Snail's Snippets

Exactly the kind of stupid you'd expect from picking a random tumblr blog.

[correctopinionhaver]

[mercaius]

Me: "Hey is this snake poisonous?"

Zookeeper: "No. But it is a choking hazard."

Me, mouth already full of snakes: "Mmmf MMRM!?!"

[valdevia]

Help! My dog keeps hunting these little animals in my yard. I don't know if this is an endangered species. Anyone has tips on how to stop dogs from doing this?

[thewitheringgnome]

WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP POSTING GORE?!?!? I'M GOING TO BE SICK!!! THANK GOODNESS MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE WORKS FULL TIME KILLING THE FOUL HOUNDS OF HER KIND OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE BEEN TURNED TO POWDER BY NOW.

[valdevia]

help i got stuck in gnome tumblr again

[garden-gno-thanks]

get the fuck out of our Tumblr???? that guy was my barber 😭

[valdevia]

I'm scared guys someone get me out of the gnome internet

[mercaius]

valdevia right now:

[rosegardeninwinter]

you may not think I’m brave but every day I have to see people disregard all of Susan Pevensie’s complexity in favor of “Aslan was just not a girl’s girl I fear 💅🏻✨” “Lewis was a misogynist” “it’s religious propaganda” and I am being so resilient about it … like I am genuinely begging you people to have a modicum of analytical integrity … have you never wrestled with a once-held belief? have you never struggled to find the balance between your autonomy and your connection to your family? have you never made a mistake in your priorities? have you never wanted to hurry up and grow up and perhaps lost a part of yourself in the process?

that’s what Susan is

but no, we have to invent the most uninspired, surface level take on her story possible and peddle that as the big takeaway of a book series that hardly ever gives you such an on-the-nose “moral”

be fr

[rosegardeninwinter]

THIS

[secretwriter-studentjaune]

[sweetheartsoldier]

The tags on this post are a goldmine of reading comprehension.

[mercaius]

I will admit to being quite confused and concerned about poor Susan when I read the book, though I didn't think it was a matter of femininity specifically so much as rejecting Christ for material, temporary things in general. I was grateful to learn that her story did not end on such a dour note.

[luckydreaming]

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

[drxgonfvcker-deactivated2019061]

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

[running-with-toast]

I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[onceuponakhaleesi]

Men of Tumblr are my favorite kind of people…

[jamesbleach]

wait, does that mean?

oh boy…….

[usedtobehmc]

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

[rootbeergoddess-deactivated2017]

IT’S GOTTEN BETTER!

[coffeeandcursewords]

This post is immaculate

[mobians-and-chaos-blog]

It can’t be true.

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

[strampunch]

HOLY SHIT IT WORKS

[pokemon-chick-1personalblog-blog]

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

One more time.

[tdg267]

the-masters-shadow hahahahahahahhaahhahahahaa pffffdf

[somethingwickedthiswaylives-dea]

This is such a beautiful thing

[metal-n-tech-nerd-deactivated20]

Jesus christ

[commanderchrist-deactivated2017]

Ah, man. What a great post. *ties ballsack tightly with a hemp rope* TAKE IT FROM HERE DELORES! *Delores the amazon dressed in tight leather puts on a pair of spiked high heels. She starts stomping the sack* Oh! Ow! Oh god! Fuck yeah in the sack! Thats my sack! Oof! Oh! The sack baby, OHH!

[mr-downer]

yo what the fuck happened to this post

[stargirl720]

I’m. I’m not the only one seeing this right. Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing this.

[mercaius]

*forms the sign of the cross and utters a Latin prayer*

[shamesonlydaughter]

“we need to teach media literacy in schools” guys was i really the only person paying attention in english class bffr

[shamesonlydaughter]

😑

[gruncheon]

[mercaius]

There are things I learned in a sticks-in-the-woods high school, a high school where we had a graduating class of 13, a high school where everybody was in the school band because it was the only arts credit, that people on this website try to say was impossible to learn about without dedicated online research.

[beardedmrbean]

[mercaius]

Lol, yeah, only American storytelling could imagine someone defeating Satan, it's so crazy.

Anyways, devil -- get in my sack!

[cetitanhasmoved]

[seabassapologist]

[proteinmom]

i'm going to ummmm... not kill myself...

[mercaius]

[shitpostinguniverse]

[hypnoticwinter]

[slashercatz]

[lixiesbabyhands]

how does it feel to be the funniest person on earth

[d0uble-0h-se7en]

One of the most baffling moments of harassment ive ever gotten was when I said that all those copy pasted inbox messages claiming to be from Gaza hit every single red flag for an internet scam with researched links about how many of them are from the US, and how GFM doesnt have bandwidth in Palestine, etc, and then in a few weeks people in the notes had taken the trouble to look up my pronouns to accurately tell me in excruciating detail how they wanted me to kill myself.

It was so fascinating from a psychological perspective. You do this horrible, unforgivable thing of telling a complete stranger neutrally pointing out the red flags in something theyre concerned about that they deserve to die a horrific and violent death, and before you do that you do the research to accurately he/him him. It showed this fascinating conflict between what they thought of themselves (Good People who make sure to be Trans Allies) and their outward actions (people who wish death upon others for challenging their pre-conceived ideas of the world. Objectively the actions of horrible people)

I really dont know what to say to that and I still dont lmao, but it haunts me to this day

[d0uble-0h-se7en]

No youre hitting another fundamental side to this behavior: you can quell your own insecurity towards your unconscious knowledge that you are the type of person who sends people death threats for challenging your preconceived notions by cherry-picking ways to show your supposed allyship. Its easy to say all the right words to technically not misgender a trans man while you harass him, thereby establishing yourself to others perception as someone who has a moral principle to uphold trans allyship even against those who are One Of The Bad Ones. When you are inevitably put before your own machine of internet harassment when you step out of line, you can point out how youve, for example, never misgendered someone. But that doesnt change whats fundamentally rotten and disgusting about you as a person: that you are the type of person who sends people death threats for challenging your preconceived notions. What they dont understand is that there is no amount of performative allyship that will change that rotten part of you

[teaboot]

How people get nicknames:

Recipient of a third-degree burn in front of witnesses. IE, "I won't take that shit from a man dressed like a ghostbuster"= "Gostbuster" or "Buster"

A distinctive personal feature or quirk. IE, "Have you noticed how that new guy is always eating bell peppers?" = "Peppers", or "That chick has a massive forehead" = "Forehead".

An embarrassing thing you said or did. IE, "Did you seriously call Dale "Dad"?" = "Junior", "Baby boy", "Sport"

A game of name-mutation telephone. IE, "Donny Clyde" = "Bonnie 'n' Clyde" = "Bonnie" = "Bon-bon".

Irony. IE, calling a tall person "short stack" or a particularly dour person "sunshine".

A 'wrong place wrong time' one-off incident. IE, "He spilled oil on his pants and had to borrow a pair that were way too big and Jim saw him with the waistband pulled up to his nipples and called him 'Parachute'"

A batman-style origin story but not in a cool way: "One time she hit a deer with the company car and when she called the boss to tell her she was crying so hard we thought she was dying" = "Bambi"

The incredibly rare 'admiration' nickname, bourne only once a millennia under the light of the blood moon: "We saw him lift a truck once so now we call him 'iron man'"

+ How Nicknames Stick:

Your fate is determined by The Counsel

You hate it

It's accurate

[btc-official-deactivated2024071]

last week i woke up from one of the most fucked up nightmares ive ever had with that middle panel burned into my brain. like the exact wording and the exact apartment and the exact squidward. i feel like if i didnt make it real something bad wouldve happened. anyway todays upload is spunchbob comic oc

[ozempicofficial]

[eternally-dentheaded]

[mercaius]

It's a giant herbivore with a weapon. With what we know about giant, armed herbivores in the modern day, I would be a lot more nervous, honestly.

[a-book-of-creatures]

Book that was good: I liked it 👍

Book that was bad: this sucked 👎

Book that I wanted to like but which failed to live up to my hopes: I am going to write 10,000+ words explaining exactly why this book wronged me

[replicated]

i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make

[immigrant]

wait....... let her cook

[namedafterafoolwhofelloffahorse]

being attracted to lactose-tolerant people is pedophilia because milk is made for infants and therefore keeps you mentally and spiritually a minor forever

[burningabyss572]

I feel like if she cooks, she'll burn the whole house down.

Girl does not know what she's doing.

[darkspaceboytoy]

Incredibly violent take of mine but I actually don’t think you need to relate to a story in any way to enjoy it. You can enjoy a story even if you can’t point at a character and insert some aspect of your personality or identity into them. In fact I would argue the need for a character like that to be present in every single story you experience is a sign of stunted growth.

[vomitdodger]

[the-davest-of-uncles]

The Old Gray Whore supports illegals killing and raping normal people.

[siryouarebeingmocked]

Reminder that papers can't legally use the term "murder" until the suspect has been convicted. Unless they put "accused" or "alleged" in front of it. And even then, that needs to be the actual charge.

Also, Trump was complaining that the guy was allowed to legally stay due the Temporary Protected Status program started after the 2010 Haiti quake.

According to this other article and the NY Times piece, his TPS expired in 2024.

And also, the victim was a Bangladeshi-American mother in her 50s.

Judging from the other responses, tne NPC update has told them to call it a "snuff film". Which isn't even accurate. There were also the obligatory whataboutism for Pretti and Good.

Still think the Times headline buried the actual lede. The article proper is also spinning hard.

[generallemarc]

A snuff film is porn, or at least meant to be sexual in some nature. If this is all it takes then literally every recording of someone dying is now a snuff film.

[mercaius]

I've always heard it that snuff films are defined specifically as films where the person is killed and filmed specifically to be sold. Sexual fetish is the most obvious source for an audience but not part of the definition.