I Can't Say This Out Loud.

Blogs, thoughts & musings...

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So I have finished cycle 1 of the 90 day SSS plan and progressed onto Cycle 2; I lost 7 inches allover, which, although not the massive results I would have liked, was still pretty respectable when I considered the fact I'd ended up having two binge days at home plus three weekends at the parents' house. I loved Cycle one for its simplicity and ease; you literally follow the recipes, and you're done. That said, it got pretty repetitive- I got bored of the meals, because there's a limit to how many times you can eat cashew curry in 28 days (I think it was 8, for me, and the last time I didn't finish it!) which is why I think cycle two will suit me far better! It's pick and mix principles, so I pick the meat/ veg/ greens/ side and carb source (on training days!) that I want, and I make something up however I want! I love it! The workouts have increased in intensity, there's a greater challenge to them now that weights have been added in, and my HIIT workouts have been switched up by mixing in Insanity Max:30 again. Oh. And today my abs came back a bit. See above.

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What I learned in Week 1 of the 90 Day SSS plan

For anyone who is considering this plan, I've just completed my first week; I haven't weighed myself or done measurements since the first day so I can't tell you it's an overnight success, but that isn't what this plan is about! This is about teaching you what your body actually needs in terms of nutrition, as opposed to just giving it what you think it needs. So my first lesson, learned just from looking at the 90+ page book of recipes etc? I eat too many carbs. In fact, I imagine almost everybody eats too many carbs. Lesson one was simple; only eat high carb meals after a workout- that's when you need it. I struggled in practice through the week because I'm used to having carbs with almost every meal, but actually, in terms of hunger pangs or cravings, I didn't miss them at all. One meal of carbs, and plenty of them, on workout days, is sufficient. Lesson two; you'll spend a lot of money. There's a reason people buy frozen and processed foods - it's cheaper and more convenient. It's a bit unnerving when your £60 food shop only lasts a week and a half, especially as a student, BUT, I decided to invest in myself and in a lifestyle change, and you can't put a price on that. Lesson three; you better like cooking. Saturday and Sunday were spent prepping like a boss. I love cooking, and I love batch cooking, so it didn't bother me setting aside 3 or 4 hours to sort my food for a week. But if you're not a massive cook and dread the idea of cooking for an extended period of time, even though the meals are super quick and easy, you might struggle. Lesson four; you will eat more than ever. I've never been so full in my life. I thought the carbs would be missed, but I didn't notice. I've never eaten so many greens in my life, but I'm enjoying them. The servings are huge; it's hard to believe you'll lose weight or tone up from eating so much but... Lesson five; you'll feel better. Maybe, like me, you'll sleep better, feel less bloated, notice small changes like your skin not breaking out so much... I can't wait for week 2.

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To summarise the last few days in pictures; meal prep, meal prep, more meal prep and then eating.... So much eating! I haven't finished a single meal in 24 hours; there's just so much of it and I have no idea how I'm going to manage any of the portion sizes! The food is lovely! And it looks lovely! But it is just MASSIVE! I've contacted my support hero to see if this is ultimately necessary because I can't finish all the main let alone all of the greens!!

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The Unsent project

“I sometimes wonder if you have the same problem I do; that nobody I meet, however attractive or funny or lovely they are, can make me see forever the way I saw it with you.“

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90 day SSS Plan

I signed up for this plan yesterday, because my diet has gone tits up in recent weeks and I've eaten too much rubbish and not felt energised to workout. I think my problem is I don't know how much to eat, I probably under eat in the mornings and tend to eat crap in the afternoons after work as my shift breaks make it awkward. I'm looking forward to seeing what my plan comes back with, and also to getting some new recipe ideas as well. I'm planning to document my journey on here; when I first did insanity, tumblr was what kept me motivated in many ways, because I felt disappointed when I couldn't share my workout as I hadn't done it, but also because it meant I could look back and see my struggles and successes when I lost motivation. Tumblr is a wonderful tool; hope it has the same impact this time around. It's really tough to look at my starting images and know where I was 12 months ago (profile pic) so I thought it was time I did something about it. I've heard good things about this plan and having done loads of extra shifts recently -which actually ends up meaning I eat more at home- I don't feel bad spending the money on it, as it's potentially an investment in a long term lifestyle change rather than just a fad dietary adjustment. It was an expensive investment and I did have to break it up into instalments but in reality I think it's a good thing long term. I won't be posting my initial photos just yet, but once my plan is tailored (it takes 5 days) I will put my measurements etc up, and as and when I start to see progress I will upload photos. I'm hoping this will get me back on track with my fitness and healthy eating journey as I've been really struggling lately. Here's hoping the results are as good as they say!

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Instagram: @SolidFitWear

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💜💜💜💜

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Tonight was date night, and it was my turn to cook... He challenged me to 'healthy' as he is training for a fight. Not entirely sure I met the criteria but it sure looks the part! Prosciutto wrapped chicken filled with cherry stuffing, with a bistro salad and roasted vegetables. The way to a mans heart and all that jazz... 😍

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Today I made a rookie mistake and switched up my pre-run routine 2 weeks before race day, on what should have been my final long run before a half-marathon. I was aiming to slog the whole 13 miles for peace of mind that I could... But it turns out what they say is true, and you really shouldn't change what works. Usually 2 hours before a long run, I make a cup of tea; an hour later it's another cuppa and a 2 scoop diet whey protein shake, and that's always done me fine. Today I thought 'oh I fancy porridge' and stuck one scoop of protein in it... Fucking idiot. Stomach upsets, sore legs and a knock to my confidence later... I know what I'll be doing on race day, and it won't be porridge. It also happened to be a lot warmer than it has been, and I didn't take a bottle out with me, meaning that I got to 10 miles and literally couldn't breathe as my mouth was too dry. Feeling like an eejit ... and I didn't even enjoy the porridge! Side note: does anyone else use MyProtein Impact diet whey but absolutely HATE the double chocolate flavour? It tastes like soap. I can only stomach it in banana pancakes or French toast (trust me it's nice!)

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There is something both satisfying and crushing about seeing you treat her better than you treated me. Satisfying, because I know that, when I left because of all the things you never did, I shocked you; you never thought I'd leave, didn't think I meant it... And I know you wanted me to call and change my mind. I know you started running to try and impress me again, and started making an effort to look after yourself... But I never cared what you looked like; I didn't mind that you thought exercise was for schmucks... I just minded that you didn't appreciate me. My time. My effort. My morals. Me. I know you realised you lost something good, and I know that everyone else knew it too. I know your friends told you I was right to end it, and I know your parents thought you did me wrong. And I know that I made the right decision never coming back ... But it's hard to see you stepping up to be the guy I could have loved. Crushing because, even though I could never have stayed with you as you were, I never knew the you that you could have been... That you are now being. And I'm not jealous, exactly; I don't want you back, so much as I just wish I hadn't had to teach you how to treat a girl. I wish you'd known how to love me, before I had to force myself to not love you. I wish I wasn't the girl that broke your heart. But I'm glad you grew from it. I guess that's my saving grace; I broke you, but I made you better. I know she slags me off for hurting you, but we both know I did her a favour; you only realised what you had when you lost it... So don't lose it this time.

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On why I hate afternoon runs.

I love running. Like, running is one of my favourite parts of the day. I actually look forward to running! I like rolling out of bed, throwing my kit on and hitting the road whilst the rest of the world is still sleeping... I like knowing that my body is kicked into gear before breakfast, that I've done my body a favour... So how come some mornings I dupe myself into thinking the afternoon run would be better? Less dark, more energy, greater views... Bollocks. More people watching, more food in your stomach, less energy, less get up and go... I hate afternoon runs. But sometimes my bed is too nice to leave, and I can't find the motivation to move... So I go in the afternoon... And I regret it. I love morning runs.

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Tonight I had chicken sausage and vegetable courgetti tossed in red pesto with spinach! Yummy!

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Treat day after an 11 mile run! Naked Chicken and bacon burger with salad, onions and tomatoes, chips and beans. Sorry, not sorry!

It has been a bit of a cheat week in general but I'll be getting back on it in full force as of tomorrow ☺️

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This was definitely NOT healthy; I really wanted chicken carbonara, like, REALLY badly. But I'm trying to only have pasta based dishes the night before a long run... So this was my cheat day; carbonara sauce with all the disgraceful cheese and cream that goes with it, but I switched the pasta for courgetti and, quite honestly, I didn't notice the difference. I feel adequately guilty about this meal, but I loved it!

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Tonight's menu included ostrich (yes, you read that right, ostrich!) chilli goulash, spinach and rice... I've never been very adventurous with meats before but damn, that was delicious! So pleased with it! Will definitely be adding ostrich to the menu more regularly from now on 😍 Thank you MuscleFood for the exotic meat starter pack; if the other meats are this yummy, I am excited!

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Timing.

It wasn’t the right time for us; not back then. You scared me, and not because you did anything bad, or wrong; you scared me because you were so unbelievably perfect. If I could have written my ideal guy down, I’d have described you; from the way you looked at me like I could do no wrong, down to the colour of your eyes, and the way your hair flicks slightly to one side. You wanted me so much; you put in so much effort to see me, to talk to me, to make me feel special, and it was beyond anything I’d ever known. Isn’t it funny how the thing you’ve always wanted can terrify you? Isn’t it silly that the guy of my dreams was stood in front of me, and rather than hang on to you, I had to run away?

I got a feeling on the day we met; a feeling like I’d met someone special. It was a good feeling - the kind that spreads down into your fingertips and toes, and warms you from the inside out.... The kind of feeling that, if you’re in a good place within yourself, could make you giddy and weak and make you smile for days on end... The kind of feeling that, if you’re in a bad place, does all of that other stuff, but makes you sick to your stomach as well... I wasn’t in the right place for those feelings back then; I didn’t believe I deserved them, or you. It’s ironic, really, that the person who treats you the worst has such an impact on how you receive the person who treats you best... I’d been made to believe I didn’t deserve to be happy for so long, that when happiness hit me in the face I ran from it; ran from you.

So I cut you off; I freaked out. I ran away from the best person I’ve ever met because, honestly, I was in no place to be your girlfriend back then. I wasn’t in the place to be anyone’s girlfriend; I’m not a commitment phobic person, but back then, nothing scared me more than dragging you into my mess.

I never expected to hear from you again; I fully expected to be deleted from your life, and who would have blamed you? But you stayed around, on the edge, the occasional message here, a casual compliment there… And just as I started to think maybe I was ready for something - for someone - like you, I heard you’d met someone. And I was jealous, but I had no right to be… I moved on too, and I dated other guys- had another relationship, was the girlfriend I should have been for you, for a guy that was nothing like you… I missed your texts, your attention, your interest, your genuine care for me. I missed the way you’d compliment me, make me feel beautiful, make me feel like a princess… And all the time I was with him, I was subconsciously thinking that I’d been with the perfect guy once; found myself finally believing that I actually deserved it; to be happy, to be treasured...

And so I ended it. And I was single. And a little while later, I heard you were single, too. And there was the occasional message here, the odd compliment there… But I never believed you’d give me another chance…

I still don’t know why you have; but I’m so glad you did. It’s all about timing; maybe 18 months later, it’s our time. And maybe this time, it’s the right time. Because this time, I’m ready to be your girlfriend.

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3 mile recovery run this morning was worse than the 9.5 miler yesterday; my legs are really feeling it! But I got it done, and I squeezed some weights in this evening, and now I'm off on a date, so if I treat myself to a gluten free brownie, don't judge me!

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Do you vegetti?! I don't even care about the cheese! I absolutely love my spiralizer! This had spiralized carrots and courgettes in and it was just yummy!