Hi-de-ho

He/Him, 22, Pansexual, Fat, Latino, Practicing Witch. My post are tagged as #derp talk. DNI if Terf or Map.

[eyelessderp]

I made a blog to help catalog all of the resources I've come across in my time on tumblr

its @piracyiscoolkids if anyone is interested

[vriskarune]

"there's no way toby can wrap all this up in just 2 chapters!"

toby, preparing to drop chapter 6 chapter 1:

[kidzbopdeathgrips]

deltarune fans in 2031 sitting through chapter 6 chapter 5 intermission 25 when they thought the whole thing would be done three years ago:

[complimentaryculler]

[dragongirlsweetie]

i just got shot with a puppy rifle but it didnt hurt me because im not a puppy

[aceynk]

me i just got shot by an elephant gun but im not even an elephant so im ok

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

i just got shot with a 9mm handgun but i'm ok because i am taller than 9mm

[kunosoura]

hi! I'm a 9mm tall puppyphant and i'm excited to be here!

[philcollinsenjoyer]

explained to an 8 year old that once a fruit is ripe you only have so much time until it rots so you have to eat it soon and she said so i'll never be able to keep it perfect like this forever? no and there are about a million pieces of art for you unrelatedly

[kustar-ryumi]

he’s green for an amazing reason

[lostxanadu]

the thing about being bullied for being weird as a kid is that even if you've always embraced being weird your brain is still always looking for the line where it's too much. you can be as proudly and intentionally weird as you want and you can love being weird but your mind is still convinced there's a point where you get too weird and people start treating you like a weird looking bug again. also it feels like you reach that point 500 times a day even if everyone you've spoken to today found you pleasant and likable and even if you're completely alone in your house with nobody looking at you at all.

[dajo42]

the vending machine

you put a coin in the vending machine. the coin is returned to you, but it is curved out of shape. turns out it was a bending machine.

you put the coin back in the vending machine. the coin is returned to you, returned to its original shape. turns out it was a mending machine.

you become frustrated and try to hit the vending machine. before your fist connects, the vending machine wields a shield. turns out it was a defending machine.

you attempt to kick the vending machine in its vulnerable tray area, which is not covered by the shield. you miss, and trip, because the vending machine moves towards the ceiling. turns out it was an ascending machine.

the vending machine feels bad for you and gives you the product you originally wanted to buy. before you can consume it, it takes it back, saying it was only letting you borrow it. turns out it was a lending machine.

“i understand it may be difficult for you to understand,” the vending machine says, “but i’m a very complicated piece of machinery”. turns out it was a condescending machine.

you notice something is off. this machine is not a vending machine you thought it was. you peel off its mask and it was a slightly smaller vending machine the whole time. turns out it was a pretending machine.

the vending machine gets nervous and flees. as soon as it leaves your field of vision, the reality constructed around this joke begins to collapse. the infinite universe begins to fold inwards. for a moment, you can touch everything. for a moment, you can know everything. for a moment, you can see yourself and understand who you were born to be. the moment is over before you can appreciate it and yet it felt like the combined eternities of everyone that has ever experienced time. now, nobody ever will again. the void encompasses you. everything is gone. turns out it was an ending machine.

[cerealssoggies]

another old columbo study

[punchy4real]

LETTING THE DAYS GO BY

[tiktokmuseum]

fake horse adventures

[bogleech]

one horse here is really hogging the brain cell

[theproblematicblogger]

REVEAL YOURSELF

[noodles-07]

the way the person in the back fake kicked at the gray horse took me OUT

[the-haiku-bot]

the way the person

in the back fake kicked at the

gray horse took me OUT

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[calandrinon]

@identifying-horses-in-posts

[identifying-horses-in-posts]

Sure, those are all horses. Don't worry about it.

[mephostophilis]

are non brits aware of count binface.

[mephostophilis]

to give some entirely bizarre context, nigel farage (extreme cunt) has stepped down from his position as MP for clacton (due to a scandal where he received £5 million from a crypto billionaire that could have been laundered) only to run again so that he can prove people like him. and the only person running against him is count binface. who has been a staple of british politics for many years. and now the british press is forced to interview him seriously while he sits there with his binface.

[sacred-portal]

[angelbabyspice]

line his shit up

[jakebakingbaconpancakes]

I love you, Alex

[angstandhappiness]

Interesting

[that-one-support]

No one cared who I was until I put on the cage

[pretentious-ravioli]

[lasagnacaterpillar23]

Koro sensei is so cute omg

HES SO CUTE MY BABY EHEHEHHE I LOVE HIM

[all-pacas]

do you ever find something that is so funny and you want to share it with everyone but it also requires 18 layers of context spanning things like. 90s anime. aviation history. europop. canada. in order to even remotely understand why it is so funny

[all-pacas]

in the late 90s there was an anime called initial d which was all about street racing and drifting. naturally every single drift was played for great drama and excitement.

in 1999, an italian named giancarlo pasquini released a europop song under the alias dave rogers called Deja Vu. this song was picked up as the theme song for the above anime. it in turn became a meme, a shorthand for drifting and Cool Moves as a concept.

in 1983, air canada flight 143, a full sized 767, ran out of fuel halfway to edmonton, alberta. this is not something you want to have happen to a huge airplane. the flight chose to try and make an emergency landing at a nearby decomissioned airforce base (as they were falling fast and could not make it to a proper airport), where they ran into a second problem: they were falling out of the sky at 500 feet per mile, but reached gimli (the base in question) while still too high to safely land. normally a plane would just do a big loop-de-loop to lose altitude, but they had maybe three minutes of airtime left before they hit the ground: not enough time to make any kind of circle. the pilot, therefore, decided to execute a side slip to lose speed and altitude. this is Not a move you want to do with a massive 767, because airplanes are not built for that and if you screw it up that plane is hitting the ground at a high speed at a weird angle and breaking into a million pieces. nevertheless, the captain tried it... and succeeded. the plane landed perfectly, and there were no major injuries! (a couple of people did get minor injuries when evacuating the plane after.) he did it so well, in fact, that the plane was refueled, flown out of gimli a couple days later, and continued to fly for another 20 years with the nickname "Gimli Glider."

what is a side-slip, you ask?

it's drifting.

the guy goddamn drifted his 767.

in 2008, the tv show Mayday: Air Disaster featured the gimli glider with full reenactments as an episode on season five of their show.

and so, in conclusion, the thing i have been giggling to myself about all weekend:

[awkwardexxodus]

oh man the painting on this drawing is insa- fuck do you mean #minecraft build

[awkwardexxodus]

the specific build in question btw

[parchmentengineer]

I looked up some of the artist's other builds and they're all just absolutely incredible