@fuckboywrangler - Tumblr Blog

Some time ago, I dreamt that an Italian man turned into a cat had to prove he wasn’t a regular cat by cooking a pot of tomato sauce in front of baffled residents of the house. He struggled, due to cats not having opposable thumbs, and the verdict was that the sauce sucked but it was indeed weird a cat cooked anything at all

bigandretired-deactivated202501

aegisofthegods

whumpster-fire

Does the rest of this website live in some alternate reality where you never set foot in a kitchen until age 25?

dragongirlsweetie

boss makes a spider i make a slime. that's why i . thas why, tthats why i uhhh. t. thawhy

dragongirlsweetie

t.gats why i can't think up an end to the rhyme

GET BACK TO WORK

my knight keeps saying fuck it we ball before charging into battles and it's reallynot inspiring confidence in my heart

patronsaintofmistakenidentity

"cigarette" implies the existence of a much larger "cigar"

patronsaintofmistakenidentity

i recovered by the time i hit post but when i first had this thought i had genuinely forgotten cigars exist

cutecipher

science has always been political. what gets studied. what doesnt. who gets to do the studying. on and on and on.

cutecipher

scientists on this post: yuuuup 👍

people who aren't scientists: um actually ☝️

psychotic-gerard

listening to a man break up with his partner on the train and the first sentence I heard was "I just don't appreciate you cheating on me six different times, once with my own father."

noah-wyles

oneheadtoanother

eddies-ashtray

luv how male animals gotta fucking dance around and cry and shit for female attention and sex. and then men irl complain about fat women and body hair like get on ur fucking knees and beg me actually

eddies-ashtray

like these tarantulas dude?? the male has to tap out a rhythm she likes and if she doesn’t?? she’ll literally eat him.

caustic-light

Alpha males: "This is nature. You don't see animals acting like queers don't you?"

90% of nature documentaries: "Until now the female has been very impressed by the males drag performance of Orwell's Homage To Catalonia, soundtracked exclusively by Maria Carey songs. A demanding performance like that knows to impress. But... Oh No... One note in the final tune was one cent flat. It doesn't look good for the male now. She is ordering an orbital laser strike to burn his beautifully groomed plumage from space. It will take all year to regrow, effectively ending this one's mating season early. Better luck next time, little guy. Women are a tough audience."

dumbpuppyfag

"this situation cannot possibly be improved by me opening my stupid mouth" is perhaps the most important thought that it's possible to have

wulfhalls

forever grateful i was simply too lazy to let the makeup industrial complex get its hooks in me. I was just like im not doing all of that. in fact. im doing none of that

cumaeansibyl

yeah I have political reasons for it now but my original and still most powerful reason is "I am not getting out of this bed one single second before I have to"

aromanticduck

seravph

“what’s the worst fruit” i hope you fucking die im strangling you what the hell is wrong with you. ‘the worst fruit’… has god not made all of these fruits in the same light???? cunt