Furnaces Are My Mortal Enemy

|25|she/her| Somebody please put me out of my misery. Find me on ao3 @Wanheda1999

[themysteriousmurasamecastle]

LEAKED IMAGES OF MITCH MCCONNELL’S RECOVERY AFTER HIS THIRD WEEK IN THE HOSPITAL

[himbodiaz]

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

[hmslusitania]

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

[tevankinkley]

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

[faerytale-wings]

My parents are both named Terry (spelled differently) but I’m pretty sure that’s one of the reasons my mom never changed her last name.

People would call and ask for Terry and child me would be like “boy or girl?” And they’d panic and hang up. My mom found this endlessly amusing.

[tungledotfuck]

Why would you leave this GOLD in the tags??

[faerytale-wings]

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review

[clotpolesonly]

my mom was friends with a het married couple, Kevin and Kevn (not a misspelling, it was actually spelled that way)

and i know a pair of white blonde married lesbians both named Ashley who i honestly could not tell apart if i passed them on the street

[onedirectionforever]

“you support gay rights so you must be gay”

i support animal rights do i look like a fucking alpaca to you

[onedirectionforever]

turns out i am gay

[monsieurenjlolras]

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

[mywitchcultblr]

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

[adreamthatsworthkeeping]

[thebirdkiwi]

he was a llama

[fritextramole]

a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!

[gunsandfireandshit]

[bace-jeleren]

[infectiouspiss]

a tiny heist went down to rescue Rise and now he's being taken everywhere by Reid Wiseman because he's extremely important (he was supposed to be left on the craft, he has instead been adopted)

[the-bar-sinister]

Never be afraid to take your favorite plushie everywhere. If it's cool enough for an astronaut, it's cool enough for you.

[sneefsnorf]

im gods weakest faggot

[crabussy]

i’m gods strongest tranny let’s team up. what if we called ourselves team rocket

[cedar-scars]

im gods most literate cat can i join

[the-problematic-trolley]

I’m a straight up mob boss with a lioness for a pet, you’re all hired.

[pinkfire-chacarera]

my yellow rat and I find this really offensive and problematic

[orcboxer]

honestly "oracle that nobody believes" is such a solid trope. imagine trying to convince anybody in 2006 what the next two decades was gonna look like

[curioscurio]

If you were able to vote in 2016 this is actually what it felt like trying to tell your family about why donald trump would not make a good president

[catcrumb]

[eebie]

i miss everyone

[eebie]

[ur-favorite-fishgirl]

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[fairycosmos]

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

[atomikats]

curiouser and curiouser

[orphetoon]

go watch project hail mary NOW!!

[homunculus-argument]

"If you accept any food from the fae, they shall never let you go" is a human belief. The fair folk stand by the principle that if you feed 'em, you gotta keep 'em. If wildlife learns to rely on you for food, you have already fucked up, and you can't just stop feeding them cold turkey. That human is your responsibility now. Because you left your peach cobbler unsupervised.

[betterbemeta]

C-3PO makes me laugh because you have to remember he was assembled by a child out of things from a scrap heap. Everything about him makes sense if you bear that in mind. Anakin wanted a droid who could help his mother, but the only AI package he could find was one somebody threw out for being too fussy. The combination of tweaking to give him a worried/caring personality makes him constantly anxious. A protocol droid comes with a fair amount of language packages, but why stop there? Somebody threw out like, three different galactic language dictionaries because they weren’t the recent edition. Just load ‘em all up. all of them, even the packs that contain things like ewok and a thousand variants of different manufacturers’ droid codecs. don’t add half the other requirements most legal protocol droids have included at the factory like emergency wipe protocols or shutdown failsafes, or programmed obsolescence. Build that sucker out of non-commercial materials that are already over a hundred years old and still good, tweak it to withstand tatooine of all places.

so now you have this droid that is over thirty years old and it could never be obsolete because it was never manufactured by anybody but a kid on a sand ball somewhere, it’s never running down because it was built to last on tatooine and there’s nothing programmed in to try and urge you to buy the latest model because there is no latest model. 3P0 is simultaneously totally useless yet hyper functional because he was not made according to any specs except “the best most toughest things possible to help my mom for a long long time on a hot desert planet”

[whoopsrobots]

Invincible multilingual anxiety bot here to wreck your capitalist droid ideals

[adragonsfriend]

He is however not even remotely water proof.

R2-D2 on Dagobah? Sad, annoyed, a little muddy

C-3P0 in light rain? Sparking to high hell

[reimenaashelyee]

My adaptation of the God of Arepo short story, which was originally up at ShortBox Comics Fair for charity. You can get a copy of the DRM-free ebook here for free - and I’d encourage you to donate to Mighty Writers or The Ministry of Stories in exchange.

Again it’s an honour to be drawing one of my favourite short stories ever. Thank you so much for the original authors for creating this story; and for everyone who bought a copy and donated to the above non-profits.