during a quiet night at the station harry turns to ravi and says 'hey rav, fuck marry kill, chim, eddie or buck?'
'obviously kill buck-' 'oh yeah, obviously' (buck, lifting his head up from where he's sprawled in a recliner: hey.) '-fuck eddie, I've got eyes. marry chim for the sweet captain privileges.'
(eddie, from the other recliner, without lifting his head: nice.)
'hey cap,' harry hollers, 'fuck marry kill, ravi, eddie or buck?'
'I'm pretty sure this is a HR violation,' says chim from where he's doing admin at the dining table. 'but uhhh. buck, I'm sorry, you're my brother and I love you, but I can’t. I've gotta kill you-'
(What the fuck?? says buck)
'transfer ravi to another house and then fuck him, I guess. eddie, I'll marry you.'
(yeah ok says eddie around a big yawn)
chim says, 'hen, you're exempt, lesbian card in play.' (thank you lord says hen without looking up from the book she's reading.) 'harry, you're exempt because I need to be able to look your mom in the eyes'
(And because he's, what? twelve? mutters buck.
Im eighteen and three quarters, hisses harry.
Spoken like a true 12 year old)
'buckaroo, fuck marry kill, eddie, ravi or-'
'I'm killing ravi.'
'ah, ah, let me finish! eddie, ravi or your truly.'
'kill ravi. then uh. Uh.' buck clears his throat. (hen lowers her book.) 'I'm uh, I'll marry chim, he, you know, I already know he's a good husband. a-and jee and nash are already buckley hans, so that's. convenient.'
'and you'll fuck eddie,' hen concludes, placidly.
'as a friend.'
'you don't want to marry me?' eddie says, sounding a little hurt.
'I - it's not that I don't want to marry you, I just really don't wanna fuck chim or ravi.'
'so you do want to fuck eddie,' ravi says.
'you said you'd fuck eddie!'
'well duh. I mean, i'm straight but look at him.'
'I'm always looking at him!!!'
an awkward silence. harry, deeply confused, whispers 'what is happening?'
'it's my turn,' says eddie, 'kill ravi. fuck chim, as a friend. marry buck.'
p.s. buck's immediate, unvoiced reaction is, of course, 'eddie doesn't want to fuck me?' but then the tones go off and save him from having to examine that thought any further



















