Things that sound fake but actually happen in the first Tarzan novel (1912)
Tarzan grows up in the jungle because the sailors on his parentsâ ship mutiny and maroon them there. Two decades later, the sailors on his cousinâs ship ALSO mutiny and maroon him and Jane in the exact same area where Tarzan happens to live
Heâs raised by apes after his parents die because one of them whoâs been carrying around her own dead baby is moved by the maternal spirit to drop its corpse in Tarzanâs crib and pick up the human baby instead
Tarzan teaches himself how to read and write fluent English by reading his parentsâ old books
He later leaves Jane and co. really passive-aggressive notes telling them that heâs Tarzan and they better not touch his stuff
Tarzan also rescues them from various jungle troubles in person, but he canât communicate with them because he canât speak/understand spoken English
Jane and her friends spend their entire time in the jungle thinking that there are TWO DIFFERENT people who keep saving them: their reclusive host who leaves them salty messages and signs his name Tarzan of the Apes and then that other guy who lives with the apes
Literally they never put two and two together until Tarzan tracks them down in America and tells them he was Tarzan all along
Which he does in French
Because back in the jungle he rescued a French guy who taught him how to speak that language
So Tarzan can read and write English but speaks only French by the time he leaves the jungle
Jane goes back to America while Tarzan is off helping his French friend, and he follows her all the way home just to arrive the day before sheâs gonna marry a rich guy to cover her fatherâs debts. Itâs literally one of those Taylor Swift STOP THE WEDDING tropes, but with this weirdly buff ape man yelling in French instead
Janeâs father has debts because he borrowed a ton of money to charter a ship and follow a pirate treasure map he found, which, logical. Weâve all been there
The sailors on that ship are the ones who mutiny and maroon Jane earlier on, after finding the treasure and deciding they want to keep it for themselves
But Tarzan sees them rebury the chest and he digs it up and takes it with him to America to find Jane. The sailors are later very confused when they go back and find the treasure missing
Meanwhile Tarzanâs friend keeps trying to convince him that heâs the son of those two adult skeletons in his cabin, but Tarzan is all like, nah, Iâm pretty sure that baby ape skeleton in the crib was theirs.
Oh also yeah, Tarzan totally just left all three skeletons lying around until his human friends showed up and were like, boy, youâre nasty
Also Tarzan needs a lot of convincing to believe that his ape foster mom wasnât his birth mother
Like an absurd amount of convincing, really
His friend finally proves it by dragging Tarzan to a fingerprint expert in Europe to compare his prints to the baby ones that his dad fortuitously recorded in his journal just before he died.
The fingerprint proof means heâs actually the heir to his familyâs title and wealth instead of his cousin, but he decides not to tell Jane about it
Because after Tarzan interrupts her wedding plans and gives her the pirate treasure (so that she doesnât have to marry the rich guy), she turns down Tarzanâs own proposal and agrees to marry his cousin instead
And heâs like, alright, and leaves
Truly one of the great love stories of our time
I think she does change her mind and marry him in one of the sequels, but there are literally over two dozen of those that by all accounts are even weirder than this one and I just honestly donât think Iâm ready
Was Edgar Rice Burroughs ok?




















