A twitter-famous puck bunny (she makes it her whole brand) makes an AMA on Reddit about the hockey players she’s managed to net
PuckBun32 gets asked how she manages to bag them, and the answer is pretty simple: show up to the city they’re playing in and go to the best sports bar (or club) in town wearing the jersey of the player she’s hoping to bag. Redditors in the comments are like, yeah that checks out
But then PuckBun32 gets asked who the most famous player she ever netted is. Her answer was a jaw-dropping “Depends on whether you consider Shane Hollander or Ilya Rozanov the most famous player.” Naturally, this gets hockey Redditors in an absolute uproar. Because Shane Hollander? THEE Shane Hollander???? Details of his sex life are more tightly guarded than the Coca Cola formula!
Redditors spend a minute or two arguing about the logistics of which player, exactly, could be considered the most famous. Fortunately, one clever Redditor gets everyone back on track with a follow-up question: Who was better in bed?
PuckBun32’s reply is faster than expected. “Rozanov was better at fucking, Hollander was better at oral.”
Reddit goes wild. This was not the answer anyone was expecting. Well, everyone was more or less expecting Rozanov to be the better lay, but Shane Hollander better at going down on a woman? One Redditor remarks “I guess that’s why his chirping is so shit. He’s saving that mouth for more important things.” In the days to come, Metros (and Shane Hollander) fan blogs would make that comment go viral
The last thing PuckBun32 gets asked before she concludes the AMA is: Where you wearing their jerseys when you netted them, or were you wearing a different player’s jersey and traded up when you had the opportunity?
PuckBun32’s answer leaves everyone absolutely gobsmacked. “That’s actually a really funny story. When I netted Hollander, it was after a Montreal-Boston game. I was wearing a Rozanov jersey. And when I netted Rozanov, it was also after a Montreal-Boston game, but I was wearing a Hollander jersey that time hoping to run into him for a repeat performance. Not complaining though!”
PuckBun32 says her goodbyes and leaves the forum. After a full minute of silence from the Redditors, someone finally comments “Leave it to Hollander and Rozanov to have a rivalry so intense, they have to fuck each others’ puck bunnies about it.” About 80% of the hockey Redditors run with that theory, the other 20% are very much raising eyebrows at this. Their voices are easily drowned out by the still-present shock of Hollander having a magic tongue.
Screenshots of the AMA spread like wildfire. By the next day, a few more women come out of the woodwork to say that they, too, have experienced the wonders of being eaten out by Shane Hollander. None of them have had experience with Ilya Rozanov (yet), but they make it known that they would be very interested to contribute to the study of who is better in bed. Rozanov responds to a couple of them with a wink emoji, but no promises about anything. He and Hollander are obviously trending for the entirety of the week
After the next Raiders game, Ilya is on press and gets asked to comment on the recent update in the Hollander-Rozanov rivalry. Ilya answers, “Most important thing first: is Rozanov-Hollander. Not Hollander-Rozanov. Best player come first, always. Next import thing: people are forgetting that I am best at stick-handling. This online woman was very honest when she said that. Is right of her to say. I am best with stick, yes. Always have been, always will be.”
Everyone is too busy laughing to notice the vein pulsing along Ilya’s jaw. The sharpness in his eyes. The accent thickening with barely restrained emotion. The few fans who picked up on in would refer to it as seething jealousy. Wow, Rozanov must really hate being shown up by Hollander in bed, huh? The next Metros-Boston game was absolutely brutal. Rozanov was checking Hollander into the boards left and right, to the point where Hollander started checking back as good as he got. Hopeful women (and some men) flooded all the sports bars and cool clubs in the area with Hollander and Rozanov jersey after heated the game was over. Some Metro players were spotted in a couple of locations, a few Raiders players were spotted in others.
Rozanov and Hollander were nowhere to be seen.
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