Cute, fun, and wearing an octopus for a hat

30s. Nonbinary (they/she). Travels, concerts, nerds out, cares too dang much. Critics say: like a five year old and a faerie conspired. Main/reblogs here, stuff I make and do on @battlecrazed-axe-mage! Icon by @basiliomagnus

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I need to admit something to the US Tumblrinas. Philadelphia isn't a place to me. It's a cream cheese. You say "philadelphia" or "philly" and I immediately, and exclusively, think of the cream cheese. "Twelve people die in Philadelphia disaster" wow that must've been a Molasses Flood style event

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

No I trust the Americans, the cheese lovers, and the fans of the molasses flood to find this one on their own.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#PHILADELPHIA DIDN'T EVEN INVENT CREAM CHEESE#IT WAS INVENGED IN CHESTER NEW YORK 4 HOURS SOUTH#*starts being dragged away by Philadelphians* YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME

Not gonna lie I always just assumed cream cheese was hundreds if not thousands of years older than the USA. That's way too late to be creating new textures of dairy.

[jantesika]

'Around 1873, William A. Lawrence, a dairyman in Chester, New York, was the first to mass produce an unripened fresh cheese known generically as cream cheese'

what the fuck. that is far too recent.

1873. that's less than 200 years ago.

[crimsolyn]

I think the purest form of love is just wanting someone to notice life with you. "taste this. look at that. hear this song." again and again. until you can't imagine noticing life without them.

[napoleononthebellerophon]

the amount of lawsuits these exploited children are going to be filing 20 years from now is going to be crazy and im all for it

[kaity--did]

Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.

I know there is a lot of discourse (tm) around this right now but listen to me

sometimes you do just have to lie to children.

[kaity--did]

If, when my toddler is, you know, toddling around saying “mama? Big ball?”

If I were lean down and say “unfortunately the big beach ball for some reason fills you with such an unadulterated rage that is beyond human comprehension that you scream until you pass out, so mama had to remove the beach ball from the premises until you can better regulate your emotions” she would simply stare at me like I had 3 heads full of equal betrayal.

So, for now, instead “big ball went night night!”

[kaity--did]

Please understand when I say “removed the ball from the premises” I mean I popped it in a fit of exhausted confusion. I murdered the beach ball.

See I’ve lied to you all too and it was better this way.

[inkloom]

you can’t just leave this in the tags etc.

[kaity--did]

You can’t be funnier then me on my own posts, I’m in tears from laughter

[sashayed]

but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually

[sashayed]

still not on mount everest this morning 😌 alhamdulillah

[byjove]

suspicious…

[byjove]

there are apparently a lot of mushrooms that are poisonous to some people and edible for others. unlike food allergies, it’s not an allergic immune reaction, it’s mushroom poisoning but only for some people

[byjove]

edibility is FAFO

[aesthetics-over-ethics]

Mmm yummyyyy (taking poison damage)

[byjove]

edibility is “delicious but maybe not worth it”

[bisexualhunterbiden]

Something that annoys me is the constant whining about "more queer spaces, more queer communities" but then they're immediately like "yeah! And we need ones that don't cost money or require a purchase!"

Girl that's exactly why they close down after a year. You NEED money to keep these places open. There's no magic Gay Money Pot with endless cash to keep these places open. It requires YOU to put your money where your values are!!

[bisexualhunterbiden]

Like there was a queer coffee shop in my city. Owned and operated by a bunch of LGBT people. Not a cishet on the schedule. Tons of young people raved about it.

And it made it about 2 years before shutting down completely. Because all those young people who begged for a place exactly like this would just show up, not buy a single thing, and leave. You cannot build a community without putting your money into it. This isn't about capitalism, this is just reality. You can't open a restaurant where no one buys your food. You can't have a gay bar that only serves 5% of the population and actively excludes everyone else. This is what I mean when I say people confuse "community" and "friend group." You're not obligated to spend money when hanging out with your friend group. But if you want a lasting community centered space, you need to open up that wallet.

[tamber-tales]

My friend sent me something that I am unashamedly stealing to show you all

[flowercrownsylveon]

[tamber-tales]

My friend sent me something that I am unashamedly stealing to show you all

[fictionadventurer]

Reading old books gets an extra layer of fun when you start to piece together how all these historical eras run together. The heroes of one era become the stodgy out-of-touch parents of the next. 1920s Bright Young Things are calling people "Victorians" in an "okay, Boomer" way. Victorian novels have Regency rakes hanging around like old hippies. Regency novels have old Georgians who still powder their hair. It's just fun to see the mixing of generations, the mix of old and new, because history's not neat little boxes, it's life all jumbled together.

[jabbage]

I can't get enough of middle aged people in the 1930s speaking nostalgically about their youths in "The Nineties"

[vulturevanity]

hate what people did to the dead dove tag

[vulturevanity]

mothers and fuckers of the jury. "Dead dove: do not eat" is a label on a bag in the fridge. It means "the content of this bag is exactly what is labeled". It does not mean "trigger warning uhhh something". In fact, it means the exact opposite of "trigger warning uhhh something", because you use it with other tags. You write a fucked up fic with extreme violence and gore, you tag it as "extreme violence", "gore" and you tag it with "dead dove: do not eat". You write a fic with emotional abuse, gaslighting and manipulation, you tag it with "emotional abuse", "gaslighting" and "dead dove: do not eat". You write a fic with your extremely niche kink that appeals to like 3 other people and may skeeve out the rest of the fandom, you tag that with your kink and "dead dove: do not eat". It's so people know you really mean the content warnings.

It's NOT a catch-all term for "uhhh this may be fucked idk". TAG YOUR SHIT GENEROUSLY.

[veryberryskye]

yeah i like to give my blessing to the most pathetic looking weak little knight at the tournament. she can’t even look me in the eye when i give her my flower and she stutters out that she’ll do her best or something of the like. i think its funny when she has to cry and beg my forgiveness and i get to say “such a shame, i suppose my hand in marriage will have to go to someone else…” and then i get to hear her whimper like a dog. ive done this like 6 times alrea-

did she just win.

[the-stew-goblin]

I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!

[veryberryskye]

wait wait wait stew goblin wait

[peachdelta]

get ready for the wedding

[kitsuneharmony]

one year into the marriage

[bogleech]

Why are there just blobs of fake rubber meat that a bunch of unrelated microbes can build in the dirt but they've only ever been found in china and can't be classified any further than "biological objects"

[bogleech]

[beemovieerotica]

watching fantasy/sci-fi shows from the 80's and 90's is so healing for your brain actually..........

i see people trying to hype them up too by showing off really impressive practical effects for the time, and sure, that's nice. but I unironically love seeing very obvious foam boulders bounce off people, and wooden swords clash, and bright flashes of light from "laser guns"... and it is so much better than 90% of shit today, and you know why?

key fucking difference: they inhabit it. everyone on screen is putting their entire soul into it. and I think people forget that tv is at its very essence theater, you tune in and suspend your disbelief, and you are always aware you are watching a story. if you go to a play and see someone stabbed with a very obvious fake knife, it doesn't fucking matter, does it?

because everyone's forgot that you're not there to see how good of a real-looking fake knife somebody can make, you're there to see people who can make you believe in the emotional truth of a story.

xena warrior princess is superior to every single marvel movie that has ever been made for the key fact that i can watch two actors struggling in "quicksand" which is very obviously just dirt that they were buried in up to their chests, but they are SCREAMING, wailing, crying: they are selling it and I am there for them ---

no marvel movie will ever achieve emotional truth as long as their direction goes: "Alright. So you're trapped in [redacted] next to [redacted], and you feel very [redacted]. And, action!"

[girlnephew]

like the idea of unnaturally aged cheese. making my gouda old using dread magics forbidden by the college of sorcery

[abalidoth]

this cheese was aged by sending it to the beach that makes you old

[thegenderdruid]

it's truly insane how much more functional society would be and how much happier everyone would be if every job was perpetually 10% overstaffed (and people who weren't needed could chill and rotate in when needed while still getting paid) instead of 10-50% understaffed but that wouldn't be 'efficient' (in the short term, for shareholders) so fuck everyone I guess

[victusinveritas]

[jackhawksmoor]

[weaselle]

"adventurers are actually more scared of you than you are of them"

"he's literally just doing what an adventurer is supposed to do"

"do you think they think of us as Giant Adventurers?"

"do you know how many other creatures would be infesting our cave if there were no adventurers?"

"how would you like it if you were bumbling along on your little adventurer day, and some giant dragon thing squished you for the crime of being yourself?"

"y'know, so many dragons are grossed out by them, but i think they're fascinating! Did you know some adventurers form symbiotic relationships with small monsters? Some of them even do a simplified form of spellcraft! Like, with actual magic and everything!"

[mercaius]

"Of course they are swarming your cave, you dolt! You captured a juvenile queen and took it home with you, what did you expect!?"