish science data back to Earth, and scientists feared it was just the probe finally dying. You know, after working for 50 GODDAMN YEARS and LEAVING THE GODDAMN SOLAR SYSTEM and STILL CHURNING OUT GODDAMN DATA.

So they analyzed the gibberish and realized that in it was a total readout of EVERYTHING ON THE PROBE. Data, the programming, hardware specs and status, everything. They realized that one of the chips was malfunctioning.

So what do you do when your probe is 22 Billion km away and needs a fix? Why, you just REPROGRAM THAT ENTIRE GODDAMN THING. Told it to avoid the bad chip, store the data elsewhere.

Sent the new code on April 18th. Got a response on April 20th - yeah, it's so far away that it took that long just to transmit.

And the probe is working again.

From a programmer's perspective, that may be the most fucking impressive thing I have ever heard.

escuerzoresucitado

radwolf76

beardedmrbean

Not entirely sure what to do with this information

heirtocragflame

Young Sheldon, truly the left pizza with none beef of television

facts-i-just-made-up

After Ea Nasir notoriously failed in the copper business, he went into computers under the name Ea Games, where he received even more angry letters of complaint than before.

astriiformes

Frodo may be Bilbo’s actual adopted nephew, but Merry and Pippin are his younger cousins, and Sam is his old gardener’s son whose family he clearly has a soft spot for and who he taught to read and write, and Gimli is the son of one of his old adventuring friends, and Legolas is, similarly, the son of the Elvenking who named him an elf-friend, and we know Aragorn is canonically his friend as well, who he very possibly could have met as a small child in Rivendell when he passed through, so really, like 7/9 members of the Fellowship are people he can employ weird elderly relative (or the honorary equivalent thereof) energy on if he wants to and I think that’s very powerful.

penny-anna

the fellowship is 7 people who Bilbo Baggins can employ weird elderly relative energy onto PLUS 1 person who can employ weird elderly relative energy onto Bilbo Baggins PLUS Boromir.