[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

do you ever feel yourself fail a charisma check in real time

[noknowshame]

clearly some of you have not been to the labyrinth of pestilence deep beneath kentucky

[noknowshame]

alright so when I was a teenager I went to this bug-themed summer camp for socially stunted nerds and on the way back from it I visited the university of kentucky. I met with an entomologist there and while we were touring the department he asked "wanna see something cool?" so he took me down an elevator to what must've been a sub-sub-sub basement on a card-access only floor, and after turning several more corners we went through two sets of (I'm not even exaggerating) 12-inch thick doors, opening onto one long as fuck corridor. each side of this hallway was lined with about 50 refrigerators. and each and every single one of these refrigerators was filled with hundreds of thousands. of live. bedbugs. the very reasonable explanation for this was that they were doing research on insecticides and needed to test them on real samples, but they could not under any circumstances allow them to escape, so they had to be kept under area 51 levels of overkill containment. but reasonable or not that was very much not what I anticipated seeing that day. so yeah. I decided after that I did not want to become an entomologist

[curlicuecal]

absolutely baffled to get to the end of that story and hear you decide NOT to be an entomologist but possibly that's the entomologist in me speaking

[targetedknowledge]

[flurgehbla]

Cool how they can just terminate your account without any notice or explanation and then completely refuse to look at your appeals, these are all automated replies, and don't even include the ones from my other email adress.

[flurgehbla]

Do reblog this btw, idk if people realize that staff is simply just not gonna read your appeals unless you have a large following calling attention to your termination

[hiveswap]

When i got terminated in 2022, nobody checked my appeals until i posted in r/tumblrsupport. Then i had a staff member message me on there, before i got swiftly unbanned

[crazysodomite]

Roasted Vegetables So Good You’ll Forget...

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

scalloped potatoes that take the pain away

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

beef that makes you someone it didn't happen to

[2560x1440]

U getting on my fucking nerves bro

[what-even-is-thiss]

There’s so many things that feel inherent to the human condition that aren’t actually and just feel that way because of the societies we live in which is kinda crazy tbh.

People used to just throw banana peels on the ground for real. It was a real problem in society.

[sharkbaiting]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Fun fact about me is that I'm stupid.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

When I was a child (maybe six years old?) I asked my parents what thoughts were, and they told me "they're the pictures in your head". I agreed like this explained things, but unknown to all of us, I have aphantasia, and since I never had pictures in my head I secretly concluded that I was incapable of thought. The way people talked about thinking made it sound really important, so I went for literal years carefully guarding this secret and when people told me to think about what I was doing etc. I'd stay quiet and pretend I was capable of thinking. I didn't want anyone to find out I couldn't think.

[writing-relatedactivities]

As a child, I watched a lot of Barney. When the kids on Barney use their imagination, magic happens: they travel places, get new costumes, people and animals appear, etc. I very logically concluded that because I could not do magic, I had no imagination.

[unteriors]

State Highway 67, Amsterdam, New York.

[doyouremem8erme]

first time trying one of these recreations but i saw the bed and couldnt resist

[transbaphomet]

remade in The Sims 2!

[kittysquiddo]

remade in ACNH!

[holykittens]

fallout 76 👴

[shramp-heaven-now]

Recreated in House flipper 2

[rainbowgod666]

Drawn it with Beeg Marker (the kind kids use because the standard ones "are for the grown ups" or smth)

[ridgeworld2006]

Doom

[nannycanes]

Final Fantasy XIV

[evil-jennifer-hamilton-wb]

Garry's Mod

[bungerc0re]

always sucks when someone's final project before dying isnt very good

[bungerc0re]

im sorry.... he must have had a lot on his mind...

[notahorseindisguise]

[pangur-and-grim]

the club moss I got for my terrarium is dying, despite being lovingly packed into organic soil with oven-fried leaf litter and bioactive springtails and isopods, and meanwhile in my fridge my fuck ass onions are sending out bright green shoots as happy as could be in their cold dark box of fucking nothing

[pangur-and-grim]

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

[kholdseid]

[sighinastorm]

As dandelions to sidewalks, so onions to refrigerators.

[the-haiku-bot]

As dandelions

to sidewalks, so onions to

refrigerators.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[animentality]

[dostoyevsky-official]

i was also thinking about how sensual the snow was, how suggestive the curves of the snowbanks appeared, their softness

[emil]

the butterfly doesnt even have to be saved next question

[hyvee]

This is so funny. I’d kill all billionaires if it meant losing something precious to me

[thisbibliomaniac]