also here is a whole website that not only has a shit ton of adventures and such but lets you search for any item or npc or whatever and see their stats and info at your fingertips
I legitimately cannot keep up with all the HEATED RIVALRY fic that's been exploding, I feel like I spend just as much time scrolling AO3 as I do actually reading, and it can be overwhelming at times, but it is also the absolute BEST problem to have, yes, shower me with fic that I want to read! Give me all of it! I will save over a thousand fics onto my reader and eventually get through them when things slow down! Best problem, best problem!
So, if you want some recommendations for places to start with fic in amongst all the incredible chaos, here's a bunch more I loved! OKAY, NOW BACK TO CURLING UP IN BED WITH MY READER FOR FOUR HOURS WHILE I DO NOTHING BUT READ AMAZING FIC.
HEATED RIVALRY - NO I WON’T BE CHILL ABOUT THE GAY HOCKEY PLAYERS SHOW:
Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike's Fantasy (Sex?) Hockey League by gimmiekiss, ilya/shane & hayden/jackie & scott & wyatt & vaughn & cast, ~1k
Hayden Pike, known Fantasy Hockey enthusiast, will do whatever it takes to make his league a success. Ilya Rozanov, known menace, will do whatever it takes to piss him off.
Home Ice by smugrobotics, ilya/shane & david/yuna, nsfw, 1.6k
Ilya gets used to living in Ottawa. Yuna and David help.
let it slip by jtimu, ilya/shane & hayden, 2.1k
His mind takes a moment to process what he’s seeing. He’s not the only player down here after all. Shane is here, still in his black sweats, talking in a low, angry voice to—that’s Rozanov, Hayden realizes. Ilya Rozanov with his hand on Shane’s shoulder, shoving him back against the wall.
Messaging: Boston Lily by HollowIsTheWorld, ilya/shane & hayden, 7.2k
So, Shane was maybe-sort-of dating a Boston Raiders fan? Was that why all the secrecy? If Shane was anyone else, Hayden would think it was overkill, but the guy had gone into tailspins over things that would get him less ribbing in the locker room. Still seemed extreme that he wouldn't even admit she existed, but what did Hayden know? It made as much sense as any other theory he'd ever come up with.
The Gilbert Comeau Dossier by nineteenohtwo, ilya/shane & hayden & luca & wyatt & comeau, 2.9k
ESPN ✅ @ESPN Ottawa’s Ilya Rozanov has been fined $5000, the maximum allowable under the CBA, for slashing Montreal’s Gilbert Comeau.
Drunk and Disorderly by FireflyAlchemist, ilya/shane & ocs, 3.9k
In the midst of the Rose breakup, the Raiders win a game in Montreal. Unable to do what he normally does after Montreal games, Ilya goes out to a club, gets super drunk, and ends up getting picked up by Montreal police for public intoxication. Sitting in a holding cell, the only number he can remember is Shane's.
5 Times Ilya Was Confused by a Canadianism by ARustySpork, ilya/shane & hayden & david/yuna & dykstra & cliff, 11.9k
+ 1 time he completely understood
and again there is a silence, what a sound by eemolu, ilya/shane & rose, nsfw, 6.1k
“Invite Rose Landry to the cottage,” Ilya said, like it was no big deal.
The Godfathers by UglyGreenJacket, ilya/shan & hayden/jackie & pike kids, 8.5k
“Where is my baby?” Ilya asks as soon as he opens the door to the Pikes’ SUV when it pulls into the parking lot of Christ Church Cathedral. “Lovely to see you too, Rozanov,” Hayden says as he opens his car door.
Winter Fling by staticsilencee, ilya/shane & oc, 5.6k
Boston's new rookie has the hots for Shane. Ilya does not cope well.
i'll follow where your light goes by cryptkeepher, ilya/shane & hayden & svetlana, suicidal ideation/themes, 5.1k
Ilya calls Shane from the hospital. Shane handles it very normally.
Ilya Rozanov, Noted WAG by eden22, ilya(/shane) & hayden/jackie, 6k
Despite his refusal to let her add him to the WAG group chat, Jackie manages to quickly befriend Shane’s boyfriend. It takes longer for her to understand exactly what that means.
diamonds in the dust by lisa6, ilya/shane & david/yuna & rose, nsfw, 13.2k
In which Yuna and David try to figure out what's going on with their son through the years while trying to be good, supportive, non-overbearing parents.
A Fucking Babe by wilmonstan12345, ilya/shane & troy/harris, nsfw, 5.6k
What if in Role Model, Troy actually asked Ilya for Shane's number?
MORE RECS UNDER THE CUT because I promised no chill about the hockey ding-dongs, but I'll at least spare your dashes.
by any other name by Celira, ilya/shane & rose, 3.5k
Rose has decided she and Ilya shall be friends. maybe. this depends on Ilya's ability to Communicate
death wish by moubrip, ilya/shane & troy/harris & centaurs, 2.9k
“Barrett, your turn. What did you think of Hollander?” Troy must have had more to drink than he thought. Or he makes bad decisions without Harris right next to him. Or he must have a death wish. That has to be the reason why he says what he does: “I thought he was a fucking babe.”
Slut of the Week by Ashes4, ilya/shane & centaurs, 3.1k
The Ottawa Centaurs love having Shane Hollander on their team, really they do. They do however miss someone else getting a chance to be the Slut of the Week every once and a while.
All My Homies Hate the Montreal Voyageurs by lazydisposition, ilya/shane & voyageurs & centaurs, 2.6k
The video leaks on a random Tuesday, halfway through Shane Hollander’s first season with the Ottawa Centaurs. After the relationship and subsequent marriage between infamous rivals and to-be Hall-of-Famers Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov was revealed at the end of the previous season, all eyes were on the Centaurs and their newlyweds.
nothing in this world I wouldn't do by Blue, ilya/shane & hayden/jackie & centaurs, 2.6k
Hayden handled Shane confirming his crazy ass theory well enough to put a look of relief on Shane's face, but he still had to come to terms with it afterward.
A Lily by Any Other Name by V_L2_3, ilya/shane & hayden & rose, 9.1k
Shane decides to come out to Hayden after breaking up with Rose, and Hayden is determined to find out who Lily is.
almost out of the woods (awake and alive) by Ravenesta, ilya/shane & oc, 2.1k
Shane and Ilya speak often, while Ilya is in Moscow for his father's funeral. Tonight, Ilya has company.
Hayden Has A Theory by fishcollective, ilya/shane & hayden/jackie, 3.4k
It’s the fall of 2018. Shane has come out to his team, and the night before a game in Boston Hayden comes to Shane’s hotel room for a movie night. But he’s been thinking, and the math is mathing a bit too well. “No, my theory here is… your Lily, who you are still totally dating, is Ilya Rozanov.”
the things you buy, the secrets i keep by sleepberries, (ilya/)shane & oc, 3.6k
Amélie's work days are usually boring. Sit at the counter, help people find things, process orders. If she's lucky, she'll get great commission when someone shows up to spend money for money's sake. Her only companions her phone and the near constant presence of Shane Hollander's Rolex campaigns. So, boring. Until Shane Hollander walks through the door.
Faceplant by FestiveFerret, ilya/shane, nsfw, 2.3k
Ilya trips during practice and gives himself a bloody nose. Shane can never ever know why.
Ottawa Centaurs - The Mockumentary by LunarMoonstone, ilya/shane & centaurs, 6.4k
'This is what happens when the social media manager for the Ottawa Centaurs just finished rewatching The Office for the 3rd time in 4 months.'
Get the fire out from the wire (I'd share a life and you'd share a life) by LoneswaggingRanger, ilya/shane & david/yuna, 1.5k
While Shane is out talking with his mom about his sexuality and her unquestionable acceptance, Ilya and his father are inside having a heart-to-heart of their own.
Duty of Care by boopboop, ilya/shane & david/yuna, 8k
Shane carefully picks up his mom’s button-up and follows her outside. Leaving David with Rozanov. Ilya.
Breakfast at Scott's by windowlessatmosphere, ilya/shane & scott/kip, 2.8k
Kip blinked. “You’re Ilya Rosanov,” he informed him. “Yes,” he agreed. “You are Scott’s boyfriend, yes?”
The Devil Wears Rosanov by noedovenest, ilya/shane & hayden & cast, 3.9k
Shane accidentally wears Ilya’s shirt into the locker room.
The Group Chat Needs One More to be Perfect by frizzyanya, ilya/shane & hayden/jackie & cast, 3.3k
The WAGs have a group chat. Shane's long term girlfriend has never joined. Jackie is determined to fix that. She's appointed by the WAGs to conduct a secret spy mission.
Good Boy. by An7ious, ilya/shane, NSFW, 2.5k
It was too much. Way too much. Ilya hitting his prostate with such force it felt like Shane was burning inside, as if the praise was helping anything. Shane’s eyes began to water as he hid his face in the crook of Ilya’s neck, back arching as he sobbed into his neck.
Hayden Gets The Message by KarsKars, ilya/shane & hayden/jackie & j.j., 4.9k
Hayden starts to put the pieces together and figures things out much sooner than expected.
can't rush the dawn before it is time by Wretchedheart, ilya/shane & hayden, 3.4k
The Montreal team watch a Hollanov compilation on youtube, for fun, and realize some things.
Every Version Of Us by aether_dreams, ilya/shane, 1.1k
They sat opposite of one another on the giant couch, feet touching, comfortably stretched out after a long day of training. Brow furrowed, Ilya rested one long finger on his pouty bottom lip. The image brought forth memories of their even longer afternoon in bed and all the places that bottom lip visited on Shane’s body. “What is Omegaverse?”
Do You Wanna Know a Secret by mylifeandstory, ilya/shane & hayden(/jackie) & j.j., nsfw, 4.5k
Hayden and Jackie get in a massive fight and after a series of unfortunate events, J.J. sees Shane and Ilya together and thinks it’s Shane and Hayden having a sordid affair. Shane lets him think that. Ilya is not happy.
Dear Future Husband by yearnology, ilya/shane & hayden, 3.8k
Shane Hollander accidentally becomes the internet’s favorite “work wife.” Ilya Rozanov thinks this is the funniest thing that has ever happened and commits to the bit with horrifying sincerit
call me by your name (tell me you love me in private) by Anonymous, ilya/shane, NSFW, 3.1k
ilya gets shane to wear a ROZANOV jersey. that’s it, that’s the fic.
But I hate when I feel like this (and I never hated you) by SatsumaSegments, ilya/shane (& rose), 6k
At the base of Shane Hollander’s throat is a dark red hickey. It’s fresh, no more than a day or two old, stark and striking against his otherwise unblemished skin. Ilya feels possessed.
you can run but you can’t hide by wholewhaet, ilya/shane, 2k
“Hollander.” Shane froze. Uh oh. He slowly turned to look down the hallway. The tall frame of a 6’2” Russian man stood in the doorway of his penthouse suite, face cloaked in shadows. It was at this moment that Shane knew he was fucked. Maybe if he didn’t move, Rosanov wouldn’t see him?
Bruises by whiskis, ilya/shane, NSFW, 2.2k
3 times Ilya took care of Shane’s bruises and 1 time he caused them
A Fucking Babe by ompalompap, ilya/shane & troy, 4k wip
Troy asks Ilya for Shane's number. Ilya does not cope well.
20 Questions by stabthroughme, ilya/shane & j.j. & centaurs, 5.6k
When the Centaurs' plane to Florida loses their engine everyone's fine, except for Ilya who'd been scratched by a broken bottle in all the jostling. Shane hears the news, sees the report of "non-life-threatening injuries" and panics. Somehow, JJ manages to get them both to Florida before the Centaurs' game starts.
The Interview by ticketyboo00, ilya/shane & bears & ocs, 6.7k wip
Several years into Rozanov’s career, ESPN hires a reporter fluent in Russian.
where the hell is my husband? by justhockey, ilya/shane & david/yuna & centaurs, 7.8k
“Yuna, David - my husband just said he doesn’t love me anymore.” “I did not say that,” Shane argues, when he notes the disbelieving expressions on his parents’ faces. “I said we can’t get another dog.” “Exactly,” Ilya wails, throwing his arms up in the air. “Is same thing!”
always only you by whaticameherefor, ilya/shane, 6k
Through the fog, he can see Ilya’s lips moving, but all he can hear is “sex with other men” on repeat over and over and over in his head. Ilya’s lips stop moving and form a concerned pout. The silence fills the room, stark and vast. He feels so far away from Ilya, like there’s a chasm between them now.
ilya rozanov: ragebaiter supreme by hnjsngluvr69, ilya/shane & hayden & scott & rose & centaurs, NSFW, 5.3k
It seems Ilya fucking Rozanov adheres to a daily schedule of tomfoolery. He’s always finding ways to irritate Shane with the stupidest shit. or, Ilya ragebaits Shane as a form of flirting. Somehow it works.
So for those who don’t watch Rendog this season he’s building a magic city with 3 districts based on 3 kinds of magic, and he took audience suggestions for what to name the city and he landed on the city of Trillium which is really funny to me because
i just think that if billy and Steve had gotten to be friends, Steve would be dizzy about how aggressively billy is on his side. Billy’s not good at having friends instead of lackeys and so he’s too honest, too passionate about it. They didn’t even know each other and billy was telling Steve not to worry about finding someone else because he’s so pretty, yes there was a veneer of dickishness about it but that’s just billy.
Billy compliments Steve on his rich boy cologne, his sick keg stand stance, is the first one to notice when he gets highlights. He’s the first person to ever call Steve smart. Once he yells it at Dustin who is leaping into a ridiculous plan to fight the demodogs. Dustin is mad as hell and snipes “you always take his side!” And billy yells “yeah! Because you idiots don’t have his strategic mind, maybe if you listened to his plan we’d be alright!”
Steve says shit like “um, maybe Vecna was a …clockmaker?” And the kids snigger and billy is like “DO WE KNOW THAT HE WASN’T A CLOCKMAKER? You tiny bastards. You know nothing.”
Just insanely on Steve’s side. And Steve is so fucking loyal in return that they’re basically each other’s greatest defenders. No loyal knight/king dynamics here. They’re both insane. Attack dog 4 attack dog.
Eddie leaps out of the boat and jams a knife into Billy’s neck and Steve is already whaling on him with an oar. Mike is whining about how Billy sucks and Steve is like “you don’t get his sense of humour, it’s not his fault you’re not funny.”
Max is complaining about how fast Billy drives and Steve is like “uhh, skate then? Selfish.”
Robin asks him if Billy wears eyeliner and Steve is like “I don’t know, maybe he’s just that beautiful naturally.” But he does know. He’s just not gonna let anyone assume anything, even his kinda fun new coworker. And maybe it makes Robin’s eyebrows raise but she’s not wondering if Billy’s the kind of guy who wears makeup anymore, she’s wondering about Steve, and that’s fine.
okay say what you will about 2012 tumblr fandom culture, but at least we had dedication!!!!! sherlock fans would wait years at a time for three of the worst written episodes of television imaginable, and our enthusiasm never wavered!!!!! if anything, the rabid, self-deluding obsession would only grow with each passing day, like understimulated zoo animals incessantly pacing our cages. kids these days grow tired of the tiktok fandom du jour in a matter of weeks, meanwhile we pulled the concept of “bisexual lighting” out of thin fucking air because we watched nothing but the same eight hours of television for two years!!!!!!! stop searching for your next slick, well produced fandom obsession & hunker down with some absolute dogshit until you lose touch with reality if you want to start feeling alive again!!!!!!
"In the instance an employer makes an illegal request for a photograph as part of a job application, you may submit a complaint to the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission." Successful violation fee collections are paid partially to the one who suffered the violation, which in many cases exceeds a year of work at these shit jobs. There's only two weak points to a corporation, and those are in the budget and in the supply chain. Hit them where it hurts.
I finished the last constellation tonight. All 40 of them are now done! Went through and double checked and every stitch is in place for them and all the beads are in place. Which just leaves the milky way part to do.
Started stitching the Milky Way in. Slowly making progress on it as I am hiding the travelling thread so the back will look nice.
Looks pretty cool and keeps the readability of the other stitches. Very happy with it. Just a thousand or so to do. As they are in a grid roughly every centimetre apart.
Update on the constellation quilt. I have gotten the last Milky Way stitch done now. Which means the quilting part of this project is done. My next step will be to baste the edges down, remove the pattern, trim the quilt square, and lastly attach the binding.
Progress on the constellation quilt has come along quite a lot now. Finished the binding on the quilt over the weekend. I prefer to machine stitch the binding to the front then hand stitch the back side. It gives such a nice finish to the quilt. Took the time to measure it also and it ended up being 72" by 72" (183cm by 183cm).
With that done I could finally start removing the pattern. Which is taking both less time and more time that I thought it would. As it rips really easily so that goes fast, but the tiny corners and removing it under the beads is slow. You can now see the difference in the glow effect with it against the dark front of the quilt instead of the pattern.
Behold the stars of the constellations of the northern sky! I love how this quilt has turned out. It was a lot of fun to work on and the effect is so cool in person. Overall I would estimate it took about 90-100 hours to complete. Give or take 10 hours if you want to count the time I spent custom dying the fabric.
I made sure to get a nice photo of it in daylight. For once I also remembered to get a quilt label on it. The back really shows the difference in readability of the quilting on the ice dyed fabric compared to the solid front. Thank you everyone that has followed this. I am glad you all found joy in it.
Those that are interested, here is the pattern I used by Haptic Lab. I made the large northern hemisphere version, and plan to make the matching southern hemisphere one next year. I also got your back for the less crafty people. Haptic Lab sells finished quilts in this pattern, both as a large quilt and a small one.
oopsie i tripped and spilled my link to archive dot org's downloadable copy of Microsoft office suite for 2007, which features no AI tools and is a powerful word processor that still holds up just fine on windows 10!
It's fascinating how the entire preproduction ATLA series bible was leaked a couple years ago, but no one in the fandom seemed to notice or care, not even the fandom factions which stand to potentially gain from what's in it.
Edit: Here's a wayback machine link to the bible, thanks to @belphegor1982 :
Hiii could you put together a fic rec list for scarian superhero au, please? There's so many of them, I would really appreciate it!
heyy of course nonnie this is my fav au for them <3
❥ hero material by Nine_of_Diamonds [T, 7.7k]
He knows Cuteguy can’t really dislike him; if he did, why would he choose to be his sidekick? From what Scar’s seen of him, Cuteguy would be more than capable of striking out as a solo vigilante.
Void, he’d probably fare well as a hero if he wanted. Hero recruiters would be fawning over his combat skills and flight—and no, Scar is not fighting back a pang of jealousy over that—but instead, he volunteered to be Scar’s right-hand man.
In which Scar is trying his best to be the vigilante Boatem needs—though he might need to work on his situational awareness while he's at it.
❥ hold on when you get love by inevitable_acceptable [N/A, 8.3k]
The Hermit League faces a new villain equipped with a 'Love Ray,' made to force its victim to fall in love with whoever they next see.
Grian is hit with the ray, and the first person he sees is Scar.
❥ rule number one (gotta be the first to run) by Odaigahara [T, 7.7k]
“Scar’s approaching from the left, by the way,” Mumbo said, and Grian’s stomach flipped, crushed-glass nerves cutting into his insides.
He’d been used to struggling to avoid Hawkeye, who popped up whenever Grian least wanted to see him and had always been stupidly hard to shake off, worse once they got to know each other’s patterns, but when it came to Scar– well, but of course Scar would be the same way–.
❥ keep your enemies close (wait, not that close) by Nine_of_Diamonds [G, 12k]
“Grian, when people say ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer,’ that isn’t an invitation to move in with the hero trying to arrest you,” Mumbo sighed.
“Technically, he moved in with me,” he quipped, trying not to think about the dozens of ways his situation could go south.
In which Grian and Scar are roommates secretly playing both sides of the law while unknowingly trying to catch each other, and Mumbo is on the verge of heart failure every time Grian opens his mouth
❥ lodestones by setworldspawn [ongoing, M, 107k+]
Scar saves the city’s most dangerous criminal, makes him his roommate, falls in love with him, and then also saves the world with him. In that order, with various setbacks along the way.
usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed
Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”.
There should be a blog dedicated to theatrical urban legends. Like that opening weekend of Dracula where Dracula (still hungover) vomited all over the audience during the first stage direction that everyone has a friend of a friend that worked on the show and was there.
best story i heard was when a friend of mine saw a show where juliet forgot to bring the dagger out on stage so she just ripped the squib out of her chest and blood squirted everywhere
During a passion play a friend of my brother was supposedly in, one of the roman soldiers who was supposed to stab jesus on the cross and accidentally grabbed the wrong spear- he was supposed to grab one with a fake tip, but instead he grabbed one with an actual metal tip and, well
Jesus screamed “JESUS CHRIST YOU STABBED ME”.
Since that Jesus had to be taken down due to a bad case of stab-itis, the backup Jesus came in, but he weighed significantly less than the original Jesus- which would have been fine, except that at the end the cross was supposed to ascend upwards with Jesus on it, and the weights hadn’t been adjusted.
So Jesus, instead, ROCKETED UP into heaven (or, just, above the stage).
I was in Peter Pan once and one night at a performance, the adhesive holding our Hook’s mustache on was wearing off. It was near the end with a big fight scene and when he got attacked, he let his mustache fall and went “YOU RIPPED MY MUSTACHE OFF!” in a scandalized tone and it added a new note of hilarity to the whole scene (which was supposed to be funny anyway)
My junior year we were doing Romeo and Juliet and after Juliet poisons herself it was supposed to go dark and she’d get off the stage. well the light crew accidentally turned them back on and Juliet who was sitting up slammed back down on the wooden bed with a loud bang. To which my theater teacher says into the com “zombie Juliet” and everyone who heard that had to keep as quiet as possible while our eyes were filling with tears.
i attended my county’s performing arts high school majoring in vocal studies, (mostly geared towards musical theater and opera styles) and once a year we got a field trip to new york (we were in jersey, so it’s not exactly far). we would do one touristy thing, an actor’s workshop with friends of our teachers working in various performing industries in nyc, and then see a show.
my first year doing this, our industry contacts were 1 actor, 1 casting director, and 1 producer to get different aspects of the business, and they all gave us amazing advice and told fantastic stories. the actor in question was Zazu on Broadway’s The Lion King for several years, and told the best story by far.
in The Lion King, there are only two pieces of pre-recorded noise in the whole show. one, when Pumbaa does a MASSIVE fart while fighting the hyenas, and the other being Mufasa saying REMEMBERRRRRR as Simba climbs Pride Rock. the actor told us while struggling not to laugh that, during one night’s performance, someone forgot to flip the tape of these pre-recorded noises.
so, at the end of the show, the great climax where Simba finally accepts his place in the Circle of Life, the heavens parted and-
During a high school production of Beauty and the Beast, where I was assistant costumer and assistant prop master, our director decided that we needed to spice up Gaston’s introduction. You know: in the movie, when Lefou runs in trying to catch the duck/goose that Gaston has just shot out of the sky?
Originally, the actors were going to stroll on stage with our Lefou hauling in the really neat (and real!) taxidermied deer head that we had found in a local thrift store. Now, two days before opening night, our director wants Lefou to run in from off stage and catch a stuffed duck that Gaston has just shot. This, of course, requires two things to work properly as a scene: a gunshot noise, and a stuffed duck.
The gunshot noise, we had covered. Blue-collar, redneck school? Guns a plenty to record. The stuffed duck? Harder than you might have thought to obtain.
Three hunting stores, two taxidermists, and one Pet Supply Store ™, I’d finally found a semi-realistic pheasant squeaky toy. What follows is an account of the ways this dog toy managed to be the nightmare prop of the six show run.
Opening Night: The stagehand, who was supposed to drop the bird from the ceiling catwalk, missed his cue and didn’t drop the it. Lefou’s actor rolls with it and does an excellent job of looking around foolishly before getting cuffed upside the head by Gaston. The stagehand then drops the bird squarely on Gaston’s head. Cue laughter.
Saturday Matinee: Different stagehand throws the bird instead of dropping it and beans Lefou directly in the face with the prop. Lefou falls over. Cue laughter.
Saturday Night: Bird is missing during curtain call. Director hauls the deer head down from it’s place on the tavern wall and tells Gaston and Lefou to revert to the old blocking i.e. no gunshot, no bird, just walk in with trophy. During Gaston and Lefou’s conversation, gun shot sound goes off and a stagehand throws the bird onto the stage…from the wrong side of the stage. Lefou and Gaston stare at it in awkward silence for a solid thirty seconds before Lefou makes off-script, subtle joke about Gaston’s gun going off late instead of early. Cue adults in the audience laughing.
Sunday Matinee: Director begs the stagehands to get the cue right at least once. Gunshot and bird prop go off without a hitch. Lefou accidentally catches the prop when it falls from the catwalk. He’s so startled that he caught it that Gaston runs right in to him. They drop both the gun and the bird props, and grab the wrong prop in their scramble. Gaston spends the rest of the scene gesturing dramatically with a stuffed pheasant, instead of a gun.
Sunday Night: Director is fed up with bird prop, decides that Lefou should just carry bird prop in after gunshot happens off stage. Lefou accidentally squeezes the prop during the intro conversation, startling both actors into silence with the squeaky toy noise - apparently, neither of them realized it was a dog toy.
Monday Elementary School Show: Lefou walks on stage with the bird. Accidentally drops the prop during conversation with Gaston. Gaston doesn’t notice the dropped prop and steps on it. Cue depressingly sad squeaky toy noise. Cue ten years olds laughing.
I was in Twelfth Night during high school and we were lucky enough to have identical twin girls playing Viola and Sebastian. Due to the blocking in the first half of the play, their characters didn’t appear on stage together but rather almost consecutively one after the other for a majority of the first act.
It was awesome because when people saw the play and didn’t know the girls were identical twins, it literally looked like it was one actor doing multiple, uber fast costume changes.
One of our first performances was for our peers and it was a big school so lots of people didn’t know the twins. This - for some reason - was also the performance they chose to record.
Listening to the confusion of the audience during the playback was fantastic and completely topped by the moment Viola walked off stage left just as Sebastian walked on stage right and someone right beside the camera goes “OH WHAT THE FUCK” so loudly it drowned out everything else.
The best thing? That was the copy of the play that was made available for purchase by family and parents. Haha.
Oh my god. I went to one of the Spiderman shows where he flew out above the audience and then got stuck and had to awkwardly hang there for about 10 minutes, but these stories are brilliant.
okay so, my senior year of high school and I’m part of the stage crew for Peter Pan. There’s a scene where Hook and Smee are searching for Peter and the Lost Boys. Now the theater department at my high school isn’t very well funded (in the southern USA, football is king), so the sets we managed to make were pretty kickass for the money we had. We had a structure painted like a big tree stump for the entrance to the Lost Boys’ hideout. You could climb to the top of it, but also go inside it through a trap door that we kept locked up during most of the play.
It’s like our third show and everything has been going surprisingly well. Hook and Smee climb to the top of the “tree trunk”, supposedly looking for Peter and not knowing they’re standing above his hiding spot the whole time.
Turns out someone didn’t close the trapdoor properly, because the second Hook steps on it, he plunges through the thing. He’s able to catch himself, but he’s got his ass and one leg dangling through this hole where it’s like a ten foot drop to the ground. All of us stage crew are literally two feet away from him offstage, just gaping at him because???? Y'all this fall looked BAD. Looked like my dude did the splits in mid air. The whiplash caused his fucking wig to come off. The audience is dead silent, all of us backstage are dead silent, the director is like already looking up how to treat a broken groin.
The kid who was playing Hook was like a fuckin sophomore and he KILLED it. He gave himself a second to catch his breath, never broke character, just looked up at his castmate and growled “Smee, you fool, help me up!”. He ended up playing off the wig thing as an embarrassing comedic bit for Hook, and the play went on. He was completely fine. It was the best thing I’d ever seen.
There was an infamous performance of the opera Don Giovanni where in the last act Giovanni was suppose to be dragged into hell via trapdoor but the overweight actor got stuck, leading someone from the audience to shout: “Hey everyone, Hell’s full!!”
I was a costumer on a stage version of Titanic, and in the scene where the women and children are getting in the lifeboats, one of the men (who was supposed to be saying goodbye to his wife he knows he will never see again because his is about to die), realized his fake mustache was falling off and instead of playing it cool… he rips it off his face, and hands it to his wife with the line “Something to remember me by”…it was the funniest thing that I have ever seen in my 8 years in theatre, the entire cast lost their shit laughing at the most dramatic moment possible
genuinely wild to me when I go to someone's house and we watch TV or listen to music or something and there are ads. I haven't seen an ad in my home since 2005. what do you mean you haven't set up multiple layers of digital infrastructure to banish corporate messaging to oblivion before it manifests? listen, this is important. this is the 21st century version of carving sigils on the wall to deny entry to demons or wearing bells to ward off the Unseelie. come on give me your router admin password and I'll show you how to cast a protective spell of Get Thee Tae Fuck, Capital
Okay, here we go! I'm gonna try and put this in order from least to most technical knowledge required. I'm not responsible if you accidentally create SkyNet etc.
Level 1: browser extensions
This one is basically impossible to get wrong, or at least to get wrong badly enough that it causes any problems.
Get Firefox, or a Firefox fork like Waterfox. If you use a fork, make sure it's one that will let you use add-ons. On a PC, pretty much any Firefox fork will take add-ons, but on mobile devices, many don't. Iceraven is one that does.
Get the add-ons uBlock Origin, YouTube Sponsorblock (if you use YouTube), and FBCleaner (if you use Facebook).
uBlock Origin comes with a built-in list of filters to block ads and trackers, but you can add your own filters to block any specific element of a website you don't like. You know those goddamn floating frames on fandom.com sites that block half the screen? Now you can zap 'em.
Sponsorblock uses crowdsourced timestamps to automatically skip sponsor spots and self-promotion in YouTube videos. Never listen to anyone say "hit like and subscribe" or "Raid Shadow Legends" again.
FBCleaner hides all content from your feed except posts from people, groups, and pages you've actually chosen to follow.
Level 2: leaving enshittified services
The software that's become standard over the years in a lot of fields is steadily selling more of your data, showing you more ads, and pushing you to buy more expensive subscriptions. Time to tell them to get fucked.
Dump Adobe apps for Affinity or Krita. Drop Microsoft for LibreOffice. Change your default search engine from Google to DuckDuckGo or Qwant. Use OpenStreetMaps instead of Google or Apple Maps.
Level 3: network-level DNS fuckery
DNS, or Domain Name Service, is the thing that tells your computer where www.website.com is actually located. By hacking your network's DNS you can force it to tell your devices that ad-hosting domains don't exist at all. Some of the steps on this one can get pretty technical, but because you're doing all the difficult stuff on a dedicated device, you can't really fuck up anything that seriously.
Get yourself a Raspberry Pi (a cheap older one like a model 3B will work just fine for this purpose), and follow a guide like this one to get it set up running AdGuard Home. AdGuard, like uBlock, has built-in filter lists, but you can also add your own if there are specific domains you want to block.
Once it's up and running, you'll need to change the DNS settings on your router to point to your AdGuard service. This is different for every router but will always start with logging into the admin panel with a password printed on a little sticker somewhere on the router.
With that done, every time a device on your home network looks for ads.website.com, it'll get back a message that says "sorry, can't find it", so it won't be able to load any ads.
Level 4: Android-specific DNS fuckery
Because AdGuard runs on your home network, it can't block ads on your phone when you're away from home - and what's worse, your phone will sometimes remember the addresses it got when you were out and about, and ads will get past your AdGuard wall even when you're home.
To avoid this, get AdAway for DNS-based ad-blocking directly on your phone. The easy, but less seamless, way of using AdAway is the "local VPN mode", which doesn't require you to do any mucking about with your phone's operating system.
Level 5: automated media piracy
The best way to stop seeing ads on all your streaming services is to stop using streaming services. There are loads of ways to do this, but the best ones involve setting up what's called an "arr stack" (Google that for setup guides) along with nzbget and a usenet account. Most of the time you'll want to set this stuff up on a dedicated device - an old laptop gathering dust in the closet is a great option, or you can grab something used from a charity shop or a local electronics recycler.
The great thing about usenet is that unlike with torrents, you don't have to do any sharing from your computer, so you're in a lot less legal jeopardy - legally speaking, distributing pirated content is waaayyy more serious than accessing it. I pay about £3 a month for a secure, high-bandwidth usenet service.
Once you start getting your own collection of media on your own computer, use the open-source media library manager Jellyfin to browse and play things from basically any device.
Oh, and don't be a dick. Pirate all you want from big corporations, but please pay independent small-time creators for their work.
Level 6: fucking with Android
Android phones are a lot more locked-down than they used to be, but depending on the device you own you can still do a lot of messing around under the hood. Note that if you get something wrong while doing this, there is always the possibility that it will turn your device into a paperweight.
Before you buy a device, check where it sits on the Bootloader Unlock Wall of Shame. Once you've bought it, check the xda-developer forums for guides on how to unlock it and "root" it (gain admin access) with Magisk.
Once Magisk is installed, you can add modules to do all sorts of cool stuff, including using AdAway in "root mode" which makes it basically invisible.
You can also install YouTube ReVanced, which will do all the ad- and sponsor blocking stuff we took care of in your Windows browser a few paragraphs ago. Be careful: there are a lot of fake sites out there pretending they're associated with the ReVanced project which might be injecting malware into their downloads. This Reddit post has the official instructions and links.
Also, try out the modded version of Facebook from APKmoddone, which will block most of the same shit as the FBcleaner add-on from earlier. There's always a possibility that modified apps like this are doing something dodgy, but I've never had any issues with this one personally.
Level 7: fucking with Windows
This one is scary because it can seriously fuck up your shit if something goes wrong, but some really cool people have actually made it very simple to strip all the bloat, ads, and spyware out of Windows. The tool I use is ReviOS. Start reading at https://www.revi.cc/docs. Basically, you'll need to download a tool called AME Wizard and the ReviOS "playbook" that tells AME what to do. Read the documentation before you do any of this.
Level 8: switching to Linux
I'm not going to pretend this is an option for everyone. Half the software I use on a weekly basis isn't available on Linux. But if you can switch? Do it. These days, Ubuntu - one of the most popular flavours of Linux - is built with people switching from Windows in mind, and a lot of things will be pretty intuitive. It also has great documentation and a huge community you can go to for help if you're confused about stuff.
And that, friends, is a comprehensive approach to banishing the demons of capitalism from your home!
